Ok listen, I know any reality tv show about dating is designed to be “entertaining” so there are going to be jerks. I knew this and I still decided to watch Online Dating Rituals of the American Male on Bravo Network. My own personal experiences with online dating has ranged from comedy, to tragedy, and back to comedy again. I admit that I watched with trepidation and fear of having horrible flashbacks. I did it for you, though! Want to know what I discovered? People dating online are jerks, and it’s not just the “fellas.”
A woman lied about her size, age, and having children. Another woman mentioned on the first date that she dated someone who asked for golden showers. Guys, I didn’t know the terror dates that some of you have been on. I apologize for what you encounter on the dating scene. It can get really crazy for you too!
Nothing the men on the show did surprised me. Being shallow, on the hunt for hook ups, and wanting some Hollywood romance is par for the course
I remember someone once telling me that his best dates were when he had a corner booth at a cheap restaurant and two hours of conversation. He was not one to go all out with a lot of fanfare, he relied on his charisma to attract women.
I can see how this is possible because if the connection is that strong, the chemistry can be enough to draw you in. Seduction is a powerful tool and often gets left out of a date. If you think about your last great date, what did it involve?
Do you need think a great date is centered around certain things?
Have you been out with someone and it wasn’t going well at first but something turned it around? Maybe it was a spark that began the seduction?
How doe great dates happen?
By Wise Diva
I say all the time that single chicks don’t get days off. We are expected to be on alert just in case we are approached by someone with potential. Going to the gym? Don’t look sloppy. Headed to farmer’s market? Put on lipstick. You never know who may cross your path.
Obviously people are not going to always be open to getting approach. There are times when you just don’t have your green light on. When you are open to attracting someone though, it’s important to give the right signals. Body language, facial expressions and conversation can let someone know you are approachable.
My guy friends tell us all the time to stop mean mugging people. Some folks do it without even realizing it. I don’t walk around smiling like a medicated mental patient but my natural facial expression is not an angry face. That should be enough!
Do you think you are approachable? Do you flirt with strangers?
Do you think you give off the right signals so people know you are open to being approached?
One of my friends stopped seeing a guy last year because he didn’t seem interested in an exclusive relationship. When she first met and dated him, she got this vibe that he was a player with many women on his agenda. When she ran into him this weekend he seemed more sincere.
Do you think people go through phases when they are more open to hooking up instead of dating? I believe it is possible that you can go through periods of “single for life” attitudes. You could then get over it and a new day arrives that finds you yearning for someone special.
Do you think recycling dates is a good idea? Is timing sometimes a big factor in who and why we date people?
By Wise Diva
There are some relationships that take a little longer to get over. It would be great if single people could move on to the next without any lingering emotion. We often convince ourselves that we can and end up with someone new who has to deal with the last mess of a relationship. What do you do when you are not completely over your ex?
I know it may sound simple but I have to say it: stop sleeping with them is a great start! When you are needing to do a clean break you have to cut ties, so break up sex needs to stop.
What are other ways you can get over an ex? How can you tell if your last relationship is still taking up head space?
By Wise Diva
If you were in a new relationship would you be pressed to know how many partners your beloved had before you? I think people usually regret bringing the magic number up for discussion. It becomes less the number and more about egos. Why should it matter how many people they had before you?
When faced with the decision to tell your number, ask the person why it is so important to them to know that much detail. Why should they inquire unless they believe a certain number means something significant.
Do you think people you are dating have a right to know this much information?
By Wise Diva
I received an email from a reader, Val, who is having a hard time with mixed signals from a guy. She wants to know if there is a way to tell when someone is pursuing you sexually versus pursuing with relationship as the end game. Her dating experience is limited and she said that it is hard to “read between the lines.”
Her email made me think about how people pursue someone they like and the reasons why. If you are only interested in hooking up, do you approach and pursue in the same manner as you would someone who you really want to invest time in?
I just wonder if some folks get more respect and consideration because there is a genuine interest.
What advice would you give Val about how you can tell when someone is pursuing you solely for sex?
By Wise Diva
There are some men who say they prefer women who don’t wear a lot of makeup, hair extensions and sexy attire. They claim to want natural looking women without all of the extra. I wonder why some men say this but when they meet an actual natural type, they see her as plain?
Everyone does something to enhance their appearance but when does it become too much? What about the guys who work out a lot or take something for more muscle mass?
When it comes to natural versus enhancements, which do you think you are actually more drawn to?
By Wise Diva
See if you can follow this dating misadventure: Rick and Eva dated years ago in college. Actually dating is not the accurate term, more like hooked up. Fast forward to present day and Rick runs into Eva at a fight party. She asked him to introduce her to his single guy friends because she is new to Atlanta. Still with me?
Rick gives her Trent’s number and now Trent and Eva are in a relationship. Neither told Trent the back in the day roll in the hay from college. I think you can guess how this is going. Eva didn’t know the competitive dynamic of the friendship and Trent is not cool with the fact that “his boy smashed first.”
Eva is shocked this is even an issue but she is not apologetic about her past because she knows Trent has one too. So she wants to know if there is anything she can do to repair the friendship of the guys.
Would you have a problem seeing someone who used to date or hook up someone you are close too? Do you think of it as having someone’s sloppy seconds
Every new relationship eventually starts to settle into a new routine. After you have spent all your free time together, you finally get back to your old life with them now nicely tucked into it.
One of you has to be the one to say the words: “I need some space” without taking the relationship off the rails completely. Men need adequate time and space in a relationship or they start to feel smothered. A lot of women don’t know that and they set off the cling on alarm.
I have experienced the clingy type before as well. Some men expect that you will want to center your entire lives around them. It is something you have to balance with making the person feel like they are important but maintain your individuality.
Have you ever dated someone too clingy?
Do you think you tend to become too clingy in relationships?
By Wise Diva