My girlfriend who lives in New York CC’d me on a quick email she sent out of frustration to her other mom friends. She has a precious daughter about to enter kindergarten who apparently likes to be FANCY all the time! (My friend is beautiful but very natural. She can be fancy when the occasion calls, but she is not a prissy woman concerned with her appearance.)
Here is her note (I emphasize she jotted it off quickly!):
“Okay, so today going to church might have been the last straw. The fancy dress, the necklace, the lipstick (very pale kids pink), the curlers in her hair the night before so it could be bouncy, then her crying over MY shoes having high heels and being fancier than hers.
So (her husband) is saying, and I kinda agree, that it is time to say enough with the fancy. Do any of you have any opinions on this and how to go about saying that, doing that, showing her how NOT to worry about her looks so much? A good lesson on vanity is in order I think.
I’m at a loss as to how to limit it without seeming like I’m forcing her to be something she isn’t and knowing that she is all about the ID right now and maybe I should try to wait until she can have a thought that isn’t about herself for half a second.
We talk about others and being kind and thinking about others etc….I think she gets it, but this princess-must-be-fancy-stage is all about her and it is 24/7.
Can I say only fancy dresses to church? Or only fancy dresses on Wednesdays? Or only curlers for church? She is just living off the compliments of everyone around her. “(Name deleted to protect the innocent) you look so cute, I love your hair, aren’t you fancy!” Has anyone else dealt with this?
Just asking for some honest tips and opinions to tone down the Princess.”
I am at a loss as to what to tell her. None of my kids have ever been super concerned with their appearances. I do good to get them to brush their hair and match their bottoms to their tops.
Rose loved the princess books and movies and also likes the “Fancy Nancy” and “Eloise” books, but she’s never gone through this stage. (She is however very interested right now in that TLC show about choosing a wedding dress at Kleinfeld Bridal in New York City. She watches it whenever possible.)
So what do you think: Did you have a little girl that liked to have her hair curled and be dressy all the time? Do you think it’s just a stage or does it signify something more that my friend needs to nip in the bud? Do you help them be fancy or just let them achieve whatever they can on their own and then maybe they would lose some interest? Would you limit the fancy days? How would you try to explain to a 5-year-old not to worry so much about appearance?
(Guys be kind in your advice. These are really good parents and an awesome little girl – who just happens to like to be fancy.)