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To some, the idea of marriage and long term commitment is the primary reason they are dating. It’s not the free food or the possibility of sex; it is the chance at finding someone with whom you can build a future! What do you do if there is no “future” discussions at all, though?
One of our readers has been dating someone for nearly two years. They both have stopped seeing other people. They practically live together on weekends. She even met his close friends and some family. So why does she feel as if they are still in their first six months of dating? No talk about the future at all. Either he doesn’t see her in it or he is simply not ready to figure out their lives together. Should she say something now or let him be the one to talk about a future?
Her concern is mainly coming off as a desperate woman dying to get married. She just wants to know they are investing all this time in the relationship for the same reason: marriage.
Do you believe that the marriage
A reader wants advice on how to deal with a budding romance that is headed for the “exclusive” discussion. She has already figured out that she has had a lot of fun with this guy, but she wants out before he suggests things go to the next level. He has already hinted that he wants to figure out “what they are” and put some kind of label on it.
What do you do when you are leaning toward keeping things casual because you are unsure if you want to be with them? Should you stall things out until you are definitely convinced? Would you try to figure out if there is something holding you back?
I know the commitment phobic people like to hang out in that no strings attached phase as long as possible. The reality is, though, that isn’t fair to the person who wants something with the potential to last longer. So, what do you do when it is clearly time for the talk but you are not ready?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta
Have you ever noticed the physical traits of the people you are most attracted to? Do they resemble the people who you actually date? I
have seen many guy friends date one type but gawk at women with vastly different physical appearances. Do we know why we are physically attracted to certain people?
We could probably explain why certain physical traits are hot to us and others are not; I belief our preferences are influenced by many different things. That alone is not problematic. The problem begins when we take our preferences too far and overlook great people who don’t look like our fantasy. Many women overlook guys who don’t meet their height preference and miss out.
What are your physical preferences in a date? Do you tend to date close to that prototype?
By Wise Diva
Dating relationships can be hard enough when you are trying to figure out if you have what it takes to last. Facing the harsh truth that they cheated when you were supposed to be exclusive adds a whole new layer of complexity. Is there a point in staying with someone who couldn’t truly commit to an exclusive relationship? Do you believe you could forgive that and build something long term with them?
I have met a lot of people who stayed or married the person who cheated on them early in their dating relationship. I believe one couple actually grew closer and stronger after they got through it. It isn’t impossible, but is it worth it? I wonder if you ever regain the trust you had before they cheated?
If you were dating someone and you cheated on them, would you tell them? Do you believe that once you both agree to dating exclusively, you are obligated to keep your word? In other words, you aren’t married but you only focus on each other. What happens when you get tempted
I was reading the http://radiotvtalk.blog.ajc.com/2014/05/06/apollo-nida-real-housewives-of-atlanta-pleads-guilty-to-bank-fraud-id-theft/ about one of the husbands from Real Housewives of Atlanta. In court Apollo Nida stated his wife “was making far more money than him and he felt pressure to keep up” and his life of crime helped him do that.
I thought about how so many of our elders often tell us about being equally yoked like the Bible says. Earning potential and income is commonly sited as something that should be compatible. I would argue that income and earning power is a sad reason not to be together, but I can see the issues that it could cause.
I remember my friend telling me about a guy she met at church. He was super judgmental about her income. He felt that she made more than he did and he made such an issue about it because it made things “unbalanced.” Not surprising that he often suggested they go Dutch because she could afford it!
Do you think that it
There are times when you long for the days when chivalry in dating was the norm. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, guiding a woman through a room seem to have survived modern day dating. I think these gestures make me swoon more than anything.
Recently, I saw a woman get mad at her guy because he did not speak up when somebody said something rude to her at a bar. She felt it was his place to check the person. He thought she picked a fight by talking slick about the man’s favorite sports team. She made it about being chivalrous and he thought he was keeping a cool head.
I think we all have different ideas about what chivalry means today versus what it used to mean back in the day. Do you think protection is always a part of being chivalrous?
How would you define chivalry in our modern times? What was the last chivalrous act you did or received?
By Wise Diva
Just because you are dating someone in your age group, does not mean they have the same maturity level. One of our readers is facing this dating dilemma right now. She met someone who is only a year younger but when it comes to maturity level, she often thinks she is dating a high schooler!
Have you ever dated someone who seems like they are stuck in adolescence? It can get stressful if you decide to stick around. When you meet someone who struggle with grown up things like a steady job, goals, or even a stable place to live, reality will set in eventually.
I think some people intentionally go for these perpetual teenagers because they are not as intimidating. There is something that draw folks to the free-spirits who are unstable. Deep down they know there is no real future with them so the relationship has an expiration date. Sometimes, a relationship with an expiration date is all some folks can handle.
Do you think it is possible that you intentionally date folks
There should be some benefits to “friends with benefits” situations. When you choose that kind of arrangement, you are likely wanting it to last a while. Casual sex always comes with its own set of unique challenges, though. While it is intended to be less demanding than an exclusive relationship, you still end up dealing with something. Is it possible to making a casual hook up situation last?
I have a friend who said his hook up agreed to a casual situation and flipped the script completely. She started doing pop up visits without calling. She also started behaving like his girlfriend. What he thought was casual ended up being an opportunity for her to stay in his life by any means necessary.
Do you think casual relationships can only have a short shelf life before it gets old and stale?
If you wanted a casual relationship, would there be a way to make sure it is beneficial for both people? When should you let it end?
By Wise Diva
Have you ever met someone great, thought you two had potential as a couple, and then they revealed surprising news? It’s a tricky thing to navigate when you have already invested time and emotions. What do you do when something from their past comes out and it’s a doozy!
My friend Vanessa found out that her new man has a criminal past. Most of it happened when he was a juvenile but she is disappointed that he waited so long to tell her about it. I kind of get why he didn’t lead with this information right away. When it comes to letting those skeletons out the closet, it’s important to put the past in the right context. Lying by omission, leaving out vital details, or downplaying things is not helpful.
I think you gain credibility with your partner if you cop to the skeletons sooner rather than later. Have you had to deal with a surprising detail about your date’s past? Did it change your perception of them at all?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in