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Paying for the dates

My friend Mark wonders why men end up paying so much money for dates that occur early in the courtship. The period of time when a guy is not sure how much he likes a woman can be challenging when she expects to be treated. I know a lot of guys who basically wonder if the women are “worth” the investment of time, effort, and money.

This is partly why I believe going on cheap and fun dates is best when you first meet. It can take the pressure off both of you when you don’t worry about being used. I believe the expensive dates and gifts should come after you know the connection is truly there.

Why does it change things so much when more money is spent in dating? Do you think paying for dates sets up a dynamic of paying to spend time?

By Wise Diva

303 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
7:17 am

Hello everyone

My friend Mark wonders why men end up paying so much money for dates that occur early in the courtship EASY because he’s trying to impress her! It’s all a choice!!

Do you think paying for dates sets up a dynamic of paying to spend time? HUH?

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:16 am

I guess you have to decide what one calls a lot for a date. For some 50 bucks is a lot but for someone else it’s not. Most guys pay a lot for dates early on bc they choose to and they have the means to do it. Most guys lead with their pocket. I don’t do like the cheap skates. If he’s el cheapo in the beginning he’ll be el cheapo all the way thru. Guys know what type of woman he’s trying to date from the gate. He knows what it will take to get her and to keep her. If she’s not that much of a maintenance then he’ll low ball her and if she’s high maintenance and he has the means he’ll aim high and treat her to things he knows will keep her coming back. Men are not simple minded they know what’s up. I’ve never worried about what a man has in his pocket, it’s not my place bc he wants to date me and if he wants me he has to show me that he has the means to provide and not take away or fo the bare minimum.

Good morning!

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:22 am

Men that whin about paying for dates should stay their butts home!

SlimNu

April 10th, 2014
8:31 am

Good morning folks

Lady~

April 10th, 2014
8:34 am

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
8:40 am

High maintenance, low maintenance, doesn’t make any difference all beginning dates will be the same, if they don’t like it, they can get to steeping! that’s why it’s called dating.

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:52 am

Lady – :lol: :lol: :lol: I get to sick and tired of hearing these men whin and whin about spending money on a lady. Just stfu already!

Single – bahhhh humbug!!! lol

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:54 am

single – yeah dating- getting to know you, either you’re a cheap skate, don’t have the means or you got it like that!

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
8:55 am

Button, so it would only be one day for us (LOL)

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
8:56 am

One date I mean

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:57 am

Single – yeen’eben got to worry about one day. I know what time it is for you Mr El Cheapo lol
See you’re the type of man that low ball a date. Probably go dutch too. smh

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
8:58 am

Button, the rule I use in life for anything. Instead trying to impress so they will like me, i’m trying to see if that’s a place I would want to be at, whether it’s a new job, or a new woman. Saves alot of stress later on!

Button

April 10th, 2014
8:59 am

Single – yeah one date!

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:00 am

Button, I’ve been called that before, and also had others wonder why someone would think that Not going to change it to be what someone else wants me to be.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:05 am

Single – but that’s the thing she has to want to be there too! it’s not all about you.

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
9:06 am

Bae, I got $20…….what’s up?

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:06 am

Single – ok stay the way you are and maybe just maybe one day you’ll grow up. It’s pitiful to see a grown man cry over money.

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:07 am

Button where in there did I cry over money?

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:07 am

Obivously most of the men on this blog no nothing about properly dating a woman. All this whin about money and rules this and rules that is so immature.

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:08 am

Button um in the beginning it is all about me! I don’t know her well enough to make it all about her. But this is another reason I only do casual dating.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:09 am

You’ve been casually dating the same woman a neighbor for 5 to 6 years man! get real, who does that?? either you’re afraid to step up or you don’t have any game. lol

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:09 am

Obivously most of the men on this blog no nothing about properly dating a woman. All this whin about money and rules this and rules that is so immature. roflmao, been doing great so far :-D

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:10 am

Single – self centered gets you know where. How old are you? 2? smh
you font like a bitter man.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:11 am

Yeah great – casually dating #filesnail

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:13 am

Button, the casual dating was because that’s the way I wanted it, the feeling just started to develop. I don’t look at any woman I meet as relationship potential. if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t, oh well. I’ll casual date for 20 years, aint got nothing but time. And yea I got game, it’s called PS3 and PSP and a few computer games. If I need game to get with you then you are not the one for me.

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:16 am

I’m not bitter about anything, don’t have time nor strength to go there.

Celisea

April 10th, 2014
9:16 am

Everybody knows my stance on this…..here I go (LOLOLOL)

Diva asked…. Why does it change things so much when more money is spent in dating?

I don’t think it “changes” as much as having the right tone set. You go in right, things will always be right. Nobody IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would hang out with a dude not willing to show you a nice time….bet he’s willing to smash though. See where I’m going? NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would “induldge”, when you ain’t even willing to spend a lil time and your dime on them. And honestly when we speak of “dating”, by definition, that consists of venues, eating, time away, etc etc etc….of which none of these things are free. So, you want a girl to take you seriously (let’s leave out my mantra that coochie ain’t free…for now)? Then a dude needs to grasp the concept (and as with anything in life), you have to put in to get out/back. Quid pro quo. Only dumb clucks give everything away……for free.

Now, on this part, about dudes not feeling women are “worth it.” All I have to add is…. fine, cool….she’s not worth your time nor dime? Must I say it? Yep, you already know….nothing ventured, nothing gained. That is all.

Frankly and IMO, dudes somewhere tryna weigh “if she’s worth it” or not, are lazy and want something for nothing. And as my daddy taught me, anything worth having is worth working for. Miss me with the “not worth it” crap….got no time fa dat!! With “right” mentality, you can pull anything off and it would be appreciated. Cheap dates, fun dates, “showed me a good time” dates, over the top dates. A woman can and does appreciate a dude that knows how to do the dang thing, working both ends of the spectrum.

Y’all know I don’t have much patience for dudes tombout “is she even worth it?” They’re the main ones wanting to smash….IJS

And lastly, please please don’t misunderstand me. Coochie IS NOT for sale, but it dang shole ain’t free!!

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:17 am

Single – don’t tell nobody that but gwad! there are somethings you should really keep to yourself and up there is one of em.

dude you’re not that darn special that one would hang on for 20 years.

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
9:19 am

Button…..bae, let’s take this $20 and go ball outta control…..shoot, may even have enough left over to get you a new nail file…..

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:21 am

Button unlike you, everyone is not looking at everyone they meet as a potential mate. or to get married, some people actually just go out and enjoy life for what it is with no expectations. Why should I only tell gawd, cause i’m not trying to impress you (LOL)

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:21 am

2C – we can go to the dolla sto and get 19 items lol

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:21 am

Good morning.

Button / single – boy oh boy. lol.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:23 am

Single – unlike me? lol dude you’re shooting blanks.

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:23 am

Single – WTP activate. lol.

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
9:24 am

disco, ’bout how much money am I gon’ need for our NYE shebang?

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:25 am

Button, just going by your “fonts”!

Hey disco.

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:27 am

2C – I haven’t thought about NYE yet. gimme a minute. I’ll come up with something. I know we’ll at least need airfare/hotel/food and liquor money. lol.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:28 am

Single – …it’s called PS3 and PSP and a few computer games.—figures

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:30 am

Button, yea I got a life :-D

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:31 am

And have no complaints about any part of it :-)

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:32 am

Single – re you casually dating for 5-6 years without stepping up I’ll say this. if you are cool and she is cool what else matters? Why do you have to “step up” when all she has to do is “step away” if she’s not satisfied. I understand that some folks put time frames on their relationship milestones but they should recognize and understand that not everyone shares their goals nor their time frame.

Friend of mine explicitly told her boyfriend around year 4 of dating that she had zero intention of being anyone’s 5 year girlfriend. now, I don’t know if he was planning on proposing anyway but he did. they married and divorced. Perhaps she shouldn’t have rushed it. ijs.

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
9:34 am

airfare? where we going? hotel, food, and entertainment….got that….how bout Vegas?

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2014
9:35 am

Disco, I’m about living my life for me, not by what others would do. in this time frame of what others would call casually dating, she’s had boyfriends, I’ve had a girlfriend. nobody’s sitting around waiting on anyone.

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:38 am

2C – I said gimme a minute. actually, determining a destination might be easier if I had the budget first. lol. I’m not trying to have a FL/NC NYE via skype.

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
9:51 am

I already told you the budget…..

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:54 am

Single – you know I understand if no one else does. lol.

2C – really? I saw something about $20. I thought that was some other chick’s budget. shoot, guess we gone have to take it back to the double up. You better get to flipping. lol.

Button

April 10th, 2014
9:54 am

2C- if you want disco to see you then you should be the one paying for it, dontcha think? I mean you’ve been saying for months how you want to see her, then why does she have to budget? Step up to the plate and make it happen. You’ve months to save up and plan. I tell ya some men smh

disco

April 10th, 2014
9:58 am

Button – girl you alright today? you just snapping on these brothers. lol. by asking 2C what our budget was I wasn’t implying that either of us in particular was responsible for the cost (though I suppose there is an unspoken understanding that he is – lol) – I was simply asking for a dollar amount so I could plan a destination. I can plan a weekend around $500 or I can plan it around $5000. I’m versatile like that. (besides that, all this is just in blog fun).

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
10:02 am

Button, I ‘ain’ bout to take out a 2nd mortgage just to get a date with disco……hell, disco prolly ain’t even fine…..she’en never said nothin bout her booty, ‘cept that it pokes out….hell, even an outta shape booty can poke out…..I need more details…….

2CPTG©

April 10th, 2014
10:05 am

a $500 weekend? shiiiiid, where do I sign up……