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Dating: Your fault the date sucked?

I was having lunch with a couple of my guy friends recently. One of them was lamenting on and on about the last date he had with a woman from church. He said the woman was “fine but her personality was trash.” She only wanted to talk about vapid topics; she never put her phone on silent, and she was rude to the server.

Mind you, I have heard this same spiel from him time and time again. I wondered what her perception of the date was. I think we sometimes forget that we are an active participant on a date. If the date was awful, aren’t we partly to blame? At the very least, when we realize there is not a connection with our dates, shouldn’t we manage to have a pleasant evening somehow?

Have you ever considered that you are the reason your last bad date was so dreadful? Did you have engaging conversation? Were you listening to them talk without interrupting? Everyone thinks their date etiquette is so on point, but we would probably be shocked to learn how others perceive us.

What do you do when your date is awful and it is partly your fault?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

155 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 8th, 2014
7:08 am

Well I can’t think of a bad date, there have been a couple of guys that even though they were nice they were not for me…I don’t think its really anyone fault that a date would be considered awful I believe you saw a piece of that person that you don’t like and the best part of that is –you never have to go out again, better to find out in the beginning then find out after a year or two.

fyi– i cant stand people going out of there way to be rude to servers, i think it must be some kind of pyso trip of im better than you little people who serve me and i shall treat you any old way. as the saying goes watch how your date treats other people because sooner than later they will be treating you the same.

Good morning

Single and Happy

April 8th, 2014
7:28 am

Maybe I need to start dating more so I can have some misadventures :-D

Hey everyone

Lali

April 8th, 2014
8:27 am

I can’t say that I have ever had a bad date. Even if I am not romantically interested, I want to enjoy the time I have taken out of my life to go on the date. So, I will put my full effort into it to make it fun. There have been dates where I thought the man was absolutely boring and I struggled to keep it interesting, but even in those instances the men wanted another date and expressed how much fun they had. In your friend’s case, it sounds like he is consistently choosing the same type of woman over and over or he is exhibiting behavior that gets him the same reaction from each woman…

Heidi Golighty

April 8th, 2014
8:52 am

This reminds me of a blind date I once had where a guy kept his blue tooth in his ear the whole time and took business calls during our dinner. 1) The blue tooth devices that you stick in your ear are so 2003. Enough with it already
2) Learn to separate work from pleasure. Don’t mix the two
He came to the defense that he was at work but wanted to see me. I felt like I was dining alone since he was on his phone so much so I missed the wanted to see me part. I mean hell, he could have stayed home staring at my picture while working.
3) Unless we are in church, please do not use ” well the bible says” to back up any point of a discussion so that you can win a debate

disco

April 8th, 2014
8:56 am

Good morning.

Do I think I have contributed to my bad dates? Nope, unless you count actually agreeing to go out with those jokers in the first place. now there have been instances when I was just hanging out with someone where I may have had a tad bit to do with things being funky. lol.

disco

April 8th, 2014
8:57 am

you know your date is bad when…..

1) he shows up late and reeks of alcohol
2) the fool feels compelled to bring his gun on the date
3) his girlfriend found out about the date and she’s with him when he comes to pick you up (yep. that really happened to me once – lol)…

Single and Happy

April 8th, 2014
9:11 am

Disco, now seems like you would have like #2 he was down for whatever (LOL)

disco

April 8th, 2014
9:23 am

Single – down for whatever? no, he was an idiot (and I was an idiot for going out with him and his cousin/my acquaintance was an idiot for hooking us up).

SlimNu

April 8th, 2014
9:23 am

Good morning,

Question: Anyone have a hook up on Universal Studios tickets (Orlando)?

Single and Happy

April 8th, 2014
9:32 am

LOL @ Disco

Slim, time share presentation :-D

SlimNu

April 8th, 2014
9:39 am

Single – Ain’t nobody got time for that lol Been there done that, but thanks though

Heidi Golighty

April 8th, 2014
9:42 am

Disco- at your number 3, what exactly did the girlfriend think she was going to accomplish and why on earth did the boyfriend agree to let her tag along?

disco

April 8th, 2014
9:46 am

Heidi – don’t get me to lying. i’m not sure what she intended to accomplish but my guess is she intended to keep her man from creeping (at least that night) and if that was her goal, she did indeed accomplish it. I don’t recall how the conversation went when I realized she was in the car but I just went on back in the house and they went on about their merry way.

Lali

April 8th, 2014
9:57 am

LOL @Disco that is so funny…I guess he couldn’t just call and cancel huh

Leggs

April 8th, 2014
9:58 am

If the date was awful, aren’t we partly to blame? – Not necessarily. Sometimes, your date turns out to be an a$$, no fault on your part. We are to blame ourselves if we stay on that date and not end the misery.

At the very least, when we realize there is not a connection with our dates, shouldn’t we manage to have a pleasant evening somehow? – If the date isn’t “awful” as discussed earlier, then good dating etiquette is play the date out, thank them for their time and get ghost.

Being rude to servers is unacceptable, talking on your phone is rude, but curt and short to your date is rude…why the hell did you come out?

Good morning.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 8th, 2014
9:59 am

What do you do when your date is awful and it is partly your fault?

I wouldn’t call this particular date awful…but it was cheap. When I used to work at Georgia State U., I met this really cute Fed Ex delivery guy and we started talking which led to us exchanging phone numbers.

Fast forward to our first date…when he picked me up he said he had to go to the ATM and get some money…..he got $20. He said that was all he had….so I said, “I guess we’re going Dutch”. That was the first and last time I went out with/saw or spoke to him.

I mean really, who invites a person out for a date with just $20 and NO kind of plan?

disco

April 8th, 2014
9:59 am

Lali – yeah. it’s funny now 20+ years later.

Leggs

April 8th, 2014
10:02 am

“3) his girlfriend found out about the date and she’s with him when he comes to pick you up (yep. that really happened to me once – lol)…”

Why did he even come to pick you up? Why (lol).

disco

April 8th, 2014
10:03 am

Sassy – $20??? Y’all could have been some dollar menu-naires for a night. lol.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 8th, 2014
10:11 am

Y’all could have been some dollar menu-naires for a night.

Yeah we could’ve really balled out at Mickey D’s :lol:

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 8th, 2014
10:13 am

Why did he even come to pick you up? Why (lol).

Okay?!?!?

CoolShadow

April 8th, 2014
10:15 am

If the date was awful, aren’t we partly to blame?

Sometimes the only blame that’s rightfully yours is agreeing to go on the date. If you knew in advance the date would be going left, you probably wouldn’t have gone in the first place. At least you now know there won’t be a second date…

At the very least, when we realize there is not a connection with our dates, shouldn’t we manage to have a pleasant evening somehow?

That’s a reasonable thing to do but sometimes when folks become unbearable, managing a pleasant evening may mean shutting things down and taking the L.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 8th, 2014
10:24 am

Good Morning!

I have not had any bad dates, just tremendous drama after we start the relationship, then the break-up…

Disco ….That could only happen to you….Who does that?

Where is button at? We need a comment regarding this topic that will not make any sense! hehehehehe!

SlimNu….Time share or Single the sugar daddy take your pick…. Single stated it can be strictly plutonic. Now if you go on a trip with me it going to be on and poppin…. :wink:

disco

April 8th, 2014
10:25 am

Random: so it’s not a date story but I was shopping last night and the guy in line in front of me paid for my dress for me. I was surprised but sure as heck said “thanks”.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:27 am

Morning Gang!!

Mind you, I have heard this same spiel from him time and time again.

On topic – The above sentence is what sticks out for me. The fact that dude is always complaining about his dates. He’s the common denominator in this. I take this topic to mean that some of us really need to start taking ownership for some of our “misadventures”, especially if the same stuff keeps happening. You’re either making questionable choices on who you go out with or it’s something in your behavior that’s bringing out the negative in your dates. Sounds like Wise’s friend goes for a certain type of woman and then is surprised when she acts true to form! That’s insane!

Some folks love to put the blame on others, when they need to take a long hard look in the mirror!

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:28 am

Hey Disco!!

That mess is crazy, brining his girlfriend along! I don’t understand…….

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 8th, 2014
10:29 am

Sassy…$20 could have gotten you 2 large size combos at Wendy’s////

Leggs how are you feeling today? How is the work-out regiment going?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:29 am

Go on witcha bad self, Disco!! Were you flirting with him? Was he cute?

disco

April 8th, 2014
10:32 am

Hey kimmie – I don’t profess to understand it but I will say that (on her part) that was a gangster move and I can respect that. dude is the one that was the buster. lol.

Kimmie – nope. not flirting. Not even paying him any mind really. in fact, I got the impression that he and the cashier were kind of friendly. I don’t know, maybe he did it to impress her.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 8th, 2014
10:34 am

The behavior of folks these days are quite the alarming. I see so many folks who get angry/fired up over the smallest things today. This goes with the behavoir pattern of dating folks don’t know how to go out and simply have a good time.

Disco how was dude? Tell him not to spend his pension check on you…

Come to me baby, quit making me wait you know I want you in my life.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:35 am

dude is the one that was the buster. lol.

Disco – Oh, for sure!!LOL!!

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:48 am

So it’s gonna be another one of those days on here???

Guess I’ll get some work done!

Leggs

April 8th, 2014
10:52 am

disco ~ what a nice surprise. I like that.

“That mess is crazy, brining his girlfriend along! I don’t understand…….” – He didn’t bring her along, she was a known stowaway hijacking his ride and his fun evening. What I don’t understand is why she felt the need to go. If you know your man is going out to meet another woman, what do you hope to accomplish by tagging along? Ok, he doesn’t go out on the date only because the woman didn’t want to go after seeing you. If you have to follow your man to a date, why is he still your man? Why are you even following him. Let him go….why ride and let him play both of you. Gangsta or not, he’s disrespecting her right in her face. She’s bucking up to him to prove what, that she’s hip to his game. Ok, now what, drive back home together fighting and possibly have good sex afterwards. Umm, ok. Bunk that…NEXT

Elijah ~ I’m well, Been a little sick last week (first time allergy suffer, I thought I was catching a cold only to realize none of the medicine I bought worked). I haven’t been to the gym and I worked so hard yesterday that I didn’t want to go to the gym. So, to answer your question, I feel off my routine. Will get back to it today.

disco

April 8th, 2014
10:55 am

Leggs – again, I don’t profess to know the answer to that one. in all these years I don’t think I’ve ever asked a single person what happened to him/them. you know how conversations can go “whatever happened to so and so”. well, that’s one so and so I never concerned myself with again.

Celisea

April 8th, 2014
10:57 am

I haven’t had any “bad dates.” I’ve had dates where I wasn’t feeling the dude and knew it was a no go, but I made it through the date. Laughed and talked. Now, the only thing I found about that is that it becomes misleading. Because if you’re nice and polite and make it through the date, the dude thinks y’all had a good time. Then, he’s calling you for a second date, or texting nicessities, and at that point I’m feeling like “ugh, sooo not feeling him.” Then you gotta respond, again iwth nicessities. What I’ve done is the fade away in those cases. Start answering post date texts, emails or voicemails like a day or so late. And from there, purposely miss a text or call or email…a couple at a time. Eventually, (for those dudes I wasn’t feeling), they took the hint. Some took longer…still texting or what not a year so later. Thing to do is be nice, but slow to answer….like reeeeal slow. At some point, it kicks in.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
10:59 am

If you have to follow your man to a date, why is he still your man?

Leggs – This is what comes to mind to logical folks. Why is he still her man? Because some folks thrive over ghetto drama like that. They could not deal with anything different. This is normal to them. They both would look at YOU and think something is wrong with you for even questioning the situation. Yeah, they had the best sex of their lives that night!

SlimNu

April 8th, 2014
11:00 am

Durty – I’ll make sure we go during the Aunt Flow week. Solves that ;-)

disco

April 8th, 2014
11:04 am

Kimmie – not that you took it to the “ghetto love”. kind of like how my son cracks me up when he talks about hood folks dispensing “ghetto advice”.

Lali

April 8th, 2014
11:04 am

@ Disco…that sounds like an awesome RAK to me (Random Act of Kindness)…the key is pass it on, keep the cycle going, do something randomly kind for someone else

LOL @Sassy “$20 and NO plan” …he could have at least picked a $2 Tuesday to go out. I don’t understand some men. If they don’t have money, can’t they at least come with some creativity or some hint of a thought process behind the date?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 8th, 2014
11:08 am

Disco – Hey, it takes all kinds! Often, the different worlds just don’t mix. I don’t try to understand some stuff!LOL!

disco

April 8th, 2014
11:09 am

Lali – does the fact that I didn’t ask dude to follow me to the shoe store across the street count as a random act of kindness? lol. I kid, I kid.

dude’s $20 plan could have just been to see if she would come out of pocket. you’d be surprised at the creativity and ingenuity of some these shysters. Also, while a lot of folks claim they don’t “test” people I’ve known guys to do things exactly like that to test chicks. several of my guy friends purposely try to pick up chicks when they drive their “beater” cars. Nothing but a test.

Celisea

April 8th, 2014
11:10 am

I haven’t had any dudes or dates where the dude was crass and disrespectful, wrong attire, etc. Most have been pretty pleasant and cordial…and paid….lololol Matter of fact, with those in the past that I can recall, the time was always pleasant. Shame on me though, I usually made up my mind after a few minutes if I was gonna do it again. Overall, all have been decent.

Celisea

April 8th, 2014
11:11 am

Then there’s been some that I was digging and no follow-up from them. I can tell you though, that was when I was much younger. I was hardcore…lol Wuddn’t doing nothing!! I bet them dudes were like (in retrospect), naw shorty too hard…lolol No love loss there. You live and you learn. I had to learn how to soften up, get rid of those tattered edges. :mrgreen:

Reio

April 8th, 2014
11:15 am

Morning all.

Lali – My opinion is, if you are broke, why ask a woman out in the first place. Maybe you were laid off, illness, accident..or just a plain lazy, good for nuthin two-legged jackal. Regardless of the reason; You’re broke for goodness sake! Get things together, then seek companionship. hell.

Celisea

April 8th, 2014
11:16 am

Now, I’ve never had a joker to try to pull a fast one as it relates to paying. Guess that goes back to the “type” of dudes I’ve dated. Money was never an issue. Or paying for a date and nothing in return, just wasn’t that big a deal. I guess some just know, you got to pay to play or at least get a foot in the door to play.

I wish a dude would….You tell me UP FRONT you ain’t got no money?? Dude, take me home….END OF STORY! On a date, that I haven’t set up, I’m not paying a thing… When I set it up, I’ll handle the whole thing, top to bottom, start to finish, tip and all. And if a dude tried to pull a fast one, I’d tell the manager “gon head and split this check, so I can pay and go.” I’m so serious. I wouldn’t even let dude take me home. Kick rocks maybe, but that would be the end..right there on location.

disco

April 8th, 2014
11:18 am

Reio – HA!!!! in a perfect world. lol. some of these broke players got more game (and more women) than the dude’s with money. a mean talk game is a powerful tool. Pair that with someone slow, weak, insecure, lonely, desperate, insert characteristic here – and, well, you see how this thing can go.

Celisea

April 8th, 2014
11:19 am

Yeah, get ya funds together, THEN you can do all the things you desire. You call the shots :)

Well, off to work…toodles!!!

Button

April 8th, 2014
11:23 am

I wouldn’t say a bad date is necessarily anybody’s fault, sometimes you just don’t have chemistry for it to flow. Any bad date I’ve been on, I made it a great date for myself by enjoying the moment, the food and the atmosphere. A bad date for me is when we didn’t vobe and vapid conversation.

Durty – shhhhhhh don’t say a word!

Reio

April 8th, 2014
11:32 am

disco – I’m just looking at it from my perspective. And trying to use common sense. Kinda sad what some women will put up with. I never understood (still don’t) why some guys pretend to care and play games, when all they want to do is use women. Happens a great deal of the time, from what I’ve learned from women and men alike over the years.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 8th, 2014
11:37 am

SlimNu…Keep on believing that will work…… :) U bet not go somewhere with me…..

Button…U know u get all your information from an online dating service or craig lists…. hehehehehe!

Disco…The word game is all some folks have, hey they want to have someone too….as the good books say words are very powerful becareful how you use them…