Comments on: Divorce: Who finds dates/sex easier — Moms or Dads? http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/ A daily guide to raising healthy children without going insane Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:39:28 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Active Duty Mom http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3957 Active Duty Mom Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:40:54 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3957 JJ and Catlady, I wish my mom had done the same when she divorced back in the late 1970s. My brother and I were subjected to four weirdos that she dated (one of whom threatened to beat my brother and me) before she re-married. Unfortunately, her 2nd husband (I don't refer to him as a stepfather, as he was the devil incarnate) was an alcoholic who verbally and sexually abused me for 4 hellish years during my adolescence. Thank God she finally divorced the bastard, but it took a couple of years of serious therapy before I was able to move on with my life and not have nightmares, flashbacks, etc. and it still took me a long time to trust any man. Any divorced parent who is even considering dating with kids needs to consider the welfare of their kids first. If it means that you do a background check on your date, do it! If your kid tells you that your date is hurting them, BELIEVE THEM and DUMP THE DATE! JJ and Catlady, I wish my mom had done the same when she divorced back in the late 1970s. My brother and I were subjected to four weirdos that she dated (one of whom threatened to beat my brother and me) before she re-married. Unfortunately, her 2nd husband (I don’t refer to him as a stepfather, as he was the devil incarnate) was an alcoholic who verbally and sexually abused me for 4 hellish years during my adolescence. Thank God she finally divorced the bastard, but it took a couple of years of serious therapy before I was able to move on with my life and not have nightmares, flashbacks, etc. and it still took me a long time to trust any man. Any divorced parent who is even considering dating with kids needs to consider the welfare of their kids first. If it means that you do a background check on your date, do it! If your kid tells you that your date is hurting them, BELIEVE THEM and DUMP THE DATE!

]]> By: momofboys http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3875 momofboys Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:19:56 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3875 a little off the topic, but what about a divorced dad who is dating a married woman, brings her home to dinner with kids...what is mom to do? a little off the topic, but what about a divorced dad who is dating a married woman, brings her home to dinner with kids…what is mom to do?

]]> By: catlady http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3553 catlady Fri, 05 Jun 2009 12:44:26 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3553 My observation is that not many divorced folks wait around at all--male or female, and not too many seem to care about what the children observe. It may be easier for the noncustodial parent, but I don't see many custodial parents slowing down, either. My ex waited till a few months after the divorce was final to start dating/sleeping with the woman who 6 years later became his wife. I waited until the kids were grown (a long time, as the baby was 2 when we divorced) before I began a romantic relationship. Did not want to see the pain/discomfort/feelings of abandonment I had seen many kids feel after my friends took up with people right away. I had a rich, full, busy life raising the 3 children 100%, working, and getting 2 advanced degrees. I missed male "companionship" although I was fortunate to have male colleagues in the academic departments. As a teacher I see too many kids with a "daddy of the month." My observation is that not many divorced folks wait around at all–male or female, and not too many seem to care about what the children observe. It may be easier for the noncustodial parent, but I don’t see many custodial parents slowing down, either.

My ex waited till a few months after the divorce was final to start dating/sleeping with the woman who 6 years later became his wife.

I waited until the kids were grown (a long time, as the baby was 2 when we divorced) before I began a romantic relationship. Did not want to see the pain/discomfort/feelings of abandonment I had seen many kids feel after my friends took up with people right away. I had a rich, full, busy life raising the 3 children 100%, working, and getting 2 advanced degrees. I missed male “companionship” although I was fortunate to have male colleagues in the academic departments.

As a teacher I see too many kids with a “daddy of the month.”

]]> By: deidre_NC http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3504 deidre_NC Wed, 03 Jun 2009 23:14:45 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3504 JJ im with you on all that...my youngest graduates saturday from high school (!!!!!!!!!) and starts college in the fall. when her dad and i split up i dated a guy after a year and it didnt work out-i made a choice not to put her (or my youngest son) thru it again...i raised her and never had to worry about boyfriend/step father abuse. or any of the other things that come with step families. now its my turn..im a tad old and really just cant imagine dating anyone (all that getting to know each other chatter!! yuck) much less having a real relationship..its been sooo long!!! im not sure i have (or want to make) time for another person. soo on topic-custodial parent has a harder time...altho even men with custody seem to remarry sooner. i also agree with whoever said the thing about the age...older=wiser usually...kids really dont need lots of different men (or women) in and out of their lives. JJ im with you on all that…my youngest graduates saturday from high school (!!!!!!!!!) and starts college in the fall. when her dad and i split up i dated a guy after a year and it didnt work out-i made a choice not to put her (or my youngest son) thru it again…i raised her and never had to worry about boyfriend/step father abuse. or any of the other things that come with step families. now its my turn..im a tad old and really just cant imagine dating anyone (all that getting to know each other chatter!! yuck) much less having a real relationship..its been sooo long!!! im not sure i have (or want to make) time for another person.

soo on topic-custodial parent has a harder time…altho even men with custody seem to remarry sooner. i also agree with whoever said the thing about the age…older=wiser usually…kids really dont need lots of different men (or women) in and out of their lives.

]]> By: Matt http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3502 Matt Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:49:36 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3502 I disagree entirely, Women Have A Much Easier Time, you just don't use your advantages! My reasons are listed here http://www.imnevergettingmarried.com/in-the-news/ I disagree entirely, Women Have A Much Easier Time, you just don’t use your advantages!

My reasons are listed here
http://www.imnevergettingmarried.com/in-the-news/

]]> By: JustMy2Cents http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3501 JustMy2Cents Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:03:29 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3501 I was divorced, with kids, for 5 years before I remarried. Now he, the one who swore he would never get remarried, was remarried within a year or so. Dating is completely possible if you are the CP, and probably even easier for NCP. Babysitters, relatives work wonderful for keeping the kids. Put out if you want to, don't if you don't. If you have the kids with their grandparents, you can bring the guy back to your place or go to his. Sex is sex, it is not the emotional thing some women make it out to be...it is physical. That is where women get into trouble by trying to make it emotional. I was divorced, with kids, for 5 years before I remarried. Now he, the one who swore he would never get remarried, was remarried within a year or so.

Dating is completely possible if you are the CP, and probably even easier for NCP. Babysitters, relatives work wonderful for keeping the kids.

Put out if you want to, don’t if you don’t. If you have the kids with their grandparents, you can bring the guy back to your place or go to his. Sex is sex, it is not the emotional thing some women make it out to be…it is physical. That is where women get into trouble by trying to make it emotional.

]]> By: lovelyliz http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3500 lovelyliz Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:58:21 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3500 On a slightly lighter note, who dates easier after the divorce depends on a lot and it usually goes in favor of the ex-husband: $$$, custody of the kids, neediness. From what's gone on in "my circle", ex-husbands have generally dated easier, but the women tend to date better. On a slightly lighter note, who dates easier after the divorce depends on a lot and it usually goes in favor of the ex-husband: $$$, custody of the kids, neediness.

From what’s gone on in “my circle”, ex-husbands have generally dated easier, but the women tend to date better.

]]> By: Theresa Walsh Giarrusso http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3499 Theresa Walsh Giarrusso Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:15:24 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3499 Hey SA - they voted yesterday for divorce but Disney will be tomorrow!! Hey SA – they voted yesterday for divorce but Disney will be tomorrow!!

]]> By: Photius http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3498 Photius Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:54:29 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3498 Well.... Mom's gotta get some too! Especially if divorced! Dad, the bum of the month, normally splits out leaving her with the baggage and eventually Mom is going to want to "fire up the engine". It's a part of motherhood; how not to look like a tramp in front of your 14 year old daughter and how to successfully pull of gettin' some in a good way. Well…. Mom’s gotta get some too! Especially if divorced! Dad, the bum of the month, normally splits out leaving her with the baggage and eventually Mom is going to want to “fire up the engine”. It’s a part of motherhood; how not to look like a tramp in front of your 14 year old daughter and how to successfully pull of gettin’ some in a good way.

]]> By: SA http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2009/06/03/divorce-who-finds-datessex-easier-moms-or-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-3497 SA Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:33:31 +0000 http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/?p=781#comment-3497 Weren't we supposed to get a Disney topic today? God forbid, you actually have a topic that directly corresponds with MOTHERING? Weren’t we supposed to get a Disney topic today? God forbid, you actually have a topic that directly corresponds with MOTHERING?

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