Is it OK to call Mom and Dad ‘Dude’?
We are a fairly relaxed household. We, of course want our children to be respectful to all adults, but we have never required them to say “Ma’am” or “Sir” to us. It just seemed way too formal when they were toddlers and preschoolers.
However as “Dude” has become fashionable, it has slipped into our family’s lexicon. I know that I say it especially to Walsh when he does something clearly without thinking, such as “Dude, you’re getting water everywhere.”
And it seems that Walsh has picked it up in return often calling his father “Dude” mostly when they are talking about movies or video games, as in “Dude, I just got to the XXX level on Lego Star Wars.”
I don’t really recall anyone saying it if we’re having a serious discussion.
So what do you think? Do you require a “Ma’am” or “Sir” when your kids speak to you? What about to other adults? Is “Dude” an OK name for parents in relaxed, playful family time? What about any time?
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Guides
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2011 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
50 comments Add your comment
motherjanegoose
April 1st, 2009
8:05 am
Anyone remember this sayinG….OLD HABITS DIE HARD….
While I do not require the yes Ma’am/Sir in my house, I find it refreshing when my neighbor’s 16 year old daughter addresses me this way. Good manners on her part ( what about that HS student at the bakery JJ LOL).
I would not be impressed with children calling a parent DUDE. ( of course we do have silly family names that the kids sometimes call us….kind of pet names)
I had a student years ago in Kindergarten who called his parents by their first names. His name was Chad and Mom was Wendy. The teachers were appalled but that was how it went.
I remember when I was young and we went with Mrs. Peabody or whatever. Manners and respect are becoming ancient history and unless some parents help to hold the line they will be extinct.
Sorry Theresa but if Walsh ever called your priest DUDE, think of how you would feel…..
Belle
April 1st, 2009
8:33 am
I subscribe to the Yes/No Ma’am/Sir way of doing things. I say it to them and I expect it back. It is a simply a respect thing. I have always said it and I don’t remember anyone making me do it.
Theresa
April 1st, 2009
9:33 am
Guys — We had some major technical problems yesterday with the circumcision blog. If you didn’t get a chance to read it (even the copy was cut off) or respond, please go down one and check it out. It was based on two recent and interesting news stories and worthy of our debate.
MJG — So far hasn’t called the priest dude but a good point!
DB
April 1st, 2009
11:45 am
I finally gave up using Internet Explorer, which couldn’t get me on this site, but Opera did. Weird.
It’s always been “Yes m’am” and “No, sir” in our family, since they were teeny tiny. It’s just the way it was, no argument, no discussion — “What do you saaay?” was a constant refrain for a couple of years, but by the time they were four or five, it was pretty automatic. I “m’am” my mother, “sir” my father, and really, anyone who is a generation older than I am (of course, at my age, they are getting fewer and fewer!)
“Dude” would have been ok as a tease, but I can’t see it being substituted for “Dad”. And certainly not aimed at a girl. (Call me old fashioned *shrug*, I’ve been called worse!) But hey, I call my kids “sugar”, “honey” “sweetpea” and “sweetie”, so I guess “Dude” isn’t so bad, by comparison! :-)
motherjanegoose
April 1st, 2009
2:00 pm
I call my daughter Doodlebug and this is a term of endearment. I still refer to my husband as Daddy, for the kids and they call him that too…even though they are 16 and 21 LOL!
Michelle
April 1st, 2009
4:02 pm
When we are goofing around or being silly we may say “Dude”, “man”, and many other such terms. During regular conversations we use ma’am and sir. We had to do that when we were kids and people up north thought it was awful that our parents made us do that. Here in the south, they think you are awful if you don’t! SO…we’ve been working trying to instill a sense of respect for all elders (teachers, parents, friends of parents, etc.) As long as they use respect when it is called for, I don’t mind an occasional dude here or there! :)
MJG, I’m with you, I have many edearment terms that I call my little bug!
JATL
April 1st, 2009
4:03 pm
This is a timely topic for us! For about a month now, my just-turned-3 year old has been using “Dude” as his favorite word. He gets on these little binges where he calls and refers to everyone as Dude! I informed him I was not a dude -I was his mother and then he decided that I and his grandmothers were “Dude-ettes”,which I can’t help but think is really cute! I also think it’s precious when he calls his 5 month old brother “little dude”. He calls us Mommy and Daddy for the most part and he calls his grandparents by their regular grandparent names most of the time too. I asked his preschool teachers if he had called them dudes or dude-ettes, and one said he did once. I think it’s just a phase, and since he only seems to use it when teasing and showing his sense of humor, I could care less. He wouldn’t automatically call another parent or adult Dude or Dude-ette when around them, so I don’t see a problem. Like I said -I think it’s just a phase.
Tom
April 1st, 2009
4:25 pm
As parents, we should model the respect we want our children to have for us. That, for me, includes NOT calling my son or daughter “dude.” If I call them dude, perhaps I should expect to hear it right back at me. I don’t call them “sir” or “ma’am” but I call them by their names, and they call me “Dad.” When my son calls me “dude” on rare occasions, it’s not because I’ve taught him this behavior, and I always call him on it.
Nurse&mother
April 1st, 2009
4:42 pm
I wouldn’t encourage “dude” with regards to addressing anyone except best buds.
MJG- I will have to say our priest is so cool that he would think it hilarious if a little guy called him “dude”. I think he is the exception, however. He really is a “cool dude”. LOL
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
April 1st, 2009
4:54 pm
OK Guys — i think the technical problems are all fixed! And Apparently they were all my fault! I was cutting and pasting into the program which apparently I’m not supposed to do!! My BAD!!! So sorry for the frustration!! Email me if anyone is still experiencing problems reading or getting into the comments!! But I think we should be fixed and they showed me what button to use in the future! All good!
Georgia Girl
April 1st, 2009
5:26 pm
My dad always expected my brother and I to answer with sir and ma’am when we spoke to our parents. It really formed a habit when speaking to other adults. I remember getting fussed at pretty good for saying “Yeah” to them too-but I’m glad he enforced it. There were lots of little things that I thought he made too big a deal out of at the time, but now realize that he was teaching me how to be polite and considerate. I don’t see that as often as I’d like to these days-kids need to be taught how to speak to adults, how to interact during a meal, how to properly use silverware (I’m not talking 15 utensil etiquette, just your basic elbows off the table, napkin in the lap kind of stuff), polite conversation, chewing quietly and taking small bites. These are the kinds of things that other people will notice in an adult if they aren’t taught from an early age, and it’s a lot easier to teach habits young than to break them later on.
Side note: I’m 26 and still feel like I’m pretty young, but I had a 19-year old respond with a “ma’am” to me the other day in a social setting and it kinda shook me up. Talk about feeling like a grown-up. This young lady is dating a friend that is my age, so it really made me realize that I’m not 21 any more. *sigh*
Nurse&mother
April 1st, 2009
5:33 pm
Interesting about the “yes ma’am/sir”. I can’t remember ever being drilled on this at home, although I’m sure my parents did tell me this was the polite thing to say. As I said, although this was never a big issue at my house, I did/do find myself using ma’am and sir quite often. Not sure exactly why. Self-motivated perhaps?
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
April 1st, 2009
5:49 pm
One other question — Is the ma’am sir thing a Southern thing?? I know I grew up here and we were expected to say it to everyone!! Did our friends from the North have to say it as kids? Was it as important up there??
LM
April 1st, 2009
6:12 pm
I was raised saying “Yes” and “No”, “Yes Sir/Ma’am” or “No Sir/Ma’am”. We were never allowed to answer yeah, or huh or any of the other popular things kids said. Which was fine and I did feel I learned to show respect to others and I did use Sir/Ma’am at times but it was not an automatic response.
However, my MIL (we got married today) is a stickler about “Yes Sir/Ma’am” and “No Sir/Ma’am” to the point she took a dislike to my then 8 year old daughter when we first introduced them. She felt my daughter was not showing her respect, and it was just that I was not raised that way therefore she was not raised that way. It has only been in the last year that my MIL has started to show some interest in my daughter. She is one of the reasons we put off getting married, we just did not feel she would ever accept my child just because I had not raised her the way she was raised.
I think the Sir/Ma’am thing is a southern thing. I don’t ever remember hearing kids in Detriot and Chicago say it, and remember when I moved to Atlanta it was as new to me as Ya’all and over yonder. Terms I have learned to us.
FCM
April 1st, 2009
6:24 pm
I ma’am and sir everyone and I expect my kids to do the same. They cannot say ‘yeah’ for ‘yes’ either and get away with it. I am guilty of the ‘whatever’ but working on hard on erasing it from our lexicon. “Please’ and “thank you’ are also expected.
The school is always saying “Your kids are so polite, they yes and no ma’am/sir us. They just don’t ….” So with the oldest I have a polite child, who does her homework (I check it each night) but does not turn it in.
Now to hijack a minute b/c it relates the kindergarten discussion earlier this week….The school marks the child (grade level not K) a letter or more off for not turning in her homework AND marks down her behavior score too. Am I the only one thinking this Double Jeporardy, Retard, and flat out Wrong?
motherjanegoose
April 1st, 2009
6:45 pm
Yes Ma’am and Sir are certainly southern terms and they are charming. My parents were beyond strict but we lived in Chicago and were not required to address folks this way. I always think it shows signs of a polished child, even though my own do not use it as we were not inclined to do so ourselves.
DB
April 1st, 2009
6:52 pm
LM, CONGRATULATIONS! You slipped that little tidbit about “we got married today” in so slyly I almost missed it! How was it?
LM
April 1st, 2009
7:34 pm
I just figure if I posted it any other way y’all would have thought it was an April Fools Joke.
mystery poster
April 1st, 2009
7:51 pm
Ha ha, the circumcision blog was cut off. Was that pun intentional?
LM
April 1st, 2009
8:32 pm
it is actually our ten year anniversary so it had some meaning beside just being a day for fools
Theresa
April 1st, 2009
9:54 pm
LM — Congratulations!!! That is wonderful — where did you end up doing the ceremony?? give us more details please!
penguinmom
April 1st, 2009
11:31 pm
My husband uses sir/ma’am way more than I do although I think some of that is personality. Because of him, my oldest is very polite with the sir/ma’am. We’ve never made a big deal of it one way or the other, he just does it. I have a friend who is constantly say ..’Yes what?’ to her kids but they never seem to get it.
I will say that modeling politeness is more effective than demanding it just like in most everything we try to teach our kids. We are always quick to say ‘Thank you’ whenever someone is helpful and our kids have all naturally picked up that habit. Occasionally they need to be reminded but not often.
I kid around a lot with my kids but I probably wouldn’t let them get by with ‘Dude’ very much anymore than I’d let them say ‘Hey you!’ in trying to get my attention. I’m still the parent not a playmate. We can have a good time but we are not peers.
Claire
April 2nd, 2009
6:47 am
LM- why are you on AJC when you just got married?! enjoy it!
My parents did not raise me to say ma’am or sir. It’s quite possibly a Southern thing. My parents were both raised in Illinois. I moved here to Georgia when I was 3. My parents never expected me to say ma’am or sir to anyone- although they did drill me on the “yeah,” which today is a bad habit of mine. I have gained a lot of manners since I have aged- not that I was particularly rude as a child. I called most neighbors by their first names, rather than Ms. (last name), but that was considered acceptable. We all grew up together real close- and we are still real close today. My neighbors are like one giant family to me. Today, I always reply with ma’am or sir even if I have doubt that the person is older than me yet they are in a position of authority. For example, I work at a gym, and a lot of our “managers” are younger than me- they are just managers because they have been here longer. People find it unusual, but it’s all about respect.
My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people don’t say please or thankyou. If you ask me to do something, such as, “Can you hand me the clicker” I will look at them until they say please.
When I have children (in the faaar future), they will be raised to say ma’am and sir, please and thank you, with the utmost respect. I think it will be easier considering my boyfriend (and possible future husband) was raised a true southern gentleman and has more respect than anyone I have ever met
Becky
April 2nd, 2009
8:11 am
I wasn’t raised to ma’am & sir adults, but we were never allowed to answer with a yeah or whatever..Like LM we could answer with a yes or a no as long as it wasn’t said in an ugly manner..I don’t exect people to say please when asking aquestion if they ask “would you pass the gravy? Now if someone said “Pass the gravy” and left it at that, I might wait on a please.. I just don’t feel that you always have to say please if you ask the right way..
LM, congratulations on the wedding…I wish you many (more) happy years with your husband..Also that he makes a safe return home to you..
JJ
April 2nd, 2009
8:37 am
Congrats LM!!!!! Many happy years to you and your new spouse……I’m so happy for you!!!!!
Becky
April 2nd, 2009
8:43 am
Is anyone else having trouble getting on the blog for today??
FCM
April 2nd, 2009
9:05 am
I am Becky……I am also on Madonna’s side. If she has the money, time, capacity, and love to fully accept responsibility for caring for another child as its Mom then go for it. Even she just wants to be like Oprah and provide for some kids that works.
Peachy
April 2nd, 2009
9:07 am
I teach and am surprised at the rudeness and total lack of manners in today’s youth. I often comment to my classes that they sound as if they were raised by wolves. And when one comes to me and says, “I can go to the bathroom.” I say, “Wonderful. That’s quite an accomplisment by middle school age!” Then I sit there until they use the correct grammar. Kids today, at least the largest group of them, have no clue about manners, grammar or any kind of communication except lol, *g*, ttyl and other things like this. They never say thank you, you’re welcome, etc. When I give/hand them something and they do not respond, I say, “You are WELCOME!!” And they usually act fairly repentant and say, “Thank you.”
Don’t put the red pen on this….I am home due to bad weather and not on the clock.
Meme
April 2nd, 2009
9:18 am
Can’t get on the blog about Madonna. Am I upset? Why should I be? My only problem with some of the famous adopting is after the adoption. Do they care for the child or give them to a nanny? Did they adopt for the press or because they really wanted the child. I wish her luck.
JJ
April 2nd, 2009
9:52 am
I wish these celebs would adopt here. I know it’s expensive, and tons of red tape, but damnit we have kids here that need homes!!! Why go to another country when you have “star” power?
Further, I will NOT support any cause that funnels money to Africa. Keep it here, and take care of our own!!!! Buy local and feed OUR economy, not some third world country…..
Becky
April 2nd, 2009
10:15 am
I agree FCM, if they want to be parents to these children, I don’t care how many they adopt..Yes, I wish more of them would adopt from here, but for whatver reasons they don’t..It is a hassle (I’ve heard) for “normal” people to adopt here, but I would think that it wouldn’t be such a hassle for celebs..Rosie adopted 3 or 4 here didn’t she??
The Voice
April 2nd, 2009
10:19 am
It is not OK to call Mom and Dad “Dude”. Those are my children…not my peers or equals. I am their parent not their running buddy. We required our children to use Yes Sir/Ma’am and No Sir/Ma’am. It shows respect and all our kids are now adults and gone from home and they still say Yes Sir and NO Ma’am. I think that is what is wrong with a lot of kids today. Their paraents wanted to be their buddy, fiend and equal and in taking that track they did not discipline because they didn’t want to “upset their friend”.
As for Madonna….why should anyone over here care what she does…she is so insignificant over here now. She denounced the US and moved to England. She can do what ever she wants to do….she is still a moron.
KoolAid House
April 2nd, 2009
11:28 am
Congratulations LM
I was raised in The Bronx, NYC. Never used sir nor ma’am until I reached Atlanta. If I did use those words, I was being facetious and not being mannerable as an adult. Now that I have a daughter (going on 15), still don’t use “ma’am” or “sir.” Nonetheless, she cannot call me “dude or dudette.” Mommy is the word everyday.
Peachy, your remark to going to the bathroom sounds EXACTLY like something I would say. Proper grammar is important and a lazy tongue is not allowed in my house. Sure we all mess up the English language at times, but not on an everyday basis. I, to this day, cannot understand the lazy tongue English used here in Atlanta.
Claire, I am having a conversation with a co-worker (she’s 34) about her lack of manners. Never asking, always demanding and never saying thank you. I refused to buy her a housewarming present because she TOLD me what I was to buy, where and when the sale was ending. Never asked, just told me what I was to do…NOT!
On to Madonna, I could care less about what she does!
Becky
April 2nd, 2009
12:47 pm
KoolAidHouse, I have a coworker that did something similiar to that..She had been working here for a year when she got married..Her & the future husband were paying for everything,so it wasn’t a big deal that she didn’t invite all of us..The kicker was that she didn’t even do a notice of getting married, then wanted to know why we as a group didn’t get her a gift..Duh..
Nurse&mother
April 2nd, 2009
1:36 pm
KoolAidHouse- how rude of your co-worker! I can’t imagine anyone acting/demanding such things. That’s appalling! I think I would have said something to about the rudness and a little manners. Maybe a copy of Emily Post’s book on Etiquette. I probably would have dog eared a page that covers this (maybe highlighted as well). :-)
I too can’t get on today’s blog, but I will say that I have no problem with any children being adopted. Most of the orphans in the US are much better off than those in other countries such as Afric, China etc. What does it matter which baby gets saved? Even the poorest in the US are still so much richer than the richest in many other countries. Just some food for thought. I commend anyone who adopts any child.
New Step Mom
April 2nd, 2009
1:44 pm
I was born in AL and raised primarily in the ATL area. We lived in Philly for 3 years too. I got in trouble in my school up north for saying Yes/No Ma’am/Sir. I did pick the habit back up when I worked at a local bank in college and dealt with a lot of older Southerners.
I love it when I hear a child add Ma’am and Sir, but as long as they are polite and do not respond Yeah and Huh, I am cool.
When I have bio kids, I will try to teach them ma’am and sir.
LM
April 2nd, 2009
2:29 pm
Everyone, thank you for your well wishes. We had a friend perform the “service” can’t really call it that since we did not exchange vows or rings. Both my new hubby and 16 yo daughter are very sick so they were not feeling festive yesterday. We have decided that once he returns from Afghanistan we will have a celebration with all our friends and family. There is just too much on our plate to get done before he leaves to have had time to make bigger plans.
On Topic – I am all for adoption, and I understand that children are in worse conditions in many other countries, but still feel we should make doing things for our fellow American a priority before out-sourcing
FCM
April 2nd, 2009
3:00 pm
Theresa, I know you have little control over this. However let the ‘powers that be’ know that the new site is hostile not user friendly. ;o)
JJ
April 2nd, 2009
3:41 pm
I second FCM’s comments!!!!!
Not user friendly AT ALL!!!!!!
Nurse&mother
April 2nd, 2009
3:54 pm
I DO like the big space to type my post, though. It is easier to read others posts (large print, more space). I also love the instant posting!!!! I love the fact that I can blog later in the evening (I’m a night owl). I still don’t know how to find the place to save as my favorites, so that the most recent topic will show up.
jmb
April 3rd, 2009
11:14 am
as usual, can’t get to the new link
DB
April 3rd, 2009
11:54 am
I’ve been using Opera instead of Internet Explorer as a browser and it seems to access the blogs fine. But the site is sure having a hard time with IE!
FCM
April 3rd, 2009
12:20 pm
I use FireFox and have issues.
Active Duty Mom
April 3rd, 2009
12:47 pm
In a word, NO! If you do not teach a child that they need to respect their elders while they are toddlers, they will not learn it when they are older. My mother and father are still Mom and Dad to me, even though I’m 37 and they will always be Mom and Dad to me. Just as with my children, my husband and I will always be Dad and Mom to them. Call me old-fashioned, but yes, I have raised them to address their elders as sir and ma’am, which includes me and my husband. As Penguinmom said, my husband and I are our children’s parents and not their playmates.
DL
April 3rd, 2009
5:34 pm
yes ma’am/sir, no ma’am/sir……..always…….
pet peeve: When I say thank you, and the person says……..”no problem”…….
not “you’re welcome”, “glad I could help,”…….
catlady
April 4th, 2009
5:56 pm
No dudes here!
Sir or m’am not required either, but a polite, full yes or no is required, along with a thank you or no thank you if appropriate. No yeahs or nahs.
catlady
April 4th, 2009
6:00 pm
lm–you married your mother in law??!!
catlady
April 4th, 2009
6:01 pm
lm–come to think of it, I live in the N Ga mtns, and we DO have people marry their MILs!
carmen
April 15th, 2009
9:51 am
No it is not ok, There needs to be a very big line when it comes to how your kids percieve you, and dude crosses that line. We need to get back to parenting not to being our kids friends.
Beth
April 25th, 2009
8:15 am
First kids will always do and say what there parents do and say, that’s one of the big rules of parenting(I am sure you know this but have to say it anyway). Sure it means working yourself but that’s what you’re trying to get your kids to learn if that’s the case. Second I’d have to ask if they are really calling the dad (or you) dude or just using it in conversation such as “Dude I didn’t think that would happen!” In that sentence “dude” and “wow” are interchangeable. So you’re not calling anyone “wow” it goes along the lines of “Oh my gosh (OMG for you LOL people out there)” “wow” “dude” “hey” and anything else like that.
Now saying “Hey dude what’s for dinner?” or “dude what do you think?” would be calling the dad (or you) dude.
Now is it wrong to call parents dude? I don’t think its “wrong” but it might not be so common. If you’re using it then your kids will use it and probably in the same way you’re using it. If you want to stop that it’s a good idea to stop it yourself and then explain to them why you’re not going to use it yourself and why they shouldn’t (this way they don’t learn that being a hypocrite is exactable behavior). Then give them time, breaking a habit (even a short lived one) takes at lest a month according to some studies.