Top Pet Peeves about your spouse?

Editor’s Note: The vote was tight (I think at 8 p.m. only one vote separated Pet Peeves from Six Flags), but you guys have chosen to talk about spousal pet peeves today! (Don’t worry JG we’ll hear your make-out stories from Six Flags next week!!) So here is the topic:

I was talking with a friend recently about house cleaning, and he started telling me all the things that irritate him about the way his wife cleans. (He usually cleans because he finds her job to be sub par.) He had a lot of similar complaints to what I think Michael would say about me. (I need to meet his wife. I think we would be fast friends!)

So I thought it would be fun to talk about your Top 5 Pet Peeves about your spouse!

Since I frequently pick on Michael, I thought I would write what I think HIS top pet peeves would be about ME, instead of vice versa.

5. Load the dishwasher incorrectly - I don’t sort the silverware into separate compartments while the silverware is in the washer. I like to sort after when you put the silverware into the drawer, but that makes him nuts. Also I tend to put bowls in inappropriate places where they don’t actually get clean.

4. Use his towel - For 15 years I have stolen his towel. I just grab the first one I see when I get out of the shower. I find it impossible to remember which color I happen to have that day. However, I have finally remedied this particular problem. I bought him three navy towels with his initials monogrammed on them so I would always know which was towel was his. And even Walsh commented the other day ‘Oh I can’t use that towel. It has Dad’s initials on it.” The funny thing is Michael is so colorblind he can’t tell if the towel is blue or green so he has a hard time grabbing the right one now.

3. Too chatty in general - Michael hates having to wait for me especially when I’m chatting with other women about things he doesn’t care about. He gets particularly irritated after church waiting on me to follow them out to the car. He also thinks I talk on the phone too much. He’s never said that, but I’m sure he does.

2. My car is a perpetual mess – When he has to drive my car, like to church, he gets very frustrated by all the jackets, shoes, bags and sometimes old fast food wrappers in the car. I am really trying to do better. Right now my car is pretty cleared out, but it doesn’t always stay that way.

1. I complain all the time – He says that I complain all the time, and it usually goes like this: I start with “I’m _____.” Usually it ends with “tired, sore or cold.” His problem is he doesn’t know what I want him to do about it. He thinks if someone is complaining then it must be so the other person will solve it or intervene in some fashion. I hate to break it to him, but I just think out loud. I pretty much say anything that comes into my head. And generally with those types of comments it’s almost like a mantra, and I’m not usually aware I’m even saying it.

So what are your top pet peeves about your spouse? What do you think they would say about you? (It’s kind of like the Newlywed game: Predict what they would say about you.)

Side Note: A reporter at the AJC needs your help! Jamie Gumbrecht is working on a story about parents who are considering or have let their kids stay home alone. If you are thinking about it doing it this summer or have done it in the past, she would love to talk with you. You can email her at jgumbrecht@ajc.com.

102 comments Add your comment

DB

May 14th, 2009
10:53 pm

I only have four peeves for him:
1. Computer time: His “five more minutes” usually ends up being 30 or more. Computer time is some sort of weird time warp
2. I’m walking out the door for errands. Just as I walk out, I get the “Oh, hey, can you wait just a second and take . . .” 15 minutes later, I’m still waiting. Grr.
3. Putting laundry away. I can put away his socks, underwear, hang up his shirts. But in almost 30 years of marriage, he can’t quite figure out where I keep my underwear? Puh-leeze.
4. Getting to the airport for a flight. I do NOT like driving to the airport with my stomach in knots wondering if we are going to make the flight. He, on the other hand, considers it a waste of time if the plane door isn’t hitting him in the butt as he jumps on. We missed our honeymoon flight because of cutting it too close!

Other than those four little things, he’s perfect. :-)

His list for me would be MUCH longer, I’m sure!

nurse&mother

May 15th, 2009
12:41 am

Can’t really complain about my husband. He is pretty wonderful. I do find that I have to help him find things he has misplaced. He is doing better about picking up his dirty clothes (which are scattered all over the house).

My husband would probably say that I used to be better at keeping the house clean since the boy turned toddler (although he would never complain to anyone about this). When I worked full time we shared this responsibility equally. I only work two days a week, so I feel like this is my responsibility. We really work well as a team, helping the other one out when needed.

He might also say that I like to talk a little much (one again, he would never admit this to anyone else).

He WOULD admit that I am a picky eater and am high maintenance when it comes to ordering at a restaurant. It’s true. I will own up to it. :-)

Motherjanegoose, I made a comment on yesterday’s blog (J&K+8) in response to your last post.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
7:34 am

morning all….n&m thanks for your comments…I know every situation is different but when you have a perfectly easy pregnancy and then you come home from the hospital with a baby who is paralyzed, due to her birthing…it makes you sick. Especially since I fought with the Doctor to have a C section and she left me hanging in labor for 27 hours…she was not on site until the end.

Pet Peeves ( and here I thought I would not be blogging today due to Six Flags….LOL)

1. Cleaning out something ( i.e. your car) does not mean stuffing everything into a large trash bag and placing it in the garage or leaving six or so coffee cups on the driveway since you have others riding with you and they will make your car look like a mess….these cups do nothing to decorate our driveway and I just leave them there. We generally have at least one bag of unidentifiable objects in our garage….currently items from under his side of the bathroom sink…cleaning out ( to means cleaning out: NOT stuffing and moving to another place.

2. Medication….I know he has his own pharmacy and forgets to take each pill unless it jumps right out at him BUT I hate trying to maneuver the coffee pot while knocking over 5 bottles of pills that are piled right next to it, each morning. I NEED my coffee to function.

3. If you put things away, you will not need to spend unnecessary time looking for them or buying new because you cannot find what you need. I used to help him look but not much anymore, as it wastes too much time.

4. Clearing the dishes….this does mean wipe the table, stove and the countertops too.,,,doesn’t it?

5. Mail….when you open your bills and sort though them…do not leave random envelopes all over the place…if they are trash…then pitch them….if you need them…then put them back together in a pile. …is this asking too much?

6. when we return from a trip…please unpack your suitcase and put things away. Sometimes his suitcase is still sitting there 2 weeks after we get home. I do have my suitcase out and packed with basics ( non stop) when I am traveling 30 weeks per year but if you only take 5-6 trips per year…you are not going to need it right away! Maybe this is too picky.

7. when you take the last paper towel or toilet paper….PLEASE put a new roll on….same with napkins.

8. when we make something new for dinner that you are not crazy about….try to be poliite and act like it tastes good…even if you do not care for it. We can see it all over your face and since my husband had a food group of about 20 items, the rest of the family does like to venture out and see if something else might be good.

The bottom line for us is that I grew up with an obsessive compulsive mother who would yank me out of bed if there was one crumb on the table, after I did the dishes. My husband’s mom was not a housekeeper and I remember many times going to their house when the sink was piled high with dishes…no telling how long they had been there and the floor needed to be vaccuumed ( sp?). I thought…WOW they are so much more relaxed but it never occurred to me that the relaxation would kill me in 20 years LOL. I am not NEARLY as picky as my mother…as I sit here, there is folded laundry on the chair next to me that has to be put away and the bed is not made, my desk area needs to be seriously organized too…..HAHAHA!

DB putting laundry away…wow…I do not think my husband has ever put mine away as I am not sure he has ever done laundry for the family. If he needs something, while I am traveling…he does his own….I usually try to do it before I leave.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
7:52 am

OOOPS…I forgot to say HIS pet peeves:

I always want to know what is going on…..what time will you be back…
I do not care ( what you are doing) but just like to have a time line schedule. He left last week to get hamburger buns at Publix to fix hamburgers and was gone for 90 minutes with no phone.

I use coupons 70% of the time when we eat out. I am frugal and usually pay for all of the meals we eat out as a family. He hates it when I bring a coupon and he has to eat something on the special.
I do this when we travel too…I brought Baskin Robbins coupons to Hawaii and we saved $12 on ice cream LOL.

I research things before a purchase and he like to be spontaneous.

I check everything in the house compulsively before we leave to make sure things are off…he HATES this. My own mother once jiggled the doorknob so much that it fell off. I always ask, “Is the garage closed” and sometimes pull back down our street to see that it is.

I HAVE to know where my purse is…this due to fire alarms going off at hotels and wanting my Id and keys with me.

I am tit for tat…if I do something for someone else, I do expect them to thank me or reciprocate in a kind manner at some point. I am picky about thank you notes….
What comes around goes around and I am happy to pitch in but if I need help, then I am annoyed if no one steps up to the plate. I am adamant about the golden rule.

I fuss about the ridiculous people I run into i.e. the pickup driver who passed me ( I was driving too slow) while driving in the school zone ( hello) every day. I have such a broad spectrum of folks that I think I see more nutty ones…perhaps they think I am crazy too!

Photius

May 15th, 2009
8:33 am

Pet Peeves of My Woman:

1. Sitting in the living room chair while using tweezers to pull hairs out of non-public areas
2. She has the ability to watch the most incredibly stupid, moronic movies on TV
3. Not wanting to “give it up” unless SHE is in the perfect mood – please….
4. The amazing capability to somehow loose things, all the time. I don’t care anymore nor will I help search.
5. IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, ALL THE TIME – SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE FOR ONCE AND LEAVE ME ALONE IF I AM PRE-OCCUPIED OR IN A BAD MOOD. SOMETIMES YOU REALLY NEED TO JUST SHUT UP.

LifenATL

May 15th, 2009
8:35 am

1.When something is running low or is gone, tell me so I can get some more instead of having me find out when I’m ready to use it.

2.Washing the dishes includes cleaning the counters and the stove off.

3. Leftovers are okay!

Adittohead

May 15th, 2009
8:36 am

DOES MAKE YOU WONDER—-WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD GAYS. WANT TO BE MARRIED——& WHY WOULD A MAN WANT 2 0r more WIVES-???…JUST WONDERING-??

Adittohead

May 15th, 2009
8:36 am

DOES MAKE YOU WONDER—-WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD GAYS. WANT TO BE MARRIED——& WHY WOULD A MAN WANT 2 0r more WIVES-???…JUST WONDERING-??

All Worn Out

May 15th, 2009
8:38 am

When I clean off the counter in the bathroom, (we have double sinks) everything that I have taken off my husbands side of the counter and put it in the cabinet, (shaving cream, deodorant, medicine, brush, soap etc) by the end of the day, it is right back from where I moved it..

lovelyliz

May 15th, 2009
8:38 am

My sister had a big pet peeve about her ex-husband. Hever ever did ANY inside housewoork. His job was the outdoor and he rarely did that, but that’s another story. When I say inside work, I mean everything from cooking, cleaning, childrearing, lauundry, ironing, grocery shipping and paying the bills. It would drive my sister crazy, but you had to give his kudos. While he was on the computer or watching tv, avoiding my sister who was complaining, she was doing it all.

Sly fox he ex-husband was.

WooBunny

May 15th, 2009
8:40 am

LifenATL! Are you sure we aren’t married to the same man?!

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
8:45 am

I did enter the pet peeves my husband would have about me but they vanished…Theresa…can you find them? I know I can be a pain and wanted to share the ways he thinks I am ….

Grandma

May 15th, 2009
8:47 am

My pet peeve is people taking ice cubes out of the tray, and leaving an empty tray in the freezer (or with one cube in it)! I have left it there in a “subtle” attempt to get my point accross. It doesn’t work. We have a “bucket” in the freezer for ice, and I make ice everyday, except those days when I am gone, or not feeling well. If I don’t make it, no one gets ice…including ME. I also think it’s inbred that men don’t know how to change a t.p. roll. Like the old joke…”How many men does it take to change a t.p. roll? No one knows…it’s never been done before.”

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 15th, 2009
8:51 am

MJG — I will retrieve — it always spams you — what is up with that!!??

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 15th, 2009
8:52 am

recovered MJG – they should show up now!!

MadMom

May 15th, 2009
8:56 am

My son has the irritating habit of “cleaning” the interior of his new SUV (daily) and tossing trash into the front yard. He did it just yesterday, and the empty fast-food cups/bags are still sitting next to the sidewalk. I REFUSE to pick them up. He’s 26 years old, healthy, no broken bones. I’m 60. Who do you think should pick it up? I’m sure you know what HE thinks. He leaves dirty dishes/glasses on the landing of the steps instead of bringing them down to the kitchen when he comes. I told him the first time I see a roach, he AND the roaches are getting BOMBED. My biggest peeve with him, however, is he either leaves his laundry (which I managed to make him do, or he’d wear dirty clothes!) in the washer or dryer. The worst is when he takes out load after load and leaves the pile of clean (albeit wrinkled) clothes on my dining room table which is within reaching distance of the dryer. I havent’ been able to use my dining table in YEARS. I once cleaned it off, folded ALL of the clothes, and cleared the dining room. It took less than 3 days for it to all reappear. I’m done!

melissa's mom

May 15th, 2009
9:00 am

We’ll be married 30 years this summer. Sure I have pet peeves – not being able to find anything, never putting his clothes away.. Sometimes it’s like he’s living in a bubble. BUT, when he’s out of the bubble, we have a great time together. I’ve learned to live with his faults and he’s learned to live with mine (although I can’t think of any at the moment). Peace and be thankful.

Lori

May 15th, 2009
9:07 am

My husband is one of those unorganized kind. It drives my nuts that he never knows where anything is. It’s sort of a standing joke, because I am so OCD that I notice everything that is out of place just by walking through a room. So when he is obviously searching for something, I just ask him what he is looking for, he’ll say “my sunglasses” or something, and I just smile and say “they’re on top of the dryer”. He won’t even be able to remember when he laid them there.

It also drives my nuts that he can only remember things he deems important enough to remember. He never forgets anything he reads (he remembers stories from 10 years ago). His job is incredibly complicated but he excels. But he can’t remember to dry my clothes on low, and not to leave the dog outside when the lawn service is coming. Really irritating!!!

Overall he’s a great man though, and a fabulous father, so I can’t complain too much.

Emjay

May 15th, 2009
9:07 am

MJG- your suitcase comment cracked me up. I’m single, but my mom would say that’s her biggest pet peeve about me. Whenever she visits, before she arrives she’ll wonder how many suitcases/bags/etc she’s going to find in my bedroom. Just this week I finished unpacking one from a cruise I went on in January. It was full of summer clothes that I didn’t need when I got home so I put it aside and didn’t do anything with it. I’m a procrastinator – not proud of it, but it is what it is :)

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
9:08 am

My husband is a CLEAN FREAK! I love it! But we both have our downfalls. I cannot load a dishwasher to save me, so he does it and I empty it out. I love to clean floors, but I hate to mop. So I vaccum and he mops after me. We have been married for almost 8 years now, I have only cleaned the bathrooms 3 times in our marriage, he does it all the time. He loves to clean them! :) This works for us!!!

Our peeves…I tend to get a little sloppy and not pick up my clothes everytime to put them in the laundry room. My husband…he uses my towel and it drives me nuts. But, I LOVE HIM no matter what! I’ll just get me a fresh towel. He works very hard and is up every morning at 4am, the last thing he needs is me complaining about a freaking towel.

FedUp

May 15th, 2009
9:09 am

Following with MadMom’s laundry fiasco, my own son will wash his clothes, and leave them in a pile to wrinkle. Then he says he can’t wear them because they are wrinkled, and will re-wash CLEAN clothes, only to let them wrinkle again. Talk about a waste of water and laundry detergent! The way to get your hubby to do things for himself? I have the answer…get a divorce. We have been divorced since ‘91, and I recently moved in with him, my son, his g.f. and my 5 y.o. g’daughter. He does his OWN chores now, but he was always good about doing his own laundry, cooking, etc. I don’t know why he isn’t a good example for his son, who wants to do NOTHING but play video games when he’s home. I feel as though, since I moved back in because of the economy, that they think they now how a live in maid/cook/babysitter/whatever.

uconn

May 15th, 2009
9:12 am

Hey DB… Your Husband and I would get along great if we had to take a plane ride somewhere. One of my greatest peeves is I CANNOT Stand getting to the airport 2 hours early to just sit and wait… I would prefer to have the door close behind me and my BF has to be there exactly 2 hours beforehand… But honestly other than that he is Great with a capital G … Oh and maybe the way he drives….

As for his pet peeves about me…
probably the way I drive
the fact that I am so relaxed about important things but I sweat the small stuff
The fact that I don’t take any sh*t from anyone, including my boss.

I think that thats it…. I am sure there are more but I just can’t remember them all :)

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
9:15 am

OOOPS one of my pet peeves in general is people who do not follow directions and today I am apologizing as I exceeded the 5 pet peeves on both accounts!

LM

May 15th, 2009
9:20 am

My new Hubby is Perfect, okay rose colored glasses off. He is a wonderful person, but he does have a few things that drive me nuts. Otherthan the ones already mentioned the one that stands out is if something of his is moved or missing, he blames myself or my daughter. If I stand up for her, he thinks I am calling him a liar. Truthfully he is a PACK RAT, like his mother, wont throw anything away. He also won’t do inside chores, but with many acres there are a lot of outside chores to do, only thing he wants my help with the outside chores.

His pet peeves about me. He thinks I take my daughters side all the time. That I am not strick and too willing to give in to her. That I nag about sex. That I won’t tell him that I need his help.

Adittohead

May 15th, 2009
9:22 am

AND WONDERING HOW IN THE WORLD CAN A MAN/WOMAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED COUNSEL COUPLES WHO ARE HAVING PROBLEMS.–??just wondering

Belle

May 15th, 2009
9:28 am

My husband is pretty awesome and I think I drive him crazy more than he does me. He cleans the house with me, he cooks, he helps with the kids at night, he does all sorts of other things. But the one thing that just drives me nuts is when we are going somewhere, he will get himself ready, grab a soda for the road and go get in the car. Leaving me to get the baby dressed and in the car seat, get the diaper bag, get the toddler dressed and ready, get myself and the kids out the door and he is just sitting there. I have to laugh but it can drive me bonkers.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
9:32 am

uconn….just sharing that I DO NOT know how to drive, according to my husband.

I have driven in all 49 states but not Montana and rented over 100 different kinds of cars, with 2 speeding tickets of 65 MPH in a 50 zone on a rural highway in Ohio and Iowa ( I was the only one on the road except the state troopers…hahaha) BUT he IS the driver when we both get in the car.

Of the less than 5 times I have driven ( in almost 27 years) , he tells me what to do the entire time and it is not worth the hassle.

uconn

May 15th, 2009
9:35 am

Mother …
WOW that sounds Just Like us… When I Drive (and the only reason I drive is to get command of the radio) I get told everything I am doing wrong… Going too fast, too slow, why did you let that car cut in front of you… Watch out you’re going to hit someone … and on and on…

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
9:42 am

I did want to add one more thing.

I’m not sure who all is a stay home mom/dad; but if you are, I personally think it is YOUR job to keep the house up to par. I was a stay home mom and that was my job, taking care of the baby and the house.

Now, with that said; it is the spouses responsibility to respect that you work your ass off just as hard and they should put a paper towel roll back on or put a dish in the dishwasher when they are done with it.

But, if you both work, then you should both work at keeping the house in order.

As for any other pet peeve that does not relate to house cleaning…your on your own. Sorry, can’t help with that. :)

Michelle

May 15th, 2009
9:45 am

Boy…this could really be a LONG list! :D

My absolute, BIGGEST pet peeve is this: When he comes home from work or has time off, he goes to the basement and plays his video game…for hours! He complains that is the only “relaxation” time he gets! HELLOOOO…I also work full time and take care of our son (and the step sons when they are over) after school and all weekend long! He does not understand why I get so angry. I finally quit arguing about it.

Next, why is it that I can put all of my toiletries away each morning but his stay on the counter top continuously? He even gets mad when I do put them away?! I bought him a nice basket to put his “daily” stuff in so he can just put it all in and put it under the sink at one time. It sits on the counter top!

When we started dating, his apartment was always spotless, now, he’s a HUGE slob. He tries to blame messes on everyone else, but he doesn’t even pick up after himself. Why does he expect the kids to do any different?

Since when did personal secretary become part of my wifely duties? He complains about clutter on the countertops (mail, bills, etc.) but absolutely REFUSES to do anything about it!

I would love to see him actually spend some quality time with his kids that doesn’t involve bossing them around to clean/work in the yard OR have them watch him play video games!

OK…that’s my short list and I’ll leave it there!

John

May 15th, 2009
9:46 am

Pet peeves on my ex-wife,thats why she’s the ex, and by the way she stayed at home, never worked.

1) She never cooked, she would call me at work and ask what I wanted for dinner, when I got home it was always, I forgot to take it out of the freezer,and we’d end up eating out.
2) She wouldn’t clean the house, unless Her parents or mine we coming to visit,
3) always proclaimed she was Miss manners, complaining about other people, when we would eat at her Mom’s or mine, she wouldn’t help cleaning up, I did always, I was raised that way. One christmas Her sister and I cleaned up after dinner,as she sat there.
4) She could not do the grocery shopping,or go to Walmart with out me! then she would complain that we don’t do anything fun, I told her once ” of course we don’t when do we have time, you could do this during the week”, and then we would have time, but that had no effect.

Well, like I said thats why She is the Ex

Mara

May 15th, 2009
9:53 am

1 – When we’re out visiting and my husband says ‘good-bye’, it doesn’t actually mean we’re leaving. We can end up standing on the porch, out on the lawn, or in the driveway for another twenty or thirty minutes! Drives me bonkers.

2 – When my husband runs into a problem doing a project, instead of calmly assessing the situation and figuring out how to solve it, he gets angry and frustrated and starts ranting. Eventually he calms down and finishes the job, but the tantrum makes ME frustrated and upset. Sometimes I just want to snatch the tool out of his hand and tell him to quit whining, go sit down, and I’ll finish the job. I’d never actually do it, but sometimes I’d really, really like to.

3 – When telling a story, he goes into excruciating detail. IRRELEVANT detail that has absolutely nothing to do with the story. And if he misremembers one of those irrelevant details, he’ll go back and correct himself! He can take fifteen minutes to relate a five minute drive to the store.

His peeves about me?

1 – I reload the dishwasher he just loaded.

2 – When cleaning, I’m content with ‘good enough’ instead of scrubbing every nook and cranny. To him, it isn’t actual ‘cleaning’ unless it’s scrubbed, sanitized, and polished. Anything less is just ‘tidying up’.

3 – I let the cats get up on the bed.

4 – I do NOT drive defensively.

5 – if I have a routine for something, I do NOT like to have it disturbed. Since I’m normally pretty spontaneous, I’m sure this drives him up a wall.

nurse&mother

May 15th, 2009
9:54 am

MJG- I completely understand how you must have felt given your situation. I think that if you labored for 27 hours the SECOND time, your doctors should have said that something was not right. Second labor should have been much quicker. That should have been a red flag.

Non-stop. I kinda agree with your statement about the stay-at-home mom/dad keeping the house clean. I will say that when the other spouse gets home from work, the stay at home spouse should be “done” with work as well. The rest of the day is equal work.

PHR

May 15th, 2009
9:56 am

I only have a few pet peeves…

1) Leaves the pantry door open after looking for something to eat. That freaking door open drives me nuts.

2) When he cooks in the kitchen he doesn’t clean up anything. It looks like a bomb exploded in my kitchen after he cooks. He has never put a dish or cup in the dishwasher unless I specifically direct him.

3) I agree with someone else about how my husband never unpacks a suitcase when he returns from a trip. Then he wonders where something is a couple days later. Unless he puts the clothes in the dirty clothes hamper I don’t wash them.

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
10:05 am

N&M – you’re right! Like I said, the spouse should respect the stay at home spouse and help out when they get home.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
10:08 am

PHR…closing doors…what is that? mine leaves the dresser drawers open with clothes sticking out and after he empties the dishwasher ( which is one thing he does fairly regularly) the kitchen cabinets are wide open.

Mara..I admit I am your number 2….if I am working on something and the procedure is not working…I do get vocal and frustrated…

Theresa…I warned you, you should have gone with the Six Flags topic….hahaha!

Patrick

May 15th, 2009
10:10 am

Wow. Lots of rants and complaints. But each of you should take a moment and think about what it would be like to have absolutely nobody in the world. No TV too loud, no mail left out, no dinner dishes, no kids,, no nothing. Would you prefer that? Some of you sound like you would.

Try this: go out west to Nevada or something where you are 20 or 30 miles from the next nearest human being. No phones or TV. And stay that way for a week or a month.

It kinda puts “leaves clothes out” into perspective.

uconn

May 15th, 2009
10:14 am

I wanted to follow up my post with … Although some of the things that annoy me to no end, I would not trade my BF FOR ANYTHING… He is the absolute best, and I mean that whole heartedly. He and I are really a team and sometimes I am the one who forgets that… But all in all, he makes me happy… Now If I could just get him to drive the way I do … :)

Johnny

May 15th, 2009
10:16 am

Her:

Doesn’t get up on time without assistance.
Unable to install gasoline in vehicle without assistance.
Can’t remember the answer to previous questions so asks them again.
Too many cats (5).
Feeds cats rotisserie chicken, hard food, soft food, treats. A smorgasbord.
Spends $100+ a week on cat food and outdoor wildlife supplies.
Spends $100+ at grocery store and does not know what is for dinner that night.
Colors hair weekly. Color = “same”.
Feed wildlike – racoons, possums, birds cat food that is not eaten, cat food on purpose.
Leaves garage door slightly open for raccoons to come inside to eat cat food, stay warm and reproduce.
6 loaves of bread a week for outside animals.
6 bags of bird sees a week.
Buts over the counter weight loss products, but never uses them
Buys DVDs from TV shows and never watches them.
Buys useless household items from TV and never uses them.
Must have herbal tea from Chinese grocery.
Can’t do laundry properly or at all.
Can’t prepare food.

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
10:17 am

Patrick-

I understand where you come from, not having anyone and looking into this blog…BUT! Working full time at a job, being a full time mommy of two, being a full time wife, running around doing errands, taking kids to baseball, ballet, church and so on, ON TOP of trying to keep a house in order, AND…God forbids anyone in the house gets sick! It weights on you. The spouse should help out A LOT!!! Mine does. And yes, some of these comments are pretty harsh, but don’t judge them please. Some people don’t find Mr or Mrs right the first time around.

Mary

May 15th, 2009
10:27 am

Enter your comments here

Mad's Mom

May 15th, 2009
10:30 am

Thank you for putting your dishes in the sink and sometimes running water over them. It would really help me if you had placed your napkin in the trash as well as scrapping out any food left on your plate. Soggy food and napkins are not fun to scoop out of the sink.

I can accept that you do not know how to put toilet paper on the roller but after 14 years of marriage, I cannot fathom why you remove it from the roller each and every time you use it. I installed the fancy slide on rollers but you still cannot slip it back on.

I know I have an extensive dust collection but when I do try to eradicate it, please do not wait until we have company to point out a spot I missed.

Please accept the fact that I do not like “My Name is Earl” and don’t pout when I will not watch it with you. I know you watch “House Hunters” with me but if you went and did something else when it was on, it would not hurt my feelings.

I know zucchini is your favorite vegetable but I cannot eat it every day.

I appreciate you helping me clean before we have company. I know it is important that your closet be immaculate just in case they might wander in the bedroom and open the door. Maybe a better place for you to spend your time helping would be in a room where the company might actually visit.

Otherwise, you are wonderful. If you think I am wonderful, you can tell me sometimes.

Mary

May 15th, 2009
10:31 am

Motherjanegoose, you sound just like me. Love the mother story about the door knob falling off…… LAUGH OUT LOUD !!!!! :):):)

Androidawg

May 15th, 2009
10:44 am

Why should I waste my time looking for something when she knows where everything is?
I understand that I’m a handsy creep, but were married for heavens sake.
I don’t carry cash for a reason, 2.35 is a perfectly reasonable amount to put on a check card.
Tinkering with computers is my hobby. I don’t complain when she takes 3 hour naps on weekends.
I know she’s trying to drive, but she still scares the hell out of me and I can’t keep my big mouth shut when in fear for my life.

JJ

May 15th, 2009
11:01 am

Patrick, I agree. I don’t have a spouse, but I have a child and an ENDLESS list of pet peeves with her. However, said child is leaving in August, and I will then have a very quiet AND CLEAN house.

I try to remember this when she is driving me crazy. She asks if I’ll miss her when she leaves. I will miss the “noise” that comes with her being in the house. Yelling at the dogs, complaining about this or that, etc. I won’t miss the mess she creates and somehow cannot manage to clean it up. She too, does laundry, then leaves it in a heap on MY BED for ME to fold…….gee thanks baby…..she has no idea what a garbage can is or how to get garbage into it. I call her “Walk & Drop”.

Pick your battles.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
11:04 am

mad’s mom….wanna trade…you can come and eat corn and I will eat zucchini….variety is good….

Becky

May 15th, 2009
11:05 am

1. Not helping with inside chores, yet wants me to help outside while he’s tinkering..We have a lawn service, he doesn’t have to cut grass..
2. Not helping me with the grandkids, yet wanting me to get all three of us dressed and packed to go somewhere, while he watches TV.
3. Won’t take the trash out until it’s falling out of the trash can..
4. Always telling me that because I work in an office, with air conditioning and telephones, that I don’t have a real job..
5. Wants his work clothes ironed and folded just a certain way..He’s a roofer/handy man for Christ sakes..

He would probably say that his about me are,
1. I don’t keep the house as clean as he wants it.
2. I enjoy cooking in the kitchen (even during the summer).
3. I don’t keep my car spotless..
4. I never carry cash.
5. I like to keep my hair about shoulder length..

I’m sure that there are a lot more that either one of us to find fault with, but nothing that will cause us major problems..As someone else said, I don’t sweat the small stuff and he get royally P.O’ed at some of the silliest things..

Patrick, sorry about your situation..Johnny, if you let her get away with it, it’ll just keep going on…

Honeydew

May 15th, 2009
11:24 am

Just a few pet peeves: He will watch the garage door close, drive out the driveway and look back to make sure the garage door is still closed. Whatever time we return from a trip, he unpacks his suitcase immediately. I will wait until the next morning. He mops, vacuums, takes the trash out daily. He washes his own clothes- (I don’t fold his socks right!) and I wash my own. Sometimes a combo-load of whites that need bleach. When I cook a large meal, he washes the pots and pans. After 17 years of marriage, I still use the invisible brakes on the passenger side of the car. Other than those few things, he is a great husband…One more thing: we talk on the phone at least 5 times a day, and he feels the need to say he loves me at the end of every conversation. This did irritate me for a while,(on EVERY call!) but as we have become older, I realize one of those phone calls may be the last one….so, I just say, “love you too honey”.

JoeV

May 15th, 2009
11:59 am

Why would someone saying “I love you” irritate you?

Get It Right

May 15th, 2009
12:06 pm

You know what? I think we both got it pretty good. I love her and she loves me. When we fight, it’s about the other one doing too much. Things like cooking supper AND cleaning the kitchen or doing all 5 loads of laundry with no help.

Cranberry

May 15th, 2009
12:09 pm

MadMom, and your 26-yr-old son still lives with you….WHY?

Flip

May 15th, 2009
12:12 pm

40+ years of marriage and I’m now pretty much retired but my wife still works. Therefore I do most of the household chores as in grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, dog to the vet, etc. Here are a few of my pet peeves about my spouse….

1. My wife, for some strange, unknown only to the Lord, cannot take off any kind of shirt or sweatshirt without grabbing the bottom of the shirt and taking it off inside out over her head. I’ve pleaded with her not to do this so I don’t have to turn them correct side out after washing/drying. I beginning to think she believes it would upset the space/time continuum if she would cease this practice.

2. As for driving, the proper time to put on a seat belt is BEFORE (my way) one puts the car in gear to back out of the driveway; not AFTER (her way) when one is already out in traffic. I have expressed to her that my way is far more reasonable and safer.

3. The microphones in mobile phones are quite sensitive. But she seems to think that raising her voice 50 decibels above normal conversational speech is necessary for her to be heard by the person on the other end of the line. When my wife is on the phone I’m sure people across the street, 150 feet away, can hear her even when our doors and windows are shut.

4. It wouldn’t be fair to call my wife a pack rat. She is more akin to being in acquisitions for a major museum. Periodically, unless something has incredible memories I either pitch it or give it away to organizations like Goodwill. MY wife saves everything. In case any reading this think I am exaggerating, she saves ties off of bread loaves, rubber bands from green onion bunches and asparagus, wrapping paper and ribbon from gifts received, ALL cardboard boxes, ALL paper shopping bags. I could go on and on.

Flip

May 15th, 2009
12:20 pm

My bad… above should have read…. “My wife, for some strange reason, known only to the Lord…”

Becky

May 15th, 2009
12:28 pm

Also on my list is that when I ask him a question, it takes him forever to answer…Actually, this isn’t just my peeve, it’s his entire family’s..And one other major one..When I’m going to the grocery store, I’ll ask him if he wants anything special and he’ll say yeah..That is his answer..

Donna Outlaw

May 15th, 2009
12:32 pm

Wow, I see I really am blessed! After two drunken and abusive jerks, I finally got a truly almost perfect one and we’ve been married 8 years as of May 5th. He still tells me Happy Anniversary on the 5th of every month and actually knows how many months while I’m counting them on my fingers…lol! The only fault I have been able to find is he seems unable to spot good parking places but I’m fine with that. We joke about it. We met only as friends and he was one of those people that you connect with instantly and never seem to run out of things to talk about so there was no nervous pauses and we were “just friends”. I had always had mostly guy friends and he was the first one I ever went on to feel something romantic towards and I believe I fell in love with his heart first. He wouldn’t know how to bitch, lie, cheat, etc if you gave him the instruction manual and I can honestly say that now instead of picking the “bad boys”, I totally appreciate predictability! We don’t consider our marriage as 50-50 because to us, that implies score keeping so we call it 100-100. We just click and none of the petty things that always bothered me with my ex’s bother me with him. He actually lowers the toilet seat AND LID and lets me hold the remote! He does any housework that looks like it needs doing because I have a bad back (it got run over by a tractor when I lived in rural Georgia). He’s such an awesome person and he’s my inspiration to try and be a better person because in my menopausal age, I can be a bit hard to handle if someone (like his crazy ex) does something to hurt my family and he doesn’t even see me as hard to handle! I tell him he’s blind…lol Bottom line is we got to know each other as best friends first so we got to know the “true” self of each other as friends do and any little imperfections only make us more interesting to each other. Oh, and I’m 54 and he’s 41! I’m a Cougar! lol When we met, he was 32 and I was 45 and I always joked to other friends after I turned 40 about having a 15 year rule and he just squeaked in…lol

Deep End

May 15th, 2009
12:33 pm

How about boinking another woman! You complaints are so petty..

Donna Outlaw

May 15th, 2009
12:35 pm

And I am a stay-at-home mom/Nana and so glad we do the 100-100 thing because I don’t think I could handle another relationship where one job was one person’s, another job the other’s. I love to finally be able to totally relax in our house with no pressure to be or do anything.

Donna Outlaw

May 15th, 2009
12:36 pm

And I hate clutter so our house is always neat and he helps me keep it that way! I didn’t want anyone to think we live in a pigpen…lol

J

May 15th, 2009
12:45 pm

Mey Pet Peeves of my Woman:

1. Always venting and then finding a way to have me be the cause of her venting .. venting is fine, but not when you’re upset about something somebody else did and then take it out on me

2. Not even giving me a chance to do something around the house … i’m a tidy person but what happens when you’re married to somebody who’s OCD,they don’t take a break and clean everything up every single day, not even giving you 30 minutes to do it yourself and then complaining you never do anything

3. Sex – it’s always at her leisure, need i say more … i have a sex drive, and would like to use it before i turn 50 … oh, and when sex does happen, she won’t even give me time for foreplay or to enjoy it … she’s done in 2 minutes

4. Always worried about our son … I know it’s a mother’s burden, but she will not trust anybody to watch him and has separation anxiety … we hardly do anything together anymore b/c of this, and he’s always there when we go out … i love him to death, but it’s got to stop!

I’m sure there is more, but those are my top few … men really are from Mars, and women really are from venus

Drummer Boy

May 15th, 2009
12:48 pm

I have i think 4 main pet peeves about my wife..here they are:

1. She is the type of woman that ALWAYS wants to be heard…but she hardly ever listens. And this said behavior of hers occurs for just about any situation major or minor.

2. Sometimes my wife acts as if she can’t function or make a major decision without her mother. I know if it was the other way around I’d be labeled a “Momma’s Boy”. They call each other at all times of the night,in between tv shows, during commercials….I think you get my drift…lol

3. My wife is the BIGGEST PROCRASTINATOR I know….I can’t stand that…and she always wonders why she can’t get anything completed…she never completes what she starts…

4. She would be late for her own funeral…I am a very punctual person…she always has to make her DIVA entrance….I could care less…I just like to be on time..

I think I’ve covered what my pet peeves are about my wife…. lol..I sure her pet peeves about me would be similar to some of the other wives on this blog… but this is too funny to me….lol

sweetliz

May 15th, 2009
12:48 pm

Emjay……that is me to a tee. I work in a job that requires me to live in another city for 60 days……because I only wear suits while there when I come home, all of them may stay in the garmet bags for months before I get around to “unpacking”. I do the same for vacation travel, if they are not clothes that I will need right away….they will stay in the luggage forever. I’m glad that I’m not alone.

Honeydew

May 15th, 2009
12:52 pm

reply to JoeV: I was not “irritated” in the normal sense. I felt if its said 10 times a day, is it really sincere or just a way to end a conversation out of habit. Sometimes less is more….but, as I said previously, I am not irrated by it anymore.

ZachsMom

May 15th, 2009
1:06 pm

My husband refuses to THROW ANYTHING AWAY! I think it comes form being a military brat overseas growing up. He reloads the dishwasher (HELLO!!?? but wouldn’t load it the first time) and spends way to much time on the computer.

He would say that I leave clothes in the dryer and wear them as I need them. Put the wooden cutting boards in the dishwasher and always leave the key in the lock for the front door.

After both being divorced for a while, we got into our own “zone” and are still trying to work out the kinks of 2 household together. LOVE him though.

Mara

May 15th, 2009
1:17 pm

I posted my pet peeves now things I love about my husband -

1 – he actually enjoys cleaning and organizing things.

2 – he gave me a kitten for our first Christmas and a rescue cat for our fifth anniversary, even though he’s allergic.

3 – he will embrace me, kiss me, call me his pet name and tell me he loves me…in front of those friends.

4 – he brags to his friends that he married up (personally, I think he’s got it backwards…)

5 – He thinks I’m intelligent AND beautiful.

6 – He still reaches out to hold my hand when we go to sleep.

I could go on an on, but suffice it to say that my husband has many, many more endearing qualities than annoying ones and I’m thankful every day that he loves me and I love him.

JoeV

May 15th, 2009
1:25 pm

Holy crap Drummer Boy, are we married to the same woman?!?!?!?

JoeV

May 15th, 2009
1:26 pm

gotcha Honeydew

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
1:41 pm

This has been a fun read today…especially with so many new folks chiming in….y’all have a great weekend!

J…your wife needs to let go of your son. I love my kids but have never had a problem leaving them to go out to dinner or even a weekend away…I am thinking he is your only?

Mara…number 2 is a biggie…I am allergic and would be ill all the time with cats…how does he do it?

I am all for the spouse who is not working outside at a job doing more inside the house. I am home usually 15 weeks per year as I work double time with traveling the rest of the year.
When I start to take back the house chores, it takes me weeks to get him to take them back when I am working 7 days a week and traveling. I cannot do it all. He would certainly prefer to be married to someone who handles ALL housework but is married to someone who can bring in a nice paycheck and cannot seem to do all housework while traveling out of town….gee what is that about? I cook most every night or pay when we eat out, ( he does the dishes and empties the dishwasher) clean the entire house, work in the flower bed outside, shop for all food and necessities, never spend any money that I did not earn, pay my share of the bills and do the laundry….that seems fair but maybe it isn’t?

This has been a fun read today…especially with so many new folks chiming in….y’all have a great weekend!

Brenda

May 15th, 2009
1:41 pm

He is a great guy. Let me start of with that. BUT….I hate it when he leaves items out of place TEMPORARYLY and never goes back to move them. Our garden hose is still sitting in the driveway for 3 weeks now. It was supposed to be there while he ran inside and got a drink. Whenever I see him leave something out of place and says he’ll move it in a moment, I know that either I’ll have to move it or it becomes a permanent fixture where it lies.

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
1:46 pm

Can’t wait!!!! The hubby and I are doing yard work this evening! :D The house is already clean, yard is getting done tonight…that means we spend the weekend enjoying eachothers funloving, crazy personalities!

Can’t wait, I am so excited.

This has been a great blog to read up on. Thanks for the honesty!

Stacey

May 15th, 2009
1:51 pm

Mara…If I were a man, I would swear I was your husband! :-D My family lives out of state and when we visit it takes us no less than 30 minutes to say goodbye (even after he and my son leave me standing there and go get in the car).

I also tell excruciatingly loooong stories with every detail. I will say your brother called about an hour ago. Did you know (his wife) just bought a new car? It’s the same shade of blue as the dress your mom wore to church Sunday…no, not your mom’s dress but your stepdad’s tie. My coworker wears a scarf to work that is that shade of blue and she got it on her trip to Hawaii where she ate shark for the first time and…. Ten minutes into the story, he will interrupt me to ask if his brother left a message and only then does he find out what he wanted. LOL Funny thing is, my son is exactly like when it comes to story telling and he drives me up the wall because of it!

JJ

May 15th, 2009
1:52 pm

Motherjane – why do YOU pay when you go out to eat? You’ve mentioned that several times…….

Mad's Mom

May 15th, 2009
1:55 pm

Okay, like Mara, I will mention some of the great qualities of my “favorite husband”.

Thank you for the warm towel when I get out of the shower.

Thank you for filling up my gas tank anytime you switch vehicles with me.

Thank you for accepting all of the quirky things about the 38 year old “old maid” when you married me 14 years ago.

Thank you for teaching me how to share, how to argue while keeping my dignity and how to be really happy.

There is so much more but I hate to brag….

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
2:13 pm

JJ because my husband took a BIG pay cut a few years back and I had to pick up the slack. Anything that is not necessary, comes out my “drum up some more business to pay for things” account ( which I have been lucky that it is doing well) . This also includes the vacations we take. I sometimes can make it into a working trip and he gets fussy since I do remind them that are with me on a a business trip and included them for pleasure….is this wrong?

PHR

May 15th, 2009
2:20 pm

motherjanegoose – Closing the pantry door is the easiest thing in the world, I just don’t understand why my husband can’t do it.

Plus, it’s not the cleanest and most organized pantry in the world and I don’t want to look at the mess. It’s either I clean and organize or it just won’t get done. UGH!

Becky

May 15th, 2009
2:22 pm

I’ll give some of his good points also..
He never fusses about any money that I spend.
If I don’t want to cook, no big deal we go out.
He pay for everything when we go anywhere.
He will buy the grandbabies anything they want, even though they
aren’t blood related to him.
If we are out somewhwere and I find soemthing that I want, but I don’t want to pay what they are asking for it, he’ll say to get it anyway.

HB

May 15th, 2009
2:29 pm

Honestly, mjg, it does sound like you harp on about being the primary bread winner. I know many couples where the salaries are not equal (or sometimes one spouse stays home with the kids), and I’ve never heard the spouse with the larger income say he/she is the one paying for vacation/dinner or whatever, and I think the other would find it demeaning if he/she did. I know I would.

JJ

May 15th, 2009
2:42 pm

MJG – Don’t you have joint finances? Or do you guys have separate checking accounts? Actually, it’s none of my business…..I just wondered why you pay when you go out.

Becky – You’ve got a winner!!! Hold on to him.

Ladies, I’ve give just about anything to have a spouse. I am so tired of doing it all alone, you have NO idea. Now that the kid is off to college, I hope I can enter the dating world again and find me a GOOD man!!!! But I know there’s A LOT of frogs out there……..even so, I look forward to going out with them too…….

Becky

May 15th, 2009
2:59 pm

Yeah, for all of the little things that he does “wrong”, he more than makes up for it with all the right things..

JJ, I’ve known him since I was 17 (30 years now) and we’ve been together for 16 as a couple, so yeah, I’m gonna try to keep him..

I’m out of here, off to the mountains for a motorcycle ride, hope that all have a great weekend..

This name has been changed to protect the guilty

May 15th, 2009
3:02 pm

My wife takes FOREVER to tell a story. She provides way too many mundane details that have ZERO impact on the point!!!

She is slow to clean house. but when she does she does a good job at it

I could go for more frequent “1 on 1 time”

She could be a more careful driver, she has twice blown tires and done body damage by hitting curbs.

Me on the other hand
I doubt she has any pet peeves about me. I’m nearly perfect ;)

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
3:06 pm

JJ-
Keep your head up Hun! Strut your stuff in a positive, flattering manner and have a positive self attitude. You’ll find someone!

uconn

May 15th, 2009
3:08 pm

Good Qualities for my BF
1. He is always willing to help out around the house be it cleaning or cooking

2. He lets me be me, I don’t have to pretend I am something I am not
3. He tells me how pretty I am when I just wake up in the morning
4. He will go and buy cupcakes for me if I ask him to
5. He is the best snuggler around

As for the money issue, I have to say that I was married before and it ended mainly because of fights over money and I will NEVER have a joint account again….

JJ

May 15th, 2009
3:26 pm

Thanks Non-Stop. I’m going out tonight with some friends, so maybe, just maybe, I’ll do a trial run. It’s been SSSOOOOOOOOOO long since I’ve gone out. I hope I remember how to act!!!!

JJ - careful what you wish for...

May 15th, 2009
3:45 pm

…you have already “been there and done that” – how’d that work out for you? You seem to be a rather classy lady, so why mess up a good thing – as you know, there are much worse things than being lonely!

And, I agree with whoever “softly” chastised motherjane, she does seem to make TOO big of a deal about making more money than her husband – even if they do keep separate checking accounts, the money the BOTH make is THEIRS EQUALLY, or at least it should be!!!!!!

JJ

May 15th, 2009
3:49 pm

There’s a difference between being alone, and being lonely. I’m not lonely……just tired of being alone and doing everything alone…..I would love a companion, or a “playmate”…….

And it didn’t work out because the first time around, I picked a LOSER!!! My selection process is much more refined now.

Thanks for the classy lady remark. I’d like to think I am classy……you’ve made my weekend!!!

JJ

May 15th, 2009
3:49 pm

Theresa – there’s a topic – where are the good single, 45+ year old men?? Next Friday maybe???? :)

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
3:51 pm

JJ-

Smile and be proud of your accomplishments! Talk, listen and make eye contact. Show a man that you are stable in your own walk, but don’t mind having a hand to hold while you walk.

Also, NEVER eat salad on a fist date! Too messy and you can get stuff stuck in your teeth. :D

non-stop

May 15th, 2009
3:52 pm

Thats FIRST date not fist.

Sorry

Stan

May 15th, 2009
4:02 pm

Yeah I’v always wanted a “playmate” too…but my wife won’t let me get one!

Ba dum dump

Shay

May 15th, 2009
4:11 pm

T this is hysterical and I can’t imagine M narrowing it down to 5….the “too chatty” can’t possibly be true…he knew that going in to this marriage right? If I was writing C’s list (I have not asked him, but this is what I’d put)

1. I want anything that is on to be turned down: volume of TV, radio, computer, him talking on the phone or to me, E screaming anything gets a shhhhhhhhh. I hate it that I do that too.

2. Telling him how to drive. directions or speed of his driving gets a comment. problem solved when you live in NYC and no car.

3. Things not being as clean as he’d like it. Not that I’m dirty or leave dishes…just that if cleaning is going to be done, Mr. Perfection is going to stay 4 hours in the bathroom cleaning. I don’t have time for that….so when he helps clean I just give him a room to stay in and let him clean like mad…I’ll go tackle everything else in the house.

4. the state of my closet and drawers…messy, messy….he has no idea where the running clothes are, socks go, fancy clothes vs. just sit around the house clothes, etc. I don’t have a lot of clothes, just no real rhyme or reason to where I put them.

5. oh and telling him to wake up in the morning … well, whose fault is that Mr. 10:00 AM on a Saturday? Get up!!!

FCM

May 15th, 2009
5:07 pm

@ N& M “Can’t really complain about my husband. He is pretty wonderful. I do find that I have to help him find things he has misplaced. He is doing better about picking up his dirty clothes (which are scattered all over the house). ” Only wash what is in the dirty clothes hamper…I promise the first few times he has no clothes he will get the hint…..Yes, I do this to the children too sort of—I only wash the clothes I know they hate if the hamper and dresser are both empty. My children have been putting their clothes in a hamper for years.

My ex learned the way I described above, and his clothes were cleaned. One time after #1 child was born, he had no socks. I asked if they were in the hamper (the hamper was on top of the dining room table for reason that I no longer remember, but I am sure had to do with me being 2.5 weeks post birthing and doing the house chores and baby chores). He said “no b/c the hamper isn’t where it belongs” I pointed out that he had a better argument if the socks were in the hamper on the table and not done as everything that had been in the hamper was clean, folded and also on the table.

DB

May 15th, 2009
5:41 pm

Re: Money. We don’t ever argue over money – there is no “my” money or “your” money. Whoever has cash pays for lunch or dinner, or the drink from Quik Trip, or whatever. He used to get VERY annoyed when I would forget to note ATM withdrawals, but with everything on line these days, he checks first before paying a bill.

I saw a movie once, where the guy was angry with his wife, and asked, “Why is it that what is mine is OURS, but what is yours is YOURS?” I always remembered that line. I have a separate account at a separate bank, but he’s a co-signer on it, and it’s a “just in case” there are any issues with the joint account.

nurse&mother

May 15th, 2009
5:47 pm

FCM- Actually, he will pick all his clothes by the time he goes into work. If the truth be known, I probably leave a bigger mess around the house than he does (not with my clothes, though).

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I am off to my favorite Japanese restaurant.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 15th, 2009
6:19 pm

I would like to welcome my friend Shay to the blog!! Shay, You’re cracking me up!! I can totally see C. I just read to M while he’s waiting for his plane and he said Yup! that’s C. I’m glad to hear from you!!

HB

May 15th, 2009
7:12 pm

Yours sounds like a good plan, DB. Another I’ve heard of is having a family account, and then two smaller accounts belonging to each spouse. I have friends who did that because they would find themselves arguing over little items — she thought his $4 lattes and eating lunch out instead of brown-bagging were ridiculous expenses, and he thought pedicures were dumb, for example. The separate luxury accounts helped them limit the amount of total money budgeted for frivolous things and then split it equally, allowing each to spend from their account without having to negotiate these items or be subjected to criticism. If one partner chose to spend their entire “allowance” on lattes, that was their business and the other had to keep quiet. They also buy birthday gifts, etc for each other from that account, so the gifts come from each giving up other things they might want to buy rather than from the joint account. Joint splurges like dinner out, date night, or vacations come from the joint account. Overall, a good plan for them that keeps most money as family money, while leaving a little aside that each spouse feels is their own with which to do what they please.

Shay

May 15th, 2009
8:06 pm

So T when you come back up here to visit or for yet another award given to a Giarrusso family member we’ll have to meet back up at one of your old haunts and you and I will go over OUR lists of pet peeves in front of M and C….okay?

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
10:06 pm

My husband, in an entire year, earns more than me. There are weeks that I earn more than him as I work 7 days per week. We have different attitudes about spending and saving and thus separate accounts work better for us. We each contribute to the bills by dividing them between us and then we each have retirement accounts and personal money.

We also have our own credit cards as he has misplaced his
( more than once) and I cannot sleep if I know a credit card is missing ( he can LOL) …guess it is OCD. This could be a plus for him as he will never have to worry about me charging anything on his card and getting a surprise bill!

My husband is a great Dad, super neighbor and hard worker ( at his job).
He grew up in a family that did not save a dime, bounced checks and lived hand to mouth…this is where he came from. I grew up in a family that had money but they were really cheap…isn’t that how it usually is…those who really have money do not look like it?

Anyway, I am thrifty and like to stretch every dollar as far as I can.

motherjanegoose

May 15th, 2009
10:08 pm

OOOPs…he is a hard worker at home too….once we get the switch kicked on, he can really get fired up! Sometimes it is just a slow start.

motherjanegoose

May 17th, 2009
6:45 pm

I have been thinking about what others have said and probably no one even cares but I did want to share this….due to my line of work, I can pretty much drum up business anywhere. It takes a bit of effort but can be done.
For example, we wanted to go to Alaska and so I checked in to see who would hire me….this is in addition to my regular clients here. We went ( and will go again).

My point is that when we are traveling on a business trip that I hussled up ( because we wanted to visit that part of the country) I would love to be appreciated: “wow, this is so great that we got to come to Colorado and see new sights honey….” that could be Boston or Maine or Florida next weekend for my daughter and myself.

When men travel for business, are their wives happy to be able to spend a week by the pool or at the zoo with their family in San Diego or do they just take it for granted? My mother never had a job outside the home and we never took family vacations like out family does.

I have oodles of hotel points and would hope that my family would appreciate the extra mile I go to include them on my trips when I could easily go alone. I also work extra jobs, when I do not have to, to pay for trips we can take as a family….this is in addition to my regular job.

Perhaps this is expecting too much, for my family to offer some appreciation and realize that I am doing this for everyone….pray tell. Is there anyone who would appreciate being invited to take trips all over the country?

DB

May 18th, 2009
12:53 am

MJG: If this has been your work for a while, it’s perfectly possible that yes, your family is taking it a bit for granted — but isn’t that true of any family, with their parents’ jobs? For example, I pretty much took for granted my Dad’s auto dealership — if the car broke, Daddy would fix it — that was one the perks! I really DID miss it, though, when we moved 600 miles away and it wasn’t available any longer!

It’s one of those things they will appreciate more when they are completely on their own and they realize how far out of your way you went to give them opportunities to travel extensively. Meanwhile, at this point, they may just be thinking that having them along on a trip is your treat to yourself, not necessarily to them? If you don’t feel like they are enjoying the trips — don’t take them! At their age, it’s getting to the point where vacations with parents are generally not “cool”, anyway! :-)

My husband has two major conferences he attends each year around the country — we’ll go with him on one of them, the place that’s the most interesting (i.e., San Diego was great, we passed on Cleveland!) We plan a day or two before or after for family activites and touring, and then when he’s in meetings, the kids and I will do stuff he’s not interested in, such as museums or shopping. We’ve enjoyed the extensive traveling opportunities — but yeah, we sorta take it for granted at this point, we’ve been doing it for so long. It’s just what our family does.

DB

May 18th, 2009
9:10 am

MJG: If your husband doesn’t really enjoy traveling, then why not just leave him at home? I can’t quite wrap my brain around the concept of not enjoying seeing new places, but I do know there are some folks who just don’t see the lure of discovering a new city. Sounds like you’ve got great opportunities for mother-daughter bonding, though!

Another thought: Does your husband have any input into the planning of these “family dog” trips? (our family phrase for tagging along). We have to really balance family vacations, to give the guys plenty off chances for off-the-wall active stuff, while giving the girls the time and peace to enjoy a new museum, shopping or craft fair. I generally appreciate at least one or two lazy days of vacation sleeping late, lolling by the pool, picnicing, etc. My husband, on the other hand, is one of those people who, while on vacation, is up at 6:30 am every morning because he doesn’t want to waste a minute of new opportunities, and is hurt and frustrated when the rest of us are groggy, slow and uncommunicative before 9 am. I love his enthusiasm, but I appreciate and love it more after 9 am! Honestly, if your husband’s just not interested or you have radically different vacation styles, you both might be happier if he has the house to himself for a few days, and you aren’t being continually frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm.

And if you ever need a traveling companion to the Lake Como area in Italy, just let me know!

motherjanegoose

May 18th, 2009
10:30 am

I do not need to make all the plans….but planning is not something anyone else here wants to do.

I cannot decide on Friday, that we will be going to Denver on Monday, as I have to book with clients 6-9 months in advance.

I am FINE with them laying by the pool all week but would like it if they would tidy up the condo while I am working, instead of me having to do it. Or, if I have to take the car to get to my work, then there are 2 choices: get up with me and drop me off OR stay at the hotel. Is that too much to ask?
I feel bad leaving my husband home but my daughter and I do have more fun when we do things together as we enjoy such as historical cities etc. He HATES museums and pretty much anything educational.

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