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Would you sacrifice career for love?

If you were offered a great career opportunity that required you move far away, would you turn it down for a relationship? The tough choices some people face often come down to picking what is most important to you at the time. A lot of women who are single but want to be married may consider picking a man over the career. The hope is that they can somehow end up with the great man and the great career will still come later. What if it doesn’t, though?

I have a friend who turned down a position because it required a lot of traveling. Her boyfriend at the time said that it would be hard to be in what would feel like a long distance relationship. He even admitted that he was not sure if he could resist temptation while she was away! She now regrets this choice because her relationship didn’t last and she thinks her career would be further along if she had accepted the traveling job.

How do you decide between love and career? Would you relocate to a new city with someone you were dating if they took a job elsewhere?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

150 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 16th, 2014
6:04 am

How do you decide between love and career? If I am not married or going to married I am taking that job.

Would you relocate to a new city with someone you were dating if they took a job elsewhere? No, I would have to be married.
Made this mistake when i was younger i was going to school and the guy said it interfered so i stopped going (i was 19 at the time) then the relationship ended – i was left with raising a child bymyself. life and learn sometimes the hard way.

…never make someone that is part-time in your life help make full time decisions about your life..

Button

April 16th, 2014
8:24 am

How do you decide between love and career? For me my career is top diggs over a man and a relationship. I can meet someone new should he decide it’s too much for him or the relationship.

Would you relocate to a new city with someone you were dating if they took a job elsewhere? I would relocated for my fiance or husband not for a man I’m just dating or in a relationship with.

With today’s technology pulling off a LD’ship can be pretty easy with skyping and cheap airline tickets. I’m not a big fan of LD’ship.

Good morning!

Imaly.ah

April 16th, 2014
8:25 am

Y do u hafta decide? U can have both. Balance iz kee

hazel

April 16th, 2014
8:30 am

I that you choose your career. If it’s meant to be and if the person is that into you, it will work out in the end. My husband left Atl to take up a job that paid a lot more than Atl. We weren’t engaged or married then. After him settling in, he proposed and I moved to be with him. Yes, you can to put effort into a relationship, but being realistic…you gotta do what’s right in the long term.

Button

April 16th, 2014
8:31 am

A lot of women who are single but want to be married may consider picking a man over the career. I don’t see why they would. The single women I know jump to the opportunity of relocationing to a new city. New city, new faces and new possibilites.

hazel

April 16th, 2014
8:31 am

There is nothing wrong with long distance relationships… like someone said..technology nowadays helps a lot.

Button

April 16th, 2014
8:35 am

hazel – Hi! Long time no read! I’ve never moved with a man but I know a few that have and it worked out. Hopefully I will never have to be in that position.

Button

April 16th, 2014
8:38 am

hazel – I’ve never been a fan of LD’ship. it sucks big time for me bc I like the face to face interaction and I live for hugs and kisses. If you don’t have the funds to travel back and forth then it can get challenging. I guess just like anything else if it’s for you it’s for you regardless the miles that divide.

Fay

April 16th, 2014
8:47 am

Good Morning…

I have sacrificed for a guy but I was much younger….at this point in my life I would not sacrifice anything in my “life” for a man. Whatever happens has to be mutually beneficial. So if I were to not do something I should be gaining something too.and I should see the value in it. Single Parents don’t have that luxury of “sacrifice” cause it probably would effect your children.

Button

April 16th, 2014
9:05 am

…..resist temptation while she was away!–well this is something to consider whether she/he is local or LD.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:09 am

Good morning.

“career” has never been that important to me. a job is a job, work is work. I do it because it has to be done. it’s definitely not a labor of love nor the be all end all. I’ve always had a touch of wanderlust so up and moving isn’t a big deal to me. would I move for a man? I haven’t but that’s not to say I wouldn’t. if he was going some place that I wouldn’t mind being I might give it a go. so what if the relationship doesn’t work out. I’m perfectly capable of continuing on and doing me. would I turn down an opportunity because of a relationship? depends on the relationship and the opportunity. Some (relationships and opportunities) are a dime a dozen. Others are a bit more rare.

Reio

April 16th, 2014
9:11 am

Morning all.

Well, I’ve never been in this situation, but I can see how it could prove problematic. However, as I am prone to do, I have some questions not covered in the topic. Sounds like this news of the position came out of the clear blue sky. How did THIS happen? Surely there had to be at least some inkling that this was a possibility. Don’t see how one can go from a local job to the prospect of another one in, let’s say, Tacoma, Washington, or someplace. Did he apply for the position? Or was he just chosen by his superiors? Was he given much notice? Was she privy to this possibility?…..
Need more info. But, if they’re just dating, I see no reason to go with him/her.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:22 am

Reio – if I was just dating a guy and he got a job transfer to italy, spain, costa rica or any other number of places you can cool believe that I’ll be asking “how can I be down”. lol. i’ve never been a fan of shacking but I would take my little behind to italy, spain, costa rican or any other number of places and shack with the quickness. ijs.

hazel

April 16th, 2014
9:27 am

Hi Button- I’m back : )
When in relationship, you never know what you will come across. Heck, I never thought I would be in such position. But I was determined and had invested too much time, love and energy in this relationship so I wasn’t gonna give up. lol

hazel

April 16th, 2014
9:32 am

@ Disco – yup..it all depends on the seriousness of that relationship too. When I asked my bf (hubby now)..what if we had broken up after he moved.. He said, “girl you weren’t going anywhere”. smh.

Coach

April 16th, 2014
9:36 am

Easy answer. Always choose your career. Love does not pay bills!

Button

April 16th, 2014
9:37 am

Moving with a date is a lot to ask. You have to uproot yourself, look for another job which may not come right away. It takes planning. Most company don’t pitch in and help with moves. It’s all on you. Financial burdens to top it off.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:38 am

Hazel – shaking your head why? he obviously knew what he was talking about. lol.

2CPTG©

April 16th, 2014
9:42 am

I’m not sacrificing jack for no relationship…..career, job, lick, come-up, etc…..on the flip side, I’m like disco, a job is a job, you can call it “career,” temporary, or whatever, but it’s all the same, a means to an end….

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:42 am

coach – while I agree that love doesn’t pay bills I won’t say that it’s that easy to make a decision about staying or going. there are always going to be factors to weigh. Pros, cons, wants, needs. Sometimes you have to take chances.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 16th, 2014
9:44 am

How do you decide between love and career?

I’ve never had a problem doing this with school or work. School always came before any relationship I had and led me to my career. My career feeds me….NOT love.

Would you relocate to a new city with someone you were dating if they took a job elsewhere?

No…my house and livlihood are here and I’m not leaving for a relationship…marriage would be a different thing but other than that….no.

Reio

April 16th, 2014
9:44 am

disco/hazel – Well, I’m comfortable with it either way. Do what you think is best. This person would have to be my spouse, speaking personally. Otherwise, I’d more than likely, have driving them to the airport, as my last act with them. Oh, wait, now that I’m thinking bout it, maybe buying her one of those super sized Three Musketeers bars they have at the snack areas in the boarding parts of airports, would be my last act. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll buy her something cheap before she goes, turn and walk away. Hell, might even try and holler at one-a-dem cute lil ticket agents at the counter as I’m leaving. Shiid. You wanna pack up and start a career two thousand miles away? Git the hell on then. Mo power to ya. Good luck. Don’t mean no harm, but I gotsta move on.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 16th, 2014
9:45 am

*livelihood*

2CPTG©

April 16th, 2014
9:47 am

another thing…..rarely is a guy afforded the opportunity to “follow” his gal; it’s usually her following him….if you’ve got a good girl who says, “baby, I got this awesome opportunity outta town, I want you to come with me, and I’ll hold it down til you find a gig,” then that may be something to consider….again, though, rarely does that happen….

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:48 am

I notice that a lot of people say they wouldn’t move for a boyfriend/girlfriend but would for a spouse. I totally get it. with my recent fixation on moving outside of the country I have joked with friends that I need to meet a man from another country and move to his country with him. not that I was checking for the relationship aspect of it so much as the ease of the relocation process. He could break up with me after I got settled in. lol. naturally my friends all know that I’m a bit throwed off.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:49 am

2C – you had me until you got to that part about “I’ll hold it down until you find a gig”. lol.

2CPTG©

April 16th, 2014
9:52 am

disco, whether it’s a man, or a woman, whomever is the one asking, oughta know that they’ve gotta hold down the fort for awhile…

hazel

April 16th, 2014
9:54 am

@disco-one of my husband’s cousin married a lady he knew for 2 weeks while he was in Thailand. she just moved to the states not that long ago and he is the happiest I have ever seen him to be. It’s a win win in this situation.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:56 am

2C – not really. an international move, maybe. Domestic moves, especially within just a few hundred miles, a person can get on their grind and hustle and find something before they get on the move bandwagon. While I’m not against making the move I would definitely do the legwork first to see what was available to me in the new locale, crunch number and see how my money looks. This is why I say, there are parts to this thing. I would never move and be totally dependent on anyone and I would never offer to “hold it down” for some man until he got on his feet. bump that.

disco

April 16th, 2014
9:57 am

Hazel – that sounds like an interesting story.

Button

April 16th, 2014
9:57 am

hazel – I love stories like that one. You never know where you will met the one. Thailand is on my must visit agenda.

Reio

April 16th, 2014
10:01 am

hazel – They got some cute chicks in Thailand. Visited there many times while serving in the Navy. The people didn’t seem to care who you were. Men and women alike. They were just glad to see you. English wasn’t big over there, but, they tried, and were very welcoming. I was fortunate to have served in the military and afforded the opportunity to visit.

Button

April 16th, 2014
10:02 am

you have to consider the line of work you are in also. What if there are no jobs in that city. Will you be open to a career move/change? It’s hard to start a new career. You have to either go back to school or start your own thing being creative to make money. Unless you’re working a low mininum job and there are tons of cashier sales clerks jobs that can be filled with one interview then you maybe good but for jobs that you have to have 3 or maybe even 4 interviews it takes time.

hazel

April 16th, 2014
10:02 am

@Disco-haha. his mom was so paranoid when she found out..but now she loves her.
@Button- Yah.. you may never know. Life is crazy..im telling you. Im from India and grew up knowing that I would NEVER marry a guy who was NOT Indian. Well, I was wrong.

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:02 am

Morning!

I guess it’s a “depends” situation. I don’t believe I would move for a boyfriend, but I may for a fiancé or husband. I considered moving to Seattle when I was dating Psycho in Seattle. Thank GOD I didn’t!!!! I couldn’t do that long of a distance relationship again. If it isn’t within 4-5 hour drive, it ain’t happening. I like to cuddle and kiss too much! :-)

Now, I do have a friend who moved to Florida for her job and she asked her man to come with her and he did. He went a few months after her so he could tie up loose ends here. She said she would hold down the fort for 6 months while he looked for work there or built up some clients (he’s a handyman). This was last October when he moved down there. This Christmas, he bought her a beautiful diamond. Now…they’ve both had nasty divorces, so they are not interested in getting married at this point…the ring is a symbol of commitment…

hazel

April 16th, 2014
10:04 am

@Reio-he is a military contractor indeed. His wife is very educated, was manager at some hotel he was staying at and even speaks great English. Often ppl look at this example as a ticket to a great lifestyle. But I say its your destiny and you get in where you fit in.. : )

Single & Happy

April 16th, 2014
10:10 am

Hey all

Yes I would move for the right opportunity

A woman moved to be with me. the relationship didn’t work out, but she did meet someone and got married, so I guess it worked out for her. Oh and I didn’t have to hold it down. she had a job and got her on place when she got here.

Reio

April 16th, 2014
10:11 am

hazel – Never been to India or Pakistan. I know they used to be one nation, India, til they decided to split up.. The television images aren’t very flattering of either place though. If I did move to a foreign nation, it would have to be a first world country. In the Navy, I was stationed in The Philippines. Wonderful people, but the government was, and continues to be, too unstable for me though.

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:15 am

I think I would have been more open to moving for a man a few years ago (up until last year) because I hate my job. Now that I’m going back to school, I wouldn’t want to put that aside for a man. He’d just have to wait for me to finish before I’d move…if it’s meant to be, it will be…

Single & Happy

April 16th, 2014
10:15 am

Oh and the right opportunity can be career or marriage, but I got to have a job before I get there.

disco

April 16th, 2014
10:16 am

Note to self: work on starting an international rotation.

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:19 am

disco – I’m with you somewhat on the international move. I think I could do that without a ring on my finger, depending on where.

Leggs

April 16th, 2014
10:22 am

“She now regrets this choice because her relationship didn’t last and she thinks her career would be further along if she had accepted the traveling job.” – No doubt, her career probably would have been much further along. That’s a chance you take when you ponder life changing events due to a BOYFRIEND. Too much resting on the relationship not working out than it working out…IMO. Without a ring, I’m doing what’s best for me. Now, of course, I’m speaking from an older woman knowing better than if I was in my mid 30’s or so (lol). Still, for me bf status doesn’t hold a whole lot of clout….

Good morning!!

disco

April 16th, 2014
10:25 am

hey leggs. thing is, a married woman could be faced with the same dilemma. A job opportunity that forces her to uproot the family unit (maybe just hubs, maybe hubs and kids). it’s a choice that has to be made. It could work out, it could not.

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:27 am

The only man I would 100% move for would be my BFF in Charleston if something were to happen to him. I worry about that because he has HIV. He can live a very long healthy life, but if things were to take a turn, I would uproot myself no matter what and move there to take care of him.

Single & Happy

April 16th, 2014
10:34 am

Bluz, if you have to take care of him, wouldn’t it make more sense to bring him to you?

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:35 am

S/H – Yeah, but Charleston is better than Gwinnett County. :-)

Bluzgirl

April 16th, 2014
10:36 am

Shoot…I may move there after I get my degree. I should be able to get a job anywhere in the addiction counseling field…

disco

April 16th, 2014
10:37 am

Single – you mentioned a chick that moved to be with you, it didn’t work out and she married someone else. where did she move from?

Button

April 16th, 2014
10:37 am

Just a few years ago I was trying to transfer to San Franny but my org survived the org change and my job was saved but I was so ready to move and even though I just started a dating G. Any day I can be shipped off to another location in another city if I want to keep my job or I would have to resign, at this age I would go for resigning and get my severance package and let hubs take care of us.