My friend Mark wonders why men end up paying so much money for dates that occur early in the courtship. The period of time when a guy is not sure how much he likes a woman can be challenging when she expects to be treated. I know a lot of guys who basically wonder if the women are “worth” the investment of time, effort, and money.
This is partly why I believe going on cheap and fun dates is best when you first meet. It can take the pressure off both of you when you don’t worry about being used. I believe the expensive dates and gifts should come after you know the connection is truly there.
Why does it change things so much when more money is spent in dating? Do you think paying for dates sets up a dynamic of paying to spend time?
By Wise Diva
I was talking to a married couple about how the dynamics of their relationship had changed once they jumped the broom. The wife said in the beginning, she used sex to manipulate her husband. She was doing it without realizing it first, but soon found that there was a bit of power in it. She admitted that it was a tool she resorted to using when she wanted to get her way.
Her husband realized what she had been doing and it actually became a huge issue they nearly ended the marriage. Their first true hurdle as a married couple was her using sex as a weapon. He didn’t like being manipulated and she didn’t like it when he didn’t give her what she really wanted.
I can’t say that I am surprised that this was a real challenge to overcome in a marriage. Even in dating, using sex to manipulate a situation can be destructive. I think both men and women try to gain some power in a relationship and often use sex to that end.
Do you think you have ever been manipulated with sex?
I was having lunch with a couple of my guy friends recently. One of them was lamenting on and on about the last date he had with a woman from church. He said the woman was “fine but her personality was trash.” She only wanted to talk about vapid topics; she never put her phone on silent, and she was rude to the server.
Mind you, I have heard this same spiel from him time and time again. I wondered what her perception of the date was. I think we sometimes forget that we are an active participant on a date. If the date was awful, aren’t we partly to blame? At the very least, when we realize there is not a connection with our dates, shouldn’t we manage to have a pleasant evening somehow?
Have you ever considered that you are the reason your last bad date was so dreadful? Did you have engaging conversation? Were you listening to them talk without interrupting? Everyone thinks their date etiquette is so on point, but we would probably be shocked to learn how others
When you are certain that you don’t want to be in a serious dating relationship, keeping things casual is probably best. Even though casual dating and hook ups sound easy and fun, not everyone can really handle it.
First of all, finding people who want to keep dating casual is challenging. Some folks say they don’t want anything serious but it doesn’t take long for that to change. Secondly, casual dating can lead to someone catching feelings and expecting something more.
Do you prefer to engage in casual dating with no real intent of a serious relationship? Do you meet others who want the same?
What do you consider casual and how does it differ from dating for a relationship?
By Wise Diva
Dating anyone who is on the rebound from a recent break up is risky. You just can’t be sure of their real interest in you. A lot of people just want a placeholder until they get over the ex. Others go through a nasty break up that changes how they see relationships. I recall seeing a great guy turn into a bitter woman hating player because he got his heart broken.
We may not realize it but someone of the awful dating misadventures we go through are because someone else left emotional scars on people. The guy who refuses to be consistent and upfront is that way because he trusted the wrong one in the past. The woman who snoops in her man’s things probably had one bad experience with a cheating ex.
What happens when we let our bad dating experiences change us in a negative way? When a good guy turns into a bad boy, is it possible he will let that go and change back?
By Wise Diva
Every so often I like to share things my friends over at Very Smart Brothas write about. My friend Panama recently wrote from a guy’s perspective that sort of touches on what we talked about recently when it comes to giving the right signals. Check out what he has to say about what men are looking for to determine if a woman is interested.
So here’s what we’re looking for:
1. Smile. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve
I think as we get older, it is natural for our preferences to change. I imagine we get to take all those lessons from our misadventures in dating and make better decisions. If you find that you are dating the same type of people you did years ago, should your preferences change?
There are some people who don’t even know that they have a pattern in the type of people they meet. I feel like my friend Sean has had the same exact girlfriend for the last 6 years. Same look, bad attitude, and selfish behavior but with different names. When I ask if he sees the pattern, he believes it is just the type he likes.
Do you think our preferences in a mate should change as we get older? Have you noticed that you have had to reconsider some of the preferences you once had?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta
There are some restaurants that ask their patrons to lock up their smart phones and tablets so they can enjoy the dining experience. Imagine sitting down and looking at one another and actually communicating! If you ever go out at night, look around and see how many couples are sitting together talking and how many are busy checking their devices.
It’s kind of sad, actually, because some people can not see how disconnected they are from people right next to them. It is even worse when you are on a date and the person can’t put their electronic device away and focus on you.
A friend of mine runs a business so he has two phones and a tablet around him. He thinks that he is able to multitask but his date thinks he is rude. He expects her to understand and says he is communicating with her even though he has his phones out on the table. Communication is not the same is connection. It is hard to connect to someone who is distracted.
Do you ever have a problem with phones on
Have you ever had one of those break ups that kind of confused you? One minute you are absolutely certain the person is not right for you. It literally can not be more clear that you two are not meant to be. So you decide to end the relationship and attempt to move on. Then out of nowhere you go through this regret phase. What is that about!
What do you do if you broke up with someone and you start to want that old thing back? Do you give it time and hope it is just a sex deprived haze that has your mind clouded? Do you call them up and try to hash things out?
Has an ex ever returned to your life after a break up and told you they never should have ended it? What did you do? What should you do?
By Wise Diva
A friend of mine is seeing someone he met at the gym. He was attracted to her right away and he liked that she was so fit. They both care a lot about their health and fitness.
He has noticed that she has fitness goals to gain a lot more muscle and showed him the motivation pictures. Every picture showed a body builder! He is actually worried that she may go to the extreme and change her appearance up on him.
Suddenly dating a “gym chick” wasn’t such a good idea to him. He believes a woman should be tough but not to tough with large muscles. I think it is rather silly to be worried about it but he makes it seem as a deal breaker. So now women can’t have muscles if it makes her look less feminine?
Do you think some things can make you appear less or more feminine/masculine? Could those traits be a turn off?
By Wise Diva