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Keeping it casual?

There should be some benefits to “friends with benefits” situations. When you choose that kind of arrangement, you are likely wanting it to last a while. Casual sex always comes with its own set of unique challenges, though. While it is intended to be less demanding than an exclusive relationship, you still end up dealing with something. Is it possible to making a casual hook up situation last?

I have a friend who said his hook up agreed to a casual situation and flipped the script completely. She started doing pop up visits without calling. She also started behaving like his girlfriend. What he thought was casual ended up being an opportunity for her to stay in his life by any means necessary.

Do you think casual relationships can only have a short shelf life before it gets old and stale?

If you wanted a casual relationship, would there be a way to make sure it is beneficial for both people? When should you let it end?

By Wise Diva

287 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
7:35 am

Hello everyone

I’ve had a casual sex relationship that essentially lasted 15 years. Never had any drama

Button

May 2nd, 2014
8:19 am

Single – are you proud of it? I’ve heard of having a mistress for decades. Is she a willing participate or are you paying her? or does SHE think you two are in a relationship? so many questions.

Casual is just what it is, casual, nothing serious or anything you put forth effort in. It’s strictly about getting your physical needs met. You owe no one anything, no responsibility or accoutability. it also opens you to STD, HIV AIDS not saying that being in a committed relationship won’t prevent it either but at least you’ll have a better chance of cutting your risks.

good morning!

Lee

May 2nd, 2014
8:21 am

There’s always that person saying yes in the hopes that other person would change Their mind and it will turn into a relationship. I don’t have a problem with fwb , it depends on the person and what thy want.

Single that relationship you have has lasted longer than some marriages. Lol

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
8:23 am

Button, you think too much

it also opens you to STD, HIV AIDS not saying that being in a committed relationship won’t prevent it either but at least you’ll have a better chance of cutting your risks. roflmao

Button

May 2nd, 2014
8:34 am

Singl;e – I don’t see where the joke is, STD HIV and AIDS is not laughing matter. Hope you don’t have kids.

Queen

May 2nd, 2014
8:36 am

Are you entitled to have a fwb if you are married? Wouldn’t fwb be for consenting unmarried individuals? Are you hiding this relationship? Just a few things to ponder.

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
8:38 am

button what does me having kids have to do with anything? the joke is you think because some one having casual sex puts them at a higher risk than someone in a “monogamous” relationship? You act like people are running around having orgies because they are having casual sex.

Queen

May 2nd, 2014
8:47 am

Playing musical partners would be a higher risk for spreading diseases than couples that are exclusive. How tragic, to be so careless.

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
8:54 am

How tragic, to be so careless. why do you assume people are being careless?

Button

May 2nd, 2014
8:57 am

Single – no the joke is on you mister. you sound very miseable. Maybe that’s all you can get is casual #filesnail.

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Morning all!

I don’t even need to chime in on this topic…Ya’ll know how I am! :-)

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Casual relationships can last for years, decades as long as both parties know their lane. If a conversation hasn’t been had on dynamics of relationship changing, then please know you are not gf or bf, just F….. buddies. Keep it real, stay true to the limits of the relationship and no one will get hurt.

Not too many “frills” in being a booty call.

Good morning.

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
9:07 am

Button, I sound miserable,.lmao,

Reio

May 2nd, 2014
9:14 am

Morning all.

Don’t know much about this. I never had a casual relationship, or fwb type one either. I do know that as a single man, the most fun I ever had was when I went out with my guy friends. Laughing , drankin(in the Navy), and just cutting up. So, I never saw the same value in a casual relationship with women. Never went out with a female “friend”. Hell, I never had a female “friend”. Still don’t. And won’t.

Oh, I had casual acquaintances with co-workers, and childhood females, after we grew into adulthood. But I never went out with any of them. A casual phone conversation every once in a blue moon or so, but nothing beyond that. From my perspective, you can’t be female AND my friend. No way. Ya’lls lil “thangs” down there, gets in the way. But, that’s just me though.

Button

May 2nd, 2014
9:15 am

Single – yeah sound, read, font how ever you slice it you’re a miserable man! You go for the low blow, I asked you a simple innocuous question and you’re not mature enough to answer it instead you want to pick apart my comment. be gone little wimp.

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:17 am

Button – I don’t get why you think S/H sounds miserable. He seems like the most carefree, relaxed, go-with-the-flow guy…

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
9:18 am

button, going low blow how? I say what I want to, how you take is up to you. I love my life and enjoy every minute of it, the good times and the bad time, no matter what is going on, I’m always having a great day!

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
9:23 am

Do you think casual relationships can only have a short shelf life before it gets old and stale?

I think anywhere or anytime, you allow your value to be depleted by just the physical, then there won’t be much value cause you carried yourself as such. I think if you hunt and pursue quick and easy, then that’s what you get….and deservedly so.

You teach folks how to treat and value you. So, if it’s crumbs you’re after, then it’s crumbs you’ll get. And you’re delusional to think a dude (or woman) will regard you more than what you project.

Button

May 2nd, 2014
9:23 am

Bluz – bc he is. He fonts such as too. I read him as a miserable man. He’s an immature man always going for the throat not adding anything of value just fukkery on the reg. I don’t even know why I even bother asking him anything. Yet we wonder why we don’t have new visitors bc of ppl like him always going for the undercut of another’s pov.

Single – I say what I want and how you take it is up to you too bud.

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
9:27 am

If you wanted a casual relationship, would there be a way to make sure it is beneficial for both people?

I don’t understand this one. Two folks exploding? What else is there? What, cause you allowed you to vent and pretended he cared? I mean I don’t understand “beneficial” in the sense of FWBs. It is what it is. And really if you just gotta get one in, you can do that on your own. That ain’t my thing, never has been unless part of a session (during my heathen years) with another, but just on my own, ummm not my thing. But yeah, back to what I was saying….I don’t get “beneficial” in these type scenarios. Beneficial IMO comes to mind when there’s something concrete and solid and something will become of it.

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
9:28 am

Opps, didn’t mean to italicize the entire post.

Reio

May 2nd, 2014
9:34 am

Button, Single – Both of ya’ll come over here. Stick out your hands. Gonna hafta give you two a couple of licks for can’on like this so early in the moanin.

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
9:37 am

“Are you entitled to have a fwb if you are married?” – Is this a trick question (lol).

Thank you Reio ~ did you pull out the ruler to swat them with (cracking up).

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:39 am

No offense, but S/H isn’t the one running off any new people. He seems to get attacked by only one person…

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:49 am

Reio – Will you come give me a couple of licks? ;-)

Reio

May 2nd, 2014
9:51 am

Bluz – Yes. Be right there. You’ll have to bend over though.

2CPTG©

May 2nd, 2014
9:53 am

Button….you still MY boo tho right…..#thatnailfilebout wo’out!

Button

May 2nd, 2014
9:55 am

Bluz- drinking the kool aid Single makes huh? he always come against me so I can only speak for myself. Any question I ask him he will always take it to another level being defensive and nitpicking. so childish for a 52 year old man. He’s even admit it that he take my comments there.

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:56 am

No problem!!!

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
9:56 am

Reio ~ bending over sounds like…..never mind (lolol). keep me laughing folk, it’s been a rough week.

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
9:57 am

There’s a difference between coming at you and just asking questions for further explanation. I feel like S/H tries to keep the convo going…That’s just me, though…

O/T – It’s amazing how much better you can feel if you start the day saying “I am AWESOME!” I’m trying to get everyone in my office to do it…

2CPTG©

May 2nd, 2014
9:57 am

Leggs, it has been one helluva long week….tell Button to c’mere….

Button

May 2nd, 2014
10:02 am

Bluz – well maybe you should clue him in one it then. #smirk He’s NEVER asked me quesitons for futther explanation! only nitpick, provoke and be negative, so please stop being his stan.

2CPTG©

May 2nd, 2014
10:02 am

Leggs, what ya say we let Button come up with the first off-topic, topic…..Button answer yo phone, gal….quit sending me to voicemail!!!!

Reio

May 2nd, 2014
10:06 am

FWB? I just never really thought about this much. Even as a young, unattached, single fella, this was never appealing to me. Oh, I don’t know, I suppose there was a window of opportunity. Inexperienced young men and inexperienced young women, tend to do truly foolish things when it comes to this sort of stuff. And as I look back on it, I suppose that were quite a few young gals that would be willing to enter into this kind of relationship with me. Goodness knows they were doing it with other guys already, why not me? It’s probably a good thing that none of them were very up front about it too, cause I’m not sure how I would have responded. The only woman that I can think of as having expressed these sentiments to me was my former (at the time) sister-in-law. Some of you may remember my mentioning that a while back. And, by the way, how would one end such a relationship anyway? Cause it WILL end. Fo sho.

Bluzgirl

May 2nd, 2014
10:07 am

Ok Button…whateva you say…

Anyway…any fun plans this weekend?

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
10:09 am

2C ~ do you know hear how strong willed Button is. I can’t tell that gal anything. Watch…

Button ~ 2C wants to whisper something in that delicate ear of yours, please sit on his left knee!

1, 2, 3….

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
10:10 am

Okay why is it when someone has a different point of view, it’s viewed as an attack.

Button, I’m never defensive, but hey you have a right to your opinion.

Reio, you aint my daddy (LOL)

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
10:11 am

do you NOT hear….

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

May 2nd, 2014
10:17 am

Morning Gang!!

My boss has been talking to the other manager in the cube across from me for about an hour now. The manager is cool, but sort of a brown-noser. When ever boss gets ready to leave and go on back to her desk, he brings up something else. I’m ready for her to GO and sit down!!!

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

May 2nd, 2014
10:21 am

It’s been over an hour now, he & another manager over here will NOT let her GO!!!

Button

May 2nd, 2014
10:21 am

Leggs – LOL @2C’s lap.

I don’t consider myself strong willed, just pissed at something so innocent to turn into a cat fight.

2C – whacho want?

Leggs

May 2nd, 2014
10:25 am

kimmie ~ do you think she wants to be rescued?

Button

May 2nd, 2014
10:26 am

Single – Okay why is it when someone has a different point of view, it’s viewed as an attack. …It’s viewed as an attack when that person’s opionin is not respected but instead picked apart, underminded. You have your thoughts, beliefs, morals and opinions as guess what? so do I!!!!

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
10:26 am

Off topic:

I haven’t listed to The Burt Show in a minute, but the chick that called was trashed by the folks calling in and rightfully so. I’m so sick of folks who make it their duty to get folks, and get back at folks. Burt and the lady DJ could hardly hold their opinions while this chick told her reason for the call. She wants to start the ball rolling to have the bio mother removed legally, as she’s the stepmom. A hater and you could tell it. Folks get on my nerves playing God. She coudn’t say not one good reason the bio mother should be declared unfit. She was messy messy messy, a hater and jealous. Those women that called in ragged her good fashion and rightfully so.

That reminds me of coworkers that make it their business to snitch on folks and keep the boss informed. Ming ya dang business and do your job. Stop trying right folks’ wrong.

The message they all left her with is the backlash to spitefully separating a kid from her mother will be much greater and impactful….against her….than a mom that’s being a mom they way she see fit. I can’t stand folks like that….just ugggh. Mind your business and do what you’re supposed to do. She wants the accolades of a great mom. Well danggit the kid ain’t but 7, and she’s been in the picture 4 years. You ain’t been in there long enough to steal the spotlight. And too, she ain’t her real momma. You can’t break a mother’s love. Not from a kid anyway….not while they’re still little. Now, if the bio mom is a bum, the kid will learn and see that over time. If the other chick fills in and does the dang thing, the kid will come to know who was there for her.

I can’t stand witchy women.

2CPTG©

May 2nd, 2014
10:26 am

I just want you to calm down, it’s Friday……..

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
10:28 am

separate not separating.

Celisea

May 2nd, 2014
10:30 am

Oh…I meant to type “random”

lolololol

DuShawn

May 2nd, 2014
10:31 am

I have had five committed relationships in my lifetime. Everyone else was a friend with benefits. Everything begins casually, then it becomes intimate, and if it’s the cards, it may progress to exclusivity. If it doesn’t, such is life, just enjoy the moment…If you desire a more structured, defined, formal relationship. By all means, don’t let me keep you from it.

Single and Happy

May 2nd, 2014
10:31 am