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How understanding are you?

I overheard a woman complaining that she was asked out on a date the same day he wanted to go out. She was deeply bothered that he didn’t follow some dating rule about asking out someone at the last minute. I have also seen some people dumped because they had to cancel on a date because something came up. I wondered shouldn’t we should consider being a lot more flexible?

The dating scene requires a great deal of patience. Things won’t always go your way. Rejection, disappointment, and misunderstandings happen so we should expect it and deal with it. The more understanding you can be without being taken advantage of, the more likely you can successfully navigate the dating scene.

If you went out on a date the same day you were asked out, does it have to mean you are desperate for attention? I think it shows you are spontaneous and open to adventure, which is appealing to some people.

When it comes to dealing with the messy part of dating, how understanding are you?

Do you think single people get hung up on dating rules too much?

By Wise Diva

135 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 18th, 2014
6:53 am

Good morning,
I don’t see anything wrong with going on a date the same day as being asked, if all else fails it was free dinner. Some people are just to up-tight.. opportunity knocks -> answer the door, if you don’t like what you see though the peek hole don’t open it but do not complain about it either..

There are no rules in Love … i know several that got married are still married from a one night stand.. you never know whom that great wonderful exciting person that is going to walk into your life could be .. sometimes you just have to take a chance…

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
7:35 am

Hey all

Do you think single people get hung up on dating rules too much? Ion know, didn’t know there were rules!

Lali

April 18th, 2014
7:49 am

I think it comes down to the initial attraction and how into the person you are. I would probably be more tolerant with someone I believe I have good chemistry with. However, what you put up with you end up with. If it becomes clear that the person is just inconsiderate, I would move-on.

I once had a blind date not show up and he called the next day to try and reschedule…of course I was done. He was a no show and instead of calling same day while I am sitting waiting for him, he has the nerve to call the next day and ask for another date?! And he had a horrible excuse…

But I have also cancelled very last minute, shown up terribly late, cut dates short…sometimes because I just wasn’t into the person, others I was just really busy, dating was not high on my list of priorities and I reluctantly accepted the date to begin with.

I have only accepted one last minute date and we actually ended up being good friends… but he was a flaky, unpredictable, noncommittal person overall. I always knew to have backup plans if we were going to hang out.

Button

April 18th, 2014
8:19 am

I’m not really understanding why she’s complaining or bothered. The guy asked her out at the last minute, she wasn’t obligated to go. Surely he didn’t expect her to drop everything she might’ve had planned to go out on a date with him. She could’ve politely said I can’t tonight but I can tomorrow or any other day. Some men think women don’t have anything better to do than just sit and wait on them. smh

I’ve been dumped because I cancelled a date. I dodged a bullet with that one.

If you went out on a date the same day you were asked out, does it have to mean you are desperate for attention? not really, it just means that either you have a lot of free time on your hands or he was in the right place at the right time. Sometimes you have to step out your comfort zone and do something crazy every now and then.

Do you think single people get hung up on dating rules too much? for the most part yes. the call 3 days later should be tossed out the window.

Good morning!

Button

April 18th, 2014
8:24 am

Single – so you never heard of the 90 day rule? no kissing on the first date rule? no touching on the first date rule? don’t order dessert wine for your entree meal rule? elbows off the table rule? lol

Celisea

April 18th, 2014
8:43 am

I think I do fine…..I know I do, when it comes to being booed, but I have a low tolerance for bullcrappery and tom fuggery. IJS We grown, we ain’t teenagers. You shouldn’t be putting out BS for another to deal with, and more importantly you shouldn’t be dealing with BS put out by some joker.

If you’re feeling them, why can’t you go out if they ask you…THAT DAY?? Learning to throw caution to the wind on stuff that matters not, is showing just how grown you can be. IMO, it shows you’re a fly by the seat of your pants kinda gal which can be a plus, that you’re versatile, that you can go with the flow, etc etc etc. Chile, boo….I wish we could get a message to buddy to tell ole girl to kick rocks. Trust, there’s another that would glady go, the same day asked.

If she needed time to decide what to wear, go to the hair salon, get her nails done, etc etc etc, she’en ready. You should already be “together”, so much so that you can go into your closet and grab something fly or jump in the shower and wash your hair. You know, soft, fresh, light and bouncy.

But, some folks don’t get it.

Celisea

April 18th, 2014
8:45 am

We got the greenlight yesterday that we’re outta here early. Woo hoo….

Have a grandtastic, fantabulous rest of the day…..I know I will!! Toodles!! :mrgreen:

2CPTG©

April 18th, 2014
9:18 am

maybe I didn’t get the memo, but I’m like you Single, what are the rules?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
9:20 am

Morning All!!

On topic – I think it’s one of those situations you have to kind of get a feel for. I mean, there is spontaneous and flexible, and then there is taking someone for granted, being plain inconsiderate or showing the person “you’ll do cause I don’t have anything better to do or who I would rather be out with is unavailable”. Only you, the person in the situation, can determine which category the date falls in. Yes, sometimes you meet someone and the stars all line up right and you just go for it. Shrugs

Like it or not, you only have one opportunity to make a first impression. If coming out the gate you are always late, not considerate enough to call if you’re not going to make it, always cancelling, etc, well is this a sign of things to come? How you start out is alot like how you will continue or end. I am willing to be more understanding and flexible with someone I have gotten to know and have a history with. I know it’s not this person’s normal pattern. With someone new, I’m less inclined. I don’t know him. So yeah, call it lack of understanding, inflexible, whatever. You show people how to treat you. I’ve never called it wrong, and if I did miss out on someone, oh well, whatever.

I’ve had men in the past be downright inconsiderate of me and my time, and when I call them on it, they try to turn it back on me and make me out to be the bad guy. Miss me with that.

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
9:31 am

Button Ion know nuttin bout no stinking rules (LOL)

only heard those rules on TV shows or movies, never really paid attention if anyone was following them.

What is dessert wine?? Didn’t know elbows on the table was a dating rule, just thought that was proper etiquette, (even though I will do it!)

Celisea

April 18th, 2014
9:33 am

I don’t know about all the bad attributes the guy in today’s post possess, but Diva mentioned none of them. All we have is buddy asked her out…for the same day. Nothing more, nothing less. Either you seize the moment (if you ain’t booed) and go, or take a pass and let someone else enjoy his company.

I think it’s reaching a bit to say he took her for granted, he was late, she was nothing better to do. Heck if she didn’t have plans, what else better did she have to do? Diva’s post said she was irked cause he asked for the same day, not he asked and it interfered with her already set plan. Shrugs

I guess you can see the glass half empty, I see it half full. I more bothered and see her negative traits, cause she wanted to put buddy in a box, more so than him being spontaneous!

Chile, I’m gone….later gaters!!

Button

April 18th, 2014
9:46 am

I think some ppl tend to put too much uptightness when it comes to dating geewhiz. whould she have been just as bothered had he not asked her out? I mean really #shrugs

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
9:46 am

Like I said, only the person in the situation can get a feel for the situation and make the call. I mentioned the possibilities, not necessarily dealing with Wise’s example, but dating in general.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
9:54 am

There are no set dating “rules”, but I think there are best practices, like everything in life. There is consideration and respect.

You can’t miss what you never had, so if he had not asked her out at all, she would never know one way or the other………. no need to be bothered about something that hasn’t happened.

2CPTG©

April 18th, 2014
9:54 am

“#shrugs”

ye’en got your nail file today?

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
9:54 am

Morning,

All I can say is do what works for you. If you feel like dude asked you at the last minute because his plan A and B fell through, then you have the option of declining the invite. Simple enough right? I’m curious to know if ole girl actually went on the date or not. lol I’ve been asked weeks in advance to go out, as well as some, Hey how long will it take you to get ready and let’s go so & so….Now if it’s constantly last minute, there maybe an issue…OR buddy may just like to go with impulsive spontaneous ideas when it moves him.

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
9:55 am

Button, up tightness and over thinking things. While cleaning the other day I found a scarf, so I called a the only person that’s been at my house since Feb, she said it wasn’t hers. Then called back a few minutes later trying to go off on me, saying “I only called her to let her know I have other women over my house, I know she doesn’t wear scarves.” I just said bye and hung up. WTF?? too much damn time on your hands (LOL)

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
9:56 am

Kimmie if you can’t miss what you never had, why do some women cry because they don’t get asked out? (damned if you do, damned if you don’t) LOL

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
9:58 am

Single – LOL!!! Unfortunately, sounds like you got an earfull based on some shyster dudes in your friend’s past, not something you actually did!!

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
9:59 am

Single- Obviously I’m guessing they’ve been asked out before and enjoyed being out with a nice guy and would like that experience again?????

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:01 am

Kimmie good answer (LOL) on the experience

Button

April 18th, 2014
10:03 am

Single – lol so who’s scarf is it?

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:03 am

Button, damned if I know (scratching my head) (LOL)

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
10:05 am

Single – Did it dawn on you that maybe the chick PRIOR to Feb may have left her scarf? Heyal, Feb wasn’t that long ago :lol:

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:06 am

Slim I was just using process of elimination :-) So is it yours?? (LOL)

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
10:08 am

Reading the topic over again, Wise “overheard” this lady complaining about it. Meaning Wise does not have all the facts anyway!! She doesn’t know if this is the lady’s first time dealing with the dude or if he has a habit of doing this. We don’t know ANYTHING!!! All we can do is discuss hypotheticals, which is fine. I’m going on my own past experiences with dude that were “last minute” about everything and those that were occasionally spontaneous but always considerate. There is a big difference in the two.

One guy specifically told me he did not like to make concrete plans with me because he knew I would expect him to follow thru……. :shock:

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
10:09 am

Heyal, Feb wasn’t that long ago

LOL!!! Good one Slim!!

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:12 am

Kimmie, you mean you didn’t hang on to that gem (LOL)

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
10:17 am

Single – Naw, I had to throw that pearl back in the seaLOL!! Funny, that’s not even the reason we broke up.

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:23 am

Conversation with ex girlfriend and on topic.

Her: most couples start making plans for the weekend on thursday, you wait till the last minute to make plans

Me: Okay so lets make plans, what would you like to do

Her: I don’t want you to make plans cause I want you to

Me; okay so would you like to go to dinner and a movie

Her I just said I don’t want you to make plans cause I want you to.

Me: okay

fast forward to Sunday.

Her I didn’t do anything but sit around the house, I could have went out with my friends if I knew you weren’t going to ask me out.

Me Umm you said you were tired of me asking you out at the last minute so I let you rest :-D

Her: that didn’t mean you still couldn’t ask!

Me WTH

Button

April 18th, 2014
10:24 am

Single – lol you know she won’t be retuning anytime soon. So dig a lil deeper bruh you just might remember who it belongs to. She prolly left it there to mark her territory, you know to let any other woman know she’s been there.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
10:29 am

Single – How long did you & this lady date?

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
10:30 am

Single – Naw, it isn’t mine but if it looks nice, I’ll surely take it off your hands :lol:

kimmie :-D

Button

April 18th, 2014
10:33 am

Single – is a playa playa lol

Leggs

April 18th, 2014
10:33 am

Did I read that correctly, she was perturbed that she was asked out on the same day of the date? What’s the problem? I get it, perhaps her favorite suit was in the cleaners. Please, give me a break with all these made up dating rules re: asking someone out at the last minute. Hell, if you can’t be flexible, you don’t need to date.

Now, I’m pissed! Too much people, too much!!!!

Button

April 18th, 2014
10:35 am

Kimmie – One guy specifically told me he did not like to make concrete plans with me because he knew I would expect him to follow thru > what a jerk.

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:36 am

Kimmie 3 and 2 broke up for 2 years

Button, yes she will, she’s crazy. she’ll get pissed off for a little while, then start calling me talking bout she should whop my arse (code for she want’s some) (LOL)

Slim, you can get it when I wash your car (LOL)

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:38 am

Button, I’m not a play no mo, I just crush alot (LOL)

Leggs

April 18th, 2014
10:40 am

Single ~ if she didn’t know you had female company, shame on her (lol).

Single ~ that exchange hurt my head.

Button

April 18th, 2014
10:43 am

Single – when I was younger I used to look thru my now ex apartment to see if there were any evidence of a woman around besides me lol. I used to look at glasses to see if there were lipstick stains. I used to do a eye sweep of the room lol. I lol now but back then I was inspector Button.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 18th, 2014
10:45 am

Button – Jerk is right, and I’ve come across too many over the years that want to play fast & loose with my time! I’m not for the okie doke, that’s why I’m a little less willing to jump on ole girl in Wise’s example. You need to come correct, sorry. Sometimes the situation is such that a same day/spontaneous thing is cool, like you’re just out and about and meet up and decide to do something or you’re on vacation. Get a vibe for the situation, people.

Single – I was just wondering. I would think you guys would have more of a vibe down after that long dating, you should understand each other and not be playing such games. That sounds like some new-new stuff.

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
10:54 am

Leggs, had alot of headaches with her (LOL)

Kimmie, didn’t understand it at all

Button

April 18th, 2014
11:05 am

Single – let me get this correct: you called the ex to ask her if she left her scarf or is this another lady that you thought left the scarf?

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
11:08 am

button, technically she is an ex, but not the ex I mentioned above.

Button

April 18th, 2014
11:19 am

Single – you have your hands full lol

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
11:26 am

button, naw not me :-D

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
11:30 am

I used to do a eye sweep of the room lol. I lol now but back then I was inspector Button

Button – You ain’t said nothing but a word….There was a card that I had given the ex that was up on the mantle. I would make sure I knew how it was positioned so if he moved it due to having company over, I’d know something. lol

Single and Happy

April 18th, 2014
11:32 am

the things you women and alot of men look for. (LOL)

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
11:42 am

Single – If you don’t drink wine but you have an opened bottle in the fridge that’s half full, you had a woman over there lol

SlimNu

April 18th, 2014
11:45 am

Single – You just washed your sheets, especially in the middle of the week, then you’re suspect. lol