If you were offered a great career opportunity that required you move far away, would you turn it down for a relationship? The tough choices some people face often come down to picking what is most important to you at the time. A lot of women who are single but want to be married may consider picking a man over the career. The hope is that they can somehow end up with the great man and the great career will still come later. What if it doesn’t, though?
I have a friend who turned down a position because it required a lot of traveling. Her boyfriend at the time said that it would be hard to be in what would feel like a long distance relationship. He even admitted that he was not sure if he could resist temptation while she was away! She now regrets this choice because her relationship didn’t last and she thinks her career would be further along if she had accepted the traveling job.
How do you decide between love and career? Would you relocate to a new city with someone
I received an email from one of our readers seeking some advice. She is a 29 year old marketing professional who met a wonderful man in January. The two of them have decided to become exclusive which means all those flings, friends with benefits, and exes need to be made aware. Apparently, this is easier said than done. She and her man have people who they can’t seem to shake.
When you want to end the various “situations” you have been managing as a single person, what is your exit strategy for them? Do you stop calling? Do you send a text? What do you do when you let someone know you are coupled up and they suddenly admit to wanting something serious with you?
When you meet someone, do you believe that their single status only refers to marriage? Do you think most people have someone who they hook up with on a regular basis? How long do you allow for those loose ends to get tied up?
By Wise Diva
Sometimes single people act like selfish jerks who don’t care much about anyone else. Their dating ethics are self-serving so the people they meet and date get the brunt of all of this. What if we flipped the script and suddenly were to get the treatment we give to others? Would you be worried?
I know a young lady who had a bad habit of disposing men when she got what she wanted from them: Money, attention, sex, etc. When she met up with someone she really liked, she was the one who was disposed and replaced. It was enough to change how she dealt with men. Maybe in these instances, we need to get played to see what it feels like.
If you reflect on the way you treat your dates and your mate, how would you feel if they treated you in the exact same manner?
By Wise Diva
I believe many of us have experienced that feeling of wanting to be with someone all the time. You can’t stop thinking about them. When you aren’t with them you can count the minutes until you see them again. It’s a great ride when it’s new and exciting! It’s also the time when many people confuse love with lust. How can you tell the difference?
The “feelings” can mimic both and you aren’t always sure what is real and what is a result of great sex. I know lust is strong and powerful, and often times you can have lust for someone you love. The danger comes in when you think you love someone and it’s actually just a desire to have them physically.
Do you think there is a way to tell the difference? My friend used to tell me to imagine the person you “love” walking out of your life forever. If you can live without them and can easily see life with them gone, it’s probably not love.
Why do you think many of us confuse love and lust?
My friend Mark wonders why men end up paying so much money for dates that occur early in the courtship. The period of time when a guy is not sure how much he likes a woman can be challenging when she expects to be treated. I know a lot of guys who basically wonder if the women are “worth” the investment of time, effort, and money.
This is partly why I believe going on cheap and fun dates is best when you first meet. It can take the pressure off both of you when you don’t worry about being used. I believe the expensive dates and gifts should come after you know the connection is truly there.
Why does it change things so much when more money is spent in dating? Do you think paying for dates sets up a dynamic of paying to spend time?
By Wise Diva
I was talking to a married couple about how the dynamics of their relationship had changed once they jumped the broom. The wife said in the beginning, she used sex to manipulate her husband. She was doing it without realizing it first, but soon found that there was a bit of power in it. She admitted that it was a tool she resorted to using when she wanted to get her way.
Her husband realized what she had been doing and it actually became a huge issue they nearly ended the marriage. Their first true hurdle as a married couple was her using sex as a weapon. He didn’t like being manipulated and she didn’t like it when he didn’t give her what she really wanted.
I can’t say that I am surprised that this was a real challenge to overcome in a marriage. Even in dating, using sex to manipulate a situation can be destructive. I think both men and women try to gain some power in a relationship and often use sex to that end.
Do you think you have ever been manipulated with sex?
I was having lunch with a couple of my guy friends recently. One of them was lamenting on and on about the last date he had with a woman from church. He said the woman was “fine but her personality was trash.” She only wanted to talk about vapid topics; she never put her phone on silent, and she was rude to the server.
Mind you, I have heard this same spiel from him time and time again. I wondered what her perception of the date was. I think we sometimes forget that we are an active participant on a date. If the date was awful, aren’t we partly to blame? At the very least, when we realize there is not a connection with our dates, shouldn’t we manage to have a pleasant evening somehow?
Have you ever considered that you are the reason your last bad date was so dreadful? Did you have engaging conversation? Were you listening to them talk without interrupting? Everyone thinks their date etiquette is so on point, but we would probably be shocked to learn how others
When you are certain that you don’t want to be in a serious dating relationship, keeping things casual is probably best. Even though casual dating and hook ups sound easy and fun, not everyone can really handle it.
First of all, finding people who want to keep dating casual is challenging. Some folks say they don’t want anything serious but it doesn’t take long for that to change. Secondly, casual dating can lead to someone catching feelings and expecting something more.
Do you prefer to engage in casual dating with no real intent of a serious relationship? Do you meet others who want the same?
What do you consider casual and how does it differ from dating for a relationship?
By Wise Diva
Dating anyone who is on the rebound from a recent break up is risky. You just can’t be sure of their real interest in you. A lot of people just want a placeholder until they get over the ex. Others go through a nasty break up that changes how they see relationships. I recall seeing a great guy turn into a bitter woman hating player because he got his heart broken.
We may not realize it but someone of the awful dating misadventures we go through are because someone else left emotional scars on people. The guy who refuses to be consistent and upfront is that way because he trusted the wrong one in the past. The woman who snoops in her man’s things probably had one bad experience with a cheating ex.
What happens when we let our bad dating experiences change us in a negative way? When a good guy turns into a bad boy, is it possible he will let that go and change back?
By Wise Diva
Every so often I like to share things my friends over at Very Smart Brothas write about. My friend Panama recently wrote from a guy’s perspective that sort of touches on what we talked about recently when it comes to giving the right signals. Check out what he has to say about what men are looking for to determine if a woman is interested.
So here’s what we’re looking for:
1. Smile. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve