He’s mayo to my mustard – celebrating 15 years of marriage

Editor’s Note: There is a corollary blog below about our anniversary get-away — including photos! So check that one out next!

My husband and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this week, and I wanted to write a very flowery ode about how much I love him.

Michael and Theresa on their wedding day in 1994.

Michael and Theresa on their wedding day in 1994.

What I have learned this week is that I don’t write mushy very well.

After numerous tries to think up loving, yet non-cheesy, things to say about my husband, I have spent much of the week Googling divorce statistics instead.

I couldn’t find the one I was searching for. I wanted to know “How many couples make it 15 years?” However, I did learn that because we were married in our early 20s (I had just turned 22, and he had just turned 24), we are in the highest risk category of divorce for first marriages.

So really, truly — hooray for us! We made it 15 years!

Anyone who knows us, or who reads this blog with any regularity, knows that my husband and I are polar opposites. On the surface, it’s kind of a surprise that we are even together. He’s grumpy, and I’m cheerful. He’s very picky about with whom he will converse, I will talk to anyone and everyone, including total strangers. He’s formal and solid, where I’m loosey-goosey! He’s strict with the kids while I’m always handing out hugs and treats. He’s great at math so it’s OK that I can’t work a geometric proof.

Theresa and Michael Easter Day 2009 (with a grumpy, tired baby!)

Theresa and Michael Easter Day 2009 (with a grumpy, tired baby!)

The other day we went in to sign our taxes. The kids were in the car so we went up separately. I’m usually the one that deals with the accountant and in fact, I don’t think they had ever met my husband before. My husband came back to the car chuckling after signing the forms. He said the secretary asked him “Are you as talkative as your wife?” My husband looked at her and said dryly, “I don’t think two people that talked that much could live together.”

I contend that it is this type of opposing characteristics that actually makes our marriage not just work but keeps it strong. And even though we fight, disagree and often have to compromise, our traits and skills complement one another. I make Michael a nicer person. Michael makes me a neater person. I make Michael a more compassionate person, and he makes me smarter.  He contains my enthusiasm to a reasonable level, and I make him a little less Eeyore. Our traits combine together to make us each better people, better spouses and better parents.

I’m not good at gushy but I can say this:

When I met Michael 17 years ago in college, I thought he was the smartest, funniest, most fascinating person I had ever met, and I still feel that way today!  I couldn’t be partners with a boring person, and Michael always makes me laugh and always has new, interesting things to tell me.  He is a learner and an explorer. He is fearless and unbelievably confident. He makes me feel safe, secure and helps me not live scared.

He is the mayo to my mustard. He’s the cookie dough to my chocolate chips. He’s the peanut butter to my jelly. (I was hungry when I wrote this.)

My anniversary wish is that we have 60 more years to fight, compromise and grow together, and that’s about as mushy as it gets.

How many years have you been with your spouse? How do you “work” as a couple? Does anybody know how many couples make it 15 years?

49 comments Add your comment

35 Years In

April 12th, 2009
7:35 pm

Congratulations, Theresa! My husband and I married in 1973 and we will soon celebrate our 36th anniversary. I was 19 at the time and he was 20. Our personalities are different but we both tend to be quiet, introspective people. I think couples today are too quick to say “forget this, I’m outta’ here” when they reach a rough patch. Marriage is definitely something that requires compromise and sometimes there is “work” involved in staying together. You have to find and keep whatever it was that got you together in the first place. I can’t imagine not having my husband by my side.

momtoAlex&Max

April 12th, 2009
7:45 pm

First off congratulations. Second, I thought that when you met him you threw a dictionary at him??? LOL.

motherjanegoose

April 12th, 2009
7:54 pm

CONGRATS THERESA! Birthday wishes too! I enjoyed your blog. We have been married almost 27 years and have some similarities. Just when I think I have converted my husband to my side of the fence…he rebels…LOL.

His parents were WHATEVER and mine were CHECKLIST OF RULES TO FOLLOW IN THE NEXT 30 MINUTES. It was #@(( at first and sometimes can still be explosive. The best thing that I have learned lately, is not to try to please him all the time and thus be miserable myself. I remember hearing this somewhere, “if you were frying eggs and one split open on the pan…would you just eat it yourself or give it to a family member…” I used to always put myself last and that sometimes really annoyed me, as I got the short end of the stick.

Now, we have compromise. This is why I took my daughter to NYC without Dad. He does NOT like culture, varied menus or out there experiences. We have enjoyed lots of places without Dad and since I pay our way….it is not a huge problem. We do have our family trips to the beach that we enjoy together….resting and relaxing. He takes trips with his boss or our son.

For us, we have separate bank accounts but divvy up the monthly expenses. We have different ideas about money. I am thrifty and hate to waste money. My parents were really cheap. My Dad is somewhat wealthy but you would not know it as he is so tight. His family never had any money because they lived hand to mouth. He is better about money now than he used to be. We rarely make a huge purchase without checking in with each other.

We always eat as a family together and I always sit down and chat with him when he gets home. He does not like me to call him at work, just for chatting. Sometimes I just check in for 2 minutes, as I am usually busy myself.

We attend church regularly and have friends together in our community. We have dinner together with his friends and my friends. I eat out with clients a lot and love to meet new people.

I read a lot of books and he likes TV and movies. He is excellent on the computer and I am challenged.

Since we have been away from family for so long ( his parents NEVER came to to our house to visit us…EVER) we have always made a little family from closer friends who live near us. We still stay in touch with those who we were close to in Texas, 20 years ago.

One last comment…we DO fight! My sister, who has been married almost 25 years tells me that she and her husband have never ever fought. I think this is impossible and would love to hear if there are other couples that NEVER fight….how does this happen? I really think that she defers to what ever he wants in all ways. I am NOT that type of a wife!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 12th, 2009
7:56 pm

I threw the dictionary after we started dating. He was my editor. When we met we were both reporters for the college paper — I was just 19. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. We talked some that first quarter, but he decided over Christmas break that he wanted to date me. (He claims he thought about me the whole break!!) When we returned to school, he started pursuing me, and we started dating. I think it was the spring quarter and we had been together for a little while when I threw the dictionary at him (unabridged). I;m trying to scan in wedding photos now! We’ll see if it works.

35 Years — Congratulations to you as well!! I hope we make it that long. I think you’re right about young couples not working through the rough patches. In an earlier draft of this column, I wrote about several rough patches in our marriage. When we moved back to Georgia and lived with my folks while looking for house was a very tough time. We disagreed a lot about spending money. That was our first biggest, scariest expenditure. I literally told him OK if we’re going to break up, now is the time to do it before we buy a house and before we had kids. He got me back where we started — my parents’ house. But we worked through that stressful time and things got better. I also think the birth of our first child was a very difficult time us. I had post-partum depression and didn’t realize it and the transition to stay-at-home mother was very stressful for me. But we go through that too!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 12th, 2009
8:27 pm

OK — that scanning took a lot of work. It didn’t want to upload it because the wedding photo was too big. But I finally got it to work. Now looking for decent present-day shot.

DB

April 12th, 2009
8:45 pm

Congratulations, Theresa! Happy anniversary!

For the stats you’re looking for, look here: http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html. Basically, 43% of first marriages fail within the first 15 years. Which means that 57% of them survive 15 years. So you’re still in the majority, for now!

My husband and I will celebrate 27 years next month. We married in our mid-20s after 5 or 6 years relationship of on-and-off dating.

I tend to agree with “35 Years In” — I think one of the biggest things missing in new relationships today is commitment, the raw determination that this marriage WILL work, come hell or high water (barring some basic deal-breakers such as adultery, child abuse, etc.) I’m constantly shocked at how some couples go into marriage thinking, “well, if it doesn’t work out, that’s what divorce is for.” To quote Sleepless In Seattle, “Marriage is hard enough without going into it with such low expectations.” And, IMHO, I also think that living together doesn’t do anyone — especially the woman — any favors. “The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49 percent. After
10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations.” Because of lack of commitment — knowing you have an easy “out” tends to make it a viable alternative to the sometimes painful work of making it work.

Jesse's Girl

April 12th, 2009
10:35 pm

OOHHHH….I love you guys!!! This is so much like Jesse and I! I adore him and there are those who can’t understand why. He worships me and there is most defintiely a small contingency that remains baffled by that!! But it all comes out in the wash! We are in love and always will be….just like you and Eyeore!!!

BlondeHoney

April 12th, 2009
10:51 pm

Happy anniversary Theresa & Michael..god bless :) unfortunately, my marriage ended after 20 years; it takes two to want to work at it and since I was working on it all by myself without him the end was inevitable. Hindsight being what it is, I have TONS of advice on how to prevent a marriage from imploding, so if you want to do a blog on that count me in :)

[...] Editor’s Note: This is a corollary blog to accompany my column about how our marriage works after 15 years. Please … [...]

nurse&mother

April 13th, 2009
1:15 am

congrats Theresa! I am right behind you. My husband and I will celebrate 15 years in December.

DB, I agree with you about the committment part of your post. I will say that my husband and I did live together briefly while I was transferring from UGA to nursing school. We were engaged while we lived together (6 months). My mom had moved out of town and I really didn’t have anywhere to stay. I was trying to determine if I wanted to live in ATL or commute an hour.

Theresa, my husband and I started off polar opposites, but strangely we have become more and more like each other with each passing year. We still have a few areas where we differ on opinions.

One of my secrets to a happy marriage is committment. Another secret is a good sense of humour and seperate bank accounts. We NEVER fight about money.

Jeff

April 13th, 2009
5:27 am

Congratulations Theresa!

My wife and I have only been together a year and a half, and most of y’all who have been around for a few years here know all about all that! :)

I don’t have any secrets to a good marriage yet, other than to note how very accurate the saying is that the first year is one of the most difficult. In fact, T and I had a conversation just a month or two ago about how we don’t fight NEAR as often over the past 6 months or so as we did in that first year.

Of course, it also helps that we have some similar interests and some interests that we pursue separately. For example, we both like watching House, Reaper, and disaster movies, but she also like the more horror/thriller type movies, whereas I tend to go more scifi/hard core action. Or her photography pursuits, vs my political ones.

The great thing about it though is that every vacation right now feels like another honeymoon. Of course, this is pre-kids and the fact that last week’s cruise was my first one since the honeymoon – also a cruise – probably played greatly into that!

FCM

April 13th, 2009
7:05 am

“May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!”

Congratulations to you and Michael on 15 years!

Kathy

April 13th, 2009
9:09 am

Congrats Theresa! My hubby and I will celebrate 7 years in October. We are definitely polar opposites, but we balance each other nicely. We each had a “starter spouse” many years ago (we were both very young and very immature), so we work very hard to make this marriage work. I fell in love with him 12 years ago and I fell in love all over again when we became parents. I love watching him with Little E. Watching him grow as a father has made me appreciate him more as my husband. Now he still drives me a little crazy, but I’m sure I drive him crazier! We stay strong by making sure we have a big, all-day date once per month. Date Day has become my favorite day of each month! I love having him to myself for the whole day.

MomsRule

April 13th, 2009
9:19 am

Congrats on 15 years!

Is anyone else having trouble accessing the other topic today?

Michelle

April 13th, 2009
9:26 am

Congratulations! 15 years is wonderful! We just celebrated our 7th year. My sister, who is a year younger than me, just celebrated her 19th year of marriage! They got married when she was 19 (they had even dated for a couple of years while whe was in high school)! They have survived the death of their first born child shortly after her birth.

I think one of the biggest challenges is deciding which battle needs to be fought, and which to just surrender! I agree with the others who say that it takes committment by BOTH people, not just one! In today’s society, divorce is SO acceptable. It’s a shame.

Congratulations again!!

jct

April 13th, 2009
9:31 am

Congratulations. I hope you both have a great week.

SEK

April 13th, 2009
9:50 am

Congrats Theresa! I loved your wedding pic! I have been married just shy of 5 years (we were both 23) and I agree that marriage is a lot of work. I always tell couples: “You BOTH have to compromise at least 1/2 the time, and you will be ok.”

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 13th, 2009
10:34 am

Guys — let me know if the other entry is not pulling up — I have a lot of photos loaded in there so I don’t know if that could cause problems!!

Michelle

April 13th, 2009
11:15 am

I cannot get into the other link!

Penguinmom

April 13th, 2009
11:26 am

Congrats on 15!

We are getting ready to celebrate our 21st anniversary. We have a very committed relationship but I’ll have to say that the last 5 were probably our toughest. 3 kids and their activities, working, money, just general life combined to try to pull us apart. We are moving past some of this now and working on intentional time together.

I guess the main thing I would say is that Marriage is a constant work in progress. There is never a time when you’ve ‘made it’ as far as a marriage goes. My in-laws divorced after 35 years together. Fortunately, they’re back together again now. Every marriage hits rough patches, the ones who make it are the ones where the partners are committed to working through those patches and making it out the other side.

Stan

April 13th, 2009
11:47 am

Congrats! We will reach 15 as well in October this year, after knowing each other for just 4 months. So we haven’t even quite known each other for 15 years yet :)

I can’t view the other topic today either.

xavier&jaydens mom

April 13th, 2009
1:10 pm

Congratulation Theresa on your 15 years!!

My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and I must say its a struggle!! I am doing everything I can in my power to stay in this for the long haul, but I’m just not sure! I don’t know what the problem is other than lack of communication, we just can’t talk about anything, children, pets, home, finances, without it turning into a huge arguement. He’s 47 and I’m 35, he thinks it may be the age difference, I don’t think that’s the problem. My wish is that we make it 15 years, and I would appreciate any and all advice on making this happen!!

Penguinmom

April 13th, 2009
1:40 pm

X&J’sMom – I highly recommend Love Life for Every Married Couple by Ed Wheat. It has some really practical advice on growing a stronger relationship.
The only other thing I can recommend (from counseling sessions we attended many years ago) is learn to use the ‘I feel… ‘ sentence way of talking. Instead of ‘You never take out the trash.’ ; “I feel stressed when the trash isn’t taken out.” Takes work to reword your thoughts in this way but it helps to take the accusation out of the statement. When someone doesn’t feel accused, they are more likely to discuss instead of argue.

SouthFultonMom

April 13th, 2009
1:52 pm

Congrats on 15 years! I’ve been married 18 years, we married young and still have a wonderful marriage. We did live together first, but I guess we’re in that low percentage of people that actually make it. I love being married to my husband. And we’re also complete opposites. He’s much more passive than I am, but if we were the same, we’d be divorced by now for sure. I wish you 15 more years of wedded bliss!

Teacher, Too

April 13th, 2009
2:24 pm

I wonder what the stats are for those people who live together at an older age vs. those that live together in their 20s or even 30s. My boyfriend and I live together, but we are both in our 40s. We do plan to get married eventually, but we aren’t in a hurry. My boyfriend is divorced, so I think he’s a little more scared of getting married than I am.

I also think that because we are older, established in our careers,and don’t have children, our life together doesn’t have as many obstacles to overcome.

lakerat

April 13th, 2009
2:52 pm

Congrats – it is a struggle EVERY day, but some things are worth it!

On a lighter note, you do realize the best way to know that one of your blogs – such as the one that is a corrollary to this one – is not working is by looking at the number of responses (or lack of responses). In this case, you only have one response, and I, and evidently others, cannot access that posting. You are having the same problems you had 2 weeks ago in the cutting and pasting of whatever it is that you are cutting and pasting! But, you have other things on your mind this week!

motherjanegoose

April 13th, 2009
2:54 pm

Still waiting to hear if there are other couples out there who NEVER fight, like my sister.
I cannot imagine it. We do not fight often but every once in a while we have a blow up.
Can a marriage occur where the couple NEVER fights?

new mom

April 13th, 2009
2:57 pm

Theresa–congratulations on 15 years!

We aren’t too far behind you–this June we will have been married for 14 years. We’ve had our rough times, but we try to have more good days then bad (and thankfully, most are good days!) We are very different, but I agree that it helps that we’re not alike in a lot of ways. Just in the issues that matter–our priorities, faith, our daughter, money, etc. He loves all things technological, and I love board games. He is trying out his new kindle, and I love the smell of a really old book from the library. I love to cook and he “cooks” by ordering a pizza. We definitely have different definitions of the word “clean”. But I wouldn’t trade him for all the money in the world…he’s the best daddy I have ever seen….I could go on and on.

I have learned one important lesson in our years together: he can’t read my mind. Or even take a good educated guess. I am (finally) getting better at telling him what I’m thinking, what I wish he would do to help me, and how much I appreciate him. The days I remember to be more open with him are usually good days :)

PS I can’t get into that other blog for today either.

new mom

April 13th, 2009
3:03 pm

MJG–we certainly aren’t one of those couples who never fight. My parents used to tell me, after they had one of their disagreements, that if someone said they never faught, that someone in the marriage was not being honest. So I’m not afraid of a good ’spirited discussion’ as long as both fight fair, avoiding personal attacks and getting defensive. (easier said then done!)

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 13th, 2009
3:45 pm

I cutted and pasted correctly but clearly there is a problem — I have sent a note to our tech people. I already looked at it once but I’ll look again — I think it’s because I posted 5 pictures with it. I don’t know — so frustrating!! I spent a lot of time on it!!! bummer!!

Stan

April 13th, 2009
3:45 pm

MJG, I suspect it depends on your definition of “fight”. In nearly 15 years I’d say my wife and I have fought maybe twice. We’ve disagreed or bickered or snapped at each other a gazillion times though. But only 2 that rank worth of the term fight, and no I don’t mean they got physical, they were just serious, loud disagreements :)

motherjanegoose

April 13th, 2009
4:46 pm

Stan…good point….but you admit that you have fought!

My sister’s husband tells her what to do. Sometimes, when I am on the phone with her, she has to hang up because her husband said so. This would be fighting grounds for me….LOL.

She has told myself and my other sister that she has the best husband in the world….perhaps it is true! I value my independence too much to play second fiddle all the time.

motherjanegoose

April 13th, 2009
5:08 pm

P.S. as long as my sister is happy, this is her business. We have had many heated arguments in the past almost 27 years….I am way too opinionated to sit back and not rock the boat. Maybe it is just me. We usually have a boisterous “disagreement” about once or twice per year …nothing ever physical…just verbal. My Mother nearly always deferred to my Dad and she was NOT happy with her life. My sister does seem happy and I guess that is what matters.

DB

April 13th, 2009
5:34 pm

Theresa, I was able to get on it using another browser (Opera), but not IE. Sounds like it was a lovely getaway!

MJG: My husband and I don’t fight that much — usually, if it’s something that is that important to the other one, we just defer to the one that feels the strongest about it. I can’t even really remember the last time we had a real fight — we had a few in the early years, and during the exhaustion years of early childhood, but nothing, really, in the last 15 years or so.

fk

April 13th, 2009
5:58 pm

Happy anniversary Theresa & Michael! My husband and I have been married almost 23 years. I was 23 and he was 25 on our big day. My wedding pics scream 1986. We are very different, yet very much alike in some ways. He still makes me laugh after all these years.

nurse&mother

April 13th, 2009
6:57 pm

Penguinmom, I agree wholeheartedly regarding phrasing one’s sentences. No one can argue what you feel. A sentence starting off with “you” automatically puts that person on the defensive.

Good communication is a must. Never assume that your partner knows what you feel, think, and know. That is a huge pitfall. Also, make your needs known. Marriage is definitely give and take.

While my husband and I very seldom have any disagreements, a few spats are inevitable (imho). The first big blow up in MANY years occurred last summer when my son had his tonsils out. My 2.5yo son refused to take his pain meds and antibiotics (and would scream bloody murder when we tried to get these in him). He also refused to drink anything. My husband and I were worried sick and VERY sleep deprived. Our nerves were shot! Around day 3 (after an ER visit to top off his tank with IV fluids and IV morphine), we had a disagreement regarding how often to give the tylenol. We were already giving him more Tylenol than the OTC dose per doctor’s orders. My husband wanted to give it every 3.5 hours instead of 4 because by the time 4 hours was up, the boy was fit to be tied. I told him that we were already at the max and that Tylenol can damage the liver (and can happen acutely). My husband made the mistake of saying that I didn’t care about my son’s pain (he really didn’t mean to say that- that was the worry and sleep deprivation talking LOL). I went off on that man! I was ready to send him out the door for the night. LOL. After a few minutes of the bantering back and forth, we suddenly realized that yes, we both care about our son AND each other. We quickly apologized and realized that we were just so stressed out.

BTW, we haven’t had an argument like that in about 12 years. I think under normal circumstances, it would have never gotten to that point.

motherjanegoose

April 13th, 2009
7:20 pm

Here is an example of one of our fights:

I have now been in 49 states and typically fly, rent and drive cars all alone. Several years ago, we were on our way to the beach…my husband was driving as it is rare for me to drive since he is a MUCH better driver than me ( in his opinion tee hee) . It was getting dark and we were lost
( according to me and NOT my husband). We did not have GPS back then. The kids were tired and we were in southern Alabama out in the middle of NO WHERE. I wanted to stop and ask directions ( heaven forbid) he did not. We wasted over a half an hour until I finally said, ‘ LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR’.
He then told the kids that I could not find my way out of a wet paper bag. I was FURIOUS.
Excuse me…I have been more places and driven more rental cars BY MYSELF that he ever will.
I have navigated the subway all over the country and found my way through many airports. Our kids still laugh at that one as it was RIDICULOUS. This is what I mean by a fight.

Another one is that he frequently misplaces his keys and it makes me NUTTY! I used to help him look for them but no more. We have had vacations where we spent time looking for lost keys. I have stressed about missing flights or meetings since we could not find the keys. The rental car keys now state that there is a $250 fine for lost keys. Since I generally put the rental car in my name ( I belong to clubs with rental perks) and on my credit card, I want the keys in my purse, as soon as we arrive at our destination…does this make sense or would you just let it go? If he would pay for the car, I would be fine with him taking the keys but I do not want the hassle. Is this wrong?

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 13th, 2009
7:30 pm

Nurse and mother — I remember when your son was sick. You shared with us while that was happening. Soo very stressful! I think totally understandable that squabble would occur under those circumstances. We fought a lot when our first baby came for similar reasons. You’re exhausted and just trying to do what’s best for the baby and a lot of times you weren’t actually sure what that was.

FCM

April 13th, 2009
7:50 pm

Theresa, it is possible that the issue is IE. FireFox and Opera seem able to open all the blogs. IE does bite, but since so many people use it, your tech people will want to make sure the blogs are compatible with it.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 13th, 2009
9:05 pm

Hey — Even thought I imported it correctly, the tech guy still found some tags that were screwing it up — I was using Firefox and had no problems. I do think the IE does not work as well. But now I know that even if I upload it correctly, I may have to still look for extra tags.

DB

April 14th, 2009
7:03 am

Has he ever actually LOST a key, that required the company to come out with a replacement key? Or does he just misplace them? As long as he’s willing to repay the $250 for a lost key, as well as the flight upgrades after you’ve missed your flight, etc., then I’d let it go. Or else just suggest that you store the key in your pocketbook while on vacation. Or in your travel kit, carry around one of those temporary hooks that you can stick on the back of the hotel room door – then he can put the keys on the hook and not feel like you’re babysitting or nagging him (didn’t say it was logical, just that it is what it is)

I didn’t say that there aren’t things that we do that drive the other crazy — but that’s not a fight, in my book. For example, I HATE arriving at the airport at the last minute, wondering if I’m going to make my flight. My husband, on the other hand, considers his timing perfect if the door is hitting him in the butt as he gets on the plane. (We missed our honeymoon flight because of this tendency!)

motherjanegoose

April 14th, 2009
7:26 am

DB…he has not LOST a rental car key and this is because I now hold the keys. We have spent way too much time looking for things. I pay when things go wrong and I do not want to.

I refuse to be late to my clients (who have contracted me for a certain time at a speaking engagement and all of my supplies are locked in the trunk) because he cannot locate the keys and I thought the family should tag along for my business trip. He has lost credit cards and had to cancel …then find it in a shirt pocket a week later. I cannot be stranded in another state and not be able to rent a car since our credit card has been frozen. I solved this by getting my own cards.
He was so sick before Christmas and would not go to the doctor. I “harped” on it for days. Finally, his boss had another employee drive him home, to head to the doctor. He was border line pnuemonia ( sp) and could not breath. I guess this is more of an argument and not a fight, as it is driving me crazy ( as you say) and I am not holding it in…I am verbalizing that I am upset and then he is countering me that I am being ridiculous ( loudly).

We are both stubborn and perhaps that is the problem. When I see a problem, I want to look for a solution and just DO IT. Like me putting the keys in my purse, which is what I want to do and this makes him seethe. I think he feels that I do not trust him.We have hooks at home for the keys but he rarely uses them. The spare set ( for both cars) is there and when it is gone, I am anxious.

My husband is very intelligent in his arena but the little things do not bother him. He has never had to stand up in front of 500 people and speak for 6 hours without the material…I have ( due to luggage lost on a flight connection) and this is a MAJOR stress for me…LOL.

FCM

April 14th, 2009
10:06 am

http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/firefox.html

The above will allow you to download (free) a browser that better supports the new blog format.

Mac

April 15th, 2009
8:49 am

I’ve always found him to be admirable. And I respect him, even if it’s not a two-way street.

DB

April 15th, 2009
2:35 pm

MJG: Don’t you remember that ol’ Roseanne Barr routine, that a woman’s uterus is really a tracking device for lost objects? :-D My husband is the same way about some things, and it drives me nuts when he throws up his hands in despair and says he’s looked “everywhere”, and I find it in 30 seconds in the second layer of his desk. It’s actually become a running joke in this house, because when I once whined about “why do I have to find everything around here?!” his deadpan answer was “Because you’re the one with the uterus.” 15 years later, and we still grin over that one, even as I am searching for the latest lost “must-have”.

motherjanegoose

April 15th, 2009
3:29 pm

DB, guess I missed that one. I do know what you mean because he can be staring into the refrigerator and looking RIGHT AT the ketchup and tell me he does not see it.

Bottom line for me, I am an adult/he is an adult….I do not want to clean up another adult’s mess this is repeated over and over and that I have to clean up over and over…if this were our children….I would execute a mandate as it puts me in crazy mode. Kind of like making your son wear a dirty uniform to a ball game in a recent blog.

When I was not traveling for business, I was more patient but even though he would like to think he is married to June Cleaver, I wear pearls sometimes AND can bring in a nice paycheck.

Currently, he cannot keep up with his socks. At one time, I cleaned out his sock drawer and matched 24 pair of dress and 30 pair of white socks….good to go.
He prefers to just buy more as his is not up to cleaning out the sock drawer …too demeaning and time consuming. Anyone have an idea as to how to wrangle in socks that get lost in the washer/dryer?

DB

April 15th, 2009
4:38 pm

We each have our own “sock” laundry/lingerie bag (one for my son, one for my daughter, a “whites” for me and my husband, and a “darks” for me and my husband. He just puts his socks in the bag, and I zip ‘em up before washing them and drying them. It keeps them all together, my daughter doesn’t moan about losing the left foot of her favorite socks anymore, and it keeps my son and husband’s socks separated, since they both wear the same socks (hard to find extra-large size) and I couldn’t tell them apart. I sort laundry — that’s what I’m picky about — and he’ll cheerfully wash and dry, and fold/hang most of it. But I do the ironing (which I actually enjoy, it’s an excuse to watch TV!) and end up matching the socks, because he tends to not pay close attention to navy blue vs. black socks. Since they’re already “pre-sorted” in the bags, it doesn’t take more than a minute.

Georgia Girl

April 15th, 2009
5:16 pm

My dad keeps a tray of safety-pins on a dresser for that exact purpose…He attaches the two socks to each other, tosses ‘em in the laundry, and out they come still attached to their mate! My dad’s a smart guy. :-)

motherjanegoose

April 15th, 2009
6:24 pm

A MAN who does the family’s laundry….you have got to be kidding…LOL.

Mine does the dishes…he started about 2 years ago and after 25 years of marriage informed me that I did not know how to load a dishwasher….haha….it seemed to work for 25 years…who knows?
I already suggested the laundry bag but that idea was not something he thought would work.
He thinks the clothes will not get clean in the bag…I assume you are talking about a mesh bag…right?
I like the pin idea too but he takes his socks off downstairs and then brings them up and tosses them in the laundry basket when he heads upstairs. He is usually half asleep….might poke himself!