One year later: Did you try the 30-Day Sex Challenge?
It’s been a little over a year since our discussion about whether you could manage to have 30 days of consecutive sex with your spouse and if it would improve your marriage. I thought it would be an appropriate time to check back in and see if any of our moms actually tried it during the year and what their results were from the challenge.
If you don’t remember, here’s the background on the 30-day sex challenge for married couples:
A church in Florida wanted to help married couples deal with the major problems in their lives: money and sex.
The church set up a financial series to help address the fiduciary issues. And, for their sexual problems, the church challenged the married couples to have sex at least once a day for 30 continuous days.
The pastor of the Relevant Church in Tampa, Fla., says that God wants married couples to have sex. His church believes that by increasing intimacy the couples will increase communication. The theory is if the couples have sex for 30 days then sex would become a habit.
Apparently the challenge was so successful they created a book about it.
I heard from an old friend several months ago who told me that she and her friend tried the challenge at the same time. The two couples had very different results.
My friend said it worked out really well for her and her husband. She said they made it the full 30 days, and it was kind of nice not wondering if he was going to make a move that night, she just knew they were going to do it.
On the flip side, the challenge didn’t go well for her friend and the couple felt like it revealed some deeper problems in their marriage.
OK, so you had a year to try to pull off the 30-day sex challenge. Did you give it a try? How long did you make it? What were your results – did it help your marriage, did it reveal other weaknesses, did it increase your frequency of sex after the 30 days?
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61 comments Add your comment
Becky
March 18th, 2009
5:26 pm
MomsRule, I agree with you, it isn’t gross & it does help with the cramps..Have people never heard of a bath? Of course I’m like Cherokee Mom, I’ve had a hysterectomy, so it doesn’t affect me..
Susie Wirth
March 19th, 2009
7:31 pm
Wow! It is very interesting to hear your responses. My husband is the pastor of the 30daysexchallenge.com message series from Relevantchurch.com I guess that makes me the co-author of our book, “30daysexchallenge-A Journey To Intimcay” The word “sex” and “challenge” really created the buzz in the media world, however, if the full story were told, or his messages listended too intently, one would discover that the challenge was a holistic approach. One that includes, a break-down into four mini-challenges! spiritual, emotional, sexual, and physical. Any couple that attempted to have 30 days of straight sex without working on the other vital parts of their relationship are in my mind “crazy” and a gluton for punishment! Because of this epidemic of misunderstanding about the challenge, God complelled us to write our personal story and give couples a “workbook” section which includes; making sure things are right in their relationship-through probing questions and forgiveness, a emotional assessment, and finally 30 days of questions to enhance communication. This is all in our book. I hope this sheds some light upon the challenge. thanks for reading!
Susie Wirth
March 19th, 2009
7:33 pm
oops, I see some typos myself! I too am writing in the middle of my husband asking is our 10 year old has read his reading assignment, and my special needs daughter yelling for me to come put on anothe episode of “Fireman Sam”
FCM
March 20th, 2009
7:03 am
Wondering, I am of the don’t kiss and tell group. I think that sex is a big part of a normal healthy relationship. I think it requires, commitment and at times not considering self–ie ‘getting it on when not in the mood.’ I think it was JG that said that first. I think she’s right. Often having a ‘headache’ will not work. This isn’t just about women giving in too….I know several women who are just as unhappy about the lack of sex in their lives.
I also agree that fulfilling the other ‘needs’ of your partner adds to the sex life (frequency and quality). I highly recommend the book 5 Love Languages.
Needs:
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Words of Appreciation
Acts of Service
Gifts
Fill the tank and the engine will go forever!
LaTunya Dial
July 16th, 2009
8:48 am
Enter your comments here
Susie Wirth
July 20th, 2009
10:40 pm
The “Five Love Languages” and also Willard Harley’s “His Needs/Her Needs” are two great books for those that are married to read.
JenJen
September 2nd, 2009
12:58 pm
We are on day 23 and are discussing whether or not to just keep on going once the 30 days are up. The problem is that we have very different schedules and I am having a hard time due to lack of sleep. But it is so worth it. The beauty is that we never realized how important it is to have this part of our relationship stay healthy and strong. I look forward to it every day. I spend more time thinking of ways to keep it interesting. It has broken down a major lack of communication when it comes to pleasing one another. We just assumed that everything was great, we’re both very happy with our relationship. This has just made it so much stronger. It’s not just about sex though, it is about going the distance with one another! I think it’s the best idea ever. It is soooo far above and beyond what I am reading in other’s comments. Just looking into one another’s eyes without any distractions and not saying a word for example, is just so important. I think that everyone should try it!
JenJen
September 2nd, 2009
1:00 pm
Remember – there are no rules to this either. Doing it at a time that would make either one of you uncomfortable totally defeats the purpose!
autoauctions
September 17th, 2009
5:14 pm
It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place.
Kimmie
December 14th, 2009
1:52 pm
My husband and I completed Day 30 on December 10th and have not stopped. We have been married for 20 years and are the parents of three teenagers. Over time we had faced some break down in communication and emotional distance beteween us. The challenge, along with reading The Power of a Praying Wife/Husband, and praying daily for one another, ignited an unbelievable fire within us. We are more connected now than we have ever been. Each of us daily looks forward to our intimate time together. Several times a day we are emailing or texting private thoughts to one another. I don’t care how good your marriage may be…the 30 day challenge only makes it better!
Anon
June 2nd, 2010
1:34 pm
Well, here’s my update. My hubby and I had been going through a rough patch and had been feeling a bit disconnected. So after doing some reading online I found this 30 day challenge. Needless to say, I was totally on board, and explained the whole thing to him, and how important it was to me. He agreed, and things were going great…I thought…Well, after day 6 I was completely refused of sex. We had both fallen asleep on our couches, I woke up at 10pm, tried to “nicely” wake him up with a sexy surprise, but he looked right at me and told me to “stop”, and that he did not feel good, and that his eye was bothering him. He went on to say that this whole “challenge” was making him exhausted. I tried to explain how important it was to me, I asked him if he cared, and the response I got was that he “didn’t give a f*ck” about our challenge. Needless to say, the 6 days prior now felt wasted, and I feel a little used. Why agree is you don’t care. My feelings were, and are beyond hurt. He proceeded to stay up until about 3am working on his computer, looking like he felt just fine. The following morning, no apologies were given, he had a smile and a great attitude, he acted as if absolutely nothing happened. So, here I am feeling used and bitter…now what?