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Good guy gone bad

Dating anyone who is on the rebound from a recent break up is risky. You just can’t be sure of their real interest in you. A lot of people just want a placeholder until they get over the ex. Others go through a nasty break up that changes how they see relationships. I recall seeing a great guy turn into a bitter woman hating player because he got his heart broken.

We may not realize it but someone of the awful dating misadventures we go through are because someone else left emotional scars on people. The guy who refuses to be consistent and upfront is that way because he trusted the wrong one in the past. The woman who snoops in her man’s things probably had one bad experience with a cheating ex.

What happens when we let our bad dating experiences change us in a negative way? When a good guy turns into a bad boy, is it possible he will let that go and change back?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva

172 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 4th, 2014
6:57 am

Happy Friday,

It is not a reflection of the other person that did you wrong but a reflection of you…. if you need to snoop you have the issue not the other person… those are the choices you made, stop blaming others for your behavior.. a guy will say, well she burned me used me etc, well you let that happen, the first time you knew what someone did you wrong and didn’t end it thats on you…that person did not make you have bad behavior its your choice — stop blaming and reflect within
We turned into a sociality of pointing fingers at everyone else instead of looking in the mirror … Now some things are not in our control but that does mean you need to use excuses to be an donkey ….
Happy weekend

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
7:04 am

Hello everyone

Can’t relate to this one.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
7:09 am

Happy Friday MIA!!!!!

Let me reread this…….hmmmmm

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
7:31 am

plenty folks move on with unresolved issues into new relationships and situations……….an unhealthy cycle of pain and resentment…………Lee has some good points. It is a personal decision to succumb and wallow in pity and pain and start displaying negative actions that will bring more drama…….tisk, tisk, tisk heal and forgive, forgive yourself and happiness is an inside job.

the one that angers you controls you~

disco

April 4th, 2014
8:47 am

Good morning.

Lee – right on. can’t stand folks blaming other people for their own issues.

Lady – “the one that angers you controls you”. sounds good but not really true. often folks walk around feeling some kind of way behind another person when that person ain’t “stuttin” them. so while your anger may be consuming you, that person isn’t controlling you. they’re not even thinking about you.

As for the topic all I can say is do you. if you meet a person who is rebounding you can roll with it and have a little bit of fun for a minute or you don’t have to. choice is yours.

Button

April 4th, 2014
8:47 am

On the flip side some ppl become a better person bc of breakup. They learn from it and do better going forward.

Good morning!

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
8:55 am

Disco, that’s just like wanting closure from things that happen in life, the only way you will get it is when you let go and move on.

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:00 am

Single – let me tell it, even if you don’t let go and move on the case is still closed. Shame on the folks who choose to live in a land of make believe. They better recognize that – to quote my momma – “one monkey don’t stop no show”. lol.

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:00 am

I’ve met the bitter guys that admitted they will never do this that or the other bc they did it in the past with such and such and it didn’t turn out well, they got burned blah blah blah. Guys like that I avoided when I was dating. I never liked paying for someone else’s deed.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:02 am

hmmmmm disco okay.its being all concussed with them and the anger that its controlling not the person per se bc I agree folks ain’t think about you being mad and feeling froggy its the mental capacity many consume daily.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:04 am

Button those men are draining part of my previous issues last year hahaha :)

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:06 am

and i do feel that is a slippery slope of power and control of one’s thoughts…….easier said than done but let it go and move on humbly and gracefully. but def. heal and deal with your own issues and stop pointing fingers……………

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
9:11 am

button, I’ve meet ladies that have said the same thing, most have changed their mind. cause I let them know that I’m not him, I’m not about to pay for his deeds, so they need to find someone else, because I’m not the one! and I don’t want to hear about it again!!

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:12 am

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:14 am

Button / lady – are y’all sending single signals this morning?

Single – are you picking up on all these “smiles”?

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:18 am

Single – that was my biggest pet peeve when I dated. Guys always bringing up what she did to me blah blah blah – exhusting! I understand hurt and some folks just can’t let it go. But to say “I won’t do this for you bc I did it for such and such and it didn’t turn out well.” Then you still have some healing to do and you shouldn’t be dating.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:19 am

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:19 am

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
9:21 am

Yea disco, they want me :-D

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:23 am

disco – are you jealous?

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
9:24 am

Button, I tell them they need to let the stuff go, and move on. it’s not a wound that you have to wait on to heal.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:25 am

Single is level headed~ I like! ;)

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

April 4th, 2014
9:26 am

Good Morning!

Ladies excellent points this morning…Folks don’t need to date if you still harbor resentment, bitterness, craziness from a previous break-up..

I am going to channel Single today…Can’t relate to this one.!

Disco…I see you channel some Captain Planet today….The Choice is Yours… hehehehehe!

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:27 am

Single – you can tell them that but it goes in one ear and out the other. I feel for them but why date when you’re still hurting. Hurt ppl hurt and you serve on one any good when you’re not at you’re wounded.

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:28 am

Single – it would appear that way although I suppose we could be misinterpreting the signals. lol.

Button – can you please wait until 2:22? thanks.

Elijah – who/what is captain planet?

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
9:31 am

button, they date cause they want to, doesn’t mean they’re going to date me.

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:31 am

meant- serve no one any good….

There was this guy who said he’d rather go on vacation alone even if he has a gf bc his last gf ruined a whole trip he had planned for them. He had the whole nine but she *itched the whole time, never showed appreciation for his good deeds. He said from that point on vacations will be with his boys or solo.

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:32 am

You know the argument could be made that we are all wounded. We all have some kind of issues both resolved and unresolved. We all could benefit from some type of counseling, therapy or life adjustment techniques. Don’t let the psych community start analyzing dating. Just imagine. lol.

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:32 am

disco – nope.

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:36 am

Button – well in that case it’s about to be a long day.

DuShawn

April 4th, 2014
9:37 am

I’ve had very few break ups…..primarily because I’ve only been in a few committed relationships, but when they ended I usually drowned the sorrow with an assortment of new thighs. I wouldn’t say those experiences caused a good guy to go bad…..I’ve always been a bad guy…….trying his best to be good.

Button

April 4th, 2014
9:39 am

disco – @9:14…I guess it will be.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:43 am

disco you funny my point is if its causing harm and setbacks then fallback sure we all got issues but anyway you got honey! smh :)

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 4th, 2014
9:44 am

Mornting all!! :mrgreen:

The ladies have made great points and I agree. To let someone else control your emotions is pointless and further fosters those feelings…it’s a nasty circlular situation and change must start with the guy in question.

As I said to old girl the other day, “How you be within yourself determines how you show up in the room”. We’ve all been hurt while dating but we also made personal choices as to how we dealt with that hurt. To wallow in self depricating pity while purposely hurting others is selfish and juvenile…go lick your wounds, heal and try again.

Celisea

April 4th, 2014
9:45 am

Dating anyone who is on the rebound from a recent break up is risky. You just can’t be sure of their real interest in you.

Diva, Diva, Diva, dating anyone, rebound or not, you can never be sure of their real interest. Tomfuggery is real every day of the week, but that’s nothing to me and what I do. You cannot live your life in a bubble. Don’t get me wrong, we know there are folks that are not at their best when rebounding, but we also know folks that just live tainted….and rebounding ain’t nowhere in the picture. And to that, it’s okay to be irked, tell a joker where to go, etc etc etc, but then, get over it and move on. So, with that being said, eyes and ears open, ALL THE TIME. It’s bad you have to live like that but there are those that live their lives set on hurting, misusing and abusing folks, playing games.

Now, with all of that, still no one, I mean no one can “make” you do a dern thing. You choose to be so ….or not. Whether it’s hanging on eternally, mad and vengeful, whatever. No circumstances though can be blamed to say, I this way because of someone else.

There’s always the the flip side, where us high road dwellers walk. :mrgreen: Be the best you can be, do right by others, walk when it ain’t in your best interest, tell that joker he ain’t worth two wooden nickles, don’t EVER let him even lick your boots, then…..let it go (all of it, no get back), truth teller, geniune, not wasting a person’s time KNOWING you don’t want a dern thing, etc etc etc

Life is all inclusive, so that would include the good and bad from relationships. A little bad is good for growth. How you deal though, IMO is the make or break. Playing and laying blame simply will not work. You’re a snot cause somebody (you say) did you wrong? Okay, that’s on you boo…to be a snot. Get over it. It’s on you if you feel slighted from something that happened umpteen years ago and mad at the world…or all women/men.

Oh, and when you’ve been that person that feel you’ve mastered shenanigans, don’t get all crybaby when what you’ve dished is eventually handed back. Keep on skinning and grinning like you was when you was winning…lol (that rhymed)!! Own it, all of it. And if it doesn’t belong to you, then keep traveling the high road and living well!!!

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:45 am

what do y’all consider a broken person and at what point should a broken person date again?!? Let’s hear from the life experts! :)

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:45 am

Lady – I wasn’t really making effort to be funny. I was just putting the real out there. thing is everyone loves to talk about what’s wrong with everyone else when in reality there is something wrong with everyone. So, as I’ve already stated you can choose to go along for the ride or you don’t have to. no point trying to pick someone or something apart or analyze something to death. it ain’t that real.

hey sassy.

2CPTG©

April 4th, 2014
9:47 am

good guy gone bad? do they exist, or is this just a cliche’ that sounds good…..methinks his/her true colors are just showing….and the “next” person is just seeing his/her true self….

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:47 am

Exactly C~ :) your assessment was non-clinical hahaha!

Celisea

April 4th, 2014
9:49 am

Heeey Lady! Murnting! :)

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:49 am

I can’t help it most times I am analyzing and picking apart daily. assessing is what i do but i agree we all got a closet, baggage, issues, setbacks, growth areas and so on but it is some hurt broken angry folks waling around wanting to be validated and pointing fingers not owing their mess………..

disco

April 4th, 2014
9:53 am

2C – I suppose it is possible for a good guy or girl to go bad. just like I suppose it’s possible for bad boy /girl to go good. now whether or not the change is or can be permanent remains up for debate.

Lady – nothing wrong with being analytical. I’ll overanalyze some stuff to death but I recognize that all that analyzing is taking away from true experiences. sometimes you have to pull back and just be. quit worrying about why people do the things they do and accept (or not) that they do the things they do.

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
9:54 am

Lady~ a broken person should date when they feel like it, there’s someone out there for everybody. the problem usually lies with recognizing them when they show up.

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:56 am

you know I so agree with you Single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can’t argue that.

Disco cool beans sis! ;)

Lady~

April 4th, 2014
9:57 am

@disco: quit worrying about why people do the things they do and accept (or not) that they do the things they do. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<It has taken me a minute to get to this point but it has helped personally speaking so I get your jest~

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

April 4th, 2014
10:02 am

Hey disco…what’s good?!

disco

April 4th, 2014
10:05 am

Sassy – the world will be good (or at least much better) when we get to the end of this day. I think I’m diving head first off the wagon this weekend. been chilling since January but I think it’s time to re-stock the bar. lol.

2CPTG©

April 4th, 2014
10:07 am

disco, have me some ‘yak and coke when I get there!

Single and Happy

April 4th, 2014
10:11 am

Disco, I’ll take a slow comfortable screw :-D

disco

April 4th, 2014
10:13 am

2C – since I’m buying myself I’ll probably only get vodka, tequila, midori and jack for starters. if/when a sponsor offers then I’ll put in a “special order”. Truth be told, I almost considered having a “stock the bar” party but I figured by the time I paid to feed/entertain folks I might as well just buy what the heck I want. Still, other people often turn you on to stuff you wouldn’t buy on your own. maybe some other time.