One year later: Did you try the 30-Day Sex Challenge?

It’s been a little over a year since our discussion about whether you could manage to have 30 days of consecutive sex with your spouse and if it would improve your marriage. I thought it would be an appropriate time to check back in and see if any of our moms actually tried it during the year and what their results were from the challenge.

If you don’t remember, here’s the background on the 30-day sex challenge for married couples:

A church in Florida wanted to help married couples deal with the major problems in their lives: money and sex.

The church set up a financial series to help address the fiduciary issues. And, for their sexual problems, the church challenged the married couples to have sex at least once a day for 30 continuous days.

The pastor of the Relevant Church in Tampa, Fla., says that God wants married couples to have sex. His church believes that by increasing intimacy the couples will increase communication. The theory is if the couples have sex for 30 days then sex would become a habit.

Apparently the challenge was so successful they created a book about it.

I heard from an old friend several months ago who told me that she and her friend tried the challenge at the same time. The two couples had very different results.

My friend said it worked out really well for her and her husband. She said they made it the full 30 days, and it was kind of nice not wondering if he was going to make a move that night, she just knew they were going to do it.

On the flip side, the challenge didn’t go well for her friend and the couple felt like it revealed some deeper problems in their marriage.

OK, so you had a year to try to pull off the 30-day sex challenge. Did you give it a try? How long did you make it? What were your results – did it help your marriage, did it reveal other weaknesses, did it increase your frequency of sex after the 30 days?

61 comments Add your comment

JATL

March 18th, 2009
8:10 am

I love sex. I think it’s fantastic and should be done often. I don’t really understand why anyone would want to do it for 30 days in a row unless you just happened to be “moved” in that direction! It’s a wonderful addition to relationships that brings intimacy and certainly spices things up, but I think the unique specialness of sexual intimacy is destroyed when you are doing it just to do it whether you’re in the mood or not. Make a “date” once or twice a week if you’re having problems; grab each other spontaneously in the bathroom or somewhere for a quickie -make that effort -but I have no desire to go through the motions just to do it. So, NO, we didn’t take the “challenge”!

wondering

March 18th, 2009
8:28 am

Why ask a question that you yourself did not answer?

momtoAlex&Max

March 18th, 2009
8:57 am

To wondering: just because she writes the blog, doesn’t mean she is mandated to reveal her inner most thoughts. When she wrote about this a year ago, Michael had asked her not to talk about their sex life. She used instead a friend sample, all whom have remained anonymous.

You yourself do not have to answer it either, even though we as participants remain fairly anonynous, which Theresa does not.

wondering

March 18th, 2009
9:15 am

So far the topic has drawn 0 responses to the question – not necessarily a good way to start the process!

And, if Alex and Max are really your kids names then everyone at their school who reads this blog knows who you are even if you are “fairly anonymous” on this site.

JJ

March 18th, 2009
9:21 am

Yea,I’m sure a bunch of elementary school kids are glued to this blog.

wondering

March 18th, 2009
9:41 am

C’mon,, JJ – you know I was referring to their mothers!!!! What, a bad day – you are usually this mean!

wondering

March 18th, 2009
9:42 am

Sorry, JJ – meant to say usually NOT this mean. Still, the topic is 0 for 3!

momtoAlex&Max

March 18th, 2009
10:02 am

That’s why I said FAIRLY! But that’s besides the point, YOU don’t have to answer the question either!

wondering

March 18th, 2009
10:37 am

So far, NO ONE has answered the question – C’mon Jesse’s Girl and Sugar – I am counting on you two to at least be the one’s who may answer – so far the number of non-responses is staggering!

Razz

March 18th, 2009
10:51 am

’staggering’…really?

wondering

March 18th, 2009
10:56 am

Yes – considering the number of “regulars” on this site that ordinarily chime in early and often!

jmb

March 18th, 2009
11:09 am

No, we didn’t try it. We have sex on average of 5 days a week. I need those other 2 for rest. Are ya’ll happy now?

party pooper

March 18th, 2009
11:11 am

this blog sucks

Razz

March 18th, 2009
11:18 am

i vote for a new topic…

The Oddball

March 18th, 2009
11:18 am

First marriage: sex once a week. Ended badly after 16 years.

Second marriage: sex every night, except for illness and “that time of the month.” Going great.

Coincidence? I think not.

Exited!

March 18th, 2009
11:28 am

I am starting this experiment tonight! i will let you know in 30 days! =D =D =D

BigJake

March 18th, 2009
11:32 am

I think that a 30-day consecutive regimen of sex is a bit much – the idea is a good one, getting couples to take the time to love each other, but every night, when factoring in kids, mother nature, etc., is unrealistic. I find that somewhere in the 2-3 times a week makes my honey happy, which makes me happy. And remember, guys, ladies always come first!

lonley

March 18th, 2009
11:35 am

yes but 10 days was alone

A man

March 18th, 2009
11:38 am

Been married 30 years. 20 with no (real) sex . Not happy. I think that says it all.
My wife would say we have sex. She counts when I scratch her back and rub her feet as sex. So she would say that we have had sex for most of last month.

Ken

March 18th, 2009
11:46 am

I am single and do it about 42 times per month.

OedipusTax

March 18th, 2009
11:54 am

At my age of 60, I’m quite grateful to have sex once or twice a week. To have sex every day with my wife would put me in a hospital.

Celibate

March 18th, 2009
12:05 pm

I’m single and celibate so no I did not participate in the 30 day sex thingy!

Ken

March 18th, 2009
12:20 pm

Dear Celibate,

Are you a female? If so want to go out?

JJ

March 18th, 2009
12:22 pm

Looks like we have a few bored kids on line today. Is school out?

Becky

March 18th, 2009
12:37 pm

Nope, didn’t try for 30 days straight..Like jmb said, we have sex pretty regular anyway…I don’t understand people that are married that say they don’t have sex..Have a coworker that says him & his wife haven’t had sex in the last 25 years of their marriage..Would not happen in my marriage..Sex is a very important part of a relationship..

Mike

March 18th, 2009
12:40 pm

“No (real) sex” for 20 years. That is why men look for sex on websites such as Craigslist. Sometimes for sex with other men. Seems they get to a point with some sex is better than no sex. When are women going to get a clue? Or, perhaps they don’t care if their husbands get satisfied elsewhere.

sd

March 18th, 2009
12:54 pm

30 days straight would mean that you would be including a period somewhere. So, either we are including Oral as sex, or these couples are having sex during their wive’s periods. Just a thought.

My wife and I have sex two or three times a week. If we go out of town, we make up for lost time.

Jesse's Girl

March 18th, 2009
12:56 pm

To answer your question….NO.Jesse and I did not take this challenge. We enjoy our sex lives….greatly! I think to allocate time to daily sex is to vastly decrease the fun and spontaneous nature of gettin’ it on!!!! I honestly don’t think that anyone…especially a woman…is bound to get too much out of this. Women crave romance and sensuality….not something that would end up feeling like cooking dinner.

Celibate

March 18th, 2009
1:15 pm

Ken I am a female, but I pass on going out with you. Your reputation preceded you. Thanks anyway :-)

Tyree

March 18th, 2009
1:24 pm

Mike, respectfully inquisitive about your post. Are you speaking from from actual experience or casual observation? To be an observer, you seem to have an awful lot of knowledge on how infidelity it works.

Kyle

March 18th, 2009
1:36 pm

sd: What’s wrong with period sex (i.e., intercourse)?

Theresa

March 18th, 2009
1:39 pm

Hey Wondering — It’s very hard to predict what topics people will like and respond too. Sometimes I am really surprised. I actually had a paragraph in last night about our attempt at the 30-day challenge. I yelled to my husband and asked him if he cared if I wrote about it. At first he was playing X-Box and said I’m not listening to you. Then he realized what I was talking about and came into the office to discuss. He said, I just don’t know what we have to do with it. So I took out the paragraph about us out of respect for him. I brought it back up because I found it interesting that my friend and her friend did it several months after our discussion and I “wondered” if others had tried it as well.

Mom to Alex is right I am completely identifiable — photo and all. My husband’s name is out there and everyone in his rather large company reads about out exploits. I don’t want to embarrass him unnecessarily — unless it’s about his devotion to the Georgia Bulldogs. So I did use friends comments in the original story and used the example of my other two friends in this blog.

Angela

March 18th, 2009
1:40 pm

I think the pastor encouraged the couples to aim for 30 days of sex so that there would be more times of sex (consistency is what it boils down to) during the 30 day period than not. I feel that both the husband and wife need to get it and should do what it takes to keep one another happy – romance, sensuality, spontaneity, etc.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 18th, 2009
1:45 pm

Hey Guys — I have just added a new link in my Health Area over the right of the page — It’s an article and discussion about ADHD. The AJC has partnered with Emory University’s Woodruff Health Sciences Center and Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta to bring you a discussion each week with a seasoned physician. This week’s looks at whether ADHD is over-diagnosed, symptoms, signs and treatments. Check it out!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 18th, 2009
1:46 pm

Sorry I had several typos in the first comment — the baby was trying cut with the crafting scissors — very distracting as well as dangerous!

Judy

March 18th, 2009
1:50 pm

Ok, I have to say it.

On the other blogs, people go out of their mind crazy and say whatever pops in their head. They post multiple times. But mention “sex” and the whole blogosphere clams up!

I’ll confess. My husband and I tried it. We didn’t make it a week. With both of us working full time, two children, household chores, yardwork, grocery shopping,errands, church, exercise, dance and karate classes BOTH of us are to tired. Sad but true. We’d rather cuddle and watch TV:(

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 18th, 2009
1:55 pm

thanks for sharing judy!!! and I suspect your experience is similar to many moms who aren’t sharing.

wondering

March 18th, 2009
2:02 pm

Theresa -

Thanks for sharing – as you know, momtoAlex&Max already had your back. My point, which I obviously failed to make clear, was “Why ask a question that you yourself would not (or could not/should not) answer yourself”? My bad – didn’t mean to cause anyone any consternation!

And, I think Judy, Becky and JG have the most honest answers – the 5 time a week person either has no kids or is just living in her/his own fantasy world.

Jen

March 18th, 2009
2:17 pm

We haven’t tried and we won’t. We already have sex 2-4 times a week. I think everyday we sort of flirt with each other and see where it goes but it’s just not always “doable”, if you’ll pardon the pun.

Not to mention there are days when I just want me-time. Leave me alone and let me read my book in peace. Or whatever.

But as others have said….trying to make a point of doing it every single day makes it a task or a chore…and that’s no fun.

However, as an exercise, just setting a goal to TRY…maybe if you just end up flirting and thinking about it but not doing it…well, that’s got to be good for a marriage. Makes you remember the other person is special.

Tyree

March 18th, 2009
2:20 pm

Superman and Lois Lane couldn’t keep it up at this pace. It’s just not real life.

jmb

March 18th, 2009
2:36 pm

wondering, I have no reason to lie. I’m not trying to impress you or anyone else. I’m 44 years old and after 9 years our sex life is great and I’m proud of it. Some weeks it may be 4 and others may be 6, I was just adveraging.

SouthFultonMom

March 18th, 2009
2:48 pm

KYLE are you serious? Gross!

I have a wonderfully active sex life, at least 3 times a week. But at that time of the month…nope!

Cherokee mom

March 18th, 2009
2:59 pm

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years and we’ve always had sex every night with very few exceptions. There are 2 teenagers in the house and a 10 year old. We both work full time, sometimes 2 jobs at a time and we do NOT go to sleep without making time for each other. It makes a difference. It also helps that I’ve had a hysterectomy and we don’t have to worry about mother nature ;)

Spade

March 18th, 2009
3:21 pm

I have a cousin who dated an older man. She told me that her friend and his wife had sex 365 days a year every single year up until his wife got sick and died. The guy was very much in love with his wife for this. No, they didn’t have kids which I suppose you can use that as an excuse if you want. Yes, they had sex even through mother nature. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that…you are married!

Nurse&mother

March 18th, 2009
4:25 pm

Ok, I will offer up my $.02 as well (despite the fact that there are a few people knowing who I really am). No, my husband and I did NOT make the 30 day commitment. Not that we have a problem with it, it just wasn’t realistic. I agree with other posters that said it would make it seem like a chore. Sex shouldn’t be a chore.

I hear about some women (and men too for that matter) who are not as interested in sex as most. I am sad to hear that some people view this as a chore. I suspect that those that view that as a chore are either A. too stressed out B. have a hormone imbalance C. are not getting the proper foreplay D. are unhappy in their marriage (I’m sure that there are some other factors as well).

I think it is very important for each partner to know the other one’s needs as well as make your own needs known. Marriage is give and take. Sometimes, I may not necessarily be in the mood, but I realize that he may be and I make him feel special (and vice versa). I’m not saying that I never say no, but I make that a rarity (sp?).

I AM perplexed when some spouses say that they never have sex and then have no idea that the other one has been cheating on them. Let’s face it folks…. if your spouse is not having sex with you, he/she is probably having sex SOMEWHERE. Doesn’t make it right, but facts are facts.

Nurse&mother

March 18th, 2009
4:27 pm

oops, meant to say despite the fact that there are a few people WHO KNOW who I really am.

Jesse's Girl

March 18th, 2009
4:41 pm

Two truths of life..other than taxes and change. Men need to feel wanted and women need to feel appreciated. Attending to either need will cause the other to get into the game.

MomsRule

March 18th, 2009
4:43 pm

SouthFultonMom, we don’t think its gross. Actually very helpful to relieve cramping too.

Nurse&mother

March 18th, 2009
4:48 pm

So true, Jesse’s Girl.

Penguinmom

March 18th, 2009
5:14 pm

I agree with you SouthFultonMom. I’m just trying to even imagine how sex that time of the month would not be gross and I can’t. Perhaps some people have lighter cycles?
We didn’t try the 30 day challenge. I can imagine where it would be helpful. For those who do not have a strong sex drive, perhaps having a regular schedule would make it easier.