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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Are you too cynical?

I went to a screening for The Other Woman last night. It stars Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton, and Nicki Minaj. The film was actually pretty funny! I laughed very hard in some parts and I enjoyed seeing the comedic dynamic between wife and a mistress.

In the beginning of the film, Cameron Diaz’ had just started seeing the married man thinking he was single. He had pursued her for an “exclusive” relationship and she resisted at first. When he asked to meet her Dad, she was hesitant but finally agreed. She told him she wanted to stay in their “relationship bubble” with just the two of them for as long as she could. The reality was that she thought he was too perfect. He was buying gifts, being super romantic, and presented himself to be the ideal man. This became a red flag though! She begins to think he is TOO good to be true.

Do you ever meet someone so great that you start to actually look for what is wrong with them? It’s like we can’t trust that we met someone who is the best match for us, so we believe that they just have to be lying about who they really are!

It’s a little sad that we become so cynical after all our dating misadventures, but maybe that is just reality. Do you think you are too cynical when you meet someone wonderful? Are you secretly waiting for something to be revealed that will prove they aren’t as great as they appear to be? Is that cynicism or being a realist?

By Wise Diva

318 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 23rd, 2014
7:10 am

good morning, I did marry the ideal man then he turned into someone else, and i think he thought being who i am that i would not divorce him and stick it out, he was wrong. Now i watch people more closely, if i start to get feeling for someone i pull back and watch some more — there are devils everywhere.

I am too tried for this thing called work.

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
7:49 am

Hello everyone

I always believe half of what I see and known of what I hear, until I feel I really get to know a person. And depending on the person that doesn’t happen from 6 months to a year.

hazel

April 23rd, 2014
8:03 am

A perfect man is like a fairy tale. I don’t care what anyone says. And yes, I would be looking for something fishy if he came off as too perfect. It’s being realistic. Now my husband is close to being a perfect man…but he is not. Being perfect is boring.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2014
8:04 am

Good morning,

I guess I would fall into that category. A person can seem on the up & up at first but I’m still giving them the side-eye and watch them closely. Unfortunately, if someone seems too perfect i’m most definitely suspicious. It’s just the way it is…Now i do have a cousin who feels like if a dude looks good on paper, she’s running with it. I can’t even count how many times that Shiny new penny turned to dirt leaving her scratching her head.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
8:16 am

No one is perfect not even close to it. Being cynical is a waste of energy, negative energy at that. If a guy/woman is too good to be true then most likely they are.

Good morning!

Celisea

April 23rd, 2014
8:26 am

How can you NOT (sometimes) be cynical? I mean I’ve witnessed it here. Folks with the intent to harm, misuse, embarrass, abuse, sport shenanigans, etc etc etc. So, why would it be a thing incredible to recognize the negative?

And frankly, I wouldn’t call, calling a spade a spade cynical. I’d call that being spot on. If you’re nothing but crap, I’m certainly not gonna pretend (as fakers do) you’re cake. It is what it is….

And on the flip side of things, how can you NOT see the guud dude for the person that he is??. Trust cynsism won’t get pulled in when you find a winner. Keeping it real and recognizing ain’t a bad thing, and if that’s being cynical, they hey call me that.

Celisea

April 23rd, 2014
8:32 am

Not…”how can you not be cynical”, but how can you not see busters and jokers for the clowns that they are?

:mrgreen:

Celisea

April 23rd, 2014
8:36 am

Lee – No one magically changes. Oftentimes you just don’t recognize or too blinded to see the real thing.

disco

April 23rd, 2014
8:55 am

Good morning.

A lot of people are quick to shoot down “perfect”. thing is often when folks say a guy or girl is perfect what they really mean is that they believe that person is “perfect for them”. I do believe that there a “perfect for them” person out there for everyone. Good luck finding him or her though.

I also think that sometimes people put too much energy into trying to make the pieces fit rather than holding out for something that merges together seamlessly. People say relationships are hard work and while I understand the sentiment I think that a good relationship doesn’t have to be hard work. if it’s really good, it just works.

Fay

April 23rd, 2014
8:57 am

Morning..

I am not cynical …I usually go with the flow hence I have kissed alot of frogs. But I don’t mind…I don’t think being a realist means you have to be cynical.

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
8:58 am

Disco, wonder twin powers activate, me and a friend was just having that conversation about relationships being hard work, I said the same thing :-) And I always tell people that perfect person is always out there, they just have to find the person they are perfect for.

2CPTG©

April 23rd, 2014
9:10 am

disco

April 23rd, 2014
9:11 am

Single – you know how we do.

To stay on topic though. am I cynical? Yep. I’ve always been cynical. I was giving folks the side eye when I was a little kid and not even fully cognizant of what the side eye was all about. I’ve always been a “you can show me better than you can tell me” kind of girl. one of those “prove it” types. I’ve also learned to keep my expectations in check. when you expect more than you get that’s when you are disappointed. I’ve learned to determine what I can expect from any particular individual. I’ve learned to never expect more from a person than they are capable of providing.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:15 am

Single/disco – you two are perfect for each other.

I agree that there is someone “perfect” for another in their eyes but the comments are on the perfect person, a person that does everything just right, which there is no such thing.

Relationship does that work. You are two individuals with different morals, values, belief system and core being. You have to have an open mind and compromise every day. Yes it takes work. Even identical twins are different.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:17 am

if you don’t think relationship doesn’t take any work then do absolutely nothing and see how far it goes.

Fay

April 23rd, 2014
9:20 am

I choose to see the good in all things, and open myself to breathe into the blessing and possibility of each moment….

Fay

April 23rd, 2014
9:23 am

Hey why “work” is seen as negative some “work” is good!

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:23 am

I just might have to check this movie out. I don’t generally like girlie flicks but I just might give it a try.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:24 am

Fay – work in a relationship is good work. You’re both working for the good of the relationship!

disco

April 23rd, 2014
9:24 am

Button – single and I aren’t saying do absolutely nothing. we are saying that if you choose someone that is truly on the same page as you, someone whose life and interests merge – and here is my word again – seamlessly with yours that there will be minimal “work” involved. if you are always working on your relationship then your relationship is too much work. it’s either a concept you get and agree with our you don’t. the same applies in non-romantic relationships. some folks you can “just be” with and others it seems you are always compromising, forgiving, accepting, tolerating. In short, too much daggone work.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:26 am

disco – maybe you don’t understand the dynamics of a real relationship. no two person is on the same page all the time. Sometimes yeah but not all the time esp on things that matters to the heart. So yes I’m a huge believer that relationships takes work. You have to work with each other to have something one person is always going to compromise to not rock the boat but sooner than later that person will either up and leave or become resentful.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:29 am

disco – also you’re always going to forgive, tolerate and compromise in relationships. Sucks in life we are always doing those things.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:31 am

meant – one person shouldn’t always have to compromise….

disco

April 23rd, 2014
9:31 am

Button – I understand and respect your perspective. Just saying that I believe (and have experienced first-hand) that the other way is possible and if I have a choice, I’m taking the easy, stress free, less work way. you keep on putting in work though. nothing wrong with that.

Button – not true. you don’t have to forgive folks who don’t do you wrong to begin with. you don’t have to tolerate anything you don’t want to tolerate. Tolerating is a choice. And, you already know my stance on compromising. lol. just like tolerance, it’s a choice.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
9:42 am

disco – I get your way of thinking. @tolerating – either I do it or I stay home locked away behind closed doors alone. curious? If you don’t forgive then how do you rectify when you’ve been wronged?

Purple Reign

April 23rd, 2014
9:47 am

No one is perfect, if you seek perfection in a person you will never find it. It’s not about sacrifice it is about finding someone that you flow with. There is someone for everyone, it get’s confusing when you try and take others ideal of a mate and try and implement them as your own. It’s nobody’s business who you like and why you like them as long as they are a “fit” for you.

DuShawn

April 23rd, 2014
9:49 am

“I understand and respect your perspective….” So do I, One perspective sounds like a woman with a man, the other perspective sounds like a woman without. ijs

Purple Reign

April 23rd, 2014
9:50 am

Du- you do have a point. Neither is right or wrong they are just in different places.

disco

April 23rd, 2014
9:51 am

Button – you have to figure out which wrongs you are willing to accept. Me? if you do something with the intention of getting over on me, with the intention of hurting me, with the intention of taking advantage of me. well, enough said. I’m done with you. now, if you make a mistake, if there is an accident, something is out of your control. Well, then, it’s all good. you can steal $5 out of my purse on purpose and I’m through with you. you can crash my car into a tree and we can move on and charge it to the game.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 23rd, 2014
9:51 am

Good Morning!

I agree with Single and Disco…if you similiar likes and dislikes your relationship has an opportunity to flow smoothly. The problem with most relationships are folks don’t kow how to compromise and when they do not hold that against the person when it did not go their way. Selfiness is holding back many relationships. Like button stated relationships are about give and take, but how you handle the situations is going to make or break the relationship.

Note to self… Fay has kissed a lot of frogs…. Do not kiss her! hehehehehehe!

disco

April 23rd, 2014
9:52 am

Du – good thing I’m not sensitive. Ouch. lol. just so we clear though. not having a man and not being able to get one are two different things. I haven’t met the “seamless” one and I’ll be darned if I take on one that has me “working day and night”. I ain’t Michael Jackson.

Reio

April 23rd, 2014
9:55 am

Morning all.

During my dating years, I can remember being told by various people that I was a bit too quick on the draw. Oh, they meant well, and would offer their opinion unsolicited : “You too quick ta dump them gulls. Connie was nice, hell, yo azz ain’t perfect neither. What if they just dumped YOU like that?” Some were a bit more subtle : “How come you break up wit’em so fast? You oughta take it slow and give them a chance. I didn’t see nuthin wrong wit that last gull….”

Like disco, I saw too much work coming on the horizon. And while I’m not averse to working on a relationship(I actually expect a lil work), I was never in the mood to have to constantly make adjustments and accommodations. I just ain’t. Hell. I’ll just do without. A good relationship will flow with only minor course corrections required. In my opinion.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 23rd, 2014
10:01 am

Purp and Disco excellent points…. Do me wrong I’m done possible with some payback.. Make a mistake and I can probably work with you…. Big problem in our society is the media has given us what is the perfect mate image and the majority has bought into that image. Well you must find out what you really like/enjoy/can get along with and work with.

I like-em young, tight, nice and right! j/k sort of…. Dang-it the Hawks got it handed to them last night….

Lee/Fay …… what are your idea man?

DuShawn

April 23rd, 2014
10:02 am

You know I dig you disco. Enjoy life, that’s most important.

Button

April 23rd, 2014
10:04 am

disco – lol working in a relationship is not a bad thing. You work on your job right? you have your car worked on right keeping oiled changed et al. When you look at thing negatively then your perception is all off.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2014
10:06 am

When some folks are younger, they may take that ‘working hard to mak it work thing’ to heart….they get so used to having to stress out on making it work that I can see when they meet someone that takes less effort to be with, as being strange. It may not feel right. Just like some folks are used to fighting, hollering, cussing each other out, that if the next relationship isn’t like that, they don’t know how to act or handle it.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2014
10:07 am

Are there any bad relationship/dating habits that any of you had to learn to get out of doing or expecting???

disco

April 23rd, 2014
10:08 am

D – the general population just can’t seem to grasp that a woman of a certain age can be cool with being single. Frankly, with the dating options available and the maintenance level of a lot of these dudes (yeah I said it – a lot of guys are freaking high maintenance) being coupled up isn’t necessary beneficial. As a single woman I can pick and choose what I do, who I go out with, where I go. I don’t have to listen to dudes whining about “what you gone cook? Where are my socks? did you wash my t-shirts?”. Dudes need to daggone much. and don’t meet a divorced one. he either wants you just like his ex or nothing like his ex. y’all (mankind) can be a trip.

disco

April 23rd, 2014
10:10 am

Button – like I said, either you get it or you don’t. a job is work by definition (wayans brothers “a job ain’t nothing but work” – lol). A relationship shouldn’t have to be. relationship “maintenance” is all good. a relationship where you stay working (obviously trying to fix something that’s obviously not working) makes no sense to me.

Purple Reign

April 23rd, 2014
10:13 am

Elijah/Slim, I think the problem arises when one persong thinks that “They” themselves are perfect and doesn’t have any room or need improvement.

disco

April 23rd, 2014
10:14 am

Button – case in point. family. love them all. don’t like them all. some we can get together, kick it, cut up, don’t miss a beat. Others it is always tense, always strained, always waiting for something to pop off. I love them just like I love the other batch but this group is too much work. I put in “obligatory” time with that group. I put in real time with the other. why be in a relationship that’s “forced”? Perspective.

Now, can we stop going back and forth on this. you are a worker. I am not. case closed. lol.

Purple Reign

April 23rd, 2014
10:16 am

disco, there is nothing wrong with a woman who chooses to be single and date/do what she wants. I can’t relate to the dudes you mentioned about wanting a woman to be like his ex or washing clothes and etc. Some women want to be single some don’t and those two different types won’t see eye to eye. But I bet if some dude invited you to go overseas to one of your destinations you would be a clothes washing, sock matching and cooking woman. LOL..j/k!

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
10:17 am

Button, what disco has already said (LOL)

Button to add, for me nothing I’ve wanted in life has been hard work, it’s all been ezey breezy, the things that were hard were the things that I didn’t want to do anyway.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2014
10:20 am

Purp – As long as you’re breathing, we’re all a work in progress. ;-)

disco

April 23rd, 2014
10:21 am

Purple – sho you right. I’d be in Italy learning to make homemade gelato and handmade pasta and all that. of course, it wouldn’t last long. just long enough for me to get my bearings then a sister would be out. lol.

Purple – I won’t even go so far as to say that I want to be single though I also won’t go so far as to say I want to be married. I guess all I can say is I’m good with who I am and where I am.

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
10:23 am

You know the old saying “you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends” my perspective on that is the way some people let there family treat them, just because they are family. would you be friends with them if the weren’t? if no the why put up with them because they are family.

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
10:25 am

Are there any bad relationship/dating habits that any of you had to learn to get out of doing or expecting??? wanting sex all the time :-D

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2014
10:26 am

Single – lol…that’s just a dude problem, not specific to relationship & dating. They have special services for that. ;-)

disco

April 23rd, 2014
10:29 am

Single – I’ve said that about friends/family too. my reason for putting up with family members that I otherwise wouldn’t associate with is my grandparents, my parents, my elders in general. It hurts them to see family not getting along. I do it for them. now, I will say that when my grandmother passed one of my aunts (there’s always one eff up) showed out on the day of the funeral. one of my other aunts proclaimed – and I quote – “momma is gone now. I will whoop that B’s azz”.

Single and Happy

April 23rd, 2014
10:29 am

Slim :-D

Button a repost just for you, see #1

Five rules to remember in life

1. Forgive your enemies, but remember the basatards name!
2. Money can’t buy you happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes, than on a bicycle!
3. Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again!
4. Many people are alive because it’s illegal to shoot them!
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, then again neither does milk!

These should assist you with most daily choices