Dating anyone who is on the rebound from a recent break up is risky. You just can’t be sure of their real interest in you. A lot of people just want a placeholder until they get over the ex. Others go through a nasty break up that changes how they see relationships. I recall seeing a great guy turn into a bitter woman hating player because he got his heart broken.
We may not realize it but someone of the awful dating misadventures we go through are because someone else left emotional scars on people. The guy who refuses to be consistent and upfront is that way because he trusted the wrong one in the past. The woman who snoops in her man’s things probably had one bad experience with a cheating ex.
What happens when we let our bad dating experiences change us in a negative way? When a good guy turns into a bad boy, is it possible he will let that go and change back?
By Wise Diva
Every so often I like to share things my friends over at Very Smart Brothas write about. My friend Panama recently wrote from a guy’s perspective that sort of touches on what we talked about recently when it comes to giving the right signals. Check out what he has to say about what men are looking for to determine if a woman is interested.
So here’s what we’re looking for:
1. Smile. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve seen some TERRIBLE
I think as we get older, it is natural for our preferences to change. I imagine we get to take all those lessons from our misadventures in dating and make better decisions. If you find that you are dating the same type of people you did years ago, should your preferences change?
There are some people who don’t even know that they have a pattern in the type of people they meet. I feel like my friend Sean has had the same exact girlfriend for the last 6 years. Same look, bad attitude, and selfish behavior but with different names. When I ask if he sees the pattern, he believes it is just the type he likes.
Do you think our preferences in a mate should change as we get older? Have you noticed that you have had to reconsider some of the preferences you once had?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta
There are some restaurants that ask their patrons to lock up their smart phones and tablets so they can enjoy the dining experience. Imagine sitting down and looking at one another and actually communicating! If you ever go out at night, look around and see how many couples are sitting together talking and how many are busy checking their devices.
It’s kind of sad, actually, because some people can not see how disconnected they are from people right next to them. It is even worse when you are on a date and the person can’t put their electronic device away and focus on you.
A friend of mine runs a business so he has two phones and a tablet around him. He thinks that he is able to multitask but his date thinks he is rude. He expects her to understand and says he is communicating with her even though he has his phones out on the table. Communication is not the same is connection. It is hard to connect to someone who is distracted.
Do you ever have a problem with phones on
Have you ever had one of those break ups that kind of confused you? One minute you are absolutely certain the person is not right for you. It literally can not be more clear that you two are not meant to be. So you decide to end the relationship and attempt to move on. Then out of nowhere you go through this regret phase. What is that about!
What do you do if you broke up with someone and you start to want that old thing back? Do you give it time and hope it is just a sex deprived haze that has your mind clouded? Do you call them up and try to hash things out?
Has an ex ever returned to your life after a break up and told you they never should have ended it? What did you do? What should you do?
By Wise Diva
A friend of mine is seeing someone he met at the gym. He was attracted to her right away and he liked that she was so fit. They both care a lot about their health and fitness.
He has noticed that she has fitness goals to gain a lot more muscle and showed him the motivation pictures. Every picture showed a body builder! He is actually worried that she may go to the extreme and change her appearance up on him.
Suddenly dating a “gym chick” wasn’t such a good idea to him. He believes a woman should be tough but not to tough with large muscles. I think it is rather silly to be worried about it but he makes it seem as a deal breaker. So now women can’t have muscles if it makes her look less feminine?
Do you think some things can make you appear less or more feminine/masculine? Could those traits be a turn off?
By Wise Diva
A reader emailed about a concern she has regarding her new man. They have been dating exclusively for months now. She expected to be introduced to more people as his girlfriend. She wants his Facebook page to say in a relationship. Unfortunately, the guy she is seeing is “private” and does not like broadcasting his business to people. Is it unfair to keep the relationship status secret if it bothers her?
I know a lot of people who just don’t get hung up on titles. It does not matter if the understanding is that you two are together and happy. Why difference does it make if everyone knows it?
When you are in a new relationship, do you let everyone know? I have seen my friend fall hard over a guy and is so proud to rave about their love. She isn’t afraid to share it with everyone. If they breakup, will she regret all that?
Do you think that wanting to keep the relationship status secret is a sign that you want to keep your options open?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in
My friend Seth is convinced he can figure out if a woman wants to sleep with him within minutes of meeting her. He said women show their attraction in a lot of different ways. Things like body language, conversation, eye contact, etc. are his indicators of attraction.
What he can never predict is how fast this will actually happen. It seems that the women he thinks will hook up with him on the first date turn out to expect him to wait a few months. The women who he expects to make him “work for it” a little harder often times surprise him with their eagerness. What is the lesson here? Women are not all the same, obviously!
If a woman expects a guy to wait, does it make it easy to build attraction or can it have the opposite effect? I know plenty of guys who prefer to wait and they sometimes get questioned on their true interest or sexual orientation. It’s all rather silly, if you ask me. Isn’t it really about finding common ground?
When you figure out that the
There are so many excuses, explanations, and reasons people cheat on their partners. Any relationship can get tested by fidelity but it seems like we are being naive to expect our mates to actually stay faithful.
You can tell that our “pop” culture places emphasis on infidelity as if it is normal and acceptable. I wonder if this will continue to impact how we view love and commitment? With terms like side chick, main chick, having a woman on the side appears common and cool. Maybe I am old school, but since when does being somebody’s extra curricular activity become something that makes you proud?
Do you believe that we accept infidelity as a part of being in a committed relationship? Do we even expect our partners to stay faithful?
By Wise Diva
I have seen a lot of friendships and romantic relationships end because someone forgot about boundaries. There are some people who believe that their relationship should have the approval of friends and family. This makes it really tough to navigate when those people cross a line.
A friend dated a really nice woman but he actually ended things because she allowed outside folks to have a say in how she felt about him. I believe her young had something to do with this but some older folks never learn this lesson: loose lips sinks ships.
If you over share the details of your relationship it can backfire on you big time. A reader is dealing with this issue now. Her new boyfriend has a crew of meddling friends that seem to dislike her. Do you think this is a red flag?
Have you ever had a romance ruined because of the unsolicited opinions of other people? How would you handle dating someone who gave too much information about your relationship to friends and family?
By Wise Diva