accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Not tonight, honey

I was talking to a group of single girls who voiced a concern I usually hear from men. The ladies said that they think the sex life of a married couple would be boring with unmatched libidos. I am sure it is a real possibility, but that doesn’t mean it can be addressed!

So if we worry about hearing “Not tonight, honey” that means communicating this to our partner should be important. If you are expecting sex 4 or 5 times a week, you should let them know what kind of order they will need to fill!

The reality is that sometimes women take it personally when their man aren’t trying to rip their clothes off. Even though their lack of motivation can be work, stress, or even health related.

What would you do if your sexual appetite was significantly different than your partner’s sexual appetite?

Do you worry about ending up with someone who doesn’t want it as often as you do?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

165 comments Add your comment

Coach

April 29th, 2014
8:28 am

The person who controls the sex, controls the relationship.

Single and Happy

April 29th, 2014
8:44 am

Hello everyone

Button

April 29th, 2014
8:53 am

4 to 5 x a week isn’t a big order to fill in the beginning but years down the road with kids in the picture that may be a challenge for some.

Good morning!

hazel

April 29th, 2014
8:54 am

Good morning. Nah.. this topic isn’t imp to me. There are other things that count towards a successful relationship as well. I didn’t worry about it and don’t now.
@Kimmie-Sorry, I forgot to log back on the blog yesterday. yes…its a princess due in summer : )

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:01 am

I’ve been in a relationship like that and it was not fun when that came up. To constantly be put off or rejected made me undesired by my partner. His response was, it’s just not on my list of things to do…or it’s not that important to me…or I had enough sex when I was younger to where it doesn’t drive me like before. :shock:

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:02 am

What would you do if your sexual appetite was significantly different than your partner’s sexual appetite? good question. well when we do have it I’ll make the best of it bc I know it’ll be awhile before it happens again. Our love should be strong enough that schex isn’t the glue that holds us together besides we can still be intimate without inter-course.

Do you worry about ending up with someone who doesn’t want it as often as you do? The thought never entered my mind.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:05 am

slimNu – I had enough sex when I was younger to where it doesn’t drive me like before–was he 90! I’ve never heard that used as an excuse lol

Most men have issues with ED and just can’t make it stand at full attention like they used to.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:09 am

Button – To me it was just an excuse…I’ve never heard that in my life either. He didn’t have any ED issues which is even more strange.

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:12 am

Morning all.

“…we can still be intimate without inter-course. ”

Bingo! Hell, do something else. Or wait, with the assurance that your SO actually loves you and it will happen. As a younger single man I used to wonder why I didn’t get quite as excited, seemingly, as my peers. Both male and female. I still wonder sometimes about those times. I saw what they saw, nice body, pretty face, curves…but my appetite wasn’t as strong as others seemed to be. Oh sure, I wanted to pull all their dresses up, but what happens next? What now? The actual act spans a very short period of time, but the “What next?” is long lasting. I was more interested in THAT than anything else. I guess. I’on know.

DuShawn

April 29th, 2014
9:15 am

You show me the finest chick in the world……..and I’ll show you a dude that’s tired of f&*kin her.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:17 am

…we can still be intimate without inter-course. ”

I remember he said, “I don’t have to put my thing in you to show you I love you”. lolol

Celisea

April 29th, 2014
9:17 am

The person who controls the sex, controls the relationship

Huh? I’m not understanding this comment. Grown folks being controlled or manipulated. Anyhoo, I knows nothing ’bout this. lololol

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:18 am

“I had enough sex when I was younger to where it doesn’t drive me like before..”

Slim – You’re reading the post of a man who actually felt this way back in my late twenties and early thirties. Believe it or not. Perhaps I had a problem. I don’t know. I don’t think I did, because I could go any time they wanted to, I just didn’t have it as a driving force that superseded all other things in a relationship. I have no explanation for it. Just the way it was. And continues to be to this day.

Celisea

April 29th, 2014
9:19 am

Intimacy starts far beyond anything physical. A loving intimate relationship, where two people are friends, get along, (mostly) see eye to eye. If not eye to eye (cause it ain’t gon be that all the time), know how to disagree without becoming disagreeable. Yep, intimacy IMO is not the touching so much, but “relating.”

And that’s all Imma say.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:22 am

SlimNu- stawp! lol usually it’s “just let me put the head in to show you I love you” I bet he was serious too. Some ppl don’t have a high schex drive and that’s ok, just let your partner know this instead of pretending for the first few months then cut off or slow down the sessions. I have a high schex drive so I know I needed someone to keep up with me and so far so good.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:24 am

Reio – Just curious, when you felt like that, how much time would pass in between each episode? 6 Weeks or more is just not healthy… :???: Heyal, in my opinion, going more than a week is bad…but definitely not over 2 weeks.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:25 am

Button – That’s exactly how it went…from high frequency (which is how is normally goes) but to go from that to once a month, IF that??? smh

DuShawn

April 29th, 2014
9:26 am

“I had enough sex when I was younger to where it doesn’t drive me like before..”

There’s some truth to that. Money, Food, and Sleep surpassed Sex on my priority list years ago.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:27 am

Dushawn – But still, how long would it be before you did it though?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 29th, 2014
9:28 am

Morning All!!

I never worried about unmatched libidos. We got to know about all that before we married. Like life itself, such things ebb and flow anyway. Stress, work, all that will get in the way sometimes. Like Button said, there are other ways to be intimate. Even if you’re going thru a period where you seem to be 2 ships passing in the night, it’s important to find other ways to be close. At least give each other a kiss and a hug before you leave for work or in passing. Send each other a nice text during the day. Little things like that keep you close.

Slim – I dated a dude like that once. Granted we didn’t start out like that. Come to find out, he just wasn’t that into me anymore and didn’t have the balls to admit it.

2CPTG©

April 29th, 2014
9:28 am

Not tonight, honey…….

ok, bet….I’ll be back, don’t wait up for me……ain’ no tellin when I’ll be back….

DuShawn

April 29th, 2014
9:29 am

…we can still be intimate without inter-course. ”

That sounds like what a dude tells his wife after he just slept with his mistress…and now the wife wants some too.

Coach

April 29th, 2014
9:30 am

Celisea….Something about your retort sounds suspicious……*side eye*. Its really self explanatory.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:30 am

SlimNu- we hit our peek later in life whereas men hit there peek early. I am all for younger man older woman combo. Just imagine the fire in these type of relationships.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:32 am

Button – Young wang is one thing but I don’t want the immature ‘young’ mentality that comes with a younger wang.

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:33 am

Slim – Maybe I wasn’t clear on this. The frequency depended largely on them. I could go almost at will, each time they wanted it (Remember, I was much younger), but my drive and desire wasn’t as strong, seemingly, as theirs and other males at the time. Hell, seemed like that’s all they wanted to do. We went out and showed up at parties….but the underlying current, it seemed, was “Let’s get it on”, which wasn’t as high on my list as it appeared to be on theirs. So, in answer to your question, again, it depended on them, but I may have gone, oh, I don’t know, maybe, a week and a half or so, perhaps a bit more on occasion.

Celisea

April 29th, 2014
9:33 am

Coach – It wasn’t a retort. IJS, I don’t know grown folks still playing tug-of-war on these type issues. I’ve been there younger, but I’ll be daggone if “that” kind of control is going on anywhere near or around me. IMO, you just outgrow wanting leverage and being on top (no pun intended), wanting to be the one that makes the other one trip out….cause you or she carries the most control. You know stuff like she likes him more than he’s digging her so he can pretty much puppeteer her.

Where dey do dat at?

Now, I could have misunderstand as self explanatory as it may be.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:35 am

Note to self – blog men don’t have high shex drive if any, just feed them and let them sleep and they be happy :)

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:35 am

Reio – Also, were those women you were just dating or were in actually relationships with?

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:37 am

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:37 am

Button – You mean everyone except Exiled, swiss and 2C :lol:

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:41 am

SlimNu – just a matter of time @ Exiled, swiss and 2C :)

2CPTG©

April 29th, 2014
9:42 am

Slim…..I’m glad you clarified that…cause I’m good with mine….

that’s why I’m glad I never indulged in drugs, or abused my body…..and I’m in pretty good shape now…

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:42 am

“,,,blog men don’t have high shex drive if any, just feed them and let them sleep and they be happy :)

Wouldn’t go so far as to say ..”don’t have high shex drive…”, but I will say that mine ain’t quite as high as other men. I guess. Never has been. Oh, it’s a truly wonderful and exhilarating experience, fo sho, but hell, is that all? That’s it?, What now?, Da hell?….Jus sayin.

Slim – I was in or wanting to be in a relationship. Never dated just for kicks. Remember, I wanted matrimony in my twenties.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:44 am

Reio – @ That’s it? well there’s spooning. I love a good spooning session. the closeness is much better than the act imo.

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:45 am

What’s spooning?

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:47 am

Reio – You sound like him…now what? then when? Is that all life is about? BOOOOOOO lol

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:49 am

Reio- her back to your front while she’s wrapped up in your arms and leggs. You whispering sweet melody in her ears or just the breath (not stink breath) breathing slowly on her neck. Very sweet and intimate.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 29th, 2014
9:50 am

~Slim— :shock: @ your 9:01…that must’ve been tough feeling like that.

I am all for younger man older woman combo. Just imagine the fire in these type of relationships.

Oooh yes chile…been there..done that.

What would you do if your sexual appetite was significantly different than your partner’s sexual appetite?

Every relatioinship ebbs and flows with peaks n valleys. Sometimes life happens and schex may fall off or not be as important at the moment….but it shouldn’t be the status quo. However, if it were a constant problem then a conversation needs to be had.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 29th, 2014
9:50 am

Good Morning Folks!

Reio wanted that mental connection after he pull up all those skirts… This is why I hardly ever jump into immediately having sex with a woman. Once I build up that mental connection, You will be seeing me in the morning, noontime and nighttime. I like to get it in once we connect mentally… :)

On another note, Button is not getting it in…Just talking all the time…hehehehehe!

Their are many couples who have unmatched libido’s. This can become a problem if the couple’s lack conflict resolution, thus the reason we have some many folks cheating on their spouses. By the way women are leading men in the cheating department.

Yes, I must say reading is critical in life. Reading can enhance one’s intelligence, now you need read something that cause you to think!

Leggs

April 29th, 2014
9:50 am

What would you do if your sexual appetite was significantly different than your partner’s sexual appetite? – We would need to have a serious conversation. Sex and finances can quickly destroy a relationship. To not be on the same page can leave one confused, undesired, or wondering if someone else was in the picture. How you started the relationship is how you must maintain the relationship. If you were going at it like jack rabbits, you must continue that (until the kids come into the picture) and then you find creative ways to get it in.

Reio ~ spooning is when my backside is snuggled up to your front side (lol).

Good morning.

DuShawn

April 29th, 2014
9:51 am

Honestly, I’m really like a sex addict…The longer I don’t hit it, the longer I can do without it. But once I get a hit, I need it every day all day. We’ve always struggled with that. That once a week shid won’t fly with me. If all you gone give me is nickel rock, you can keep it…..I need the whole Kilo.

Coach

April 29th, 2014
9:51 am

Celisea…..HA….really? Where they do that at? Top two reasons marriages break up is sex and money. Ive heard plenty of stories where a wife withholds sex as some sort of punishment ie “sleeping on the couch”…..Or a husband stops sleeping with his wife because of his “liasions”…..

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:51 am

Sassy – Yeah it was rough…i was like, Oh my bad, I didn’t realize being intimate with me was such a task for you. Hmph, not on your list of things to do. Well fugg you then :lol:

Reio

April 29th, 2014
9:52 am

Slim – Sound like who?

Button – Oh, ok.

Button

April 29th, 2014
9:54 am

Dushawn – I won’t go as far to say I’m like a schx addict but I do like it and know how and what I like with one person rather than many persons.

SlimNu

April 29th, 2014
9:55 am

Reio – The dude i’ve been talking about this morning…

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 29th, 2014
9:56 am

SLimNu c’mere baby! :) . I tell you what since you have lost quite a bit of sex time, I am willing to sacrifice myself to you in order to make up for your lost pluggin… hhehehehehehe

Celisea

April 29th, 2014
9:59 am

Ive heard plenty of stories where a wife withholds sex as some sort of punishment ie “sleeping on the couch”…..Or a husband stops sleeping with his wife because of his “liasions”…..

I never said once these things are happening, aren’t real. I said it’s on you if you allow a woman holding out to control you. I’m speaking from the aspect of games people play, wanting and having leverage, that kind of mess. I’m not speaking to the reality of people cheat, or withhold. It’s on you if you allow yourself to be partnered, it’s on you if you fall for the okie doke. No one has EVER died from not having sex. Why would you allow someone to control you with something that you CAN control your dang self? There’s a remedy for the husband or wife that witholds. Or the husband or wife that have liasons and can’t keep home.

Again, I ask where dey do dat at?

Celisea

April 29th, 2014
10:00 am

aren’t happening not are happening