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Date check: Second opinion?

After multiple dating misadventures, Cathy decided to recruit some of her friends to check her dates. Although she felt as if she was a good judge of character, she sometimes overlooked obvious things because she was blinded by good looks, charm, or that tricky sex haze.

I think a lot of people have great intuition and should be able to trust their gut. How many times has that lead us wrong? When it comes to sizing up a guy, though, other men are the best to notice if something is off. Why do you think that is? I think it works the same with women. I can sense when my guy friends should be careful with the women they pick. I can also clearly see when they should start ring shopping!

Do you ever get second opinions about the people you date? Has anyone ever introduced you to their friends in an effort to get a second opinion on you?

By Wise Diva

206 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 21st, 2014
7:04 am

Good Morning. I do not have anything to add. No i have never asked or cared what others think, I have to deal with that person no one else.

SlimNu

April 21st, 2014
8:35 am

Good morning,

Yes i’ve asked close friends what they thought and have even asked for a male perspective on certain situations. But either way, I will ultimately be making whatever dayum decision I choose to make, opinions or not.

I cannot wait to get back in the bed after work

Celisea

April 21st, 2014
8:57 am

I think a lot of people have great intuition and should be able to trust their gut. How many times has that lead us wrong?

If it lead you wrong, then that wad NOT intuition. That’s a gift God gave us. Also, “sex haze?” I mean, IMO by “this” time, you should know them already, right? Nothing confusing there unless ya jumping in too early. It seems to me it would be just a little too late tyna figure folks out post sex. That’s why we ( well some of us) say get ro know folks. Don’t go smashing with strangers!!!!

And nope, never put anyone on display to look them over. I’m grown, that’s what my listening and looking skills were for. Now, I’ve ran things by my dude BFFs, but none of this sizing folks up stuff.

disco

April 21st, 2014
9:10 am

Good morning. personally I play my cards too close to check for what anyone else thinks. Some people second guess themselves on everything from what to wear to where to eat so it only stands to reason that they would second guess their date choices. I respect a person’s right to make whatever decision they choose to re dating but I will say that if you are dating a person and absolutely no one likes that person but you, you might want to reconsider. You don’t have to, but you might just want to. btw, I’ve seen this. kids don’t like them, grown ups don’t like them, pets don’t like them and they don’t seem to have very many friends. That ish is a red flag like a mutha. lol.

Reio

April 21st, 2014
9:23 am

Morning all.

disco – Sounds like you’re saying basically, pay attention, not only to your gut, bit outside signs around you as well. Makes sense to me.

Can’t say much else on this. I don’t recall asking anybody about a date. If anything, the advice is just offered, unsolicited. “Hey,she ain’t bad.” or “She seems nice.” or “Ya’ll look good together.” or “I’on know bout her…” something along those lines. And even if I were inclined enough to ask a friend, I don’t know how much weight I’d put on their opinion. Never really gave a hoot, one way or the other. Now,I wil say this, if someone else asked me about someone they wre seeing, I’d give them my honest opinion. Especially if he person asking is a family member or close friend.

Now, if I’m going to offer an unsolicited opinion, usually I’d start out kinda soft with “Now, how did you say ya’ll met?” or “how long ya’ll been dating?” or “Where did you say she was from again?”….Before I really let loose with “You, ah, might wanna go slow wit this one.” or “It’s som’n bout that heffa….”
Jus sayin.

Celisea

April 21st, 2014
9:26 am

I’m so happy happy happy I live my life for ME!! None of this mess about what other folks think. My mantra/motto: You ain’t gotta like but you dang sho’ better respect me. Ask my coworkers. That’s why I don’t get pulled into work drama. I say what I mean, I mean what I say. IMO, it’s the dumbest thing worrying ’bout what other folks think. At this point, if you ain’t got a heaven or hell and didn’t write the good book, bump what you think. I mean this to my core. Worrying about what folks think about me is akin to parading my boo in front of folks and cutting him off cause someone else ain’t feeling him!! Miss me wit dat foolishness!!

I’m gone back to get in the bed :mrgreen:

Toodles!! Make it a fantabulous day!!

disco

April 21st, 2014
9:41 am

Hey reio – I actually have a family member who has been dating a cat that nobody likes but her. her mother, none of her siblings, her kids, nieces/nephews, nobody likes him. the whole family essentially has a minimal level of tolerance for him but he’s been attacked (verbally and physically) on more than one occasion. He caught a beer can to the head by one of my aunties at a family reunion once. lol.

Reio

April 21st, 2014
9:46 am

dis – Wow! Hell, sounds like he should dump that family member, instead of the other way around. And maybe even press charges. Lol…

disco

April 21st, 2014
9:53 am

Reio – I missed that particular reunion but dude told someone to shut up. apparently his tone was all wrong and he was in the wrong company and next thing you know – oops upside your head. lol.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
10:04 am

Hello all

The only opinion that counts is mine, so that’s the only one I need.

Disco, why doesn’t anyone like him?

disco

April 21st, 2014
10:09 am

Single – it’s difficult to say. I’m sure each person has their own specific reasons but overall you generally just get the “I just don’t like him” comment. he just has an air about him that tends to rub folks wrong. he’s a little bit pompous and we are a keep it real clan lol. my grandmother wouldn’t even call him by his given name. she called him another name – relatively close to his but she never got it right (on purpose – lol). consequently a lot of other people took to calling him that name too. dude wasn’t even worth being called by his own name.

Reio

April 21st, 2014
10:11 am

disco – Oh, ok. Well, it’s obvious that dude is kinda on the slow side. You go to your girlfriend’s family reunion? You’re automatically out-numbered. Keep yo mouth shut. Don’t ay anything stupid. And whatever you do, don’t tell someone to “shut up”. You’re asking for trouble. Back in the day? With my family? Proly would have been some shots fire at the fella, or guns drawn fo sho. Or a knife or two. The main one’s in the family most likely to react that way are either very old now or already dead, but you don’t say shiid like that round my folks. Hell naw.

Leggs

April 21st, 2014
10:12 am

I’ve never been chosen to be someone’s second opinion. Looking back, my blunt honesty would probably have them looking with different eyes and not always for the better (lol).

Good morning!

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
10:16 am

Leggs, my blunt honesty is why friends ask for my opinion, but they also know I’m going to tell them the ultimate decision is theirs. They have to make up their mind what they like and don’t like and act accordingly.

Disco, “family won’t even call him by his name” yet he continues to go around them?

Fay

April 21st, 2014
10:19 am

Mornin

If I like him I don’t “care” what you think…now in order for someone not to like someone I am with there has to be valid reasons…not because something I told you that I don’t have a problem with …

Hey about OSS – what’s the plan? Any poc email I need to do? I didn’t get my ticket yet still waiting on …who going??

disco

April 21st, 2014
10:20 am

Reio – I figured he was embarrassed enough getting hit upside the head by a little itty bitty 4’10” woman. the women in my family are the wild ones. the men are almost like a last resort, just in case something comes up that the chicks can’t handle.

Hey leggs – if you have to get someone’s opinion it might as well be the opinion of a straight shooter. Why go seeking fake opinion? what’s the point of that? ijs.

disco

April 21st, 2014
10:28 am

Single – he comes around occasionally. not much but every now and again. if he’s at a function he’s usually sitting off somewhere on his own. folks will get him a plate or offer him a beer or whatever but he’s always on the outskirts of what’s going on.

I also see a lot of chicks who date guys their kids don’t like. some of them are too quick to just say “the kids are jealous or they just don’t want me dating anyone”. I say folks need to pay attention to kids. in that regard they are like animals. Sometimes they can just smell the dirty on somebody.

DuShawn

April 21st, 2014
10:37 am

One of closest potnah’s had an aunt, everyone called her “Duke”. She was around my mother’s age and was like the cool, shid talkin, Newport smokin, curse your azz out in a heartbeat, aunt to all of us. As teenagers, we could always fall by Duke’s crib to hang out, drink and smoke weed, but she was much more than that. As life went on, she watched us grow into men and often served as counselor and confidant. Whenever one of us had a new female interest, we would take her by Duke’s to see what she thought. Her presence and aura were intimidating to grown men, so some young girl trying to date one of her nephews really felt the heat. She pulled no punches and would interrogate these girls relentlessly. Meeting Duke was like a rite of passage for any chick we dated throughout our lives. I even took my wife around there when we were starting out. They really hit it off…..both shid talkers. Although her opinion of our women was not the be all and end all, it was valued and a pretty good litmus test on our compatibility. More often than not, her summation of the ladies she evaluated would inevitably come to pass. As I’m writing this, I recall this house party, Duke had too much to drink, she didn’t wear a bra that night, them tig old bitties was sagging and flopping everywhere, man…we laughed that night. I told my potnah I would drive her home and make sure she got in safely. The next morning he calls me and says “DuShawn…you ain’t f&*K my aunt last night did you?” Anyway, I digress. Aunt Duke was our potnah and a very special lady….She passed a couple of years ago and I miss her.

disco

April 21st, 2014
10:55 am

Oh boy. I guess folks are somewhere in easter egg, chocolate bunny, marshmallow peep comas this morning.

DuShawn

April 21st, 2014
10:59 am

We gone talk about soumthin. My work load is light and I got too much time to kill today. So disco…what’s the business?

DuShawn

April 21st, 2014
11:04 am

I’m feeling the “Visioneers” this morning. Hip Hop, Neo Soul, Jazz fusion vibe.
If you not hip to them…..you need to be.

DuShawn

April 21st, 2014
11:09 am

Blogging alone is like masturbating…..you quickly grow tired of doing it by yourself.

disco

April 21st, 2014
11:15 am

D – I have no clue where everyone is but I’ll try not to leave you hanging – lol. I have no idea what the business is. you know I stay out the loop. Always a day late and a dollar short. my offspring has a bday coming up. dude has put in a request for bowties and gold toe socks. I had to laugh. I joked that he was acting 55 instead of 25.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 21st, 2014
11:20 am

Blogging alone is like masturbating…..you quickly grow tired of doing it by yourself.

~Bruh—use plenty of vaseline and keep hope alive :lol:

I’m rolling in …been busy at work with deadlines and such so my presence will remain sketchy as it has been of late…

So very O/T: OSS is this Saturday…who’s going?

Exiled!

April 21st, 2014
11:25 am

I never asked but some of my friends jumped in the past and said,”she seems hoish” or “shes a hoe”, when they heard i was seeing her..

uumm..i done smash and left them!
:lol:
good morning!

Fay

April 21st, 2014
11:27 am

Sassy I go the same question…did you get your ticket??

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 21st, 2014
11:35 am

No not yet but I’ve looked up several options for getting one….1. You can go to the venue between 5-8 and purchase one, 2. Do a “will call” and pay first then pick them up at the will call window at the venue or 3. Go to a Whole Foods store(Ponce de Leon for me) and buy one. Well the OSS website says you can purchase a ticket there. I’ll get my ticket on Thursday or Friday…

I’ll be in the place…

Leggs

April 21st, 2014
11:39 am

Single/disco ~ if someone decided to ask for my opinion it is because of my blunt honesty. What I’m saying is because of what I say, they would now see something I saw that they didn’t see because my emotions aren’t blocking the obvious.

disco

April 21st, 2014
11:41 am

Where is purple – fitness trainer extraordinaire – when you need him? lol.

SlimNu

April 21st, 2014
11:52 am

Letter:

I broke up with a gentleman I was dating for only 3 months. His baby�s mother lives at his house and he said that he�s been telling her to go for the past 14 years and she is dragging her feet. He told me on our first date and asked me to bear with him, as he does not have a relationship with this woman, but he has a son with her who is now 13 yrs old. I said to him, �When you told her to leave is it that you were having sex with her, but at the same time putting her out?� He said yes! He was just plain stupid. I said that does not make sense. I said to myself, “You are plain stupid.” He kept on saying to bear with him since his child is involved. I grew tired of this. Yes, he treats me well, but I didn�t see where he was making any changes in his relationship and I could only see him once a week, as he has to spend time with his son – doing homework, cooking, and preparing his clothes, as the little boy�s mother does not take care of him, He says she is not a mother to his son and he wants her to leave. I asked why he wouldn�t go to court to deal with this and he finds excuses. I gave him so many options and nothing. So I just got up one morning and broke it off. I told him I place value on myself and I do not need to be a side piece or a mistress, I have never done it before and I will not tolerate it now. He told me I am unreasonable to break up with him after all he has done for me. I told him what seems unreasonable to you is not unreasonable to me. I got values, end of story. I told him to continue his dirty, low life he�s had for the past 14 years and I told him he was downright selfish. He was upset

Thoughts??? ( just trying to help lol)

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
11:54 am

Leggs, most of the time when people ask your opinion, they already see it, they just want to make sure.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
11:56 am

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
11:59 am

Disco, what you training for?

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:01 pm

Single – nothing. I just want to buy a decent sports watch that tracks distance. The prices of some of these watches are astronomical. I’m not going out like that. lol.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
12:03 pm

Disco, do you just want steps, or miles?

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:08 pm

Single – miles. I’ve come across a timex gps watch for $99 that has pretty decent reviews. Between coupons and credit card cash back I can get that down. I may stop in a store one day and play around with it. I know folks say you get what you pay for but I’ll be darned if I pay $300-$400 for a sports watch. My current timex sports watch cost under $20 and I’ve had it for years. it’s also my travel watch because it keeps multiple time zones and it’s back lit. it was a good little investment. it’s just a little timer/stopwatch thing and I need more features now.

Reio

April 21st, 2014
12:15 pm

Of course, if you’re like me, and you would rather not hear what other people are saying, it’s still good to have a really close friend or family member to point out things that may have escaped you.
Cause years(bout 112) ago, me and a new young lady I was seeing were headed somewhere, and I suddenly remembered that one of my sisters had told me to come over and get some meatloaf and banana pudding(or some’n, don’t remember exactly what it was) she had made. They used to look out for me when I was young and single. Never could cook. Anyway, we get there, they talk. I’m in the kitchen fixin a plate. Listening to them, but not really listening. Couple of days later my sister calls and say’s “You still gon be seeing that gull?”, “Yeah, why.”, “Hell, you don’t remember what she told us?”, “Naw, what?”, “Shiid, her azz said that she goes to parties where there is a lot of drankin, smokin, and drugs n’shiid goin on, but she don’t do it. Even if she don’t do it, da hell she doing at them parties?”

That was something that I didn’t pick up on. And did not remember until she mentioned it. She was right, in this instance. Lil girl was alright, but kinda on the wild side, after She became better aquainted with me.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
12:15 pm

Disco, sounds like you already know the answer, why you need a second opinion (LOL) If that’s all you need it for, then go for it. most of the $300- $400 just offer all the add on’s in case you want to upgrade later. I use a heart rate monitor that has other options .

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:20 pm

Single – it wasn’t so much a second opinion as the fact that I was going to ask for referrals. Just because I came across this particular watch doesn’t mean that someone else can’t turn me on to another one. I only just started researching so this timex may or may not be the way to go.

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:23 pm

Single – there was a guy at the track a week or so ago doing speed drills. I asked him about his watch (a garmin). I didn’t ask the price but when I got home and googled it that joker was like $350). For $350 the watch needs to run and pull me behind it in a little red wagon.

daddy swiss

April 21st, 2014
12:25 pm

disco — What kind of phone do you have? The Nike running app for iOS & Android tracks your distance, pace, history, etc…

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
12:26 pm

Disco, if this is the one you were looking at, it sounds great if you just want simple. Found it in Amazon for $75.
Timex Ironman Easy Trainer GPS Watch

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:29 pm

Swiss – I’m familiar with some of the phone apps. Thing is I don’t generally run with my phone. occasionally I run with my ipod but most often I just run with me and my thoughts. I considered the pedometers/odometers that clip to your shoe but still think a watch is the best way for me to go.

Fay

April 21st, 2014
12:29 pm

Sassy – I want to go also … I am trying to think I thought Yes said she was going too. I will check back on Thursday but I won’t be on the blog Friday…faynope@yahoo.com is my email :)

Fay

April 21st, 2014
12:30 pm

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:33 pm

Single – yep. that’s it. I saw that it was on amazon too. I tend to prefer to at least go in-store and check it out, play with it and what not. plus buying in store is just easier if it turns out I don’t like it and want to take it back. I can get it at sports authority for $80 so I would rather eat the $5 just to have the convenience of the store being up the street.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
12:37 pm

Disco does your ipod have bluetooth? if so this will work with the polar app
Polar Stride Sensor Bluetooth Smart

disco

April 21st, 2014
12:41 pm

Single – Again, I’m confident that a watch is the way to go for me. I always have my watch on when running. I don’t always have my phone or ipod.

Single & Happy

April 21st, 2014
12:46 pm

Disco, sounds like you’ve got it all together. I never take my phone with me. I don’t listen to music on it. and not going to answer it in the middle of my workout.

SlimNu

April 21st, 2014
12:47 pm

Single – I tried lol