Tape a pacifier to a baby? What are better crying solutions?

I read the saddest story on the front page of ajc.com this morning – a 9-month-old baby boy died after a neonatal nurse who was caring for the boy TAPED A PACIFIER TO HIS MOUTH, authorities said. It was his foster mother in South Carolina.

The Associated Press reports : “Investigators say neonatal nurse Angela Dukes was in her first day caring for the boy on Feb. 8. They say she tried to quiet him but the taped pacifier blocked his breathing and he died that day.”

“State Law Enforcement Division spokeswoman Jennifer Timmons says the 30-year-old Dukes of Columbia was charged Wednesday with felony unlawful conduct toward a child.”

“Officials say Dukes is in the Richland County jail awaiting a bond hearing. It wasn’t immediately clear if she had an attorney.”

“A woman identifying herself as Dukes’ mother said she didn’t want to talk about the arrest.”

Holy cow! My heart is broken!

I know it can be frustrating and hard when a baby cries a lot, but people don’t tape a pacifier to a baby’s mouth! I bet this baby boy was upset and missing his mother. He needed extra patience, extra care and extra love.

My first baby cried all the time. She was very difficult to settle especially in the first few months. We did A LOT of baby wearing in a sling to help calm her. She didn’t like pacifiers or even her own thumb, but she did like to suck on our fingers a lot. The lactation specialist recommended taking her outside during especially fussy times. I can remember putting her in the sling and walking her outside around the house to calm her down at all kinds of hours. That really worked well. It’s supposed to be the change in temperature, noise and just air in general that calms them. They stop crying to notice their new surroundings. (These Wubbanub Plush Pacifiers at left sold on Baby Dagny help babies put their own pacifiers back in their mouths.)

Michael used to do these crazy up and down movements with her in his arms – kind of like calf lifts or knee bends. She seemed to like them. Michael also used to carry the rocking chair downstairs from our bedroom so we can watch TV together, and I could rock her in the dark.

What are some of your best tips to deal with a baby that cries a lot – maybe colicky, maybe tired, maybe just a sensitive baby? Would you/have you taped a pacifier to a baby? (They do make these super neat pacifiers now that I used with Lilina. A stuffed animal is sewn securely to a pacifier so even relatively young babies can get their own passies back in their mouths. Don’t try to make your own! They need to be very secure to be safe!)

58 comments Add your comment

motherjanegoose

May 7th, 2009
6:38 am

Wow…what a heart breaking story.

Clever idea above! I love it when these creative folks can problem solve and come with something marketable. Just remember that two year olds do not need to be walking around with a pacifier in their mouth…this comes from the speech pathologists whom I work with and the orthodontists who will be thrilled to treat your child if you decide the pacifier is more important than your sanity. I have no dog in this fight but just wanted to pass along what I hear while out and speaking at educational venues.

DB

May 7th, 2009
7:15 am

As an infant, one child was cranky and screamed every night from 7 pm to 9 pm — we called it the “witching hour”. I’d just sit in the big black recliner chair and rock him for two hours straight and sing to him — saw a lot of Jeopardy for those few months. Nothing else worked – the minute I’d stop hummming, he’d start whimpering again. At 2-3 in the morning, I can’t tell you how many times the husband and I would plop him in his car seat and drive to an all-night drivein — he’d fall asleep instantly when the car started moving. Sometimes I’d put his “baby bucket” on top of the dryer — the sound and slight vibration seemed to soothe him. The pacifier was only moderately successful.

The second one slept thought the night (midnight to 6 am) started at 5 days old, but she NEVER put up with a pacifier. She was a pretty placid baby, no “witching hour”, etc.

I think it was a combination of baby personalities and parental experience — with the first one, I suspect he picked up a lot of “first time new mom” nerves, combined with some pretty intense perfectionist traits that led to a lot of frustration. But he knocked it out of me, so with the second one, there was a lot more confidence and a lot less frustration.

RJ

May 7th, 2009
8:17 am

My first born cried all through the night for what seemed like forever! I would stay awake rocking her and singing to her. Sometimes I would take her for a ride around the city. That always seemed to work, but eventually she would wake again screaming!!! We just dealt with it. Sometimes she would only sleep in our room. My husband hated it, but I was tired. Once she was about 18 months I insisted that she sleep in her crib. She fought me but I won. I had to endure hours of crying for a couple of weeks, but finally she gave in and went to sleep without fussing anymore.

This story truly breaks my heart.

JJ

May 7th, 2009
8:23 am

They had to put my youngest niece in the car and drive around the neighborhood to quiet her down, almost every night. She was quite the buggar as a baby…..

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 7th, 2009
8:38 am

The co-sleeping does seem to help fussy babies — I am a big believer in it but you have to feel comfortable with it and there are rules for safety when doing it. Plus, you have to be willing to let them still venture in later — Walshie slept with us most of the night last night — but hey it’s his birthday so it was nice to have him close!! I was thinking about co-sleeping with him at Piedmont Hospital. The lactation specialist totally supports it but I got in trouble with the nursing staff. I told them to suck it — we were the happiest couple on the floor — he nursed and slept and I didn’t even have to get up to do anything! He was a very content baby – unlike my first!!

Becky

May 7th, 2009
8:40 am

This story breaks my heart. I don’t recalll ever having any of the babies in my family crying for hours on end..Of course as big as my family is, there was always someone willig to take the baby for a walk, a stroll, play ball, anything to quiet them down..

I could not imagine ever doing something this drastic to a baby..As a nurse, she should of been able to better deal with this situation..

Michelle

May 7th, 2009
8:46 am

What is amazing to me about this story is the woman was a nurse?! I think almost every nurse knows (whether in neonatal care or not) that you don’t tape a pacifier to a baby’s mouth! They cannot clear their nasal passages effectively AND they still have a lot of nasal congestion during that time ESPECIALLY if they are crying! I am amazed at her lack of judgement!

Thank God my little boy was not a difficult baby! I did have to walk away a few times until I could get some sanity, but overall I just tried whatever I could to soothe him.

Stacey

May 7th, 2009
8:51 am

I was blessed that my son rarely cried as a baby. He went through a cry baby stage from 4-6 but he has outgrown it. I had several nieces and nephews who cried constantly and my mother’s advice was to let them cry themselves to sleep. She would make sure they were fed, dry and showing no obvious sign of illness. It was annoying to the rest of the family but it worked.

JATL

May 7th, 2009
9:03 am

I am lucky I’ve had sometimes fussy babies, but no hours on end criers. I know others who have, and there are a variety of things that seem to work. I love the stuffed animal/pacifier combo above! I wish they had been available when my first was baby. The one thing I’ve found that does/did help both of ours comes from “The Happiest Baby on the Block” and it’s wrapping the baby or swaddling him/her and swinging them in your arms while loudly saying “SHHHHHHHHHH” “SHHHHHHHHHH”. This noise mimics a lot of in utero sound and always quieted ours. Sometimes we had to do it for awhile, but they would be quiet and soothed.

This story is SO sad. I can’t believe a neonatal nurse did this. The only thing I can think of is she is used to seeing preemies with tubes and what not taped (WITH SURGICAL SPECIAL TAPE!!!!) to their mouths. I don’t know what kind of tape she used, but this is just horrible.

Jesse's Girl

May 7th, 2009
9:11 am

Better solutions???? How bout’ just NOT doing this???!!! This lady gets the DUMB A$$ award for sure! Its not even like she was at her wit’s end with this child! She had him for a few hours!!!! This is a perfect example of someone that needs to be forced into sterilization…unbelievable.

2 of my children were very dependent on their pacis…..so much so that we had 10 in their beds during the night. I never freaked out about them losing them as newborns….thats part of life with a newborn. While I never threw a party when they woke up…..I always found a sick satisfaction in being the only one that could soothe them and make it ok. But as they grew….I knew that having numerous pacis in their beds would enable them to find one and fall back to sleep. I also employed the family bed….sometimes nothing else worked. Even today….I still get the kids coming into our room after bad dreams or scary noises. I try to roll with it. They won’t be like this for much longer. There will absolutely be a day when I will yearn for these times again…..

sd

May 7th, 2009
9:29 am

My son had acid reflux. I could never lay him down completely. He slept in his car seat which kept him inclined. When he would cry, I’d put him in the car and drive around. I never put him in the bed because he was so tiny that I was afraid I would crush him during the night. So, he slept in his car seat in a crib next to the bed.

I really feel badly for this nurse. She is sitting in a jail right now and probably going out of her mind thinking about what she did. God help her.

JJ

May 7th, 2009
9:33 am

I was very lucky with my child. She slept through the night at 5 weeks. She had a paci, but she tossed it while we were strolling when she was 6 months old, and never took another.

She’s never had any cavities, nor braces. She has the most beautiful teeth, all nice and white and straight. She even has her wisdom teeth in her mouth (not just in the gums), and they do not need to be pulled. I joke with her that’s why she can’t shut her mouth, she has too many teeth!!!!

I was very lucky with her. Maybe someone knew I’d be on my own with her so they gave me a healthy baby!!!! Although she was VERY stubborn as a child (still is).

Now, if we can just get over this sinus infection she currently has.

Robin

May 7th, 2009
10:26 am

Our daughter had acid reflux and was colicky (sp). It was rough, to say the least. We tried everything. We would pass her off to each other – my mom would walk the floor with her for any hour, I would take her for an hour, my husband would take her for an hour. He would sing VERY LOUDLY to her – I think it was just some sort of contest to see who would outlast who – my husband or our baby!

I even took her for a car ride at about 2:00 am in the rain. Hey, you try everything!

But, you do not tape a pacifier in the baby’s mouth. No, no no, no, no.

Get another adult to pass off to, take baby for a ride, turn up the music, walk out of the room for a few minutes. RUb baby’s tummy, pat baby on back, put baby on her tummy on your lap and rub her back. Just keep trying. The baby will eventually grow out of the collickly phase, thank goodness!

Robin

May 7th, 2009
10:28 am

To sd

Our baby could never sleep lying down either. She slept, sitting up, in a stoller, right beside our bed. I could pay her while trying to sleep myself. THe problem with this, is that now (at 4 years), she sleeps with us, and I can’t get her to sleep in her room!

Old School

May 7th, 2009
10:30 am

My sweet grandson was also very, very fussy in the first couple of weeks home. To help his exhausted parents, his grandpop and I would hold him and let him look out the window at traffic rolling by. (we even gave them 24 hours off so they could catch up on much needed rest. Happy parents = happy baby.)He would calm down. Evidently he enjoy the motion and colors. We also encouraged the young parents to continue a normal life with all the noise, lights and activity. Tip-toe just isn’t a very good idea. Afterall prior to birth, babies are surrounded by sound.
Another suggestion: hold babies confidently. They’ll feel a lot more secure and that might help calm any fussiness.

MA

May 7th, 2009
10:32 am

My two slept through the night from day one. I was very lucky. My son never took a pacifier, but, my daughter took a “binkie” until she was 2 1/2. We had a secretary at school joke that when S was in 5th grade she would see her toddle into the office with a “binkie” in one hand, one in the other hand, and one in her mouth. Her teeth are fine and she is a well adjusted 17 year old.

It is a very sad story.

Reluctant

May 7th, 2009
10:35 am

So sad. Both of my girls were very dependent on pacifiers (one had reflux and the other was colicky). I remember joking about taping the pacifier to their mouths, but I had sense enough to know better; and that was when they were very small and still learning to suck on a paci. If a 9 month old is spitting out a paci, then he is wanting/needing something else. He was in a new environment with new people – I’d probably be crying too.

fk

May 7th, 2009
10:37 am

My son had a few pacifiers, but I did not like to use them. I did not want to have a toddler walking around with one in his mouth. As an infant, he had a fussy period, usually late evening. We lived in an apartment then, and the laundry room was just off the kitchen. Sometimes, I’d strap him into the car seat, set the seat atop the washer, and run a load. He liked it. I did not do this a lot, because I felt that he was supposed to fuss. There’s a difference between the “regular” fussy crying and when something is wrong. He loved the baby swing, too. There was never complete silence b/c I wanted him to be able to sleep thru noise. Sometimes, I’d move the bassinet into the dining area and run the dishwasher, or leave the stereo or TV on. He’s 18 now and can sleep thru anything!

sd

May 7th, 2009
10:41 am

Robin,

I may be able to help you with getting your daughter to sleep in her own room.

Although my son never slept with me when he was an infant, at around 2.5 he did. He did that for about a year. Here is how I got him to stop.

I took him to home depot and had him pick a color of paint for his room. (Luckily he picked a nice shade of yellow) Then I put those sticky glow-in-the-dark stars all over his ceiling. Then I let him decide (with a little coaching) how he would like his room arranged.

So now his room was truly his. It worked. Well, that and telling him that Santa didn’t bring gifts to 3 year olds who slept with their dad.

Robin

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Thanks sd,

I will try anything! I think I will try the “Santa doesn’t bring gifts to Pre-K kids who sleep with their parents. She is going to start Pre-K in August, and maybe that will do the trick. I sure hope so, anyway!

vee

May 7th, 2009
11:11 am

When our first child was a few months old he started having “colic” and crying non-stop from about 6 – 9 pm EVERY day. We tried everything from holding him, walking, rocking, patting his back, rubbing his tummy, riding around, running the vaccum, etc. Finally a neighbor found an old baby swing for us. It had a very loud crank and it made a loud clicking noise when it moved. As long as we never let it wind down completely, he slept. If it ever stopped he was screaming again.

Just a thought – this started happening when I returned to work. We always had a miserable dinner hour when he was upset. I think a lot of it had to do with being inexperienced as a parent and not having relatives around for guidance.

Michelle

May 7th, 2009
11:18 am

Robin-my little guy just liked me (and still does) to lay down with him until he is ready to fall asleep. He has a hard time “shutting down.” So, I will lay on his bed and lightly scratch his back and then put my arm around him. Within about 5 minutes, he’s out cold.

I just read this book “Sleepless in America, is your child misbehaving or missing sleep.” It has a lot of good information about how to create a good sleep routine and help your child get comfortable in their surroundings! I would highly recommend it!

Perkle

May 7th, 2009
11:24 am

The woman was a neonatal nurse and she does this?! Do people just not think anymore?
Too bad someone’s stupid mistake cost someone else their life. And a baby at that. Unfortunately insane things like this happen every day all around the world. There is no end to it.

HoeZay

May 7th, 2009
11:24 am

I’d like to solder a metal diaper to the rear end of the nurse who taped a pacifier to the face of a baby.

Dislike4_Sunny

May 7th, 2009
11:29 am

Someone should beat this lady’s a$$. This is crazy. That poor helpless baby. What is going on in today’s world. She had to know that this would kill that baby. For goodness sake she’s a nurse!

Macbeck

May 7th, 2009
11:37 am

Very sad story, she actually thought that it would work being a NEONATAL nurse. I have seen this in the nursery at the hospital when the nurses tape the pacifier to the preemies mouths. But she had to remember that the baby wasn’t a preemie. He was 9 months old. he probably vomit and couldn’t get it up because of the pacifier. It was a very innocent, but bad mistake. Seeing this is what she does at the hospital with preemies, she had to realize the age of the baby and take a different approach. Even though it is too late to correct what she has done, hopefully someone else will learn from this.

Spacey

May 7th, 2009
11:41 am

I’m a long time lurker, but since I have a 6 month old, I’m chiming in!
The swing… Where would I be without that swing? Loved it.

Also, I used to take the soft edge of a blanket and rub it on his face and over his eyes. It would help him close his eyes and fall asleep.

meme's mommy

May 7th, 2009
11:44 am

my daughter was fussy when i first brought her home–i eventually figured out the formula was giving her gas. switched to good start with comfort proteins and voila…quietness. a friend also told me about this stuff called gripe water bc mylicon never worked for us. baby girl is 18mos and it still works when needed!

as far as her paci, she had 3–one for home, car, and babysitter. i got rid of the sitter/daycare and car paci so now we only have one. i wasnt going to replace it when she lost it, but wouldnt you know, nana went and bought a bunch more! now the rule is that she only gets paci when she’s in her room getting ready for night night. in the morning, before i take her out the crib she (rather dramatically, i might add)tosses it down amongst the animals.

Denise

May 7th, 2009
12:35 pm

That so-called nurse is going to hell on a rocket. That’s all.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 7th, 2009
12:52 pm

Hey Spacey — We’re glad you’re lurking but feel feel to join in more often!!

Stacey

May 7th, 2009
12:58 pm

Spacey…Stop lurking and join in whenever you want. I love reading (nearly) everyone’s comments even if I disagree.

sd…I think I noticed your comments for the first time a couple of weeks ago but you often make me chuckle. The Santa trick sounds like something my husband would say. :D

Robin…My son slept with us until he started school then suddenly he just decided he was a big boy and needed to sleep in his own room. I had been trying to coax him to do that anyway but my husband (the worried mother hen in our household) didn’t want to force him out. By the time he started room Daddy was happy to see him go because he sleeps so wild and it wasn’t unusual for my husband to get up in the middle of the night and move to son’s room after being kicked in the nose! LOL He still sleeps with one of if he isn’t feeling well or if it’s storming. One those nights the last one to go to bed (usually Hubby) sleeps in his bed.

FCM

May 7th, 2009
1:00 pm

Theresa, that is my problem with co-sleeping….Once they get there they never leave!!!!! Mine are older than Walsh and both show up at least once a week.

I was the one walking the boards all the time….I learned that as long as they were crying but there was no ‘need’ (wet, bottle, etc) that I got a good bit of talk to God time by sitting in a rocker (with the baby) and letting the cry become ‘white noise’. I would concentrate on something other than the crying and just zone out…usually with a prayer that started “God, this baby will not stop crying and it drives me crazy. You are the ultimate Parent and deal so well with our ‘cries’ so please give me stregthen to do the same.

Another was to repeat either of these as I rocked the baby:

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philp 4:13)
“This too shall pass”

JJ

May 7th, 2009
1:09 pm

Yea, my 18 year old still crawls in bed with me, and I love it!!!!

Did anyone read about the “girl” who killed the 5 people on Easter in the auto accident? She has been bonded out for $150,000 and so has her mother. I don’t think she should have been let out of jail. She should sit in there thinking every single day about the lives she ruined, including her own. She should NOT be allowed to go home with her family while others are mourning the loss of their family members.

nurse&mother

May 7th, 2009
1:17 pm

One of the saddest parts of this story is that the foster mom is a neonatal nurse! How sad. This poor baby was missing his family. How uncompassionate. Could this woman not find some other way to try to soothe him. If she were at her wit’s end, could she not have called DFACS back and told them of the situation??

So many possible solutions to this situation.

I myself, have a child who has had some difficult moments since infancy. Luckily he was baby #2 and my husband and I were a little bit older (so much more patient). We certainly had some trying moments. Many times we got creative, and other times we let him cry for a while. And still other times we would take turns so the other could mentally regroup. While it can be challenging dealing with an upset baby, there are so many options.

Tig

May 7th, 2009
1:34 pm

My daughter never cared for a pacifier, but she used to love to take naps in her swing so that she could still be near people. I also never tiptoed around when she was sleeping, I would still do the normal vacuuming and other around-the-home duties while she was sleeping in her room. She’s 4 now and can sleep through anything, lol!

Lori

May 7th, 2009
2:11 pm

My son cried all the time. He had one vice though. The wind-up swing. He loved it. He also liked classical music, piano specifically. We’d let him hear the music and swing. Bed time would be challenging as well, because he was addicted to the pacifier. He’d keep losing it in the covers or it’d fall out of his bed between the bars. My solution – buy lots of pacifiers. I’d put at least 3 of them in his bed with him at night. Once he was old enough to stand up in his crib, I’d also put on on top of the dresser next to the bed. If he couldn’t find the others, he’d stand up and get that one and go back to sleep. Babies need to learn self comforting and anything we can do to help them is good. I also loved the little Fisher Price fish tank that hangs on the crib. Babies can just kick it and it bubbles and plays very soothing music. Put my son right back to sleep.

This story is just so sad. This woman was a nurse too. A nine month old probably should know how to self-comfort, but being in a foster home was probably a real shock to him. He needed extra love and attention during that time. A few all-nighters never hurt anyone. If this lady wasn’t up for that, then clearly she should never has chosen to foster a child. What this woman did was just horrible. I can’t even being to imagine how people can do such things to children.

Cammi317

May 7th, 2009
2:41 pm

In general I am not a death penalty advocate, but every once in a while I think someone does something worthy….this is one of those cases. As far as I am concerned, they should bring back the guillotine on this one…off with her head!

KoolAid House

May 7th, 2009
2:54 pm

Haven’t read all these posts, but taping a pacifier to a baby’s mouth is INSANE at best. Not only that, that baby had no business still sucking on a pacifier. I don’t believe in them, and my child didn’t use one. I only had one 24 hr screaming knockdown (colic) that left me exhausted and cranky. Nonetheless, my job is to make the baby as comfortable as I possibly can despite my discomfort. I think this last part a lot of people get twisted.

uconn

May 7th, 2009
2:55 pm

I too am a lurker who reads this blog everyday but I don’t say anything. Anyway, I don’t have kids, so I would like to know what the big advantage is to co-sleeping? I have seen this with my friends/relatives and everyone I talk to say that they wish they had never started it… Thoughts?

Also On topic… Tape this woman’s mouth shut with duct tape and pinch her nostrils closed… Some people just don’t get it

nurse&mother

May 7th, 2009
3:04 pm

KoolAidHouse- it’s one thing if the child likes the paci. Quite another if he/she doesn’t. I had one child who loved it and another who didn’t. It can be a wonderful self-soothe device. Once again nothing wrong about a 9mo old using one IF HE WANTS IT. I think it is a good idea to wean a child from it around one year or so. jmho.

Uconn- I co-slept with both of my children. It is wonderful for the nursing mother and baby. once again, imho. The drawback is getting the child back to the bed later. Worked better for us the second time around. I personally loved it and wouldn’t change a thing. Some folks don’t want the little one in their bed. We would move the little ones out when we wanted OUR time together. If you are interested, you should check Dr. James McKenna’s books on co-sleeping. He has done loads of sleep studies on co-sleeping. His research is quite extensive! I heard him speak 2 years ago. It was very complelling.

Cammi317

May 7th, 2009
3:10 pm

My daughter would not take a pacifier after about a week old. As a nursing mother, I also found it was easier to do the co-sleeping. There were drawbacks, such as she was 2 1/2 before she would sleep through the night in her room alone. All in all it was a positive experience. Although, she is 11 now and will still try to sleep in my room on occasion.

JJ

May 7th, 2009
3:31 pm

Cammi – I think ANYONE who harms/kills/abuses a child should get the death penalty.

sd

May 7th, 2009
3:46 pm

Some of you make some assumptions about this incident involving this woman. Since a life is lost, obviously mistakes were made, however, I wouldn’t be so quick to make judgements.

On the subject of “co-sleeping”, it should be noted that the American Association of Pediatrics discourages the practice.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/cosleeping.html

JJ

May 7th, 2009
3:56 pm

I have a friend who did the “co”sleep with her son. She was a single parent, and kept him in the bed with her for years. When he was about 10 years old, he went to spend the night with a friend from school. He could not sleep, and ended up waking the friends’ mom up at 2:00 in the morning. He asked if she would drive him home since he couldn’t sleep without his mom. He was 10 years old!!!

linny ,,,=^..^=,,,

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

ah me… co-sleeping is what it’s called now? when i was growing up, we would occasionally run and jump into mom and dad’s bed, depending on circumstances — waking up with a nightmare perhaps, or on special sunday mornings … and sometimes, because daddy traveled extensively (i was the oldest) momma would let me crawl in the bed with her, just ‘cuz we both missed him. i think it depends on the baby — some will grow to depend on ANYTHING they’re allowed to have consistently, others will become independent and “self-sufficient” earlier and easier — generalizations aren’t usually universal, really, are they?

my first child was a dream child, no problems, by 2 he even put away his own toys — my second had colic for 5 straight months, and it wasn’t just from 7pm to 9pm or whatever, it was while he was awake. and he’d only sleep in small snatches between screams and sobs. hard to deal with, but we survived (the car seat on the dryer or the ride in the volkswagen worked to a great degree, but had to end at some point…) my third was Mister Independent from early on.

just sayin’

KoolAid House

May 7th, 2009
4:25 pm

I too used the co-sleeping method as my way of getting sleep and not being tired at work. My then husband NEVER got up when the baby cried so when she cried in the wee hours of the morning, I placed her in the bed w/us and immediately she went to sleep and I continued to catch my own personal zzzzzzzzzz’s!

You’re right, some babies like the pacifier and some don’t. And yes, it’s a great self-soothe device. All I’m saying is I opted to not give my daughter a chance to like it or dislike it. She wasn’t too much of a fussy baby. Now, had she been, my story might be different.

Nadia

May 7th, 2009
4:55 pm

Re: Safe cosleeping, AAP saying don’t do it
For the opposite side of the story, read this:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp

We have a family bed. I am all for it. Why would you expect a tiny, little baby to go from 9 months of perfect comfort in the womb to the loud outside world and not be jarred by the difference? Of course a baby should sleep next to its mother. (I find it funny when people who are anti-cosleeping make comments about hating it when their spouse is out of town, and they do not like sleeping alone. Go figure. But a baby should sleep alone?)

There are so many ways to soothe a crying baby. One of mine did take a paci. There is nothing wrong with a 9 mth old taking a pacifier. Babies cannot tell us exactly what they need, and sucking provides a comfort to them. I soothed my babies by nursing them. It was the easiest way to quickly soothe an upset baby. Obviously, the foster mother did not have that option. Some babies just want to be held. Get a baby carrier (sling, wrap, whatever) and hold the baby. You just try different things until you figure out what works.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 7th, 2009
6:03 pm

REall good article Nadia — great one to share on co-sleeping!! it may not be for every family but it has worked for ours. I did breastfeed all of mine and I think it made life much easier. I did have the Arms Reach co-sleeper with all three of mine and I loved it and highly recommend it!! Although, the baby did often end up the bed with after nursing — we would just does off together while the baby nursed. There can be downsides — I think mine nursed more often because the milk source was so close and they could smell it. So with my last one, she did sleep more often in her crib for the first part of the night but I would move her in with us when she nursed and she stayed on. But you do NEED to read Dr. Sears rules to do it safely!!!!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

May 7th, 2009
6:32 pm

There all kind of typos in that entry – so sorry!!

Jean

May 7th, 2009
7:29 pm

If that nurse did this to one child, I wonder what she’s done to the babies she took care of at the hospital. Maybe a check of her history would be in order. My heart hurts for that poor baby.

I had three kids in four years, and happily none of them were long term criers. They didn’t take pacifiers, either, though my middle one would hold on to the hem of her shirt or dress and suck her thumb. You learn to deal with it. I watched a lot of 3am MTV in those days.

As to colic, when my oldest was born an old lady I knew told me of a fool proof remedy: take a drop of olive oil on your finger and rub it gently around the baby’s navel in a counter-clockwise direction. This will soothe the baby. She swore by it. Does it work? I don’t know. My kids never had colic.

Kathy

May 7th, 2009
10:56 pm

Okay….I know I will get vilified by all of you who believe in the co-sleeping/family bed with my comments, but I just have to chime in. We read The Baby Whisperer books and one of her main philosophies is “Start as you mean to go.” In other words, if you don’t want your child in the bed with you in the future, don’t ever start it. How do any of you actually sleep or have “quality time” with your hubbies?!? And what about when the alarm goes off early in the morning? Do your kids get up too?!? When Little E was a newborn she made so many little noises when she slept that I could not have her in the same room with me when I was trying to sleep. I was constantly listening to those noises and I would not sleep. We tried putting her in a pack & play in our room when we brought her home, but on day 3 we started putting her in her own bed and she has been there ever since. If she gets up in the night (which rarely happens), I go lay with her until she goes back to sleep and then I go get back in my own fabulous Sleep Number Bed. Sorry girls….I just don’t get the family bed thing. Little E and I are together playing all day long…I just don’t want or need her in our bed. Momma needs her sleep!

nurse&mother

May 8th, 2009
1:17 am

SD I encourage you to do a little research before you automatically side with the AAP. You can’t always judge a book by its cover. Did you know that the panel is made up of only about 5-6 people? It sure sounds like a lot more by the sound of the name. I think the main reason that the AAP discourages co-sleeping is because it lumps some risky co-sleeping practices with safe ones. For example, persons who are obese, smoke or are intoxicated are not recommended to co-sleep with their infants. Also, it is not recommended that parents sleep in anything other than a bed. Erroneously, these risky sleep practices have been included (and make up the majority) in the statistics regarding deaths associated with co-sleeping.

You really should check out Dr. James McKenna’s research. He really is a very educated man who has poured YEARS into his research on the subject.

nurse&mother

May 8th, 2009
1:31 am

Kathy, you are certainly welcome to your opinions, but infants are not born to be able to sleep through the night. They actually need to be waking up somewhat frequently. This is mother nature’s way of helping to prevent SIDS. When babies are in a much deeper sleep (bottle feeding also helps to facilitate a deeper sleep), their risks of SIDS increases. When babies sleep lighter, they are better able to arouse themselves if they were to become asphyxiated or entraped in bedding etc.

As for time with the hubby, we just moved the little guy into his crib temporarily. There ARE other places to get intimate besides the bed, you know.

Anyway, long story short, you guys are all entitled to your opinions regarding co-sleeping. I am merely suggesting that you look at the research before you dog those of us who prefer co-sleeping. You may be surprised at what you learn. I attended Dr. McKenna’s conference 2 years ago and was amazed at his scientific research. BTW, it was a medical conference.

Good night all!

uconn

May 8th, 2009
9:28 am

Kathy –
Thanks for your thoughts.. Like I said i don’t have kids yet, but as of right now I am in the same opinion as you, they (kids) need to do what they will always do… :)

Penguinmom

May 8th, 2009
12:19 pm

One thing that struck me in this story is that this was a Neo-Natal Nurse! How could she not know that taping a pacifier in was a Bad idea?!?

A continuously crying baby can be incredibly frustrating. That is why parents of newborns need additional support from those around them so that they have the opportunity to possibly get a short break.

My sister used to set the baby carrier on top of the washer. The vibrations seemed to sooth her son.

sd

May 8th, 2009
12:35 pm

“SD I encourage you to do a little research before you automatically side with the AAP.”

I don’t actually have an opinion on it. Just thought I would post theirs for discussion.

IN my case, I didn’t want my son in the bed because he was so tiny and I toss and turn A LOT during the night. I have been known to wake up flinging my arms at nothing even.

Nadia

May 8th, 2009
4:25 pm

Maybe we need an entire topic devoted to cosleeping…

Cosleeping is not for everyone. If you are a light sleeper and all the little baby noises will wake you up, then, you will not get quality sleep with a baby in the bed. I was the opposite. I slept much better with my baby next to me. We bought a crib and ended up not setting it up for any of the kids.

As for “quality time”, if you are talking about sex, it did not affect our sex life at all. We had more than one bed (and floor and couch and futon). If you are talking about hanging out with my spouse, our bed was never a place where we had conversations. We sleep or have sex in our bed (and I read in bed).

Nicole

May 12th, 2009
6:30 pm

I cannot believe that ANYONE would even consider taping a pacifier to a baby’s mouth!My daughter is ridiculously attached to her pacifier. It is a nice option to have for soothing her in those times of need, but there were nights when she was conjested and her insistance on having that pacifier caused me to worry about her getting air. She also will only take MAM pacifiers. I have found some really cute ones in this brand such as pink Rock and Roll ones. I plan to use the “Binky Fairy” method as shown on the TV supernanny when it comes time to get rid of the pacifier. It works similar to the tooth fairy idea. The child willinging gives up their pacifier to the “binky fairy” who takes the pacifer to another child who needs it more. The next morning when the child wakes up, the pacifer is gone from the fairy’s basket, but a present is in its place. I hope this method works when the time comes!