See if you can follow this dating misadventure: Rick and Eva dated years ago in college. Actually dating is not the accurate term, more like hooked up. Fast forward to present day and Rick runs into Eva at a fight party. She asked him to introduce her to his single guy friends because she is new to Atlanta. Still with me?
Rick gives her Trent’s number and now Trent and Eva are in a relationship. Neither told Trent the back in the day roll in the hay from college. I think you can guess how this is going. Eva didn’t know the competitive dynamic of the friendship and Trent is not cool with the fact that “his boy smashed first.”
Eva is shocked this is even an issue but she is not apologetic about her past because she knows Trent has one too. So she wants to know if there is anything she can do to repair the friendship of the guys.
Would you have a problem seeing someone who used to date or hook up someone you are close too? Do you think of it as having someone’s sloppy seconds
Every new relationship eventually starts to settle into a new routine. After you have spent all your free time together, you finally get back to your old life with them now nicely tucked into it.
One of you has to be the one to say the words: “I need some space” without taking the relationship off the rails completely. Men need adequate time and space in a relationship or they start to feel smothered. A lot of women don’t know that and they set off the cling on alarm.
I have experienced the clingy type before as well. Some men expect that you will want to center your entire lives around them. It is something you have to balance with making the person feel like they are important but maintain your individuality.
Have you ever dated someone too clingy?
Do you think you tend to become too clingy in relationships?
By Wise Diva
I have a couple of friends who grew up in New York and DC and now live in the south. After dating multiple southern women who had that “southern” upbringing, they report that dating a woman from their hometown is different. Not really bad or good, just different. It made me wonder if people who had different experiences growing up relate differently to those who did not.
I have a friend who refuses to date men from the north but that is because she had a couple of bad apples. Instead of recognizing her bad choice in men, though, she is convinced they were not a match because they were not raised in the south.
Do you think how/where we grew up shapes our dating experiences?
Have you ever noticed that you are more attracted to people from a specific city, state or region?
By Wise Diva
When people don’t like the behavior of the people they are dating, they can start to believe there is some form of game playing going on. A lot of times it isn’t necessarily game playing but trying to figure things out. Everything is not game!
I believe we get paranoid and find it hard to trust people when we should just have more patience. For example, just because you haven’t hooked up after several dates does not mean they are juggling a team of people and you are the benchwarmer.
I have found that there is a way to avoid game playing: honesty. If you suspect their inconsistent behavior or think they are playing games just ask them out right.
Do you believe that meeting people and dating is a game? If so what is the prize and when does the game end?
How do you determine when someone is running game on you?
By Wise Diva
I was reading a matchmaker’s advice recently and he was talking about deal breakers. Those things we convince ourselves we just can’t compromise or learn to live with it may not be that realistic!
Some times single people can be idiots and expect ridiculous things because we don’t know better. If you ask a couple about when they first met, they may tell you how they did not think they were the “prototype” at all. Life is funny that way and we realize that what we think we want is not really good for us.
The matchmaker said things like height, job title, hip to waist ratio, breast size, penis size, wealth and culture backgrounds are all things many of us should not focus so hard on.
Do you believe that having preferences and deal breakers becomes part of why so many of us disregard great potentials?
What are some things you believe should be dropped from the list of requirements? When was the last time you did a reality check on the deal breakers in your head?
I read a very strange recount on Twitter this weekend that horrified me. A woman told the story of how she was dating a great guy, who treated her respectfully, and had great credentials. Sounds like a dream right? Well she became suspect because Mr. Wonderful was not making moves to try to sleep with her. That’s right, the absence of red flags …well apparently is a red flag, well, to some people.
To find out why she wasn’t getting any sexual advances from the guy, she invited him over to get things started herself. Eventually it gets heated with kissing and “stuff” so he tries to pull back. He tells her he likes her and he is in NO rush. She is confused by this and keeps pushing on him to get closer. She starts to wonder if he is hesitant because he is embarrassed about his “size” and proceeds to pull his sweatpants down to expose him. Her suspicions are accurate because he was not measuring up to her standards. Can you imagine how this guy must have felt?! He moved her
I have seen people go from friends with benefits to exclusive relationship plenty of times. Things just sort of end up there after one or both realize they have feelings for the other. I even think that friends with benefits is a tool some folks use to baby step into a relationship.
I have never seen a relationship go from exclusive to friends with benefits, though. This is what one of our readers wants to know how to do: break up but keep the sex. Now it seems dangerous and slightly mean to me, so I won’t have a lot of advice for him! Do you think it is feasible if his girlfriend is open minded?
Have you ever started a no strings attached arrangement with an ex? Was it a good idea or a huge mistake? If you were to give it a shot, what is the best way to approach this?
Should you keep sleeping with an ex until a new person comes into your life?
By Wise Diva
Atlanta is full of successful, attractive and driven women. Women who run households, businesses, and hold political offices. These are the same women who would scoff at the suggestion that they approach or ask a man out. Why is that? Such go getters in professional life but not their love life.
I believe many of them think they don’t have to approach men. They are so used to getting hit on or approached, they expect to sit and be courted. What happens when they see someone who turns their head and he does not make a move first? Often times they let them go and wonder what could have been.
My guy friends tell me the get approached by women at times but it is rare. They feel flattered when it happens and it usually ends in a date getting scheduled. Why don’t women approach men? Surely in 2014, we don’t think this is a man’s job do we?
Guys when a woman approaches you, are you surprised? Do you usually end up asking for her number and asking her out if she made the first
Single people have to become really adept at figuring out who the time wasters are. There are some folks who have no real interest in dating someone for a relationship. They see dates as opportunities to gain attention, pass the time, or get meals and entertainment.
Some people even play the dating game so well, they just mastered the art of pretending to be really into you. While you believe you are getting closer, they are already plotting their exit. They are constantly on the look out for “something better” and you become the placeholder.
How can you determine if you are just a placeholder date? I can think of a few: They rarely ask you questions about your life. They don’t bring their friends or family around you. You don’t here about future plans beyond a week or two.
Have you ever been a placeholder date for someone? How can you tell when you are being used?
By Wise Diva
The competition of the dating scene in Atlanta can get stiff for some people. Finding ways to stand out and get noticed can be hard for some. That does not mean it is impossible, just challenging. This is why some people are better at it than others.
Have you ever spotted a couple and one them seems way more attractive? Ever wonder why a short man with little money has a super gorgeous tall woman? Have you seen a homely looking woman on the arm of a fine as wine man? How does that happen? It’s because looks are not all that it takes to get someone’s attention.
Sometimes sex appeal, confidence, and personality can make a person get noticed. My friend Kevin says that he sees so many guys “dating out of their league” here and it is becoming more commonplace.
When it comes to attraction, do you think dating in your league is a myth?
Aside from someone’s physical appearance, what else catches your attention?
By Wise Diva