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Can you keep it casual?

When you are certain that you don’t want to be in a serious dating relationship, keeping things casual is probably best. Even though casual dating and hook ups sound easy and fun, not everyone can really handle it.

First of all, finding people who want to keep dating casual is challenging. Some folks say they don’t want anything serious but it doesn’t take long for that to change. Secondly, casual dating can lead to someone catching feelings and expecting something more.

Do you prefer to engage in casual dating with no real intent of a serious relationship? Do you meet others who want the same?

What do you consider casual and how does it differ from dating for a relationship?

By Wise Diva

174 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

April 7th, 2014
5:57 am

Good morning! :)

I can keep it casual if the guy can treat me like a human being that deserves respect. In my experience, it seems like a guy can’t a gentleman AND keep it casual. They think they can just act a fool because there is no relationship involved. There is a way to still be respectful and grab a bite to eat every now and then. Please be advised that casual dating doesn’t necessarily have to involve “benefits”, so if you aren’t down with PLATONICALLY casually dating then no, I can’t handle it, won’t handle it, and I wear that.

Lee

April 7th, 2014
6:50 am

Good Morning,

I have nothing to add. Do what you want just don’t complain about it.

Button

April 7th, 2014
8:32 am

Where can you not find someone who wants casual? From all I’ve been hearing my gf’s is that’s all the guys want are quick hook ups and nothing serious. I think casual is what most guys want anyway, no responsibility no accountability for their actions.

What do you consider casual and how does it differ from dating for a relationship? casual is just encounters between two without any regards to having anything solid. It differs from a dating for relationship bc you don’t have to put in the effort, time or energy – you don’t have to go the extra mile. You don’t have to put the other person first or even consider his/her feelings.

Good morning!
April showers bring May flowers!

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
8:40 am

Button – Those were my thoughts too, that it’s easy to find the casual dating scenarios and hard to find something more substantial.

Regarding the rain, I rode my hovercraft into work this morning lol

Celisea

April 7th, 2014
8:50 am

I don’t do “casual” anything. Be for real, or not.

disco

April 7th, 2014
8:56 am

Good morning.

Frankly I don’t think “casual” is the negative that’s it’s being portrayed as. To be honest, even “serious” starts off as casual so I’m not sure why folks are shooting casual down. what’s wrong with not being tied down, enjoying yourself, spending time with someone when you feel like it? imo, absolutely nothing.

Button

April 7th, 2014
8:59 am

SlimNu – it’s cray cray out here for the singles. All of my gfs want to be in something serious but the guys aren’t coming thru. I just don’t know what to say other then continue to seek until you are found. I wouldn’t just date one guy anyway, the more you date the better chances of meeting someone with the same mind frame. There are folks actually committed to Mr Casual and treat him so good.

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
9:13 am

Button – You have a point there with dating multiple folks but as long as one can handle the demands of that. I think since woman are stereotypically the ones wanting monogamy, we tend to not date as many as dudes do. I’ve only briefly dated two guys at once, trying to decide which one I wanted to go with and that was a bit draining. Not super draining but took a lot of energy since I met both of them around the same time. I met this dude Saturday at Shout and he was expressing the same views about quality versus quantity…said he’s ready to settle down ‘again’ (was married for two years lol) and wants to have kids. Seemed like a nice guy but definitely too early to tell how honest he is.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:19 am

SlimNu – That’s what multiple dating is all about, dating ppl to see which one fits. I don’t know why some women are against it. It’s smart dating. why put all your eggs in one basket? Some women miss out on meeting the one bc they are so focus on the wrong.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:21 am

SlimNu – a guy who’s ready to settle down! (palmface) well shut the front door. there’s a god! lol Now that’s something I don’t hear too often. lol
well is he cute? lol

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
9:22 am

Button – Yeah, we need to get out of that, well at least for the one’s having major issues in finding the RIGHT person. But ya know, we’re creatures of habit sometimes to our own demise.

YesSheIsCute

April 7th, 2014
9:24 am

This weather is for the birds. Y’all be safe if y’all have to make nay breakfast or work related runs.

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
9:25 am

Button LOLOL! He was alright…he would not fall into, “don’t take out in public during daylight hours’ category. lol He was a tall slender guy but he mentioned something about being much more huskier in the past so I’d be interested to see his before pics lol What I thought was funny but a bit ‘off’ was how he mentioned he was going to introduce me to his parents. :???: :shock: Already?

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:26 am

On craigslist I see a column for casual encounters and it almost always involve some freaky mess lol.

Whatever rocks your boat but folks need to keep in mind some of those casual tryst can be hazardous to your health.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:29 am

SlimNu – either he’s a guy that knows what he wants and go for it or he’s a nut! lol. so whachagondo?

For me that would be a no go, moving too fast, going for the jugular. He could still be trying to heal his ego too. I tell ya ego is a mugg. It will have you doing all kinds of things you never thought about doing.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:31 am

SlimNu – is this the first wife still alive? He could be the black widower. lol j/k.

2CPTG©

April 7th, 2014
9:31 am

casual is where it’s at, especially if you’re doing “you,” and you don’t want to be tied down….that’s why the long distance things works for me……we have a blast for a few days, then go back to our respective lives on Monday……….

disco

April 7th, 2014
9:32 am

Button – re casual encounters being hazardous. I’d be curious to know the stats. The number of women injured/killed by “casual encounters” or the number injured/killed by boyfriends/husbands. ijs.

2CPTG©

April 7th, 2014
9:36 am

gotta agree with disco, y’all looking at “casual” in a negative sense of the word….casual is just like it sounds…relaxed….what is “casual’ Friday” like at your job?

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:37 am

disco – I don’t know the stats. But I’m sure if you do some research you might find your answer.

disco

April 7th, 2014
9:39 am

Button – no need to research. I’m content with my speculations. lol.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:39 am

2C- casual fridays are anything but relaxed in my jungle lol. “yall” here we go with all the bashing. too darn eary for this mess.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:39 am

I’m going to ignore you and you today ok.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:42 am

you add nothing yet, just bashing!!!!! nitpicking.

disco

April 7th, 2014
9:42 am

Bashing? Seems to me we have team “casual is okay” and team “casual is not okay”. where’s the bashing?

Heidi Golighty

April 7th, 2014
9:44 am

Good Morning Peeps!
Casual was cool in my 20’s. Now that I’m older, I want something more serious.
Regading craigslist, most of those casual encounters you see with men seeming women are actually men seeky men.

disco

April 7th, 2014
9:44 am

Perhaps if more folks were casual/relaxed they wouldn’t be so serious/uptight. Just another random observation. lol.

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
9:45 am

Button – I’ve read some of those casual encounter ads and I’m like, WTH? Really?!! :shock: That’s a bit too much ‘living on the edge’ for me. But you have me cracking up with the, “is his first wife still living” :lol: :lol: Only being married for two years just doesn’t sound right to me but I have no idea how long they were together before they got married. They say marriage changes folks/things.

Button

April 7th, 2014
9:50 am

SlimNu – @craigslist of casual encounters – they are a hoot. I go there to read just for laughs. smh the things ppl put on there, very sadistic.

I was j/k about him being the black widower. Two years is a short time but there are others that didn’t last that long.

Heidi Golighty

April 7th, 2014
9:51 am

Enter your comments here

YesSheIsCute

April 7th, 2014
9:54 am

I just went back and re-read. Button, There are a lot of guys who say they are ready to settle down…but then they have no job, no car, no ways of providing for said family they want to start, and no intention of doing anything to contribute but have you support them lol There are very few who say they are ready to settle down and have laid the basic foundation for starting a new life. Men, well people in general, just want to hear themselves talk and say what sounds good

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
9:59 am

Yes – I have an ex that says he wants a family but guess what…he is currently unemployed. Tell me how that makes any sense.

Button

April 7th, 2014
10:02 am

Yes – I haven’t experience that. for me it’s quiet the opposite, they just want to screw around. They’re not ready to settle down, still looking for the perfect woman. But they are gainfully employed with the whole shebang – car, house, career.

YesSheIsCute

April 7th, 2014
10:05 am

SlimNu it doesn’t make sense unless you’re living in a world where families aren’t expensive to have. If that is the case, I need an invitation lol just taking care of myself is expensive enough!

Button

April 7th, 2014
10:05 am

SlimNu – roles are changing and men are becoming the stay at home dad with the wife being the breadwinner. Now I can’t say I would ever sign up for that role but it happening. I have a colleague with that arrangement. She’s a vp and her husband is at home with the kids.

YesSheIsCute

April 7th, 2014
10:08 am

Button, to me claiming you wanna settle down but you don’t have your ducks in a row, that IS screwing around. You’re playing yourself letting some tomfoolery come out your mouth. That’s like me saying I want to get a job, but I don’t have a resume, don’t leave the house, don’t actively look for jobs but daily playing Madden on the console. Right…….

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 7th, 2014
10:09 am

Morning Gang!

On topic – I agree Yes, that alot of folks say things they think sound good. Just saying you’re ready and actually being ready are two different things. I also agree you can have casual and stil be respectful.

Hey Disco!! – I agree that most serious relationships start out casual and casual doesn’t have to have the negetive connotation that it does. I personally think where the problems come in is not really when one catches feelings. That can be worked thru because like I said before, I think most start out rather casual and friendly. Where I see the problems are when one says they want casual, but expect “serious” relationship-type behavior from the other person. If we are “casual” then don’t get upset that I’m dating others or don’t call you every day or want to get intimate with you. I don’t owe you a dog gone thing. We’re casual, right?

I’ve done the casual thing before, really more like hanging out with a friend every now and then. Difference with me is I didn’t sleep with casual. That only happened when we decided we were not “casual” anymore. Relationships take effort, casual not so much cause they are casual.

SlimNu

April 7th, 2014
10:11 am

Button – I’d be curious to hear how he feels about that arrangement and being Mr. Mom. I know folks have to do what’s best for them, but there’s something about a man working that I like and prefer. I can’t even say that if I had it to be with a guy that didn’t require me to work, that I’d just quit working. As previously stated, I’ve worked since I was 15 and felt horrible when I was laid off. So to be totally reliant on another human being financially just doesn’t sit well with me. I’d have to be doing something

disco

April 7th, 2014
10:17 am

Hey kimmie!!!

As for folks being ready to settle down. There is more than one way to be ready. They may be ready emotionally, mentally, psychologically, financially or any combination of those. Sometimes in life you have to go out on a limb before getting all your ducks in a row. It’s like folks say about having kids. if everyone waited until the time was just right almost none of us would be here.

Button

April 7th, 2014
10:24 am

Some ppl perfer casual bc of their career, school etc. I guess it depends on what one have going on in their life. some casual have turned into full blown relationship so have one night stand. I can only speak for me and that is I couldn’t do casual bc I knew I will fall for the guy.

Button

April 7th, 2014
10:28 am

SlimNu – I perfer not to work and I can’t wait until that day comes *sigh*

Button

April 7th, 2014
10:30 am

SlimNu – when I’m married his money is our money. I never felr as if I had to go thru him for things. He never made me feel that way. I treated our money as if I would treat it like I did when it was just my money.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 7th, 2014
10:34 am

Button – The problem I always had with casual is that my definition of casual is different than most guy’s definition. For me, if we were casual it was basically the friend zone. I didn’t do casual sex, which is what I found most men who were talking that casual/I’m not ready for a relationship talk. That’s why it happened so rarely with me. You just can’t go putting sex and jealousy and possesiveness in the picture, but still talking bout you want to keep things “casual”. Naw buddy, make up your mind.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 7th, 2014
10:35 am

Where I see the problems are when one says they want casual, but expect “serious” relationship-type behavior from the other person.

Cosign…they want the behavior and the benefits and that’s not right…you’re basically using the other person.

As with all things, I think a conversation about expectations needs to be had between the two involved.

Mornting gang!! :mrgreen:

Reio

April 7th, 2014
10:37 am

Morning all.

Button – In my house, my money is her money, and her money is her money. Soooo…

Well, I’ve never dated casually. Know nothing bout it. Why in the world would I ask a woman out if I had no interest in possibly having a committed relationship with her? Remember, this is just the way I feel about it. I can’t speak for other men. I just don’t see myself asking a woman out just for fun. I’ve never done this. Call me whatever name you want. I don’t care. But if I ask a woman out, you’d better believe I have an interest in a relationship. I mean, da hell are we gonna talk about? The weather? How tall the average Giraffe in Tanzania is? How many ‘loops’, on average, are there in a 24oz box of ‘Fruit Loops’? Laugh if you wanna, but unless I’ve known her for years and years and we both know this is just a once in a very long while kinda date, and we both see the other as a kind of sibling or cousin, we ain’t going out. And if we do, it will be a meal, or sporting event, or one of our kids is doing something…Nothing else. I guess I’m old fashioned.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 7th, 2014
10:38 am

Disco – I agree, all the stars are not going to be lined up in the sky perfectly as a sign that you are ready. But there is a difference between stepping out on faith and stepping out over a cliff.

Reio

April 7th, 2014
10:39 am

If I ask you out, it’s all business to me. Not gonna waste my time “Just having fun”. Hell, I can “Just have fun” wit the fellas. And I’ll say this too. Even though I suspect it’ll rub some of you the wrong way; You female? We going out? I’m pullin yo dress up at some point. Shole is. You can write that down. As a matter of fact, why try and mask it? What’s dinner for? What’s a movie for? What we going to da club for? Hell, skip all that, and let’s just git to the pullin up of the dress part. Hell. Ladies don’t let these stankin, slew-footed, dim-witted, yellow-teethed, hard of hearing morons use you. Make sure you’re both looking for something meaningful and potentially lasting. But then again, you may be out just for kicks, which is up to you. If you both agree on it, well, there you go. I guess. Good luck.

disco

April 7th, 2014
10:43 am

Kimmie – stepping out over a cliff. LOL!!! good one. I know just where you are coming from too. still, I’ve seen folks get married and move in with one or the other’s parents. I’ve seen folks spend big bucks on a wedding and then go home to the projects. I’ve seen (and I’m sure others have seen) all kinds of things. our view of those folks’ relationship is just that, our view. If they are happy, more power to them. having said that – lol – I’m not marrying the unemployed dude, the 3 times divorced dude, the half a dozen kids dude but if some other chick is okay with that, she can have at it.

Single & Happy

April 7th, 2014
10:45 am

Hello everyone

Casual is the only way I will start off dating. I can’t get serious with anyone before getting to know them, and that’s what casual dating is about.

disco

April 7th, 2014
10:45 am

Reio – while I think I understand what you intended I think what you meant to say was “I’m TRYING to pull your dress up at some point”. just can’t have you thinking you got it like that. I’m sure each and every chick here has encountered the fella who thought he was getting some and he never did. I’m sure every dude here has thought he was getting some and never did. pulling the dress up is not guaranteed. ijs.