Should Baby No. 2 get a shower?

New Mom, a regular on our blog, is hosting today!

She is the ONLY one that sent in a blog! She did a great job on it, and it helps me completely because I am not thinking straight! My brother is still in critical condition in the ICU. He is expected to be in ICU for probably two more weeks. He’s still on a heart pump and a ventilator, but he is making baby steps! We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

Please email me your blog topics!! This is your chance to write your opinions! This is your chance to ask the community questions or concerns you have about your own families. This is your chance to respond back and be in charge! Jeff buddy, where are you? Jesse’s Girl, I know you have it in you! You can email me your blogs at ajcmomania@gmail.com. Keith is out of town and cannot fill in for me. We may have to call in my college roommate Lori, who is a professional journalist and mom also!

Here is New Mom’s blog:

As many of you might know, we are expecting our second (and last!) baby in less than three months.   We could not be more excited about her arrival, and that our almost 2-year-old girl will become a big sister.

Two years ago, when I was expecting our older daughter, we were blessed to have been on the receiving end of six baby showers for her. So many people shared in our excitement (and likely shock) that after eight years of trying, we were finally going to have a baby. And in my sentimental state, I saved every single card we received, hoping to share them with our girl when she gets older.

I was recently informed by my mother that “you only get a shower for your first child”.  And while I certainly agree that we are in a much more prepared state then we were two years ago, especially since we’re having another girl, I always viewed showers as a chance to celebrate a new life with family and friends. I have personally hosted baby showers for two different friends for their second children and another shower for a friend for their third child, and have always held to the belief that each child deserves to be celebrated.

I don’t want to sound greedy, because honestly, gifts are the last thing on my mind. I would love for there to be something that people could bring a card to for our baby, not bring any gifts,  and for there to be something that I can tell her about someday, show her pictures, and have the cards to share with her.  (My mother claims that ‘people will still send us cards’, but I seriously doubt she would get any). One of my friends has offered to give me a shower, but I feel like she might just be being nice, since no one in my family is going to host one.

I would like for our two girls to grow up without such a feeling of imbalance between them. So, if in fact there should not be a shower for our second girl, do I just never show our first daughter any of the cards she received before she was born, and keep it a secret that she had six baby showers?    And do I sound greedy, hoping for someone to want to celebrate our second daughter’s arrival?  Could this be a generational thing? I think that most people of my age (mid-thirties) want to have a shower for every child.  I know I have happily hosted several. I am serious that I would be absolutely fine with a ‘no gifts’ shower!

69 comments Add your comment

Denise

June 29th, 2009
4:04 pm

Stan, Love your dad!

One consideration for giving gifts for the second, third, etc. is the seasons in which they are born. Yeah, you can have 2 girls but if one is born in the summer and the other is born in the winter, how much clothing can be passed down once they get out of onesies?

Becky

June 29th, 2009
4:57 pm

Stan, I was always know as the next to youngest in my family..It didn’t leave me with any emotional scars..

Denise

June 29th, 2009
5:25 pm

My brother and I argued as children about who was the favorite. I said him because he was the baby and he said me because I am the oldest. Neither took our “order” to be how we were ranked.

Anonymous

June 29th, 2009
5:34 pm

Becky – I think the problem is that people “nowadays” aren’t concerned enough about what other people think, and the please yourself attitude has gotten extremely out of hand.

Jess

June 29th, 2009
8:02 pm

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a shower for your second. But I do think that you are probably over-reacting by thinking that one of your kids will feel “inadequate” that is just silly. Me and my younger sister laugh at the fact that there are not many baby pictures of her; she knows that our parents love her just as much. Its sweet that you saved a million cards for her to look at but frankly, you saved those cards for yourself, your kids will probably not be as sentimental about them.

catlady

June 29th, 2009
8:36 pm

“I did with my best friend’s wife. We gave them two couple’s showers (code for getting together and drinking). We did this for both her pregnancies.”

JJ, you had drinking parties with your pregnant friend????

So many things folks do nowadays seem to be greedy to me, an attempt to shake down their friends. Many have been named here. I think the original proposition put forth by newmom was that a friend felt obligated to do one. “I feel like she might just be being nice”Now, NO ONE should be made to feel obligated, as it appears here. If dear friends decide to surprise you, well of course, smile and have a great time. But don’t put the guilt trip on anyone because the first had a bunch of showers.

FCM

June 29th, 2009
8:51 pm

Emily Post: It is all right to have a baby shower for a second or third baby, as long as the guest list is comprised of guests who did not attend a shower for the first (and/or second) baby, with the exception of close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there. (Best Question For the week of May 3, 2004).

FCM: I see nothing wrong with a shower for all the children provided it isn’t the expecting parents throwing the shindig!

[...] conversation comes up quite a bit. In this Momania blog post, a soon-to-be mother of two writes about her desire that both children be treated equally. [...]

FCM

June 29th, 2009
8:57 pm

One thing to remember when siblings will close in age like this is that big sister doesn’t understand. Caring adults who ‘get it’ will bring a small something for big sister so that baby doesn’t get everything. Same thing at the first birthday, there should be a small present that big sister can open too….Grandparents are PERFECT for pulling that off, so are GODPARENTS. ;o)

Elizabeth Ball

June 30th, 2009
1:38 am

While an actual baby shower for a second child is probably not that common, people do still buy gifts for a second baby. A survey on baby gifts found that 91.2% would buy a gift for their eldest neice or nephew so he/she didn’t feel left out (when his/her younger sibling received gifts).
http://www.itsinthestarsonline.com/verve/_resources/Nieces-and-nephews-receive-most-expensive-baby-gifts.pdf
Hope this helps!

JJ

June 30th, 2009
7:57 am

Catlady, yes we had alcohol at our showers. Obviously the pregnant woman didn’t drink, but the rest of us did. We even had alcohol at her first born’s birthday party. We ALWAYS have alcohol when we gather. And it’s custom when we all get together, the host/hostess has tequilla and we all do a shot when everyone has finally arrived.

JJ

June 30th, 2009
7:59 am

FCM when I was pregnant, my friends threw me a shower, and they were sure to include my step-daughter. A few brought gifts for the “Big sister”. I thought that was so sweet.

Becky

June 30th, 2009
8:33 am

Anonymous, I think that some people are to concercened with petty stuff..Yes, I worry about what others think (sometimes), but I’m not going to worry all of the time about others..Life is to short for a bunch of pettiness…

I have a coworker that worries that people will think bad of her if she doesn’t drink Starbucks coffee everyday..So how stupid is that? Again as others said, if a friend wants to give new mom a baby shower for her second child, why should it bother anyone?

uconn

June 30th, 2009
9:09 am

Um why do the big sister/brother need to get a gift on the other child’s birthday? Shouldn’t they learn its not all about them and that birthdays are special days?

HB

June 30th, 2009
11:46 am

I agree uconn. I do bring big brother/sister gifts when the new baby is born (I think that helps older sibling see becoming a big brother as something to be celebrated), but definitely not for first birthdays. That is when they need to learn that some days are totally about someone else (and baby won’t receive gifts on big’s birthday either).

FCM

June 30th, 2009
12:03 pm

Only on the very child (under 4) who would not understand should get a birthday present on the baby’s 1st. It prevents rivelry and bad feelings to the new baby.

penguinmom

June 30th, 2009
12:38 pm

I don’t think an older sibling should get presents on the baby’s 1st birthday. He/she will likely help open the baby’s presents, will get to eat cake, will probably play with baby’s presents some (especially if they are close in age).

I could see giving a small goody bag like a regular guest at a child’s birthday party might receive. That should be plenty if the child isn’t already spoiled.

BabyShower101.com

July 18th, 2009
3:31 pm

Baby “Sprinkles” – showers for 2nd and 3rd babies – are definitely gaining in popularity. http://www.babyshower101.com/baby_shower_sprinkles.html has lots of information about how these baby showers differ from the typically more elaborate baby showers (for first babies) that are being hosted today.

jojo

March 9th, 2010
6:01 pm

New mom:

I know exactly how you feel. I am pregnant with my second child, I have a son who is 4 1/2, before I had him, I had a stillborn son at 28wks, prior to that I had 5 miscarriages so needless to say my son was a miracle. I didn’t expect to be able to have another child so for me this baby is a true true blessing from God. My mother in law and 3 friends are throwing me a shower which is wonderful, unfortunately not everyone sees it that way one of them being my older sister who had no qualms about telling me how it wasn’t proper to have baby shower for the second baby I am actually putting this kindly compared to how my sister worded it. A new baby is a time for celebration, I don’t care if it’s your second or your sixth baby and if someone wants to give you a shower then so be it. I can’t believe that this is suppose to be one of the happiest times in my life and my sister found a way to make it horrible. If you haven’t figured it out she is not invited to the shower. I kept alot of big things believe it or not, but about a year ago I gave away most everything, thinking that I got my one miracle and also because I am high risk and was told by the doctors it wasn’t a good idea due to all the complications I have had in the past. My husband and I didn’t plan for this baby but he is on his way. I want him to come into this life feeling loved by everyone around him, I have finally accepted if people don’t want to do that and don’t want to celebrate his life with me at my shower then don’t come. Every baby is a blessing and should be treated equally. There is no greed in a baby shower only celebration. I hope that helped!