Comments on: What will you do when your nest is empty?

By: Ben

Ben — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:25:25 +0000

These are all excellent posts! My wife and I are very young still, she’s still in college as a matter of fact, so there’s really no way of knowing where our lives will take us. I assure you that we are open to everything. My 5-year old niece and four month old nephew were over for dinner last night, and I do see what a blessing they have been to my sister and brother-in-law. Like DB said, they have become more active in the community, church, etc. As for me personally, I have been very active with youth sports for many years as a coach, and there’s a big part of me that sees the other side…the fanatic parent, the obsessive parent, the downright crazy parent and I have the opportunity nearly every day to have an impact on kids’ lives. For those kids who have terrible parents, we coaches become an even greater role model, and I take that very seriously.

By: Becky

Becky — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:06:16 +0000

DB, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful post..I was nevered blessed with children and oh how that tore me up for years..Now though, I have two wonderful “grandchildren” that I would not trade for any new sports car, any new jewerly, any trip anywhere in the world..

Ben, depending on how old you are, that’s great that you can admit that you and the wife are shelfish..I have an older sister that was married for about 14 years before she had children and she to this day says that she wishes now that she had of had them a little earlier..Either way, if you have children, you will know a true blessing, if y’all don’t have children, please don’t spend the rest of your life regretting it..Enjoy your wife and your life..

By: deidre_NC

deidre_NC — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:05:31 +0000

everyone pretty much said it all..i am like jj and have not had a relationship with a man in 10 years…for several and varied reasons..my youngest had moved out to be closer to her school and job…still only about 45 min to an hour from me…and very close to where i work…so i see her often if not for long…my son has moved back in and honestly i was pretty ready for the emply nest…it does get lonely at times..and there chores i cant do due to health issues…so he is able to pick back up on that…but all in all i wont mind if i ever truly get my empty nest…my kids kind of freak when i say..hey! i can move anywhere i want…and have as small of a house as i want…i think they would like to know everything was always here waiting..but they also realize its my life now…so mixed feelings all around on the whole subject…i wish i had a job i enjoyed more….since i spend most of my time there…i havent lost hope for that…when (if) the economy ever changes that could very well happen. this is really the first time in my life i have had a job that i hated everything about lol…except the paycheck (which is lower than any ive ever had) but these days i am just blessed and thankful to have a job…it doesnt leave a lot of time or money to be able to do many other things…

By: JJ

JJ — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 11:40:26 +0000

DB WONDERFUL post!!! I truly enjoyed reading it. As for the stained glass class, my best friend and I have talked about that since before kids. Her’s are both out, and mine is leaving, so now we can take that class. Maybe we’ll see you there….:))

April, Thank you SO much…..what a great way to start off my day!!!

By: April

April — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:09:23 +0000

DB – What a wonderful post! My life also changed with the decision to have kids, and I am trying my best to give the world three wonderful adults who will benefit those they touch.

JJ – I predict you are going to be great in this next phase of life. It sounds like you have done a terrific job with your daughter, and you will find a great new direction to turn your focus.

By: DB

DB — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:11:11 +0000

Ben: EVERY life choice has pros and cons. Yeah, 13 year olds are often one of the cons :-) But then again, having an unsatisfying job is also a con. For every con, there is a pro.

Almost 22 years ago, we made the decision to start a new adventure: parenthood. We were DINKs (Double Income, No Kids) with a vengeance, two professionals with the hot-rod sports car, the custom built home in a non-kid-friendly community, the European vacations, etc., etc. I went from managing a team of 25 people and training hundreds to being a SAHM managing and training ONE baby — and at first, it almost killed me. As I complained, half-seriously, to my husband one night: “I haven’t gotten a raise in TWO YEARS! What am I doing wrong?!! I need positive feedback, dammit!” But I felt very strongly that the highest and best use of my time would be investing my time in raising our family. Luckily, my husband felt the same way, and cheerfully took on the financial responsibility while I learned a new job — mom. Second baby came along, and by that point, I realized that yeah, I did know what I was doing. Got involved with community projects, church projects. Started a business at home that I could manage in my so-called free time.

The focus has been different for the last 20 years. Tuition took priority over new carpet. Exotic vacations gave way to budgeting for a new car, after driving the same mini-van for over 200,000 miles. Yes, there were changes — but most of the changes were in the area of “things”. Things went down — but people and personal growth went WAY up. I am a very different person today because I was a parent — I think I am a better person, but I guess we’ll never know :-) I do know that the world now has two more wonderful people in it, thanks to me. If I leave no other legacy behind, that, to me, will be sufficient.

Not to say that I’m not going to equally enjoy this NEXT adventure in my life — empty nester! I’ll finally take that stained class class I’ve been wanting to try (but couldn’t, because it interfered with soccer games :-), take a creative writing class, organize 20 years worth of photos (I can’t even begin to figure out where to start — I have taken a LOT of pictures!), volunteer with a church group I’ve always wanted to work with, but never had time.

And enjoy not having to lock the bedroom door . . . !

By: fk

fk — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:10:55 +0000

My son is leaving Sunday. Although he will be home on summer breaks, I am pretty sure this is it. I don’t think he will taking up residence with us after he finishes with his college career. He will definitely move around. That is, if he sticks with his intended major. I am excited for him, but will miss him terribly. For me, I went back to work fulltime about two years ago. I always planned on going back to work. I started part-time and worked my way into fulltime employment. I enjoy working. My husband and I have always had date nights, now they’ll be more frequent…if we can afford them, since we’ll have a tuition bill. We’ve got a nice group friends, both as a couple and individuals, so I think we’re actually going to be a lot more social. One of my friends, married but no kids, is very excited. We did a lot of family things that tied into my son’s sports activities, so that aspect is finished and I will be available to do a lot more, with the girls, especially during the week and Fri. nights. I just cannot get over how quickly the years passed, especially the four years of high school.

By: jess

jess — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:17:24 +0000

not empty yet..dont even have quite the nest yet–but I know one thing..it will be all day anywhere sex!

By: Ben

Ben — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:41:32 +0000

My wife and I have seriously considered not having kids for the very selfish reason implied at the end of this post...we want our time to be all about us. I can say with a good amount of certainty that my parents have enjoyed life immensely these past several years after my sister and I were both out of the house. They enjoy spending time and money on themselves and their desires. A guest post on my blog today speaks about how my older friend suddenly came face-to-face with the realization of her empty nest happiness when visiting a friend of hers with an unruly 13-year-old. You can read that here if you're interested in a real-life story.

By: uconn

uconn — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:24:14 +0000

Oh Photius… I wish more people were like you … It should never be a child centered home… Because that is where one gets in trouble.