How do you celebrate Mother’s Day — with kids or without?
One of our regular contributors sent me a bunch of ideas for topics last week and one was about Mother’s Day, which is rapidly approaching. (It’s not this Sunday but the next Sunday.)
She wrote: “I’ve always been fascinated by the irony that some moms’ idea of the perfect mother’s day is spent AWAY from their children! And do moms “retaliate” at Father’s Day if the Mother’s Day wasn’t up to expectations?”
My current quandary is do you celebrate your mom on Mother’s Day or yourself or both?
Do you like to stay at home for a special meal? Sleep in (it’s on Sunday though so many might have church)? Go out to lunch? Do you honor your mother or spend time with your own family?
Do you retaliate if the celebration’s wasn’t up to snuff? Do you think moms or dads do a better job putting on a celebration for the other?
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77 comments Add your comment
Fred
April 29th, 2009
7:21 am
I bought my wife’s Mothers day gifts last night. 3 pairs of earrings, one from me and one each “from” our two daughters. Mothers day will be spent with family. mothers day brunch at church for daughters, mom, and grandmother. then a family movie, at home or at theatre depending on what is playing and then a family dinner, something from the grill and eaten on the patio. Maybe a few small other “gifts” during the day. My daughters tend to do coupons such as one day of dishes, laundry etc.(6 and 7 yr olds)
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
7:48 am
My husband and kids are generally awesome about Mother’s Day. Our Mothers are not alive, so we spend it together with our own family. We go to church together and then lunch. My sister usually comes out because she tells me that I am like a Mother to her…I am 13 years older.
I would be miffed if no one did a thing for me but my husband is VERY good about getting the kids on board for things like my birthday and Mother’s Day. He really makes an effort ( I did drop a hint to our son on Easter to please remember to take that weekend off and come home…remind his Dad).
We all try to plan something fun for Dad too! We almost always eat out at a steak restaurant.
I MAY take my 50th birthday to myself this year, as the past few years have been crazy. One year, my son was home and I almost backed into his car ( in or driveway) and our mirrors were locked…..totally a stupid thing on my part but I was not thinking of his car being out there as he lives away from home! I had gotten in the night before at midnight from a meeting!
FYI…my husband did not have a 40th birthday party for me and so I followed his lead when he turned 40 the year after me. He asked about a party and I said that since I did not have one, then he would not either. He suggested that I could plan one for both of us….HUH? Is this retaliation??
RJ
April 29th, 2009
8:06 am
For me Mother’s Day is still about me honoring my mom. Of course we also honor my husband’s mom as well. As my kids get older, I really miss the handmade gifts from school. Those always brighten my day! I like to celebrate with my kids and hubby. Dinner at home and a day without the kids fighting is the perfect Mother’s Day! Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve had one yet lol!
JJ
April 29th, 2009
8:08 am
Momma Jane – I’m celebrating my 50th this year too, next month. A bunch of my girlfriends are taking me white water rafting in NC and spending the night somewhere. I can’t wait.
Mother’s Day is just another Sunday in my world. My mom never wanted a fuss, neither do I. I certainly don’t need anything. I know my daughter loves me, she tells me several times a day. I tell my mom I love her every time I talk to her.
I usually take fresh flowers to my mom, but we don’t go out. Last year, we didn’t do anything. My daughter and I each mailed her a card and she was happy with that. Again, we are a simple people……
Photius
April 29th, 2009
8:18 am
Mother’s Day is an invented holiday created by the card and floral industry to pump their sales. It’s a BS holiday in our family, led by the women. Every mother in my family just wants a card, nothing more, with an insistance on not falling prey to being a pawn to a self serving false holiday created by business.
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
8:27 am
Photius….if it works for you fine! I am not about fancy presents but usually a pot of flowers, wind chime or bird feeder is appreciated. My kids are very sweet about making the day special for me. I do not think it is BS to want to let someone know that you appreciate them. I send cards to other women, who ( is that who or whom) I appreciate, on Mother’s Day. I do miss the little home made gifts that my kids gave me when they were little…they were so proud!
Becky
April 29th, 2009
9:13 am
To those that have their Mothers still with them, just enjoy every moment with them that you can..
Even if you think that this is a scam by the card and floral industry, you should always let your Mom know exactly how wonderful she is..as for women wanting to spend this day without their kids, whats the point? Without them, you don’t need to celebrate..
So in case this subject doesn’t come up again..HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of the great Moms out there..
Jesse's Girl
April 29th, 2009
9:19 am
Retaliate??? How bout’…no! Kind of a juvenile notion of you ask me. If you “get back” at your spouse on Father’s Day because your Mother’s Day wasn’t up to snuff…..I think you have bigger issues to focus on:) I am going on a girl’s weekend in a couple of days. I didn’t plan on it being a Mother’s Day thing….but it works for me. I think the day should be about honoring the mom in your life in whatever way suits her the most. Time alone….flowers…mani-pedis…date night…what have you. I am not a big calendar holiday observer anyway. I think b-days, anniversaries and your religious celebrations should be made the biggest deal of.
Michelle
April 29th, 2009
9:23 am
When I still lived near home, the whole family would get together for mothers day and fathers day…and every other holiday and birthday! Now that we live down here, we don’t really do much. Usually lunch out and that’s about it. Since we are in a money crunch, I have been telling my husband to really not do anything, but he does what he wants anyway and then expects the same in return!
Justmy2cents
April 29th, 2009
10:05 am
I have to agree with Photius. Toss Valentine’s Day in there too! I don’t want a card, they get thrown away; no flowers- they die under my black thumb; candy- just makes you fat. You shouldn’t have to be reminded/ordered to honor your mother on a certain day of the year (same with Dads). It should be a year round thing. I’m probably in the minority on this, but I just think these made up holidays are ridiculous.
Greg
April 29th, 2009
10:19 am
One year the card I sent to my mother arrived late. They weren’t home when I called on Mother’s Day and left a message on the machine. My mother wouldn’t speak to me for a few days until the card finally showed up. Another time the card for my father’s 60th birthday was late, and my mother called me and got upset because I “forgot his birthday.” Ironically, the card from my kids did show up on time, and I mailed both of them the same day. So I have to mail any Mother/Father’s Day and birthday card at least a week early to ensure they show up on time.
Fortunately, my wife is much more relaxed about it all. She prefers the kids to make their own cards and/or gifts. We don’t bother to get each other cards to support a card company made-up holiday.
Becky
April 29th, 2009
10:42 am
Amen Jesses Girl..
Joyce
April 29th, 2009
12:08 pm
We just do a card or a small gift with family, if my husband remembers! He’s a great guy, but his brain doesn’t work when it comes to dates. His mother passed away several years ago, and mine lives out of state, so it’s just the 3 of us. I usually send my mom and my sisters in law (all out of state) a card. As for retaliation, I’m with Jesse’s Girl. That sounds *really* juvenile to me.
Jesse's Girl
April 29th, 2009
12:13 pm
Its normal and completely understandable to get your feelings hurt when a loved one doesn’t make an appropriate “to-do” about a day meant for you…..but acting in the way MJG said she did regarding her and her hubby’s birthday parties…is silly. Jesse actually FORGOT my 30th! Was I upset and hurt? Hell yes. But I didn’t “retaliate”. As a matter of fact, if he wants to forget the next 30-something b-day….go for it hun! I just remembered all the “sorry gifts” I got out of that!:)
xavier&jaydens mom
April 29th, 2009
12:56 pm
My husband’s birthday happens to fall on Mother’s day this year, so I’m not sure how we are going to handle that…any suggestions?
I use to get excited about Mother’s Day-especially when I became a mother. However, My first Mother’s Day was such a disappointment, my husband did not acknowledge me on Mother’s Day and when asked about it, he stated ” You are not my mother.” I was so hurt that I did not speak to him for the rest of the day. I have 4 children ages 6-25 and 3 grand children! Unless I constantly remind them of the upcoming event, they day generally goes by unnoticed. I use to feel taken for granted because I did not get any acknowledgement, especially from the older kids. I asked my step daughter about why she never acknowledged me, and she has the same attitude as her father “You are not my mother”, well I am “granny” when you need something for the kids or a baby sitter, but I can’t get a simple card? or phone call to say Happy Mother’s Day! Well, to remedy that situation, I no longer watch her kids, if she needs a baby sitter or anything, she has to call her father, and see if he’s available or has what she needs , and if he’s not, then they can’t come over, and if he doesn’t have what she needs or can’t get it to her, then they just have to do without. If he is available to watch the kids, I make it a point to go out with my girlfriends or something and return when I think the children should be asleep. To some of you this may seem petty, but being a mom is one of, if not, the hardest, most important job you will ever have, I take pride in taking care of my family and find it very discouraging when no one recognizes all that I do!!
JJ
April 29th, 2009
1:25 pm
xavier&jaydens mom – I normally enjoy your posts, but this one is over the top……I’m sorry, but your post sounded VERY selfish. Way to keep the family happy!!! Very grown up. You are doing more damage to the “family” with this attitude. Now his kids won’t want to come over at all. I’ve seen this happen too many times and it’s very sad.
This is one example of why a lot of kids don’t like their step parents. You are basically refusing to be a part of the family because they didn’t send you something or acknowledge you…….
I cannot believe the people who EXPECT to be recognized and get mad if they aren’t. What a sad life……..
Justmy2cents
April 29th, 2009
1:30 pm
Ok..my comments from earlier did not post. I agree it is a made-up holiday, much like Valentine’s Day. You should not have to be reminded to appreciate your mother by card/flower/candy industries. I also agree that even if I am the mother of your children…you don’t have to buy me a card- I am not my husband’s mother. It’s just another day at our house, and that suits me just fine. I also tell my husband not to buy me gifts for my birthday or Christmas- I’d rather save the money for our next vacation! However, it does appear some folks get their panties in a huge wad over this. Yikes, I feel bad for their spouses!
Jesse's Girl
April 29th, 2009
1:31 pm
Wow….not sure exactly what to say to you xavier&jaydensmom. Sounds like something a very young trophy wife would do. Way to show her who’s boss….
Whatever happened to doing the right thing just because…gasp…its the right thing? Whatever happened to being the adult?
JATL
April 29th, 2009
1:35 pm
This will definitely become a VENT for me -so you’re forewarned! I do expect a card and something “from” the kids -they’re so little my husband has to help. I love the personalized jewelry that’s out now and not horribly expensive with your kid’s photos or initials on charms, necklaces, etc. What I REALLY want this year is a plate or something I can hang or frame with both of my boy’s hand and footprints on it. Not sure if my husband will be able to get it together to go to a paint your own pottery place with them or not, but that’s all I want!
SO -to the vent. Birthdays and holidays are a HUGE deal to my mother. That can be really nice, or it can be a REAL drag! I’m talking about being chewed out for missing her 52nd birthday when I was in my late 20s and it fell during Jazz Fest -and I was going to be in NOLA. I’m talking about getting reamed for leaving a family reunion at 4:00 PM on Mother’s Day one year after being there all day because she didn’t feel like her mother’s day had been special, and I had NOTHING to do with planning the stupid reunion that day but I did have a mountain of papers to grade that evening (and the list goes on). Now I’m a mother, and I’m never going to get to do anything I remotely want to do for Mother’s Day. Of course I feel horribly guilty saying that because I realize if nature takes it’s course, one day my mom won’t be here, but we see each other ALL THE TIME -I mean weekly -so would it be too terrible if I got the day I wanted? My husband’s mother is in town, and she would love it if he took our kids and spent the day with her. I would love it if I got to go to brunch WITHOUT kids and then to a spa for a massage, facial and pedicure.
Yes, I would love to spend Mother’s Day ON MY OWN. I need alone time, and I rarely get it. Because my two children (who I love and adore completely) are so small, they’re not a real joy to take to restaurants. I am at home with them, so I see them all day every day for the most part, and we do tons of stuff together, and it’s great -but I would love to make Mother’s Day my own -at least until they’re older. Barring that, I would love to just go on a hike and a picnic with my husband and boys, but, yep, you guessed it -Mother and Mother-in-law aren’t going anywhere NEAR that idea! They (I do have to include my MIL on this one) both act like the world would end if we’re not all together for the day. I don’t know what would happen if we, GASP, lived 1000 miles away.
I really don’t mean to sound awful about my mom. She’s a wonderful person who is great to me and has helped me tremendously, but I wish she would ease off on all the holidays and stuff. I’m TIRED and we’ve already had the big Easter thing I didn’t want to deal with here in the past month. This is the funny thing though -when it comes to Father’s Day -she goes ahead and tells me and my husband not to worry about anything -if we want to come over that’s fine, but she understands that it’s my husband’s day too, so not to feel obligated about my dad! I know he does feel that way, but I love the way she just speaks for him and tells us it’s fine to disregard his day in favor of my husband (his dad is far away).
SO -that’s my vent -know it sounds kind of mean, but GEEZ I’m sick of it! They never want to go out to eat either -they want to come HERE, so that’s ANOTHER event to cook and clean for, but this year I’m making reservations at a place we all like for brunch. I’m at least getting that much out of it!
As far as retaliation -no -unless my husband didn’t think of me at all. If he got me no card and didn’t help the kids draw something or whatever, I would in turn ignore Father’s Day.
xavier&jaydens mom
April 29th, 2009
1:40 pm
JJ- I’ve been a part of their lives for over 12 years, and have loved them like my own! You are damn right I expect some recognition, and not just when its convenient for them! I did not say that they could not come over, and if I did, that’s not what I meant. I meant, in the event, that she and her husband want to go out or have some alone time, she has to make sure that my husband is going to be there to watch the kids!! I am not refusing to be a part of the family, I am refusing to be used by the family! So as sad as you may feel it is, It’s my choice and I’m sticking with it. I have been more of a mother to these children than their own mother, and to not get a simple thank you, is a slap in the face.
At this point in my life, I don’t care if they like me or not!! If nothing that I’ve done for them so far as warranted them “liking me” then nothing will and having to cancel a few dates with each other is not going to change that, it just means they never liked me to begin with.
JATL
April 29th, 2009
1:43 pm
Xavierandjayden’smom -I don’t blame you. I would be ticked off too if my husband didn’t acknowledge me or remind the kids (at least the minors) about it. As far as your stepdaughter -I don’t think you’re being mean at all. Sounds like she wants to use you as a mother when it’s convenient for her, but she doesn’t want to put any effort into doing anything a child would normally do for her mother. If she were a child or much younger, my take on this would be different, but if she’s old enough to have her own kids -well -the comment about you not being her mother was uncalled for and then expecting you to be her babysitter is ridiculous!
Miss my Mom
April 29th, 2009
1:45 pm
This Mother’s Day will be bittersweet – on the positive side our son is graduating from college that weekend and that’s the best gift ever! On the sad side – my Mom passed away last August and I miss her everyday. Last Mother’s Day weekend she really wasn’t aware what day it was and on that Monday we moved her into a nursing home.
Make sure that everyone of you who’s Mom is still with you takes time to tell her how much you love her and are thankful for all that she did for you. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but tell her.
Jesse's Girl
April 29th, 2009
1:46 pm
JATL….girl, you need a break! Come to the mountains with me and my friends. Bibles, booze and boats….can’t go wrong. Well actually it can and probaby will!!!
la
April 29th, 2009
1:52 pm
I would love to have a mother’s day all by myself. I want to wake up on my own and no one poking me in the shoulder. I want to eat breakfast without someone asking for some off my plate. I want to lay on the couch, enjoy all of my house and the tv without someone asking me what am I doing. Since it is my day, I really want to enjoy it the way I really want to enjoy it. I love my hubby and kids. However, I believe that I can take this one day and really do as I please.
la
April 29th, 2009
1:58 pm
@ xavier&jaydens mom…. we are all only human and our families are a dynamic of relationships. if you don’t feel appreciated and loved, then i can understand your attidude against your step daughter. right or wrong, i can understand. no one wants to be taken advantage of.
JJ
April 29th, 2009
1:58 pm
xavier&jaydens mom – I feel sorry for your kids. Apparently your love comes at a very high price.
HB
April 29th, 2009
2:49 pm
Wow. First, xavier&jaydens mom, you say you loved them as your own, but that doesn’t mean that your stepkids loved you as their own mom, and you can’t force them to feel that way. Certainly, it’s understandable to feel hurt if in general they treat you badly, but I don’t think you should try to dictate how and on what day they should show their appreciation for you. And sure, it’s fine to decide not to babysit or leave those matters to your husband, but are you really doing it just because she doesn’t celebrate you on Mother’s Day?! If so, that’s just petty. I’ve known several stepmoms who for Mother’s Day make a point of helping their stepkids make plans or buy/create gifts for their moms, much like dads usually do. It lets the kids know that the stepmother wants to be part of the family, but also that she is not trying to replace Mom and doesn’t expect the kids to treat her exactly as they would Mom.
I think it’s odd to want to have Mother’s Day away from the kids. It seems to me that big part of the day it is teaching the kids that it’s important to appreciate and celebrate Mom. If time away is needed, I think it would be a wonderful idea for Dad to help the kids make cards/gifts and special plans for the day, and give Mom a gift of promised time away at a later date — a spa day while while kids spend the day with Dad, a romantic dinner out later in the week leaving kids with the sitter, whatever. Why does it have to be on the holiday?
sd
April 29th, 2009
2:53 pm
As a man, Mother’s day is pressure. No matter what, if things go poorly for the wife, its my fault. It gives me anxiety just to think about it. I’ll probably ask her what she wants to do, and she won’t tell me. She’ll expect me to figure it out. Same with the present. I am sure I will screw them both up.
On father’s day, if I could just go fishing, drink some beers, take the boy along, that sounds super.
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
3:13 pm
Yes, I have been known to act and sound silly Jesse’s Girl.
Was it silly when my OWN Grandma passed away while I was out of town and my Dad left a message with my husband and kids who FORGOT to tell me.
Days later, I then retrieved a message from my sister ( on the answering machine) who was asking what we we going to do.
I acted more than silly when I went into orbit about not getting the message and then being told,
“well it is not like you are that close to her…she lived in Chicago…”
My motto is HAVE A PLAN AND PLAN AHEAD….not everyone buys into that and it makes me chuckle when folks tell me that they would love to have my job when they cannot even remember to have a pencil in their purse to take notes at my seminars.
I am the ultimate planner in this house…whether for holidays or vacations. The majority of these venues are orchestrated and paid for by me….so NO, I am not planning a surprise birthday party for someone who did not plan one for me. It is not like any of his family members would actually come. Perhaps that is childish but so be it.
Mother’s Day is the one day that all planning is done by someone else for me….and I really appreciate it! We then plan a fun Father’s Day and even include a friend and his wife to go out with us as he is not in touch with his child or grandchild due to family issues that remain unresolved.
I also stopped buying gifts for my inlaws when, after purchasing a lovely Starbucks gift basket I was told that they do not like Starbucks and gave it to their neighbors. Just call me a crank but I am too busy to mess with those who do not appreciate kind gestures and are just plain rude.
FYI….they sent us used garage sale clothes that smelled like smoke when our son was born.
Welcome to my world.
Many people tell me that I am one of the most thoughtful persons they know…a simple thank you
( note LOL) is all it takes to please me. I do things for people all the time. I give away thousands of dollars of items for door prizes to educators and donate my services to schools (as I did today) but when folks cannot be gracious and reciprocate, they are not at the top of my to do list.
Amanada
April 29th, 2009
3:15 pm
It’s “Mother’s Day” everyday. I miss my mom. I’ll spend that day just remembering her. She was the greatest!
Michelle
April 29th, 2009
3:26 pm
X & J’s mom-I understand where you are coming from. Unless you are a step-mother, it is very difficult for you to understand these types of circumstances. I am a step-mom and I had a step-mom growing up. Even though she tried, things weren’t the same for my brother and I as her kids. Now that we are older, it is better (at least it seems to be). As far as being a step-mom, it is a HUGE heartbreak to feel that you are less important than a real parent and SHAME on the husband for not helping to make it easier! It is very difficult to share your home and the lives of your children with someone else’s kids who you don’t feel you will ever truly be a part of lives because THEY won’t let you!
All of that being said, I’m not sure I would give up time with my grand kids just to prove a point. Grand kids are funny, they don’t know of the past relationship…they just know they love their grandma! If the kids ONLY called for babysitting, then I might see where you are coming from.
I would LOVE to have a spa day, movie day, or something like that for Mother’s day. I love to spend time with the family…but some alone time would be GREAT! It doesn’t have to be on Mother’s day though! :)
lisa
April 29th, 2009
3:28 pm
Yes. Mothers Day is a great day! I told my husband and kids all I want is a super clean house (without me doing it) that smells like roses. On Sunday we go to church do brunch and by 4 pm my husband takes the kids out to the park or movie. Then its me and the Lifetime Channel for a few hours. Thats a good Mother’s Day to me!!
Nadia
April 29th, 2009
3:28 pm
Why all the judgment here? I think we are all forgetting that we are different. Our daily lives are different. Some of us are single. Some of us are married. Some of us split parenting duties with our spouses. Some of us do most of the parenting, whether we are single or married. Some of us work outside the home. Some of us spend every waking hour with our children or doing something for our children (laundry after they are in bed, cleaning up, etc.). My point is that some of us see our children 24/7, so of course, we want a break, and maybe we feel like Mother’s Day is the only day we can do that. Some of us don’t see our children as much as we would like, so a day full of just mom and kid activities would be great. Does this not make sense?
I will admit, my feelings were extremely hurt when my husband did nothing for me on my first Mother’s Day. I had just had his first baby five months before that. I cannot help that I felt like I was owed some sort of recognition on Mother’s Day. (Heck, some women expect “push” gifts when they have children.) A card, dinner out, something would have been nice. I did not throw a fit or retaliate, but I definitely cried.
I have learned that we cannot expect our husbands to read our minds when it comes to things like this. Since that first Mother’s Day, I have nicely explained that I expect something. The kids are older now, so, they make things in school for me. I am fine with that, as far gifts go. I don’t feel like Mother’s Day is about gifts. I feel like it is about appreciation.
My ideal Mother’s Day would involve sleeping late, no kids bugging me while I sleep late. I want to not have to fix any meals that day. I always want to go out to eat, so Mother’s Day would be no different. Haha. That is pretty much it. If we did something else fun, like go play miniature golf, get manicures with my girls, watch a movie, whatever, that would be fine, too. I just want it to be a relaxing day.
JJ
April 29th, 2009
3:36 pm
I don’t expect anything for mother’s day, and neither does my Mom. I think when you expect something, you build yourself up for a huge let down.
No one is responsible for your happiness except you. You shouldn’t expect others to make you happy, and you shouldn’t expect someone to give you a gift on a commerical holiday.
Like I said, Mom knows I love her, I don’t need a one special day to prove it to her. I tell her I love her every time I talk to her on the phone or see her. I spend a lot of time with her, we take vacations together, and sight see around town. I see my mom at least twice a month. I help her around her house, yard, etc. So does my brother. We are a family, and we help each other and support each one of us!!!
Linda
April 29th, 2009
3:45 pm
I celebrate Mother’s Day with my kids, my grandkids, AND My Mom. I’m very fortunate to still have the option and knowing that every day could be my last, or their last, makes Mother’s Day even more special.
AMother
April 29th, 2009
3:47 pm
@ xavier&jaydens mom:
I completely feel you 100%! They sure should recognize you on this day… even if it is a simple card… BUT I’d have some words with your husband as well for not making this day special and not instilling the respect for you in them and making celebration a habit.
sd
April 29th, 2009
4:06 pm
Can you even imagine men discussing whether they would “retaliate” against their wives if father’s day didn’t live up to their “expectations”????
Would never happen.
xavier&jaydens mom
April 29th, 2009
4:34 pm
JJ- I am so glad that you have never felt unappreciated, and hope that you never will, but until you have walked in my shoes, then you really have no insight on how I feel. I love my children, biological and step, but since the steps are older (22 and 25) I expect a little more from them. As petty as it may seem to you and others on this blog, its how I feel! Just as children are praised and sometimes rewarded for good behavior, grades, whatever, mothers need that too! It doesn’t have to come in the form of an expensive gift, card, or dinner, just a simple token of affection, a thank you for being you, thank you for being here, thanks for listening to me. It costs nothing to say “thank you”, I appreciate you! Happy Mother’s Day! Not one single dime……
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
4:37 pm
JJ….I expect some appreciation for all the things I have done for my family. A Mother is a 24/7 job. I am a happy person. This past Sunday, I was asked to sit in the front row, so the teacher could see my smile….no kidding!
While my husband does work a long week ( as I do) he is not thinking about whether the laundry is done, there is toilet paper, the dog has a grooming appointment, there is milk for breakfast etc.
Our daughter has a job every week and my husband continues to ask me ( when she is gone)
“where is ____”. I am thinking that there are some woman do not handle the majority of family orchestration alone but many do and what is different between showing respect to your secretary
( office administrator who co-ordinates things that run smoothly) or the mother of your kids.
I KNOW my kids love me but it really is nice when they show it via little surprises.
How is it that some men can really plan wonderful surprises for their wives ( I know of someone who sent his wife and 4 friends to NYC on a paid surprise birthday trip) and some cannot remember to get a card. YOU MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE…everyone’s important list is a bit different.
JATL
April 29th, 2009
4:40 pm
Jesse’s Girl -careful what you offer! I’ll be there with a case of beer, wild-eyed from having escaped! LOL!
Lisa
April 29th, 2009
4:43 pm
This will be a sad Mother’s Day, one of my three kids went through a terrible rebellion at 16 and have not seen her since January. She was unruly and per Juvenile Court, we sent her to live with her father in NY. They plotted, without my knowledge, to have her come back down here and live with a teacher (!) from her school to study here for her senior year. This while they told me she would be homeschooled since no records were sent from the school…. What a lawsuit that could have been had I pursued it as I had joint legal custody. It has been a heartbreak. I count my blessings, I have two wonderful children who do love me and want to be with me, and a wonderful husband. We’ll be out of town that day to not dwell on her absence on that day in particular. I just enjoy spending the day with my kids, can’t imagine not doing so. If I had my mother still, I’d spend it with her too. Life is short, we must enjoy those that matter to us every day, not just on special occasions though the recognition is nice!
M
April 29th, 2009
4:48 pm
I understand how it feels to not be appreciated on this day as well as on birthdays. I am the only one in my family of 5 who never gets a bday cake because I make sure everyone else gets one. My 3 kids are small and make me Mother’s Day gifts at school, but if it was left to my husband, the day would go unnoticed even though I always recognize Father’s Day with a gift or card or favorite dinner – because I think he’s a great dad. He is not a great gift giver or one to say “thank you” in general. Even though I know this, I still get disappointed when special days go by withouht acknowledgement simply because he knows they are special to me. Even if he could care less about the day, it would be nice to do something to make the person you love smile.
xavier&jaydens mom
April 29th, 2009
4:55 pm
I’m so glad SOME of you understand. For those of us that will not get any appreciation this year…HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!
MS.PATRICIA HAFFORD
April 29th, 2009
5:00 pm
I Really Enjoy Mother Day with mine children i have 5 son and 3 daughter also grandmother of 14, greatgrandmother of 6, i love cards an each one give me one with inspiration word they also have a tradition which one of th 8 be the first to call mother its really funny when they call to hear which one was first i feel bless to have GOD given children, an order to recieve love you much always give it
xavier&jaydens mom
April 29th, 2009
5:05 pm
Jessie’s girl… I’m far from being a trophy wife honey!! just an unappreciated one!! I have been the adult in the situation for the last 4 years (age of the oldest grand) and have just decided that its just not worth it (to me, as I am just the step-mom). I still have a relationship with them, I just choose not to be “Play grandma” anymore!
Stan
April 29th, 2009
5:20 pm
To y’all that get upset when your husbands/men folk/S O’s don’t do anything to make the day special for you:
Have you told them in no uncertain terms that you DO expect them to so SOMETHING? I know my wife used to be bad about telling me when something I did/didn’t do upset her so I didn’t know to do/not do that again. You have got to tell them that you want something and with some of us guys you have to be specific about what you want.
I find that full disclosure also helps with in-laws/siblings etc. If you don’t want to go to your MILs house and want her coming to your so you can cook and clean for her, tell her that you want the day to yourself. Just go visit the week before or something. Also tell your hubby that about this plan ahead of time and make sure he’s got your back on it.
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
5:55 pm
Stan….sounds like a plan! As I started out, my husband and kids are generally awesome and for that I am thrilled.
fk
April 29th, 2009
6:26 pm
Honestly, it’s another Sunday to me. Before we moved to GA, we had MD dinner at my sister’s home. My mother always enjoyed it. My sister still has everyone over on Mother’s Day, and she’s a mother, too. I moved away before I became a mom. My husband has always acknowledged MD, but it’s not a major day, just like Father’s Day does not go by unnoticed. I’d rather they do something for me, like help me plant my flowers, than buy something for me.
DB
April 29th, 2009
6:30 pm
Both my mom and his mom live a minimum of 300+ miles away, and it is very seldom that we have been able to break away from “May madness” school activities to spend the weekend with one of them. So no conflict, there. But they get a phone call, a gift or flowers, and a card.
My husband forgot Mother’s Day one year, when the kids were small. If he had just ‘fessed up that it snuck up on him, I would have forgiven him instantly. But he tried the “you’re not my mother” excuse with me, and I had to explain that kids are taught by their parents what to value — so, if I made a bit of a fuss for Father’s Day, but Mother’s Day got ignored, what kind of message did that send? Some men just have to be taught, it doesn’t come naturally. Plus, I have to admit: I had a hard time with the weekly phone call with my mother on Mother’s Day, when she would thank me for my gift to her and then excitedly said, “What did YOU get?” and I had to admit, “nothing”. The silence on the other side was overwhelming — and then the hissing, “What’s WRONG with him?!” and hating that my mom thought less of my husband, and the need to feel like I had to makes excuses for him. My husband, the rebel: He is the most generous man in the world, and would give me anything within his power. But he absolutely freezes on holidays. Very strange.
I grew up with a father who loved to buy my mother jewelry and clothes. She wasn’t particularly acquisitive, but it made him happy to give her things, and he would often take me with him on the shopping expeditions, when I was old enough to be trusted to keep a secret! He and the jeweler were on a first-name basis. On Sunday, she had a lovely corsage, and a special lunch after church at her favorite restaurant. So I grew up thinking that ALL men were like that. Boy, was I surprised . . . !
I’m happy with a card and a meal, I’m pretty low-maintenance (although I would not turn down jewelry . . .!) In fact, we usually have Mother’s Day lunch or dinner the day before — avoid the crowds, and I love having my family together, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. If there’s a good movie out that weekend, we’ll hit that, too. (I’m voting for “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” that weekend!)
I read a parenting book a long time ago where the author declared that she HATED Mother’s Day, it was just an excuse to heap guilt on your children, and that “EVERY day is Mother’s Day, when you are a mother!” Hmm. Never did quite wrap my head around that one.
motherjanegoose
April 29th, 2009
7:33 pm
Yes, DB children are taught by their parents what to value and my husband has done a great job of guiding my children into making Mother’s Day special.
My son, in fact, bought me a Mac computer o my birthday, He did this with his own money and
( when I fussed) he told me, ” Mom, you have done so much for me that I wanted to do this for you…” My kids are good kids and I am enjoying them more and more as they become adults and we can all behave accordingly.
I do remember eating at a Mother’s Day brunch several years ago in a hotel and we sat near a family of four with 2 boys under five. They were perfect gentlemen…eating with manners and dressed nicely in little shirts with bow ties. When we finished our dinner, my husband and I walked over and complimented the parents on their lovely family and they were rightfully proud. That Momma deserved the compliment on Mother’s Day and her husband did too!
Justmy2cents
April 29th, 2009
7:45 pm
Wow..those still expecting ticker tape parades, or appreciation from the brats or step brats we raise…get over yourselves. Life doesn’t work that way…yes, I know life isn’t fair; and you will teach that to the kids. I am so sorry you are that selfish and I pity your children and spouses.
Jesse's Girl
April 29th, 2009
9:30 pm
I do get that it stinks, in your situation, to have step-children who are unappreciative. But I personally think that your main issue should be with your husband. It doesn’t seem he is paying attention to your feelings and he has an ill regard for your emotions. While I still think you are making a mountain out of something perhaps slightly larger than a mole hill….you have given me a different perspective on your situation. I am truly sorry you feel so terrible about things. That should not be the case. So in light of that fact….Xavier&Jaydensmom….HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY MOTHER’S DAY THIS YEAR!!! DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL, EVEN IF THE GOOBERS IN YOUR FAMILY HAVE NO HAND IN IT!!!
motherjanegoose
April 30th, 2009
7:41 am
Just my 2 cents…..if you are the mother of brats….why not look yourself in the mirror and say:
“well I did this myself and it is my own fault that they are like this…”
If you have step brats….then how could it be your fault …..
I think DB summed it up perfectly . Those who live in families that are considerate, appreciative and respectful expect more than those who do not.
This is a VERY small example but my husband’s family does not typically have ANY napkins…cloth or paper. When you come for dinner they take the roll of paper towels and rip one off for each person. The first time they did this I was amazed…..now, it does not bother me as this is how they are. They think it is crazy for me to have a napkin holder with nice napkins ( even patterned with holiday themes sometimes). Does having nice napkins or ever plain paper ones make me crazy or are the folks who use paper towels for everything crazy? Obviously there are cards and gifts out there for some folks to purchase, just like there are LOTS of napkins in the paper products isle.
So, if you are not expecting anything for Mother’s Day then that is your choice and perfectly GREAT. Apparently some Mothers are.
On a side but similar note….I spoke with a preschool director who told me a parent ( from the North) came into her office and told her that she did not like the way they make the children say,
“yes M’am/Sir” and felt it was degrading and that she may want to withdraw her child. Who is wrong here?
NO ONE…it is a matter of preference and style but methinks manners are always in style.
Step Mom
April 30th, 2009
8:44 am
First, I wish every Mother – biological or step – a very Happy Mother’s Day. Most Mothers are the glue that holds the family together. After reading the comments I recognize how truly lucky I am. My (step)son came to live with us when he was 9. Since his Mom lives quite a distance away, I was the one volunteering at school, dropping him off on my way to work, taking him to drs appts and talking to him about girls etc. There were definitely adjustments and some tough times during his teen years. However my husband has always been supportive and we have worked together to get through those times. My step-son and his Dad are close but he and I developed a different kind of closeness. He is an adult now and we are all still close. His Mom seems better able to deal with him now that he’s an adult and he loves and respects her. I’m sometimes jealous that she will always be his Mom and I’ll always be the step-mom, because I can’t imagine loving him anymore than I do if I gave birth to him. But I am truly lucky to have been able to be part of his life and to help make him the responsible adult he is today.
We should all look at the positive side of being a Mother – being able to help create adults that are kind, self-confident and able to take care of themselves and their families.
Becky
April 30th, 2009
9:30 am
If feel for all of the Mothers and Step Mothers that say they don’t get enough appreciation from kids..I have 3 stepsons and the 2 (38 & 37) oldest are very wonderful to me, the youngest (21) has always hated the world..I don’t expect gifts, candy or even a card from them, they have their own Mothers..The middle one always comes over for Mothers Day (and Fathers Day) to take us out to dinner..
Life is to short to be so miserable and unhappy..You are the only person that can truly make you happy, so enjoy life and try to be nice to everyone..Little children should not be played as a pawn between grandparents and parents, they can not change either of them..
Scott
April 30th, 2009
12:49 pm
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL mom’s.
” THANK YOU and WE LOVE YOU “
Storm
April 30th, 2009
3:10 pm
I wonder what this blog will look like when Father’s day rolls around. I wonder how many fathers will EXPECT to be recognized for ALL they do…
fk
April 30th, 2009
7:06 pm
MJG: Why is there an issue? What’s the difference if the child says, “Thank you, Mrs. Goose,” or “No thank you, Mr. Goose,” rather than, “Yes, ma’am” or, “No, sir”? Why does the school insist that the children use the terms ma’am and sir? My son actually does say “sir”, but addresses women by either Ms. or Mrs. followed their surnames. Sounds like more of a control issue for one party, and an inferiority complex for the other.
DB
May 1st, 2009
1:32 am
fk, I don’t think it’s a question of the difference between “No, thank you, Mr. Goose” (which is perfectly acceptable, IMHO, and exquisitely polite!) and “No, sir”. It’s a difference between “No, sir/Yes, M’am” and “No” or “Naw” or “Yep” or “Yeah”. Many kids can barely mutter “yes” or “no”, much less add the honorific or the name.
Kathy
May 4th, 2009
8:54 am
I’m a little late with my post….I’ve been at the beach for a week! : )
Mother’s Day…..we just spent a week with my parents at the beach so my mom said that was her “mother’s day.” She and my dad are going to the G Braves game anyway on Mother’s Day. We will go see my MIL on Sunday afternoon. All I want to do is to run 4 miles (training for the Peachtree)by myself (no pushing Little E in the jogger) and get a pedicure (my feet look terrible after a week in the sand and saltwater). My hubby and I don’t normally do presents for birthdays or Mother’s/Father’s Day. We are both happy with cards and hugs and kisses from Little E. We try to thank each other during the year for all the things we each do for our family. Yes, I do most of the planning/cooking/cleaning and whatnot, but I am not a scorekeeper. I do all that stuff because I love being a mom and a wife and taking care of my hubby and my daughter. It is easy to do when you love them so much! : ) Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!
Serena
May 5th, 2009
2:08 pm
I know I am late posting here, but after reading this, I must chime in. Xavier&Jaydensmom makes an extremely good point with her comments. How dare any of you out there judge her? There are many moms-biological and step-who love their kids and care for them without any recognition all year long. Is it too much to ask that these hardworking moms get a little recognition ONE DAY A YEAR? Some of you evidently were not raised very well if this day means nothing to you. Are you so sorry and lazy that you can’t take time to thank your mom, step mom or grandma for all they have done for you? To the moms out there who are married to the sad and lazy slobs who will forget them on mothers day, you go out and do something fun and enjoyable for yourself on this day. It is not too hard to tell someone you love and appreciate them on mothers day. Even if you don’t have much money, a heartfelt card or a phone call can work wonders. Raise your children to have appreciation for motherhood. It is the hardest and most important job there is.You moms who don’t expect anything from anyone, you are selling yourself short. Have some respect for yourself. To all of the moms out there-do something for yourself this Sunday. Enjoy your day, with or without your kids. Tell yourself that you have done a good job and you deserve some praise! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
NoGlassHouseHere
May 6th, 2009
1:20 am
Comments made relating to…”Over the top” “Too Much” “Selfish” Make Me Sick.
Acknowledging a MOTHER – STEP MOTHER – GRANDDMOTHER, ETC….. “THESE ARE ALL MOTHERS” If they are in your Immediate Family (Look it up if you don’t know what this is!) HAVE SOME MORAL INTEGRITY AND CHARACTER as a person! A .99 cent card and a 40 some cent stamp! Have Some Respect! Ask yourself “Who” fed, bathed, drove, helped, came to your aid, etc., etc., for you, before you so ignorantly say, “It’s just another day!”
Bigdealornot
May 6th, 2009
9:54 am
When you get married do you start sending joint Mother’s Day cards? One to his Mom, one to mine? We got married last year, so this is our first Mother’s Day married. My husband has always insisted on sending his own card to his Mom. When we were just dating that was cool, but now I’m not sure. For my Mom, I was going to send a joint card. What’s the norm here? Is this a big deal or not?
Jim
May 8th, 2009
8:17 am
What would I get my wife for mothers day. Our son was born 1201/2 Jan 09 and pass away 1:21 am 2 Jan 09.
FAnguiano
May 8th, 2009
2:14 pm
I love the flowers you have on your site. Please check out mine on http://www.Unique-Gift-List.com
Talluie
May 8th, 2009
11:56 pm
Enter your comments here
Talluie
May 9th, 2009
12:07 am
Jim…….that’s so very sad and I’m truely sorry for your loss. What your wife may need now is to feel comforted and very loved. Just really be there for her. Some beautiful flowers would be a loving gesture. I was also thinking that another possibility would be to buy a star, in honor of your baby, for your wife.There are a couple of place that you can do this – http://www.starregistry would be one of them. My heart goes out to you and your wife and wish you both peace…………………
finqta2
May 9th, 2009
10:06 pm
It’s wonderful to hear the beauty and love that so many of you experience. I’m divorced, have a daughter that is 19 years old and can only remember “maybe” 3 mother’s day where I w as recognized. The first two with her father and one when she was ten and a gentleman friend I was dating bought gifts and addressed them from her to me. My daughter has been working since 15 and I honestly I have been a great mother to her (as my family and friends have often told her how blessed she is – I had a great teacher – my mother). I even helped her get her first apartment this year and because I know it can be difficult starting out, I pay the utilities and buy the food. I’m not certain how she got so selfish and she ALWAYS has an excuse, mother’s day, my birthday, valentine’s day, etc;. I thought at this point it wouldn’t hurt anymore but it still does. And this year – same thing. I really should blame myself for not accepting the reality of it all. This year I decided to do something for myself. I got up this morning, felt absolutely great about myself and anticipated a fun weekend for me and by me (not anything real elaborate but just something I needed and wanted). Well trying to help her … I exhausted my funds I set aside for this. I’m extremely heart broken. I guess if I’m not recognized throughout the year I really shouldn’t expect anything but I just keep hoping and trying to be a good mother.
To all the mothers – I wish you a truly loving mother’s day and to those single father’s … a happy mother’s day to you as well!
Tara
May 10th, 2009
12:26 am
My husband never fails to piss me off. As such, I think I want to spend mother’s day alone. I feel pretty sad about that and wish it was not the case. I wish I could visit my mom but she passed away a few years ago. I still need to honor my MIL so we may go by her house for dinner. I got her a gift certificate and ordered her flowers. BWT, I also ordered flowers for myself.
Jessica
May 10th, 2009
9:57 am
So mother’s day is here! I have a beautiful 2 year old princess, I am with her all day everyday and I work from home also. My husband owns a flooring business and I never get to see him. He comes in at midnight, 2 a.m. I have gotten to a point in life where it’s almost like a celebration when he gets home before 10 p.m. I did expect him to say “Happy Mother’s Day” this morning. But, he got up, showered, dressed and out the door he went. As grouchy as he was this morning on his way out the door (our two year old was on the potty crying because the plastic was cold) he said “Looks like your fun has just begun.” I am very hurt over that one. I cook, clean, do the laundry, grocery shop, stay with our child 24/7 never have alone time where I can just sit because once I do everything for the day and then clean up again when she is in bed I stay up super late working. I try to do everything I can for him but I do not know why he doesn’t see that and try to respect and appreciate me more. Not to mention, he had told me last night that he was going to go to breakfast with my mother, sisters, nieces, nephews, brother-in-laws, the go to church and then we would do something together today. I set the alarm last night before falling asleep and somehow it got unplugged? So I missed the one thing I was looking forward to, time with my family and to be appreciated. I don’t expect a gift or even some card that doesn’t make any sense. I just thought that after I have helped him with his business and been everything that he has needed me to be that he could at least be a little nicer. So I sit here all upset and I get a phone call from him (thinking to myself, “he remembered!”) When he tells me that he called his mother this morning and she told him she didn’t want to make him mad but she was not allowed to talk to him or she could be disfellowshipped (she’s a Jehova’sWitness.) We were at her house yesterday and she could talk to him then. But to hell with him I do not care what happened to him this morning that hurt his feelings. I am really hurt right now. Yes, I will be childish over this one. He will not have dinner tonight nor will he have his father’s day that I always go over the top for. It just seems that I always do something for him every holiday but I am left out. I am super upset, the only happy mothers day I got was on Nick Jr this morning. I think I am going to go do whatever I want today. Maybe take our daughter to the aquarium and ride up into the mountains and get a cabin for a night and go on a train ride. That’s my vent!
Jessica
May 10th, 2009
10:00 am
lol, I have major typos up there. Sock it up to my being pissed!
shellie
May 10th, 2009
2:33 pm
Mother’s Day is such a precious day for me as it’s a day I remember my Mom who passed away many years ago now. I use to buy her the most special gift I could find that would put a huge smile on her face and it did not have to be expensive either just special, and we would spend hours at my parents home just enjoying that special time together! I to am a very blessed Mom as I have two children who do the same for me and just being with them, give’s me the most precious gift a mom can get for mothers day.
j
May 10th, 2009
4:27 pm
My family generally does not plan anything for mothers day . Its always last minute with no real thought. This wonderful year I received a beautiful card supposedly from my 12,14,17 year old children….signed by there father.
Kim
May 11th, 2009
2:01 am
Well, I’d have to say this year was a disappointment for me. I feel as though I work my butt off for my family, and I bend over backwards for my 2 teens, 15 and 17. My son said hmd while he was in another room than me, and at lunch he grunted and puffed when I asked him if he could fix me a plate…please… I worked the night before …overtime too. My daughter 15, sated at her friends house tip 8:00pm because she said she misunderstood me and when she realized I told her I said no for staying longer… She said oop, my bad, and your flowers are crushed so you don’t have any…and when got home her card read that she loved me even though I act like a butt sometimes!….what? You tell your mother this on md? I am a good mother and they have it made. Yes I am one who asks when where and what are you doing and keep up with them in this dangerous world… And this is the thanks I get? I think they need to snap into respect and walk in my shoes. This is the first year they have acted like this, and quite frankly it hurt my feelings. These are my own chidren, not step. My husband got me a nice card and is taking me out to eat on my day off from working overtime, which is very sweet. Sorry to sound upset, but I am.
xavier&jaydens mom
May 11th, 2009
12:55 pm
Kim,
your kids sound like mine!! My husband, children, and step children behaved just as I expected them to!! Like a bunch of…..can’t say it on here!! But you get the picture. I did receive a card and a picture of my 5 year old from school! I thought that was very sweet! My mothers day dinner consisted of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and all HMD wishes came via text messages from friends!! My day was every bit as crappy as I expected it to be.
Forgotten
May 11th, 2009
3:42 pm
I’m divorced and now re-married, and have joint custody with my ex, so every other year I spend with the kids. It’s kind of nice… I get the best of both worlds. THIS year, however (the first with my new husband), I spent it cooking breakfast for his mother, planting the vegetable garden alone, and vacuuming up dirt that my hubby tracked in the house the day before. I did get the cute cards that my kids made for me at school. But from my husband (whose children I care for FULL TIME, since he has custody), I got absolutely nothing. Hands down the worst Mothers Day ever.
sadinnc
May 10th, 2010
9:04 am
I do not expect expensive gifts for MD just a little recognition and pampering would be nice. My husband came in from a race drunk at 230 am and slept through breakfast that I made for myself and our son. When he did get up he dressed and went outside to avoid any duties like the laundry, dishes, and other chores that needed to be done. He couldn’t understand why I was so hurt and upset and turned it around on me. My son did make me the sweetest card that I’ll cherish forever but I’m afraid that he will forget about MD as he gets older after listening to comments from his father like “you’re not my mother”. By the way he has spoken to his mother in like 5 years now–just sying!!!