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Love or lust

I believe many of us have experienced that feeling of wanting to be with someone all the time. You can’t stop thinking about them. When you aren’t with them you can count the minutes until you see them again. It’s a great ride when it’s new and exciting! It’s also the time when many people confuse love with lust. How can you tell the difference?

The “feelings” can mimic both and you aren’t always sure what is real and what is a result of great sex. I know lust is strong and powerful, and often times you can have lust for someone you love. The danger comes in when you think you love someone and it’s actually just a desire to have them physically.

Do you think there is a way to tell the difference? My friend used to tell me to imagine the person you “love” walking out of your life forever. If you can live without them and can easily see life with them gone, it’s probably not love.

Why do you think many of us confuse love and lust?

By Wise Diva

116 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 11th, 2014
6:40 am

hmmm I don’t think anyone could answer this… as they say Love is Blind.. get those twinkle in your eye and all you see are hearts and rainbows … First you would have to define Love, I have ask people and have been given all different answers..

I have some girl friends whom only after dating a guy for a month are saying ” i love you” , mind you these gals are no where near their 20’s (lol) I usually say wow thats kind of quick, No?! Well I do not go confusing my love for anyone until I am sure and even then I might hold back, I take saying “i love you” serious.

Happy Weekend!!! Going to be warm and sunny yippiiee

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
8:52 am

It’s also the time when many people confuse love with lust. How can you tell the difference? – One way to determine is the fact that you want to be around this person when sex isn’t on the table. You’re content just being in the company. You actually like the person’s personality and presence a little more than you like their body.

Good morning! I feel like I just went home, changed clothes and came right back to work.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
9:07 am

I gots nothing at the moment…so g’morning…

Leggs…..ya show was off the chain last night…..

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
9:11 am

Morning!!! Happy Friday!!!!

I think it all starts out as lust and then it turns to love (if it gets that far). I don’t say “I love you” until I really, really feel it…

disco

April 11th, 2014
9:15 am

Good morning.

Bluz – I almost agreed with you but then I thought, I’m sure there are some relationships where there isn’t any lust involved. lol.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
9:19 am

disco – If there isn’t any lust, then why continue at all? :-)

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
9:24 am

2C ~ Speaking on love and lust, Huck let that lust take him off his game!!! Yeah mon, the show was outstanding. Mama Pope has no love for anyone but her baby. I told everyone in the room that man was her lover!!!

disco

April 11th, 2014
9:25 am

Bluz – because folks get into relationships for all kinds of reasons. For instance, a person might find him/herself between a rock and a hard place and take up with a person they don’t “lust” after for the security provided.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
9:25 am

yeah, Huck and Quin got some other freaky/S&M type ish goin on…..but I still like Papa Pope, he’s that dude!

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
9:26 am

and Leggs, why did someone call Quinn, “Robin,” what’s that about?

disco

April 11th, 2014
9:27 am

Bluz – a friend called me out once for not having a man. I responded that if I were unemployed and homeless (a personal dig at her because she was out of work and living with her parents) that I would have a man. he might not be the man of my dreams but if he was the man that could keep me off the streets and keep me from being hungry, he’ll do. ijs.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
9:28 am

the security provided

this is a common theme for you, I see……so ye’en gotta like me, long as I got you covered, you can be mine?

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
9:30 am

disco – I just don’t think I could do that…There would have to be lust/butterflies/starry eyes in the beginning. Although…I’m starting to think an old sugar daddy might be ok for a while! Lol

disco

April 11th, 2014
9:33 am

2C- that’s IF I ever find myself in a position where I can’t do for me. IF i’m essentially at rock bottom and it’s find a man or find a homeless shelter. right now, I’m good. lol. still, like I told my girl, chick you dang near 40, ain’t got no job, live with your parents and talking bout “your man” like you doing something because somebody is screwing you. she needs to pull back and see what’s wrong with that picture. And yes, at that age, I’d rather she live off of some man than live off of momma and daddy.

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
9:47 am

2C ~ two sadistic folk going at it HARD! Not sure why they called her Robin. Heck, I still call her Newbie! Of course, Daddy Pope isn’t dead. He’s too valuable to the show. ho will give us those long soliloquies of revenge, pain and control? His mantra that behind every man is a more devious woman with killer instincts has to still be stated on the show. He wears that on his sleeve (lol).

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
9:49 am

Have ya’ll ever had a sex dream about someone that makes you look at them differently? I’ve dreamed about this guy a few times, but I never thought I was attracted to him. Unfortunately, he is very happily married, so the dream wouldn’t come true, but now I find myself thinking he’s very attractive. All because of some stupid dreams!

SlimNu

April 11th, 2014
9:55 am

Bluz – I like those dreams where you wake up shaking and a smile on your face…Been a while since i’ve had one of those though lol

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 11th, 2014
9:56 am

Morning All!!

On topic – I agree with Leggs, if you relish the though of just being around this person without sex and you are content with that, that’s a sign your feelings are at least not just lust. Having said that, I don’t see the rush in distinguishing the two, unless you are wanting marriage or something. Take the time to get to know the person! If it ends up that the sex is off the meter, but you can’t stand the person, that’s okay too. Everyone you lust after you are not going to love and marry. I think if you take your time, I don’t see how you can confuse lust with love.

Unless you get with someone for other reasons, like security, business, a green card, etc, I don’t see marrying someone that I didn’t have at least some lust for on top of loving them. That’s what helps distinguish him from just a buddy. It’s gotta be there for me, but that’s just me.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
9:58 am

Unless you get with someone for other reasons, like security, business, a green card,

yeah, I heard marrying for a green card has become a lucrative business venture…..Hola Mami!!!

SlimNu

April 11th, 2014
10:01 am

Is it love if you enjoy being around the person and the sex is bad or just not ‘falling off the bed’ good?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 11th, 2014
10:02 am

His mantra that behind every man is a more devious woman with killer instincts has to still be stated on the show.

Leggs – :lol:

2C – Yeah, it was hot last night!! And Mellie is at the point of F it, imma just stay drunk!!!LOL!!!

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
10:08 am

imma just stay drunk!!!LOL!!!

ok….she like F reality….

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
10:08 am

Slim – I would say that’s love…

To me, lust is wanting to have sex with them all the time. Love is wanting to just be with the person and not live without them.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 11th, 2014
10:10 am

Slim – I don’t know. I guess it depends on how important sex is to you.

Take this scenario – You were in an abusive relationship with a crazy, broke dude for years and you are finally free. You can now walk in the house and not have someone go upside your head. The next dude you meet treats you like gold and you love his personality and spending time with him, but the sex is at best okay. He loves the ground you walk on and thinks he’s putting it down and goes on about how great in bed you are. He says you don’t even have to work if you don’t want to. Your ex has effed with your mind so, you are just happy to have someone be nice to you and take care of the bills, so him not rocking your world is not a priority, nor do you see it being one in the future. You are at peace with this man and you love him.

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:14 am

This whole notion of “not being able to live without someone” I have to admit I do not get it. lol. there is absolutely no one that I can’t imagine myself living without.

SlimNu

April 11th, 2014
10:17 am

kimmie – I see where you’re going with that scenario but that wouldn’t necessarily means it’s love. It could fall into the ’stability’ category because she’s now able to have peace of mind unlike her past. But they do say peace is love right, so who knows.

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:19 am

Slim – in kimmie’s example I assumed love just because she specifically said so. lol.

2C – just curious. what’s the going rate for a “green card” marriage?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 11th, 2014
10:20 am

Disco – I think you can live without them, any functioning adult should be able to. You just don’t want to live without them in your life, in whatever way you find comfortable. You would at least be a little sad if they were not around.

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:27 am

Kimmie – now you got me thinking about leeann rimes’ how can I live without you. she sang that song. I file that in the “romantic notions” category.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 11th, 2014
10:28 am

Slim – I understand what you are saying. But being in-love can be different to different people. Her definition of love used to be that hot, desperate, crazy feeling she got with her ex. With this other man she is in a state of peace. Who is to say “she doesn’t REALLY love him”. How can someone else define someone else’s feelings?

I personally see real love differently from when I was younger. My first love had me feeling that desperate, out-of-control high feeling. I thought the sex was great. But I would not trade my feelings now, a calm peaceful mature love with some lust thrown in, for that 1st love for anything in the world. It does not compare, in any way.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
10:29 am

disco, bout 10 stacks and higher…..not sure how long you have to stay married though…..

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
10:30 am

disco – There’s a difference between “can’t” and “don’t want to”. It was so freeing when I finally came to the conclusion with The Ex that “I wanted him…I didn’t NEED him.” I used the feel like I needed a man. So glad I got past that!!!

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:31 am

Kimmie – then I just thought of Robert deniro in heat where he said he doesn’t have anything in his life that he can’t walk away from in 30 seconds flat.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
10:33 am

thinking out loud…..

I can’t wait for the day disco comes on here talkin bout she done settled down, and finally found a dude whom she can tolerate, and actually wants to be with……oh what a happy day that will be….

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
10:34 am

disco ~ I don’t think I’ve ever told someone I couldn’t live without them. That’s a bit too dramatic for my sensibilities. I will be hurt and disappointed when they’re no longer in my life and go through the emotions of withdrawal, but I will go on because time heals all wounds.

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:39 am

Leggs – my mother told my brother once that if she could get over her father dying she could sure as heck get over losing him. my poor brother looked shook. guess he thought he was worth a little more than that. lol.

2C – my friends are excited (heck so am I) if/when I even like someone. lol.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
10:46 am

I could talk about the stupid things I did before therapy when I thought I couldn’t “live” without the ex…..

SlimNu

April 11th, 2014
10:47 am

kimmie – I agree as far as the “puppy” love being different than a more mature love. It’s a real eye-opener when you’re young and you think you know what love is, and you chase that same hormonal high. When you get older and have the opportunity to experience that mature peaceful love, you almost have that ah-ha moment.

SlimNu

April 11th, 2014
10:49 am

disco – Do you think you’ve ever really been in love? Been vulnerable to someone else?

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
10:50 am

I do miss the feelings that came with the puppy love…

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:51 am

Slim – I know with absolute certainty that I’ve never been in love. guess I didn’t get the gene. lol.

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
10:51 am

disco ~ The way LeAnne Rhimes sings that song takes my breath away, well not exactly, but she put heart and soul in delivering those lyrics. I enjoy hearing that song whenever I can.

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:56 am

Leggs – I’ve got it on my ipod.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2014
10:57 am

Can we start a fight so we can get past page 1? Lol!

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
10:58 am

Anybody get Fireball or Malibu Black last night?

disco

April 11th, 2014
10:59 am

random: how would you feel/react if your 19 year old ran off and got married and you had no idea? not only that, you didn’t know the person they upped and married.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 11th, 2014
10:59 am

Do you think there is a way to tell the difference?

While I was in college and for a few years after I grduated I know with certainty I’ve lusted after people who I knew were great in bed and not good for isht else…it’s a matter of keeping people in their lanes. If you know what they’re about then enter at your own risk…which is what I did. We didn’t spend time together outside of the bedroom and the stick was amazing…but it was just that and I kept it right there.

My friend used to tell me to imagine the person you “love” walking out of your life forever.

I think that is a good way to approach a subject like that. It’s much easier to dismiss someone you only have some surface schexual lust for as opposed to someone you’ve grown feelings for and want a future with. Like my boy toy I had for aaalllllll those years…when I decided I wanted more, I let him go like a bad habit and haven’t looked back.

I could talk about the stupid things I did before therapy when I thought I couldn’t “live” without the ex…..

Please don’t…I said please…

Leggs

April 11th, 2014
11:00 am

Yeah, I need to download it. Many of my friends think this song is depressing but I like it a lot, Sarah McLaughlin “Angel.”

disco

April 11th, 2014
11:01 am

Bluz – I’m always down for a fight. what you want to fight about? tastes great. less filling. lol. dang that was a blast from the past.

2CPTG©

April 11th, 2014
11:01 am

never been in love? damn……

but ya know what, I bet when, and IF, you ever do find real love, you’d be one of those people that love hard……