Comments on: Can boys play in girls’ bedrooms?

By: Amarilla

Amarilla — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 05:44:39 +0000

I’m 15 and my mom has a hardcore no boys allowed in your room and no going into boys’ rooms policy. I get this, to some extent, but I wish she trusted me enough to allow some of my oldest friends (practically like sons to her) to enter my room. When my girlfriends and I are studying in my room and a guy friend wants to join us we are forced to go elsewhere. My main complaint, though, is that at coed parties when everyone is having a blast in a guy’s room, I am not allowed to go in. I feel so left out sometimes but my mom refuses to revise her policy. I think this is unreasonable and unfair.

By: MTeMedia

MTeMedia — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 00:01:54 +0000

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By: soccermom

soccermom — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:30:04 +0000

I have 2 boys, age 18 and 15. I have talked to them about sex since they were small. I have also provided age appropriate reading material as a learning aid. As they have matured, the focus of the conversations has changed from the mechanics of reproduction to more mental aspects – myths and misconceptions (no pun intended), my beliefs- both those simply personal and those taught by our religion (which are not all embraced by me), and etc. with an emphasis on making good choices, understanding natural consequences, planning ahead.
My older son has been dating a girl for 3 years. They decided that they “are not ready for all that stuff (sex)” and I believe them. They are both very smart kids who plan things ahead and are driven to accomplish the goals they have set. Some of you may be cynical and think they are feeding me a bunch of bull but I do believe them. Now that they are headed off to college and living in the same dorm, albeit on separate floors, we will talk again about birth control.
And from a different angle, I have a concern that if you preach that “sex is bad/sinful..you are bad if you engage in sex …” that this approach may lead to hangups when kids finally grow up to the point that “sex is ok” because they are so indoctrinated. Has anyone observed this to be true?

By: SM

SM — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:14:01 +0000

im a teenager, i really have no idea how i found this site but i thought this subject was interesting. in my opinion its really not about how wide open the doors cracked, it’s about who the kid is and how open and understanding a relationship you have with your kid, its about trust. as kids grow up theyre gonna do what they want if they set their mind to it, in my opinion as they’re going to be in lots of situations where they get to make decisions without you,you just have to make safety an underlying principle. like JJ said its really about being open and casual, and if you give your kids your confidence theyre going to appreciate it a whole lot more

By: DB

DB — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:16:20 +0000

It’s never been an issue — my only caveat is that the door stays open if friends of the opposite sex are visiting. And I tend to make a few more trips to that part of the house than usual :-) She and my son’s friends know that they can crash at my house any time, and often stay in case of bad weather, lateness of the hour, or we’re having too much fun playing hearts or poker and they realize they have to be at work at 8 AM! We’ve had friends from college show up at 2 AM when they were locked out of hotel rooms or friends stranded them at clubs downtown, etc. Some weeks, I feel like I’m running a B&B, but I feed ‘em a good breakfast, give ‘em a clean towel for a shower, keep a suppy of guest toothbrushes in the bathroom, give ‘em a hug and send ‘em on their way in the morning. :-)

By: fk

fk — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:24:51 +0000

Never an issue in our home. The bedroom is for sleeping, not entertaining. We have a family room and a bonus room. Choose one or the other or go outside.

By: lynn

lynn — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:58:38 +0000

JJ & Becky, I feel the same way as you guys. My daughter is 17 and has same sex friends over all the time and I don’t worry about them one bit. Since most of her friends are guys, there’s usually one over every other night or so and they watch movies in her room. Of course the door stays open but even if it were closed I wouldn’t worry about her. It all depends on how well you know your child these days.

By: RJ

RJ — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:59:46 +0000

I work with at risk teens and I can tell you that they have sex for a variety of reasons: lack of love, curiosity, lack of parental supervision, and the list goes on. It is definitely important to be open with your kids, but you should be raising them with some since of morals and responsibilities. My parents didn’t believe in being open, just didn’t know how to do it. But…I wasn’t a teenaged mom either! My daughter and I talk about sex and the consequences of it often. Frankly, birth control pills are the least of her worries. She’s been told about HIV and AIDS. I would never tell her to just take birth control pills. Any parent that’s done that in the past 20 years has been living up under a rock! This isn’t about “forbidding” them to have sex. That would be ridiculous. It’s about teaching what is morally right, what the consequences are, how to protect themselves and then allowing them to make their own decisions. I’m proud to say that I wasn’t a teenaged mother…and prouder to say that I am HIV negative.

By: Becky

Becky — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:47:27 +0000

JJ, I think you’re right..I know from my teen years, if I was told not to do something, that made me more determined to do it..

By: JJ

JJ — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:24:34 +0000

Becky, you and I have the same general attitudes. I think we are laid back with our kids. At least I am and I get that feeling from you too.