Should Baby No. 2 get a shower?

New Mom, a regular on our blog, is hosting today!

She is the ONLY one that sent in a blog! She did a great job on it, and it helps me completely because I am not thinking straight! My brother is still in critical condition in the ICU. He is expected to be in ICU for probably two more weeks. He’s still on a heart pump and a ventilator, but he is making baby steps! We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

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Here is New Mom’s blog:

As many of you might know, we are expecting our second (and last!) baby in less than three months.   We could not be more excited about her arrival, and that our almost 2-year-old girl will become a big sister.

Two years ago, when I was expecting our older daughter, we were blessed to have been on the receiving end of six baby showers for her. So many people shared in our excitement (and likely shock) that after eight years of trying, we were finally going to have a baby. And in my sentimental state, I saved every single card we received, hoping to share them with our girl when she gets older.

I was recently informed by my mother that “you only get a shower for your first child”.  And while I certainly agree that we are in a much more prepared state then we were two years ago, especially since we’re having another girl, I always viewed showers as a chance to celebrate a new life with family and friends. I have personally hosted baby showers for two different friends for their second children and another shower for a friend for their third child, and have always held to the belief that each child deserves to be celebrated.

I don’t want to sound greedy, because honestly, gifts are the last thing on my mind. I would love for there to be something that people could bring a card to for our baby, not bring any gifts,  and for there to be something that I can tell her about someday, show her pictures, and have the cards to share with her.  (My mother claims that ‘people will still send us cards’, but I seriously doubt she would get any). One of my friends has offered to give me a shower, but I feel like she might just be being nice, since no one in my family is going to host one.

I would like for our two girls to grow up without such a feeling of imbalance between them. So, if in fact there should not be a shower for our second girl, do I just never show our first daughter any of the cards she received before she was born, and keep it a secret that she had six baby showers?    And do I sound greedy, hoping for someone to want to celebrate our second daughter’s arrival?  Could this be a generational thing? I think that most people of my age (mid-thirties) want to have a shower for every child.  I know I have happily hosted several. I am serious that I would be absolutely fine with a ‘no gifts’ shower!

69 comments Add your comment

Kathy

June 28th, 2009
3:10 pm

I have had several friends that have had “diaper dinners” thrown for them while pregnant with their second children. Friends got together for dinner and the only gifts were diapers and wipes. This was very fun and the focus was more on the friendships, the good food and the laughs than on gifts. To me this is more appropriate than a regular shower….you probably have all the “stuff” you need to use from the first child. Unless you just don’t want the new baby using hand me downs. I personally would just recycle the swing, bouncy, pack-n-play, clothes, etc. from the first baby.

I think that if your second child is a different gender, a full blown shower with gender appropriate gifts is great. I held a “stock the closet” shower for my best friend who was pregnant with her second and the baby was going to be a boy. She had a girl and was smart the first time and got gender neutral “stuff” so that she could use it with a second baby. She just needed boy clothes, towels, blankets, etc.

JATL

June 28th, 2009
5:42 pm

I have always heard that after the first, no more showers. However I think if the second is a different gender and at least 2 years apart, it’s fine! If you’re having the same gender (and it’s not on the heels of the first), I think a diaper dinner or a celebratory brunch or something is nice. I had my second boy 2.5 years after the first, and I told my friends “no showers”, but they threw me a nice brunch and gave gifts and cards, but we didn’t invite the entire family, extended friends, etc. I was actually VERY happily surprised with the amount of cards and gift cards, gifts, etc. that people gave us for our second -just stopping by or sent in the mail. #2 doesn’t have quite as many cards as #1, but I doubt it will impede his development or happiness.

DB

June 28th, 2009
6:16 pm

One shower is all you get :-), unless, of course, there’s a large age span between kiddies (i.e., child #1’s babyseat has been declared unsafe in the last ten years), or you are suddenly expecting multiples. The shower is for YOU, not the baby, so for God’s sake, don’t start trying to make things “fair” before Baby #2 is even born — it’s a losing proposition!! They will always be the “second child”, and it will come with it’s own list of advantages and disadvantages: #2 won’t have to forge new ground when it comes to curfews, etc., and Mom & Dad will be MUCH more relaxed this go-around.

Send out baby announcements, and you WILL get cards that you can put in #2’s baby book. If friends are so inclined (and you are NOT allowed to ask for it, btw), they can throw a “casserole party”, where you get lots of lovely casseroles to use for meals when you are so cross-eyed from fatigue you can’t boil water :-)

HB

June 28th, 2009
6:27 pm

I’ve always heard showers are only for the first baby (and first wedding). I think the orignal idea was that the “showers” were specifically about preparing the household for these major life changes — not only about celebrating the actual events. I think the diaper dinner and small brunch are nice ideas. If it’s mostly cards, etc that you feel you’ll miss, maybe the friend who offered to throw a shower would be willing to take the lead on a scrapbook project instead, asking friends and relatives to contribute cards and notes for the baby. I’ve known several people who for birthdays/anniversaries have received a big book or box of cards and letters collected by one person as a gift.

hayley

June 28th, 2009
7:23 pm

Jenny

June 28th, 2009
7:26 pm

I was given a “diaper shower” with my second, and we all had a great time. I’ve heard of “casserole showers” for the second child, which I think is an excellent idea as well.

catlady

June 28th, 2009
7:31 pm

I am not a big fan of second baby showers, and certainly not ever any shower given by relatives! Where I live, having your mother, sister, or aunt give you a shower is very common, but against all “social rules”.

I was given a shower-like gathering for my second child, of a different gender, by the women in my church. Just a dozen or so ladies, very low key, at our usual monthly meeting. It was charming, but unexpected. One had made a quilt (which I just passed down to my son on the birth of his son) and one knitted an afgan (ditto) which were wonderful. My third baby had no formal anything but friends sent cards and gave gifts after her birth. It has made no difference in her life–no emotional scarring at all.

I don’t think your baby will EVER question why she, in utero, did not get a shower. And people will honor her birth with cards and some gifts. Be sure to take pictures of you before she was born, and let her know how happy you were with her birth. That will mean more than anything.

My mom, in the early 50s, had NO pictures taken while pregnant. Just one of her sitting holding me in a wheelchair when she was leaving the hospital. I had a hard time believing that she actually gave birth to me (we did not look anything alike, and people were always asking if I was adopted–they had tried for 7 years.) So I made sure to have lots of pictures while I was pregnant with my three, smiling with friends so there would never be any doubt! Of course, now, taking pictures in delivery is more common.

If you want to do something to celebrate her arrival, host a special event at your house after you are back on your feet, to “present” her to your friends. Take pictures of everyone holding and cooing over her to show her later.

catlady

June 28th, 2009
7:55 pm

BTW, new mom, SIX showers? That must be the world’s record!

new mom

June 28th, 2009
10:40 pm

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all of the feedback so far. I like the ideas of the diapers and casseroles, even though getting ’stuff’ isn’t what has been on my mind. Two of the showers I hosted for friends were diaper showers, and they went over really well. We are reusing practically everything we can from our first baby. For the big items, we made sure we got all gender-neutral stuff in case we had a boy in the future. Turns out we could have gone all pink–ha ha! But other then some things that have been practically destroyed in these last two years, most things will be getting another round of use.

I really don’t think that our next baby will be scarred for life without a shower. The more I think about it, it may be that I just don’t like the idea of the two girls being (seemingly) treated unequally. ‘Momma bear’ instinct, maybe? But no, I would NEVER ask for a shower, party, etc., and if anyone does ask if we need anything, I suggest a simple card for her baby book.

Yep, six showers. I thought it was crazy too, but I have since met other gals who had 7-9! I was honestly a nervous wreck during the showers, I didn’t like the idea of a roomful of ladies staring at me, opening presents. The only thing that kept me sane was reminding myself, ‘this is not for me, this is all for our girl!’

Thanks again for your comments and suggestions. :)

atlstar01

June 28th, 2009
11:16 pm

New mom I am so glad that you brought that subject up! I too am pregnant with my 3rd child and I am still unsure if I would like a shower or not. I also have heard of the diaper dinners as well but am not sure how to address the invitations. I also have not figured out a place for a venue because our townhouse is too small and the parents house is in the middle of remodeling. I’ve also heard about having a baby shower at a restaurant but are people offended if they have to pay for theor meal? So many questions and not enough answers.

mom_of_2

June 28th, 2009
11:29 pm

I definitely think you should only get a “real” baby shower for the 1st baby. Otherwise, I think it looks greedy. If you understandably want to celebrate another child on the way, then have a party – not a shower – and say ‘no gifts’ or ‘diapers only’ on the invitation.

Mama A

June 29th, 2009
12:08 am

My sister ran into this same issue with her second baby, and she really was determined to do something to keep the babies equal. When a friend offered to host a little shower or “celebration” at a restaurant, she jumped at the chance. I also have been to a “Sip and See,” which is basically a tea party where people can come see the new baby, and either bring a gift, or just come for a visit. One of the women who I know who had a Sip and See was a Junior League Member, and definitely VERY conservative and traditional. I think if she did it, it must be OK. Congratulations on your new baby!

Oh, and also, my mom had a billion baby showers with my big sister, but with me, even my baby book was blank. And honestly, I’ve never thought twice about it. But it does make me a little more sentimental with my daughter.

Belle

June 29th, 2009
12:26 am

A welcome to the world party can be thrown so people can come see the new baby. It cuts down on people coming over right after the baby is home and mom is so tired.

Jo

June 29th, 2009
12:33 am

My friends threw me a shower for my first, second and third sons (aged 2 and 3 1/2 years apart). The gifts became more practical by the third boy (more diapers, less stuffed animals) but that was the only difference. Every child is special no matter what number he or she is. Baby #3 needed some cute new clothes and not just old hand-me-downs from his brothers all the time. He still needs a cute baby book to record his firsts. And goodness knows, he still needs lots and lots of diapers and wipes whether he is number 1 or number 3.

Henry

June 29th, 2009
12:52 am

I have 2 daughters, and had showers with both. I didn’t know the gender of the first, so I had neutral clothes at my first shower with my family, friends and husband. I found out I was prego with my second child, and told my husband, and he flipped out. He kicked me in the stomach and luckily after a long fight, I was ok. I left him a week later never to see him again. My 2d daughter was born 7 months after leaving him. They are 14 months apart and well. I got a 2d baby shower because of being separated from my husband; I had left with the clothes on my back and with my firstborn. That was over 10 years ago.

I have seen on a “baby story” showers being given where guests bring books for the baby, and also the diaper thing, too. You can always donate any items that you recieve…battered women really need them, especially when they are brave (scared to death) and leave to start a new life.

nurse&mother

June 29th, 2009
1:06 am

My children are spaced 8.5 years apart. If I had had my way, they would have only been 4-5 years apart. Until my daughter was 7.5, I didn’t think I could convince my husband to have another one.

I didn’t ask for a shower for my son. I felt like this went against all etiquette rules. My friends and coworkers insisted that it was ok to do so. After all, I had NOTHING left over from my first child. Ok, I did somehow have an old nursing bra and reusable nursing pads (don’t ask me why!). I was certainly VERY appreciative of all my friends.

nurse&mother

June 29th, 2009
1:08 am

Wow, Henry. Good for you for having the strength and courage to leave your husband with a young child and a baby on the way. I hope you inspire others in the same situation that you don’t have to endure the abuse. Way to go!

DB

June 29th, 2009
1:13 am

atlstar01 – I’m sorry to say this, but showers and parties are given FOR you, not BY you. For a shower, someone else should be thinking about a venue (NOT your apartment, someone else’s!), how to address invitations, etc. One does not throw a shower for oneself! And yes, people are somewhat offended (or won’t come at all) if you invite them to a “party” where they are expected to bring a gift, but have to pay their way. Heck, they might as well shove a check under your door, at that point.

newmom (you’re going to have to change your name soon, you know!), the KIDS aren’t being treated unequally. Part of the excitement of a first baby is that everyone remembers what a huge transition it is from non-parent to parent. It’s mostly celebrating a new phase of YOUR life, and helping to ease your transition. By the time #2 or more come along, you’re a pro and an old hand at parenthood. Keep the baby book up to date, take bunches of photos, and you will be miles ahead of most parents of multiple children, and they will never feel dissed :-)

Lyndi

June 29th, 2009
1:34 am

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a baby shower for each child. Odds are that the people who truly care about you and your upcoming addition will offer to throw you one. The people who keep talking about etiquette must have been exposed to strange customs growing up. The birth of a baby is wonderful celebration and all that supposed expertise from having a first baby goes out the window once the new baby is born. It’s almost like your mind goes blank and you start fresh all over again. I understand that you do not want to seem greedy and I respect your mother’s opinion; nevertheless, I would think that giving you a shower for your second baby would be just as exciting as the first and for no one in your circle to have realized that is odd. If I were you, I would talk to them on what’s the deal with their anti-shower sentiment. It sounds to me that if the situation was reversed, you would jump right on into planning a shower for them.

DB

June 29th, 2009
2:05 am

Lyndi — there’s a difference between a party and a shower, in my mind. A shower is supposed to be an occasion to “shower” you with gifts (wedding or baby). There’s certainly nothing wrong with a celebratory party. The people who “truly care for her” will be bringing gifts, anyway, before or after the baby is born. It’s just that, at this point, many of the people who “truly care for her” probably gave her lovely gifts in preparation for parenthood just a couple of years ago. A shower is an obvious gift-giving solicitation. A luncheon, a dinner party, or a tea can be given at any time and doesn’t have the built-in demand for a gift.

Holy Cow....

June 29th, 2009
7:17 am

…”I would like for our two girls to grow up without such a feeling of imbalance between them. And do I sound greedy, hoping for someone to want to celebrate our second daughter’s arrival?” YES, you sound incredibly GREEDY, which is seemingly out of character for you.

To what imbalance are you referring? The only way the kid will ever know of anything is if YOU go NAH, NAH, NAH, “baby girl #1 got 6 baby showers and you got none” to baby girl #2!!!!! I am appalled and somewhat disturbed that you even thought this, much less put it out there in writing for all to see!!!!!

JATL

June 29th, 2009
7:35 am

Sorry atlstar01, but you need to check out or buy a book of etiquette. There are some very good ones updated for the 21st century (and Lyndi, etiquette is just a use of social graces that makes the world a nicer place for everyone if followed). NEVER throw yourself a shower. It’s incredibly tacky, and NEVER throw a party and expect people to pay for their food and drinks. Casual affairs that are BYOB or potluck are fine, but a shower? NO! If you must throw something involving your baby on your own, have a sip-n-see when the baby is about 6 or 8 weeks old, but don’t expect gifts (you’ll be pleasantly surprised anyway).

momtoAlex&Max

June 29th, 2009
7:54 am

I had several showers thrown for my second baby. The office threw me one, my mother’s friends (”the ladies that lunch”) threw me one, and I got another one from church. And my second was 2.5 years after my first AND same gender.

I think that a baby shower is to celebrate a new life. The gifts just have to be different that’s all. Diapers, baby bath stuff, formula, etc. Those are all things you can use with your second.

I will continue to throw showers for 2nd (and more) babies. I don’t care what Emily Post says.

JJ

June 29th, 2009
8:11 am

If someone WANTS to throw you a shower, let them. I did with my best friend’s wife. We gave them two couple’s showers (code for getting together and drinking). We did this for both her pregnancies.

It’s up to you and the host/hostess. I love throwing showers and entertaining my friends. I don’t care what others say, we just do it for us. If you don’t like the idea, then don’t go.

I say go for it. Diaper Dinners are perfect. On my friend’s second shower, we did just that. Everyone brought a bag of diapers and wipes. Some brought other stuff, but since the babies were three years apart, other items were needed also.

So I say, let ‘em throw you a shower.

BessieBear

June 29th, 2009
8:39 am

I agree – a shower is for YOU, not the baby. Your kids will never know about,(or care much, even when you show them pictures/cards) the showers given before they were born. The same can also be said of their first few birthdays. They won’t know or care about what clothes they wore as a baby. Also, it is impossible to keep things equal – so don’t try so hard. I must say, I have felt bad for my #2 since so many people gave generous $ gifts to #1 after he was born, and #2 didn’t get nearly the same attention. Her bank account will never catch up. But it’s just the way it is. #2 will have other advantages – being the baby of the family definitely has advantages.

Michelle

June 29th, 2009
9:26 am

New mom, I’d say if someone is offering to throw you a shower, THEY are making the choice, not you! I’d go and have a great time!

I really like the idea of the diaper dinner! Everyone knows that diapers are needed for at least a year and those little suckers are expensive! I also like the idea of a “welcome home” type of party!

If someone doesn’t throw you a special shower, I would get baby #2 something “special” to celebrate her birth that can be shared with her children down the road!

Denise

June 29th, 2009
9:34 am

I agree with JJ. If someone wants to throw you a shower, say thanks, show up, and enjoy yourself. If the theme is not specified (i.e. diaper dinner) then just be prepared to be surprised and be greatful.

I personally don’t like the idea of a casserole party. I don’t eat everybody’s food. LOL

Cammi317

June 29th, 2009
9:38 am

I only have one, but all my friends have had showers for each of their 2 or 3 children.

TnT's Mom

June 29th, 2009
9:45 am

I had showers for both of my boys who are 4 years apart. I agree with Denise, if someone wants to host a shower, say thanks and enjoy yourself. The shower is more for you not for the babies. The will never know unless you tell them, and even then they probably won’t care.

Becky

June 29th, 2009
9:54 am

Like all the others said, if someone wants to give you a baby shower, then let them..They know that it’s not your first baby..Besides what female doesn’t enjoy shopping for baby clothes, regardless if it’s the first or the fifth? So baby shower, diaper dinner or tea time, just have fun and enjoy..

As for the two girls having an inbalance between them, there are so many other important things to worry about than that…Trust me, as the youngest girl (of 6) things will never be perfectly balanced between them..

And will most of you please...

June 29th, 2009
10:02 am

…quit referring to your children as No. 1 and No. 2 – first, it is denigrating to the child that you think of them as first or second class – and it also sounds like you are referring to them with the same euphemisisms for bathtoom activities.

It is much preferred, especially by your children, that you refer to them as “my first born” or “second born”, etc.. That way, there is no class generalization – it is just a normal progression of births.

Thanks – I am off my soapbox now.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

June 29th, 2009
10:44 am

Hey New Mom — I just got back from spending the night at the hospital. My brother is making baby steps. He’s still considered critical but they think they will be taking out the balloon pump that has been assisting his heart today — which is a huge thing!! He’s been weaned off of some of his medicine. His kidneys are the worry right now – he may need some dialysis. We’ll see. So baby steps!!

I want to thank our moms for sending in blogs — I’ve gotten several this morning and they are all good!!! So I’m really happy to have good stuff for you guys and be able to focus on my brother.

On today’s topic — New MOM, I had two showers for Rose, none for Walsh (which sucked!!!! — especially because he was a boy and we didn’t have any boy things!!) I was given a surprise shower for Lilina which I adored!!! three friends threw it togehter and it was soooo lovely!!! and I was really surprised!!

You will get cards and presents when the baby arrives no matter what but it’s not quite the same as having a party for the baby. One of our friends did a Welcome to the World party for their baby — they threw it themselves and you pretty much had to bring a present!! so they celebrated the arrival of their child and got some good presents — Now the only catch there is you’re exposing the baby to germs but it’s still a party to celebrate your baby!!!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

June 29th, 2009
10:45 am

An AJC staffer just left this note on my Facebook page regarding the topic!! I agree with her about the mimosa!!

SB says you get a second baby shower if the next baby is a different gender. for example I’m throwing a shower for a friend who already has 2 girls but is expecting a boy. alternatively, if your kids are spaced far apart, a second shower is ok. like if you have an 8-year-old and then decide to have another baby.

also: dry baby showers should be … Read Moreillegal. if people are going to sit around for two hours on a Saturday morning while the mom-to-be opens packages of onesies, there’d better be a mimosa in it for them.

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June 29th, 2009
11:05 am

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lynn

June 29th, 2009
11:21 am

I had showers with my first and second but they were 10 years apart. My third came along just two years later and we did not have a shower for her although a lot of gifts were still recieved just from the announcements that were sent out. All in all though I think if you want a shower, then have one. You say this is your last so go all out and do what makes you feel best since you won’t have the opportunity to do it again.

Andrea

June 29th, 2009
11:43 am

Hi New Mom – great topic. I have to tell you that when I had my son, I was given nine showers! I could not believe it! We had suffered 8 miscarriages before we had our son. I know there were only two planned, but after a high risk pregnancy, he was born at 24 weeks. So, the next thing I knew, everyone was offering to have a shower for me. The child came early and we weren’t fully prepared. Being on bedrest, I could not go out and scan all of the cute things I wanted onto a registry. My best friend gave me the “big” shower, complete with all of the bells and whistles all first time moms get. But, I also had a casserole shower, which came in handy with all of the months we spent at the hospital. I had a diaper shower, which was really great because preemie diapers back then were much more expensive. I also had a Molly Maid shower, which was a true God send. I am sharing all of this to say that as long as there is a legitimate need, a shower is perfectly okay.

When I had my daughter, I had three showers given to me. I worked in Chicago at the time, so my co-workers in Chicago gave me a shower. My family here in GA gave me another shower and my church family also gave me a shower.

If someone offers to have a shower for you, it is perfectly acceptable. I don’t care if it is baby number 3 or baby number 4. If the invitee feels it is unacceptable for the recipient to have mutliple showers, then the invitee can respectfully decline the invitation to the shower. I am old school and I don’t think one should throw a shower for herself. That is probably archaic thinking, but it is how I feel.

sd

June 29th, 2009
12:49 pm

I don’t think you can ask anyone to give you a shower. If you are so lucky that someone decides to do it, fine. However, you shouldn’t expect people to give you gifts ever. Not with your first, or second.

Another thing, this new trend of having wedding and baby showers where men are expected to come is the worst trend ever.

Please stop doing this. No man actually wants to be at these things.

As a man, when a friend has a baby or a wedding, I simply put some cash in their pockets and we don’t talk about it. Its better that way.

Kat

June 29th, 2009
1:01 pm

Hi New Mom! Great topic idea. I’ve always been of the belief as well that every child should be celebrated. I do not agree that the shower is only for the mom; rather, it shows how much the second (and so on) child is expected. I might suggest a “dipes and wipes” shower (diapers and wipes) and/or a “my favorite book” shower. Everyone brings a book for the new baby with a nice inscription in it as to why it is his/her favorite book (their childhood favorite or their kid’s favorite or whatever). Then, your older daughter can “read” the stories to your younger daughter with you making the older daughter feel a part of the whole experience.

April

June 29th, 2009
1:01 pm

I am pretty old fashioned and believe that a shower for a second child of the same gender within two years is a little much. However, if someone offers you might invite only close friends and have a necessities shower – diapers, wipes, baby wash, lotion, etc. Those consumables that you can not keep and re-use. Or, if these are really good friends, the hostess might contact some of the guests personally and have everyone contribute to a group gift like a double stroller – which you will need with two small ones. I would keep the guest list to close friends who would love to give you a gift anyway and would love the chance for a social occasion, too.
I received gifts and cars for all three of my children -even the second and third and I did not have showers when I was pregnant with them.
You will soon find out that you can not treat both girls the same because they are not the same people. Their individual personalities will soon present themselves and give you your clues about what to do for each one. One may love big extravagant birthday parties while the other prefers quiet time with a special friend. There is nothing wrong with that.
It is EXTREMELY tacky to throw a shower or any party with the expectation of gifts for yourself. Rules of etiquette are there to protect people from their own bad taste.

Kat

June 29th, 2009
1:04 pm

To and will most of you please: Parents are not “ranking” their children by calling them No. 1 and No. 2. It’s just how numbers go.

YUKI

June 29th, 2009
1:13 pm

A shower for your second baby is tacky. The diaper party thing sounds cute, and does not sound as greedy as long as someone else plans it and send out the invites. No one is going to show up at a “shower” and think they don’t have to bring a gift, that is the whole point of the shower in the first place. Once you have your first baby, you have most of the things you need and good friends and family will give you gifts for the new baby anyway.

And children do not care if there was a shower given for them or not, that is simply ridiculous. And I thought it was pretty obvious to everyone that you don’t throw a shower for yourself!!!!

new mom

June 29th, 2009
1:17 pm

Thanks for the additional comments everyone. I was SHOCKED to read that some people would throw a shower for themselves, to me that is soooo tacky. And if there is no shower/party/celebration before our baby arrives, then I might consider inviting people over to meet our baby girl–but I would be scared that it would be viewed as a ‘bring a gift’ occasion. So other then family and friends who initiate visits, I am doubting I’d plan something like that. Just not my style…

And I am realizing that most people view showers for the moms, not the children. I guess that different viewpoint is the reason I have hosted several showers for friends’ seconds and thirds, and never given it a second thought. And why I was surprised at how adamant my mother was in insisting that this baby does NOT get a shower. Basically, however this ends up will be fine with me, both our daughters will be loved and adored, and once our baby arrives I will be wishing I was thinking about this and not about how I only got 1 hr of sleep that night…. :)

April

June 29th, 2009
1:19 pm

LOL – excellent point about the sleep and how your areas of concern will soon change – dramatically!

Active Duty Mom

June 29th, 2009
1:29 pm

I was always taught and stick by the following:
For the first wedding and first baby, showers thrown by people other than immediate family are okay.
For subsequent weddings and babies, showers should not be thrown as it is tacky.
Throwing yourself a shower is tacky.
Throwing a party/shower at a restaurant and expecting invitees to pay for their meal goes beyond tacky.
Keeping tally of and comparing number of showers you received is tacky.
By the way, if a shower is thrown by a co-worker, please keep it short and sweet–e.g., within the lunch hour. We had a baby shower last month that lingered on for 3 hours and tied up the conference room for 2 hours beyond the time requested. Very unprofessional.

JJ

June 29th, 2009
2:26 pm

New Mom, do what you want to do. Don’t let people tell you it’s tacky, etc. If you want a shower, have a shower. It’s the 21st century for heaven’s sake. It’s YOUR baby, it’s YOUR shower.

I’d be more than happy to throw you a shower for you! I don’t care how many children you have. Each one will have a shower on my watch!!!!

penguinmom

June 29th, 2009
2:31 pm

My sister says that Every baby deserves a shower.

If someone offers to do a shower for you, I think you should take them up on it. I agree with previous posters about a necessities shower. You always need diapers, etc. Money for a new carseat or double stroller etc are a great idea also.

We had several showers for our 1st (boy), none for our 2nd (girl) and one for our 3rd (boy). It just worked out that way based on our group of friends at the time. Also, the fact that we didn’t know the middle one was a girl before the birth probably contributed to not having one.

Since your mom feels the way she does about the shower, you might want to limit guests to those in your generation who are more open to the idea.

Also, you need to get past the idea of equivalence between the two NOW. Everything will be different. The first got lost of one on one attention, second doesn’t. Second has an older sibling to play with, first didn’t. Unless you have increased your income, the second child necessarily gets less than the first did at the same age. The two will probably have very different personalities and not even Want the same type of attention, etc.

Life is Not fair. Trying to create fairness between your children starting before they are born will drive you insane.

Becky

June 29th, 2009
2:43 pm

Amen JJ..People nowadays are always to worried about what others will think..You will never be able to please everyone, so just do to please you and the friend that wants to give you a shower…

Hey, Kat...

June 29th, 2009
2:54 pm

You are correct that children do arrive numerically; but,I stand my suggestion that you NOT refer to them as No.1 or No.2, and the reasons are valid as I stated before. How would you like to be referred to as a No.2 person?

Katherine

June 29th, 2009
2:59 pm

I had always heard that only one shower (for the firstborn) was acceptable. However, I don’t know how many people stick to that these days; at work, two ladies whose firstborns who were between one and a half and two years old were thrown showers for their second babies (and only one’s new baby was of the opposite sex) and nobody blinked an eye (except me! ;)). But, honestly, I don’t think that it’s a big deal, since you aren’t throwing the shower for yourself. Like other people have said, if somebody wants to throw one for you, you should just enjoy it!

Stan

June 29th, 2009
3:03 pm

sd,

Right on…us guys do NOT want to go to the showers.

Kat & Hay, Kat…,

I am #4 and my dad always told me I was #4 on the scoreboard but #1 in his heart…wow that sounds sooo freaking lame now compared to when I 4 or 5 LOL