Another tragic death: How can parents/schools stop bullying?
A heartbreaking story on the front page of AJC.com today, an 11-year-old boy from DeKalb County hung himself last week after he was bullied relentlessly at school, his family said. Here’s the link to the story and some excerpts.
From the AJC story:
“On Thursday afternoon, after returning home from Dunaire Elementary School, Jaheem Herrera quietly went into his room and hanged himself. His 10-year-old sister, Yerralis, also a fifth-grader, discovered Jaheem’s dead body.”
“Jaheem was bullied relentlessly, his family said. Keene said the family knew the boy was a target, but until his death they didn’t understand the scope.”
” ‘We’d ask him, ‘Jaheem, what’s wrong with you?’” Keene recalled. ‘He’d never tell us. ‘ ”
“He didn’t want his sister to tell, either. She witnessed much of the bullying, and many times rose to her brother’s defense, Keene said.”
“They called him gay and a snitch,” his stepfather said. “All the time they’d call him this.”
“In an interview with WSB-TV, the boy’s mother, Masika Bermudez, also said her son was being bullied at school. She said she had complained to the school.”
“Earlier this month the suicide of a Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover – who suffered taunts that he was gay – attracted national attention.”
“He was also 11. His mother found him hanging from an extension cord in the family’s home.”
“Jaheem was excelling academically, Keene said, adapting quickly to his new home. The family moved to the Avondale Estates area less than a year ago from St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Last winter, his grandmother died from cancer. She was living with the family at the time.”
We have a friend who has a very thin, small little guy in middle school. He was being bullied constantly. The parents went to the school multiple times and the principal assured them he would be protected. The last straw was when his head was shoved into a toilet at school and the kids flushed it on him. The parents pulled the child from the school and are now having to homeschool just to protect him. I’m not sure if they are taking any legal action against the school.
Jaheem’s story leaves me wondering many things:
How rampant is bullying? What can the schools do to stop it? How can you know as a parent when it’s happening? How can you judge how severe it is? What can we say to siblings who might be able to share what is going on even when the child will not? Are the schools liable in this type of case?
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214 comments Add your comment
Ms Concern:
April 21st, 2009
7:08 pm
The parents of these bullies, should be made to take their bully kids to Jaheems funeral and the parents should be made to pay for his funeral, as well as the Dekalb School System.
Jerome
April 21st, 2009
8:15 pm
There was a comment earlier from Kevin, who said “Simple, reduce pay for teachers. If you are a grown adult and can’t control young children from being out of control then why do you deserve having a teaching job? This young boy repeatedly asked his teachers to take control of the situation and they didn’t. This sounds to me like teachers aren’t earning their pay. I don’t live in Georgia, but still pay state taxes to my home of record state. This article absolutely blows my mind and makes me think whether I should change my home of record to Arkansas. I don’t want to pay taxes that ultimately end up with a young 11 year old boy taking his life.”
Obviously this person does not have a clue. What does that have to doe with a child’s well-being. In this day and age, teachers are not allowed to “discipline” students. In most cases, all they can do is try to educate them. Heaven help them if they touch a child. This is grounds for dismissal or worse (criminal prosecution). The bottom line is that the responsibility belongs to the parent as to how their child behaves. Some send their kids to school expecting the school to teach them values. that is a big mistake. I teach my children what they should and should not do. What I expect out of the schools is an education in math, english, history, etc. I make it my business to go to the schools on off days as much as possible as well as interact with my children after school to find out what is going on in addition to how their day went as well. I have had to go to school to deal with the bullying of my son and I made it known that if necessary I would take legal action to ensure that this should not be an issue.
dk
April 21st, 2009
9:19 pm
Almost makes you want to teach them to fight.
mom
April 21st, 2009
9:59 pm
Some of the comments are so heartwarming. Other comments are outrageous. Its obvious, that some commenters are absolutely clueless and think victims of bullying have uninvolved parents. It angers me to no end. It is evident, some posters have never dealt with relentless bullying and do not understand the lack of resources to intervene or solve the situation. In many cases the cards are stacked up against the family. Its easy to say they should have done this or that, but until you have lived it you have no idea with what you are faced with. PS – There are no laws in GA concerning bullying before middle school. Surprise! Surprise. There is no legal system to back you as a parent. Furthermore, have you ever tried to get psychological services in GA schools? Good luck! And if you think its easy to find good psychological services privately for this, it is not easy and extremely expensive. If you complain and the school does not handle it well, the bullying will get worse. Never mind suing a public school, they are protected by state law.
Bullying is a complicated issue that too often is dismissed by schools to the detriment not only of the victim but their families too. It is heart wrenching for the families involved. There are no experts that you can contact to counsel you. You are flying in the wind, solo.
Bullying is like cancer. Once it starts, too often it spreads with little mechanisms to stop it.
My heart extends to this family and every other family who has a child who is or was bullied.
md
April 21st, 2009
10:11 pm
I moved out of ATL due to the eroding of the local public schools. Daily fights and non-caring parents contributed to the problem.
Where we are now, my son was being bullied as an outsider, yet the schools here all have “resource officers” assigned by the local police. They have offices in the schools. I encouraged my son to meet with him and discuss the situation, thereby utilizing the system. All the kids involved were called in and warned that the behavior would not be tolerated. If it continued, the kids would be disciplined. Let me also say that they don’t fool around here – progressive discipline to include a “boot camp” for teens to “reteach” certain skills such as respect, etc.
We/he has not had any problems since, and it has been almost a year. It also taught my son that the “police” are there to help. Too many “parents” degrade the authorities these days and their kids pick up on it.
Dejay
April 21st, 2009
10:30 pm
The problem, as stated before, is that teachers and faculty are powerless because the second they rise up and confront the bully, he/she will be back with their parents (who before couldn’t find the school without OnStar), a lawyer, and a news crew on the ready. Their jobs would be in jeopardy if they dared to interact more times than not and kids know it so they up the ante. What to do, what to do….
Here’s what to do; GO AFTER THE PARENTS OF THE BULLIES. To me, they are just as responsible for this as the bullies themselves. If there was found to be negligence on the school’s part, they are responsible but don’t allow them to be the only ones to suffer. Parents know (or should know) how their kids are and know that kids can be downright nasty when someone isn’t there to put them in check.
Simply telling Billy to stop bullying Sarah in school won’t get his attention. Telling Billy he should have stopped bullying Sarah after his parents lost the house on a civil case in court and now leaving them to pawn off his PS3 to pay the deposit on their new 2 bedroom apartment on the other side of town surely will.
Jamallah Bergman
April 21st, 2009
10:36 pm
From the time I had moved to Roswell(GA) and attended elementary school, I was constantly made fun of because I didn’t grown up with most of the kids that were there plus I was a “outsider”, throughout the years I was in school from elementary up until high school, I was constantly bullied because it was either cause of the fact that I was shy or it was cause I was a overweight kid or it was cause I had failed a grade or something else. I hated going to school every single day for those past couple of years that I went.
My parents only knew of some of the things that I had dealt with at school but not all of what I had to deal with on a day to day basis cause like this child who died, I never told them the entire story.
I had gotten so depressed over all the name calling and constant bullying over the years that it had gotten to a point where I wanted to commit suicide myself. It took alot for me to realize that it wasn’t the way out and I needed some help, which of course I told my mom about and ended up getting the help and counseling that I needed.
But even as I went back to school after the summer, it got worse and I was constantly alienated from others cause I was painfully shy and awkward at times and of course kids play off of that. It wasn’t until I was in my Senior year of high school that I actually started having friends “outside of school” since some folks never invited me to parties much at all.
It has taken me alot to get over all of the taunting and bullying that I had to endure over the years but I had prayed and hoped that when I had kids that they never had to endure what I had to struggle with.
Well I have a daughter whose 10 and in the 5th grade like the young man that this story was brought up about. In alot of ways, she reminds and looks very much like did when I was in the 5th grade and just like me, she has had to endure some of the hardships that I had to deal with.
My daughter has ADHD and even though she is a well liked child by some, some kids (one girl in particular) thought that since she never fought back whenever she was teased about her behavioral problems, she decided to make sure my daughter’s life in the new school she was in was a living hell.
Luckily we had gotten it straightened out with the principal of the school along with her and the parents of the girl as well.
I do not understand why children have to be the way that they are……….
I know that its cool to be with the “in crowd” and all but at what price do you have to pay for making others feel unwelcome because of the fact that they maybe different than the “norm”. I’m sorry but there is no such thing as normal nowatdays. We are all special in our own way and for a group or one person to constantly pick at someone because they are different is wrong.
Parents……….we need to teach our children the rights and wrongs and outcomes of bullying and being bullied by people in school as well as in life.
We as people have to understand that this bullying has to stop and teaching children what is right and wrong starts in the HOME and we as parents have to step up and teach and tell our children that if they see someone being bullied, they need to speak up and tell a teacher or the principal or them, so that something like this will never ever happen again.
My prayers are with the family.
Jamallah Bergman
April 21st, 2009
10:40 pm
I want to make a correction of something that I had said earlier……..when I had said……..
“Parents……..we need to teach our children the rights and wrongs and outcomes of bullying and being bullied by people in school as well as in life”
I should have omitted the “rights” part…………..cause there is no right thing about being bullied whatsoever.
Thank You!
sandy
April 21st, 2009
10:40 pm
This is such a heart-wrenching tragedy and my prayers go out to the parents of this precious child of God. I am a teacher of middle school students and at our school, we are proactive and tough on bullies. Action is taken immediately when teachers are made aware of any situation from any child regarding bullying. Our administrator investigates, contacts parents and doles out consequences, many times ISS and OSS. If this BULLY continues with this behavior, he/she completes his/her education in alternative school. Our administration follows and completes the necessary paper trail to get rid of this person through legal and proper channels. They stand up firmly to parents in denial or too ignorant to do anything effective. Truth be told, these bullies are headed for the federal penitentiary (if their lucky) or the morgue. Teachers at our school know and understand the ramifications of ignoring harassing behaviors. This school in DeKalb County is a disgrace and negligent!
Mayo
April 21st, 2009
10:54 pm
My brother also went to Dunaire Elementary, and was bullied everyday. He fought back and because of the zero-tolerance against violence rule was suspended multiple times along with the boys that were bullying him. Of course the suspensions were logged on his record and the suggestion of an alternative school eventually came up. Basically putting him around more children that may bully him. To make a long story short, my mother took him out of the public school system and is homeschooling him now.
Dejay
April 21st, 2009
11:20 pm
Active Duty Mom is dead on, bullseye on the mark. These bullies are usually the preps who’ve been treated like gods in the hallways since they attended school. Some folks earlier wrote about how simply talking to the bully about stopping and allow me to let you in on a dirty little secret; IT DOESN’T WORK. Bullies could care less about their victim(s) feelings and the only thing that usually stops them is separation from their victim(s), which usually doesn’t occur until graduation. Until then, they will continue to do so to impress the toadies, hangers-on, and wannabes who look up to them like heroes. Meanwhile, the victim is left having to suffer for years with bouts of depression, thoughts of suicide, and an overall feeling of a lack of self-worth. I should know because I’m still dealing with it now.
I know it’s not PC but I’ve taught my kids how to fight, wrestle, and all the fine points of how to injure someone in order to defend themselves from such a bully. Nothing stops a bully quicker than the thought of he/she getting their rear ends handed to them (that and a lawsuit against their parents). But if I ever caught wind of my kids doing it, there was painful consequences and ramifications on the way.
My only regret was that I wasn’t taught the same things when I was younger.
haley
April 22nd, 2009
12:01 am
Prevention in Youth Suicide* (Report Task Force on Youth Suicide, Vol3,pp 110.44) Washington, D.C.: US Department of Health and Human Services. According to this study, gay and lesbian youth are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths and 30% of all completed youth suicides are related to the issue of sexual identity. According to this study, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in teenagers. Taunting because of obesity/ homosexuality are the leading causes of suicide. Everyday, 13 Americans ages 15 to 24 commit suicide because they are gay, dealing with gender confusion and/or teased because classmates assume homosexuality.
popa kaine
April 22nd, 2009
12:45 am
I live out of town, but have a son that attends a school within Gwennet county, I try to call him every day and I ask him is everything alright in school and did he have any problems with any body in school
and he will tell me no and i will ask him again, and again to make sure because kids his age (12) feel embaressed about being bothered by other
kids and I want him to know that if he have a problem it becomes my problem and it will be delt with. I don’t want him to feel he has to deal with anything alone. I’ve read a few comments about people taking their kids out of one school to another or home schooling them to try and protect them,I think that its cowardly on the parents part. There will always be trouble in this world whether you or the kids deal with it now or later you will have to confront these issues sometime. Alot of times we want problems just to go away, I’m sorry to tell you
they don’t. I’m very sadden about this story and most of all angry wishing I knew this little guy and he told me someone was bothering him in school. His picture would not be on this page and he would be alive and well, I promise he would! My heart goes out to all parents who lost children to such foolishness.
nurse&mother
April 22nd, 2009
1:03 am
AlwaysAVol- This is one of the few times I will agree with a Vol fan (just kidding-we’re big Dawg fans). No seriously, you are absolutely right. If you truly treat someone as you would like to be treated, this world would be a completely different world!
motherjanegoose
April 22nd, 2009
7:38 am
nurse&mother….I am with you in agreeing with Always a Vol.
I have said this before and I will say it again, “little ears are big listeners”. Children who behave this way are those children who live in houses where they see that parents behave this way and disregard others. They live right next door to each of us!
I am preaching this everywhere I go and many folks poo poo the idea until it comes down to something tragic. ( perhaps it will happen in your family if you do not take charge and model acceptable behavior …any one of us).
Our world is getting meaner and rougher. While we may be polar opposites on politics, we should have a common ground on kindness and it starts at home. I challenge each of you to try to do something kind today …if 1000 folks were kind to someone else, perhaps those 1000 would share the kindness too. All children today are not as sweet as they used to be. Manners are out the window….me monsters are everywhere.
My daughter came home last night from her job and said…”some of these parents are crazy…they do not know how to manage their children…” I reminded her that I have been saying this for years and that things are only getting worse! Unfortunately, we have a victim in this cycle.
standupforyourchldren
April 22nd, 2009
8:45 am
First I am sure no one is going to like what I am going to say but here goes.
I have a son, 3 years old. He has been taught that if anyone hits, push, or even yells at him that he should tell his teachers. There has been an instance at his school, while I was visiting, where a kid notorious for hitting other kids as well as teachers not only hit me while I was there but also started chasing my son around the room trying to hit him.
When he hit me I got down to his face level and said very sternly “Don’t you EVER hit me again”. When he was chasing my son I stopped him, got down to his face level, and whispered even more sternly “If you hit him I am going to beat your face in”. Guess what never again did I see him behaving that way toward my son nor to me.
I don’t care to hear any comments about oh he was only 3 years old or crap about terroristic threats. That child is on a path to jail or 6 feet under. His own father tells the teachers that he wishes spanking was allowed in school because he would allow them to spank him (his actual words were beat but I’m sure he meant spank). He said his wife allows the child to behave that way at home with her and now the child brings the behavior to school.
Bullies will bully those who they feel can’t stand up for themselves or who has no one to stand up for them.
Parents stand up for your children, the bully’s parents stand up for them. Stop leaving everything up to teachers and principles….do you really think they care for your child the way you do as a parent. I am not saying they don’t care but they don’t have the parental passion for your child. I am also not saying they should not be held responsible or accountable but lord knows we don’t need anymore kids killing themselves or killing each other in order for the point to be made. Protect your kids first and foremost.
I am sorry that Jaheem had to endure this and not have the chance to grow up. My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends.
D. Kevin McNeir
April 22nd, 2009
9:44 am
We are a country that continues to celebrate the masculine, the macho, the arrogant and the destructive male image. And it MUST STOP! While we may be more alike than unalike, as poet Maya Angelou affirms, we are a diverse people, community, world. And yes, some of our little boys and girls may be gay, may be more masucline or feminine than SOME may desire … may even prefer Barbie or Tonka trucks as their play toys. So WHAT??!!!
As a divorced father who is an SGL man (yes, my children and family know and love me), an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church and an editor for a website that seeks to enlighten people of color (www.gbmnews.com), particularly those who are part of the SGL community, I know that this kind of incident occurs far too frequently. In fact we just posted a story about another young boy who took his life because of harassment from his peers. I have been an educator for over 15 years and once had a fifth grader come to me who had been bullied mercilessly and, in HIS case, knew that he was gay. I “bullied” my students, called in parents, worked with my principal, modeled a more loving behavior and told all my students that I “loved them just as they were.” It is a travesty to recognize how we can hate one another and feel good about it. But even more, this behavior continues for some into adulthood.Perhaps if we were more concerned about developing the total person in the public school system and less focused on teaching children to pass a statewide test, we would have better results, instilling characteristics like tolerance and compassion.
Tracie
April 22nd, 2009
9:57 am
After hearing the news, I went to my kids school in Cherokee County. I wanted to see how the school is handling these issues. I was told that it is handled on a case by case basis and they do not feel that it should be addressed to the whole student body. My son has been complaining about the same name calling and feeling alone. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to be one of those parents that “could have, or should have” and I end up burying my 10 year old because he is called gay. What do I do?
nurse&mother
April 22nd, 2009
10:25 am
D. McNeir- I hate to tell you,but it is not just boys wanting to appear “macho”. There are some very ugly catty girls. Trust me, I was a victim in late elementary and middle school and it wasn’t the boys teasing me!
Tanya
April 22nd, 2009
10:44 am
My son was bullyed in Gwinnett. He stood up for himself. Well it happens that when he hit the kid back he sprained the boys finger. WTF, don’t you know their family pressed charges against us. In addition the F****ing school kicked my son off the bus for two days. We had reported the bully before the incident and we got the short end of the stick. We moved him to another school.
Tired of the crap
April 22nd, 2009
11:08 am
I’m so troubled by this sad situation. My heart goes out to the boy, his family and friends. I do lay the blame for this at the feet of the black community, though. Homophobia runs deep in the black community as shown by the “DL gay brothas” who deny their orientation while married and then spread STD’s and AIDS thoughout. The black “clergy” preach homophobic hate in their “churches”. Black voters consistently vote to deny equal opportunity to gay people. I don’t know this school or the staff, but I do know that most of the Dekalb County Board of Education is black as are the majority or principals and teachers (and sudents). I can clearly believe that if this school has a black principal that he or she felt that if a child is being called “gay” names that it’s OK to let that happen, based upon the deep seated and pervasive bigotry black folks have for gays. I have absolutely no problem with black educators but let’s face some painful truths – black folks like to have gay folks to “pick on”. This type of bullying, and the horrible outcmes, will only stop when EVERYONE decides it’s best to accept EVERYONE else just as God made us. Discrimination against anyone is unpatriotic, un-American, un-Christian (Jewish, Muslum, Buddist, whatever) and cannot be tolerated. My comments about the black community are not bigoted remarks of my own as I attemt to treat everyone equally, but I also recognise the problems equally as well.
MomOfGaySon
April 22nd, 2009
11:50 am
Tracie, hang in there. If there is a chance your son IS gay, he needs to know that you think that is okay and you love him just as he is. My son was taunted mercilessly in middle school, but he continued to try to “fit in.” Kids kill themselves over gay taunts because society sends a clear message that they are bad and wrong. The sense of shame and fear runs deep – and because “gayness” doesn’t necessarily show, they try to change, to deny and hide it to others and themselves, just making the shame and fear grow stronger. Any kid would be immediately expelled for using the “n” word at shool against an African American child. But he “f’ word – the gay slur we’ve all heard – is routinely tolerated. Schools have ample avenues these days to preach racial equality, but our society still considers gays as sick at worst, second class at best. Until we treat all God’s children as equals, embracing our differences, we will continue to see these tragedies happen. All we can do as parents is to let our children know we love them inside and out. I’m sure Jaheem knew his parents loved him. My heart goes out to hem and to Jaheems siblings. I thank god my son made it out of middle school in one piece and is now a college student, secure and confident as he can be in a world where many people hate him for who he is.
Tara
April 22nd, 2009
12:02 pm
I agree with ’standupforyourchldren’….at least part of it.
Schools need to bring the good ole paddle back in the picture. When I was in school, our principal had a paddle in his office which petrified all of us. He even walked around the halls and cafeteria with it. I’m not sure if he ever used it, but there were urban legends about it. That was enough for me!!
goutami
April 22nd, 2009
12:23 pm
The parents of the bullies really need to wake up. Bullies are abusing their peers visually, and physically. Parents should be concerned that their children are not victims or perpetrators. The school knows who the bullies are. Throw them out of school. Make an example of them so future students who think picking on those that are different from them isn’t such a good idea.
Renee
April 22nd, 2009
1:30 pm
Dekalb County school system is a joke. My girls are being bullied everyday I have been up to the school because of this. They are getting jump on in the classroom. My child is so depress, I have went to the school board to ask for a emergency transfer because the school told me that they would not be able to keep my child safe while at school. And the princple at this High School would not sign off on it. We have file plenty of complaints about this group of kids and the sad part is the school knows about these kids, know that they are a problem at this school. and is doing nothing.
I have talk to the parents of these kid, nice people. but the kid still bothering other kids including mine. my Child hates going to this school, and I’m worried. My prayers go out to this family. We as parents have to come up with something to stop this from happening to another child.
ConcernedMom
April 22nd, 2009
1:34 pm
I can relate to the parents of the victims and i am currently experiencing the same situation at Cedar Grove High School. While I am trying to tell my son that due to his age, getting suspended may damage his opportunity to get into private school, a job or educational summer programs, he have come to the conclusion that fighting will eliminate the problem. These young men are brave enough to stand outside of his class rooms and try to intimidate him. The school’s initial response was ” no one has hit him” …I had to have the young arrested after 30 days of harrassment and the school is waiting for me to report the information they need to do their job… My son is not afraid to fight, its the bigger picture. In my case, atleast one teacher has asked officers to intervene before something happens. Why am I still doing the leg work and these confrontations are happening steps away from SRO’s?
SympathicDad
April 22nd, 2009
1:52 pm
I read this story with great sadness. Having come from a family of two teachers, and now with a teacher son, I fully understand the challenges they face. I have also raised two sons, both gainfully employed and well-adjusted. Teachers cannot stick their heads in the sand while innocent kids are being attacked. Society has become a cesspool of human indifference that lacks civility and compassion. How anyone at that school can hold their heads up and continue to call themselves “professional” is beyond me. Good people must act to save good kids, if we do not, what is left ? Most of the bullies in these urban schools are not controlled at home and cannot be controlled at school without strict and immediate discipline. Most come from female dominated households and then go to female dominated schools neither of which they (especially the males) respect. Boyfriends at their homes don’t offer any caring or guidance that’s needed and in many cases bully the kids and the mothers. Its a horrible situation. However, parents must strive to ensure that their child is being educated and not tormented. If a kid is in any way different or stands out they will probably be a target. In urban schools being light skinned, handsome or pretty, intelligent, good English skills, quiet, small or frail all will draw attention quick especially if the child is male. The bullies will act to cover their low self-esteem by targeting someone else. The bullies involved with the attack on this child should be brought up on legal charges and those responsible for his care should be fired. I don’t care how many signs hang on the wall.
Bullied
April 22nd, 2009
2:21 pm
When I was in high school I was bullied by a group of girls who were jealous. I did not realize it at the time, but I came from a good home and a good family. I was in honors classes and had a bright future. Many of these girls are struggling and living a lifestyle I would never want. It is hard to understand in the middle of it, but a lot of times bullying is out of jealousy or misunderstanding the other person. However, this does not make it ok, and these parents should be held just as responsible as these students.
I am now a teacher and, even in first grade, there are already some children who are mean and pick at other students. They learn it at HOME!! The saddest part, the parents think it is funny or cute and allow it. Well, I do not allow any kind of “bully” behavior in my classroom. A bully is typically someone who can be stopped just by standing up to them. If my kids are unable to stand up for themselves, I will do it for them.
If someone is bullying your child, go to the teacher! If she/he won’t do anything about it, go to the principal. DO NOT STOP TILL THE BULLYING HAS STOPPED!!! Our society wants to throw its hands up and act like there is nothing we can do to stop our kids from doing things- THEY ARE CHILDREN! WE are the adults and it is our responsibility to raise our children to be productive and positive citizens in this society. We have to retake our position as authority figures. We can not back down and just let these kids run their own lives. There is a reason why they are minors and we are responsible for them, because they need it!
This is a tragedy and I would venture to say that these children do not understand their role in this. When we raise our kids to only care about themselves and to do what makes them happy, we are doing them an injustice.
Cere
April 22nd, 2009
3:23 pm
DeKalb has this book called a Code of Conduct. It must be read by students (and parents) every year and everyone has to sign that they have read it. Sometimes, tests are given on the content. Well – I refused to sign it one year, after my daughter and several other children were victims of a bully at a DK elementary school. My reasoning was that the book focused on bullying and other unacceptable behaviors – and there was no mention of processes for reporting, or programs in place to protect VICTIMS of bullying. After several years, they have included reporting methods, however, there is still very little to address victims rights in the “code”.
Read it – here’s the link (and be prepared – it’s scary to think these things need to be “taught” to school children) -
http://www.dekalb.k12.ga.us/administration/safety/files/CF94E23E9CC342C89C35B60EFAAF4546.pdf
At any rate, here’s what the “Code” says about bullying
VIOLENCE, WEAPONS, DRUGS HOTLINE
6
Sponsored by the Georgia Department of Education, the HOTLINE provides a 24-hour reporting system for students to report weapons, violence (including bullying), or drugs anonymously by calling 1-877-SAY-STOP. Information is recorded and shared with the local school system and local law enforcement. An investigation is conducted upon receipt of the report.
BULLYING
State law prohibits bullying. State law mandates a discipline hearing after the third incident of bullying with a referral to an alternative school setting upon a finding of guilt (O.C.G.A. 20-2-145). The DeKalb School System will not tolerate bullying and other forms of harassment and, therefore, reserves the right to punish students after the first incident and upon a finding of guilt. Such punishment may include suspension, expulsion, or a referral to an alternative school. Please note: Any form of electronic bullying (cyberbullying) using school equipment, school networks, e-mail systems or committed at school is strictly prohibited.
OP
April 22nd, 2009
10:42 pm
My prayers go out to the little boy’s family. I have read a lot about the public schools from everyone on this blog. I just want you to know that some of the private schools are not the answer either! Our son is in 1st grade at a private Christian school here in GA and he has been bullied twice now. After writing a second letter, the school came back at us with “maybe we should get parenting classes” and “boys will be boys”. The school just wants us to keep quiet. I’ve witnessed many other kids getting picked on verbally and physically on the playground too. Maybe reading or hearing about this precious child being lost will open their eyes to what could happen to one of their own students if they are so passive about bullying.
Savvy
April 23rd, 2009
12:15 pm
This seems to an adult problem. From the parents that are not involved with children or supportive of their teachers, to the teachers that ignore the bullied students, to the Administrators that ignore the teachers…this is 100% an adult problem.
KUDOS to the all the adults: whether you are the involved parents, or the vigilant teachers, or the dutiful Administrators…KUDOS to you for doing your job and the right thing EVERYDAY!!!
tls
April 23rd, 2009
1:55 pm
My child went through a similar experience at a Henry County Middle School. He would try to defend himself verbally and ended up always being in trouble. He reported the problem to a school counselor who spoke to only one child about the bullying. The principal told me, it did not matter what other kids were saying to my child, he had no right to respond to it. The sad things is in middle school these children use the word gay as an insult but don’t realize how damaging the use of the word, inappropriately directed, can be to a child. Our only recourse waas to move our child to another school. His behavior and his grades have improved dramatically. My heart goes out to Jaheem’s family. You can’t be at school with your children 24-7 and the school administration should have done a better job of protecting this young man from bullies.
Lee
April 23rd, 2009
7:21 pm
Core beliefs are taught at home. We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children to respect others and consequences will come for those break the rules. If we don’t teach them, we are doing them a terrible disservice, because society will teach them later when they are arrested. My heart goes out to this family and to all children who suffer bullying.
Dee
April 24th, 2009
1:10 am
As a parent of an eleven year old, who has just started middle school, my heart goes out to the family of this young child and others who have to put up with the constant teasing and taunting of bullies.
Growing up, I witnessed first hand how cruel kids can be. My sister who is now 47 years old had a very, very hard time in school. She was overweight and very dark-skinned. Believe it or not, she was teased by her teacher Mrs. Stroud more than by the students. Till’ this day she talks about her ordeal. The teacher would call her out in front of the other students. Tell her she stunk. Accuse her of stealing her things from her desk. She did all kinds of evil stuff to my sister. Keep in mind my sister was only 11 or 12 years old during this time. When the teacher would ridicule her the other kids would “fall out” laughing. Can you imagine how she felt! You would think that the teacher would have been the adult in this situation. However, her taunting and comments gave the other students “fuel” to tease my sister with. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
As a substitute teacher in DeKalb, I witness kids teasing and taunting kids almost everyday about “simple” stuff. If their pants are on their waste (the kids tease). If the to people of the same sex simply wave at each other (the kids tease). They call them gay, fruity, and any other name that will get them laughs from the crowd. I really think its sickening!
I always think to myself the kids that’s doing the teasing about being gay should look at themselves with their pants hanging off their BUTTS!. If that’s not fruity then I guess it’s something wrong with me.
Seriously, you can sue the schools all you want; however, I believe it starts at home. Many parents sit at home with these kids and laugh about the things their kids come home telling them about their classmates. Rarely, do they teach their kids about NOT saying things to hurt people; instead they encourage it.
God Bless America!
dutchess
April 24th, 2009
1:40 am
The first thing i would like to say is sorry for the family of Jaheem..
Secondly, I know first hand that talking to the school/teachers make it only worse and worse and worse.. not only do they barely do anything, they make it worse because now the bullier got in trouble and will gang up on the kid..there is nothing i have seen yet that was in the favor of a kid being bullied..
I am a teacher and I simply do not tolerate any kind of bullying behaviour.. but when i hear that a parent went to the head of school and talked to the kid and his/her parent the bullying becomes worse and worse..
I hate to say this but if this is happening to your child the best way to stop it and stop it all is take your child to another school make a new fresh start. and this is not to punish your child in any way (which it might come accross as) this is to protect your child in every way you could possibly do.
Good luck to all of you
C
Lisa
April 24th, 2009
11:04 am
Well I was raised to never start a fight but always finish one. I have raised my child that way and I hope she raises my grandson that way.
dekalb mom
April 24th, 2009
11:00 pm
While my son was in middle school another child harassed him. One week he could not ride the school bus. Unfortunately the afterschool bus forgot to pick him up. When I picked him up from daycare I was told I had to call the school. My son had to defend himself from this boy. The little brat tried to jump my son. Instead my son gave him a run for his money. He thought because my son was quiet he could bully him. This incident happened at Redan Middle School. The assistant principal questioned my child without returning the several calls I made asking to be present. My child is in the gifted program and never had problems at school.
My son’s reward for defending himself was a two day in-house suspension. When I complained to the superintendent’s office the assistant principal(who fortunately is no longer at the school) made it her personal mission to make my son’s school year a living hell.My son was ill. They previously called his grandparents who are on the pick up list. Apparently they did not add this to the computer. I had to drive an hour from work when his granddad could get him in five minutes. I picked him up and there were his grandparents on the pick up list. I went up there and went off on them and filed another written complaint; the assistant principal took every opportunity to punish my child. I did not find out a lot of what happened for some time.
My son is doing well in high school . Outgoing .
My point. The mother of this wonderful child did everything right. She tried to speak to the school in a respectful manner. She did the appropriate thing. Unfortunately I have had get up in people’s face and be very loud and obnoxious at times .
My condolences to the family . You are in my prayers.
Cere
April 25th, 2009
9:39 am
Another Frustrated Teacher, I understand your frustration. I think teachers need to feel that they can remove a child from class or the playground or the cafeteria due to bullying and send them directly to the principal or counselor or some other support person – allowing the teacher to continue on with the lesson uninterrupted. (At least this is what the nuns did when I attended Catholic school in the 70’s.) Being able to remove students from class and sent out for discipline is imperative to staying on track with the lessons.
This school had several people at the administrative level who should have and could have helped to stop the bullying in the building. This school (a Title 1 school) has a PhD principal (I would assume that means she knows “something” about educating children), TWO assistant principals, TWO counselors, and an ESOL teacher. In fact these are the stated school goals on the website:
SCHOOL GOALS
To provide educational programs and experiences that will meet the needs of the whole child: physically, emotionally, intellectually, and socially.
To maintain a safe an orderly learning environment.
To increase parent involvement in the educational process of their children.
It looks to me like another case of DeKalb leadership simply “writing” up some goals and then not taking them seriously. This mother tried to be involved – she was ignored. This child wrote about his torment in his journal – which school leaders have apparently covered up. These goals sound so good on paper – however in implementation, obviously, no one really cares.
My heart goes out to the Herrera family in their unnecessary, tragic loss. It’s a loss for us all – all who try to believe that these stated goals like caring for the “whole child”, encouraging “parental involvement” and maintaining “safe” environments mean something.
BTW — The Stone Mt mailing address covers a vast area – I would imagine that he was attending his assigned school. That’s a non-issue. Further, these folks were new to this country and perhaps unaware of their options and rights. Again, the administration could have helped.
dekalb mom
April 25th, 2009
3:08 pm
It does not take a degree to respond to a parent’s concerns. I am acquainted with several teachers. From my experience the first approach of many (not all) schools is to brush the issue under the rug. My child was getting hit on the head with an umbrella . My child thought she would get in trouble. This went on for a month. The bus driver did nothing. I went to the principal an informed her of the incident. I told her my child would defend herself. By that day the principal was on the school bus. I forgot to mention I took off work and was watching everything. Then I followed behind the school bus and watched to make sure nothing happened. Periodically I come and monitor the bus. I come to the school. By the time my first child was out of middle school I was emotionally and physically drained.
There are a lot of good teachers and principals. However some are there for a paycheck. I don’t care about that “no bully policy” ! Someone at that school should have helped Jaheem. There is no excuse.
Meme
April 25th, 2009
3:54 pm
The bully in my class is a 6th grade goth girl. I report her behavior to the office on a regular basis. They call her up and talk to her but a few days later she is at it again. I keep of record of what she is doing just in case.
sr
April 27th, 2009
11:00 am
My son was bullied for a year and a half (1st grade and most of 2nd grade). The final straw came when my 8 year old told me “My class would be happier if I had never been born” and I withdrew him the next day to homeschool. When this story broke I just cried, that could have been my son. My heart just aches for this family. It sickens me to think a bunch of grown-ups knew this was going on and did nothing to help this poor child. My prayers are with his family.
NR
April 28th, 2009
11:16 am
I am a mother of 4 and have experience the bullying first hand with my young child. It seems that no matter how much you talk to the administrators of the school very little is being done. The problem seems to go away for a few weeks but the issue always resurface.
I am in the process of opening a non-profit private school for parent who cannot afford to send their children to private schools. The name of the school will be called Redirection.
I have had enough of the children that are looked upon as different because their not as rough as others. Children are in school to learn not to be harassed.
interested grandparent
April 28th, 2009
1:56 pm
One of the reasons that there is so much bullying in schools is related to abuse by the teacher. My grandson recently got a progress report with only 1 bad grade. The teacher that gave bad grade said in class, no one should speak to ???? because he forges signatures. Naturally, everyone in class laughed. Although my grandson had answered no when asked if he forged his parents signature, she took it upon herself to ridicule him. Apparently, seeking ammunition, she took the class progress record to his homeroom teacher who said, oh yes, that’s his parent’s signature. Well if you think she ever apologized to him, I have some swamp land, I’d like to sell you. And we wonder where the kids get the bullying from..
ConcernedMom
April 28th, 2009
3:34 pm
Apparently, moving your child around does not eliminate the bullies. They get to continue enrollment at these schools and prey on other children. I asked for a hardship and was asked to drive my son to a school over an hour away and be there to pick him up at 3:10 (as if I dont have a job). I am waiting on a response for a opportunity to change based on NCLB but the two alternatives are also atleast an hour away. So my son is the one being punished for doing the right thing and Dekalb County is not doing what they can to assist in appopriate placement. I am tired and dissappoiinted with the whole process.
Cathy
April 28th, 2009
7:46 pm
Why are none of the bullys or their parents in this case being procecuted? At the very least their names should be on file like sex offenders. That way parents could decide whether they want to buy house #1 with 4 documented bullys and 1 sex offender or 4 sex offenders and 1 bully.
Same difference: sex offender, child molester, bully. The end result is the same age is the only difference. They destroy a life and usually a family.
franssusan
April 29th, 2009
1:12 pm
It goes without saying that this is a sad and tragic event. However, blaming the school for the boy’s death is wrong. Why didn’t this boy’s parents notice that something was wrong with him and get help for him. The child had to have been showing some symptoms of depression or something. Why did the parents not notice? Parents expect the school to take care of everything for their children these days. The school is not a nanny. Parents are responsible. It’s not as if he hung himself at school. Where was this boy’s father? He’s responsible, too. It’s time to blame parents for what their children are doing…not the schools.
Chanelle
April 29th, 2009
11:32 pm
It is ashame that the administration didn’t not do anything about it. To know that this young boy wasn’t even up there for a whole year and killed himself is very bad. Why must thesee young children do all this bullying to this young boy. If it was up to me I would make each and every last one of these children sit in a juvenile facility and think about what they have done. Before they learn there school work there bullying people children.
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April 30th, 2009
2:14 pm
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Terminator
May 15th, 2009
5:41 am
Bullying? A Solution? Beat the living crap out of the parents of the so-called bully who do nothing to stop their demonic children. Have your kids that are the target kick those bullies in the teeth. Maybe this will get society’s attention….
sandra hyatt
May 18th, 2009
9:29 am
my diaughter is subject to this same thing she made a list of the bullies and the school tribunal took her out of school permently nothing was done to the bullies though she was angry when she made the list , this is wrong the schools should punish the bullies not the victims, i ask for advice to help get my child back in school /she needs her education but now can not get it . this was brantley county .
if you can help in any way please e mail me hyatt462@yahooo.com
my prayers go out to the family, my child stays to depressed by all this can a law suite be done i wonder because of what the school has not done , stop the bullies for this family