accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Give me a sign!

Every so often I like to share things my friends over at Very Smart Brothas write about. My friend Panama recently wrote from a guy’s perspective that sort of touches on what we talked about recently when it comes to giving the right signals. Check out what he has to say about what men are looking for to determine if a woman is interested.

So here’s what we’re looking for:

1. Smile. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. Women hate it when men tell you to smile. So I’m not telling you to smile. In fact, get your sourpuss on, sista. Look like you eat trees to your hearts content. I’m just telling you that from where I’m sitting, if I see you and you see me and you don’t smile in my general direction like EVER, there is no way in Hell I’m going to test those waters out. If you smile at me, you’ve upped the likelihood I’m coming your way by at least 63 percent. Granted, I get why women ain’t smiling all day. Hell I’m not. It’s a tricky dance. Ladies, I get it. I’ve seen some TERRIBLE situations occur. Hey, we’re all just trying to make it.

2. Some type of…bait Sometime ago, via IG, a young lady I was curious about laid out THE perfect bait for me. I flubbed it. Totally flubbed it. In fact, I fumbled so hard that when I told my homegirl about it she punched me in the arm. She was like, dude, how the hell did you mess THAT up?!? I don’t know, dog. I don’t know. Well I know why but still…point is, she put the ball in my court in such a way that all I needed was a layup to win the game. On a 6 foot hoop. And I wish I could tell you what it was…but I can’t.

Oh, I can tell you this one though! This happened via Twitter: I was on there talking about as a Gemini how much I love Aquarians (we’re supposed to be a great match and what not…its proven true thus far) and a young lady hit me with the: “I’m an Aquarius…wanna test that theory?” Bait. Remember these are things we’re looking for…like our optimal situations.

3. Active responses. Have you ever had a conversation with somebody and it just stops. Like the other person doesn’t get the concept of a dialogue? Yeah, those let me know that its a no go (obviously this is when somehow, we’ve started speaking). But, every so often you get somebody who lets you know, that you may continue the conversation by the social cues they give you. Here’s how I met a woman one time. I was at a bar eating some food and she saw it and wanted to know what it was. Simple friendly question swag gangsta clique. Well, I told her and made some joke about the food. Well, she immediately fired back with one of her own. We zinged. We then talked for an hour and a half after that.

Those are three things that I can tell you most guys look for when attempting to discern if they should try to exchange info and progress a situation. Granted, as a guy, you do have to take a chance most of the time. You will win some. You will lose some. But you live to try again. But hey, we all (men and women) want as much positive info as possible when determining if we’re going to deal with somebody right? Bong bong.

So fellas, what are other signs you look for? And ladies, what signs do you think you give off that should let a dude know that you’re interested?
- Panama Jackson

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

514 comments Add your comment

Heidi Golighty

April 3rd, 2014
6:16 am

I like this topic. It really gives me hope. I do smile back or greet back when a stranger (guy) says hello or smiles at me but next time I see a handsome fella, I am just going to initiate that smile or hello. Nothing to lose, right?

YesSheIsCute

April 3rd, 2014
7:09 am

Buenos dias Heidi! Estoy segura que tu tienes una bellisima sonrisa! :)

I don’t know how to let a guy know I’m interested. I’m shy and don’t like dealing with rejection. I will try smiling and see if that gets me anywhere.

Heidi Golighty

April 3rd, 2014
7:35 am

Hola Yessheis!!!

Button

April 3rd, 2014
8:28 am

I’m a huge VSB fan, with that being said. I agree a smile can and does soften things up, makes one more approachable.

I’m not big on signs nor do I know or tried any in the past. I was always direct in my approach and little subtle too. If I liked a guy I would wiggle my way to him and give the green light if he didn’t pick up on it then I left him a lone.

Some ppl are not keen on signs, you have to slap them across their face telling then it’s a go.
Good morning!

Button

April 3rd, 2014
8:30 am

Heidi – be like nike and just do it! you’ll never know unless you do it.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
8:45 am

Good morning. here we go again with this one. lol.

a man is supposed to notice an eye twitch from across a crowded room. A man is supposed to recognize the difference between a genuine smile and a woman just turning her lips up because she knows she’s in public and somebody might be checking her out. a man says something and then he has to determine if he was really funny or if old girl is giggling like a hyena because she thinks he’s funny (or even because she wants him to think that she thinks he’s funny).

heck, we might as well go back to toting handkerchiefs and letting them flutter to the ground so some poor chap can graciously scoop it up for us. ijs.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2014
8:50 am

I never knew “signs”, in part because I’m oblivious, and in part because I’m literal.

I used to get popped by friends for missing “signs”. I still get dirty looks from the wife when ladies throw “signs” now.

At the end of the day, when a young lady wanted something from me (and I wasn’t in the frame of mind to get it for myself), she needed to be direct. “Closed mouf don’t get fed.”

Morning

Button

April 3rd, 2014
8:57 am

disco – he’s supposed to know it? is there a class. Most guys are clueless to things. You have to be direct in what you want from them. If you want him tell him!

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:00 am

Dan – my thoughts exactly.

Button – is that not what I was saying?

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:10 am

Morning everyone :-) there’s my sign :-D

Button

April 3rd, 2014
9:10 am

disco – you said he’s supposed to know, my question is how? is there a class that he should attend or is born with the knowledge?

Button

April 3rd, 2014
9:13 am

Some guys say if you dont kiss on the first date that’s a sign she’s not interested, well could it be a sign that she’s just not ready to kiss. If he’s not asking you out then that’s a sign that he’s not interested. I don’t think that’s a sign that’s him being direct that he doesn’t want to take you out. Loud and clear.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:13 am

Button – facetiousness. it’s too early…..

2CPTG©

April 3rd, 2014
9:15 am

I was gon’ say something, but I forgot…..so g’morning, it is.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

April 3rd, 2014
9:16 am

@Button

No, there’s an unwritten expectation that a “man knows by a woman’s smile that she is inviting him to her secret garden” while ATSDT “a smile may *just* be a smile and it doesn’t mean I want you.”

He’s supposed to know what she doesn’t…..

#manlaw107

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:16 am

button, she was being sarcastic

Heidi Golighty

April 3rd, 2014
9:18 am

You’re right Button. I’ll do it

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:19 am

hello heidi, yes :-) another sign :-D

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:20 am

The t-shirt I saw a while back was a sign. It said “I’m single. Holler at me”. lol.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:21 am

Single – so the smiley face emoticon. Is that sign specifically yours or should we take it to imply that anyone who uses that smiley face today is open to be approached? If so, it should be an interesting day.

SlimNu

April 3rd, 2014
9:22 am

As of late, I think we need to visit some tell signs of when NOT to proceed in trying to holler at a chick/dude lol

Morning

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:25 am

disco, its just like making someone laugh, everybody dat laughs at me wants me :-D

Hey slim :-)

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:27 am

As of late, I think we need to visit some tell signs of when NOT to proceed in trying to holler at a chick/dude lol there are no signs for that, they just mean I got to try harder and wear you down :-D

SlimNu

April 3rd, 2014
9:35 am

Single – I see you’re the Urkel of the blog…lol

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:35 am

Single – our wonder twin powers are back activated. I was thinking that but let it go because it’s too early to start deflecting the accusations of being bitter. lol.

Still for kicks, I think slim has a good idea. let’s work on a top 10.

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:39 am

slim, what something wrong with being Urkel (LOL)

Button

April 3rd, 2014
9:41 am

I was serious anyway

too many rules, laws to follow. I go with what feels right and the vibe. If there is not vibe then I move on. Some ppl are shy and lose out bc they are afraid or don’t know how or what to say.

Reio

April 3rd, 2014
9:43 am

Morning all.

Well, I’ve never been into signs. Back then I couldn’t tell. Unless she was pretty much all over me, I tended to have no idea. Never thought about it much. I would very very rarely approach a total stranger. I mean, sure, I’d see the cashier at Wendy’s, or the random lady in the mall, but I’d never just approach one to get her number or anything like that. I tended to get set up by friends, family or a mutual acquaintance. So, signs? Hell, I wouldn’t recognize one if it hit me in the face.

And maybe I was a bit cynical back then. Approach me in any kinda way? And I would automatically think she wanted to just jump my bones(They all did,actually) and not want anything meaningful. Or she wanted something meaningful, but use her womanly wiles to get things started. I don’t/didn’t know.

My advice to guys would be to just walk up on them heffas. See what’s shakin. If nuthin’s happenin, ask her if she got a grown daughter or som’n, hell. just don’t give a rip. To hell wit signs.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:44 am

10. if dude/chick is trying to mack from his/her car but there are two car seats and a booster seat, let that one go.

9. if they are still wearing gold fronts, let that one go.

8. if they attempt to explain the way their account is set up, let that one go.

7. if their first communication is via text message (or other non-verbal medium), let that one go.

6. if a guy asks “when you are going to take him out”, let that one go.

5. if a guy is wearing more jewelry than you are, let that one go.

4. if you notice excessive amounts of glitter on them, let that one go.

3. if their breath makes you want to put toothpaste on your fist and punch them in the mouth, let that one go.

2. men, if her walk is stronger than yours, let that one go.
ladies, if he switches more than you do, let that one go.

1. my number one is controversial and it’s too early to be starting mess on the blog. just trust that it was good. lol.

Celisea

April 3rd, 2014
9:45 am

Personally and IMO half the battle is that folks have gotten lazy, things have been made too easy. It has been and will always be the man’s place to pursue. God place that “thing” in him. I think it’s awful that dudes will knock you over to smash, but you (being the woman), gotta hold up a sign to say “pick me”, for something serious. Ummm, not happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sooo not against flirting (that’s half the fun), or sending signals, but I’m sooo not buying dudes that say they’re totally oblivious. Half the men I encounter or pass seems to always be “checking”, not necessarily for me (let me hurrup and get that said), but you can sometimes visibly see them being in tune or atuned to the opposite sex. Now, if he’s checking out another woman and you’re interested, then you might wanna say “hoo hoo, over here”, but otherwise, I don’t see or have experienced men struggling with being able to read signs.

Another issue could be the caliber of men. Meaning most of the men I’ve encountered, been around and deal/dealt, hung/hang out with were just “men”….to their core. They didn’t do nor don’t dabble in playing games, bamboozling women, that kind of stuff. Most are on the up and up. Not saying they haven’t had a couple of women in rotation, not saying they don’t enjoy just going at it, but it’s just never been or is a big deal to step to the woman. I mean, maybe I’m living under a rock, but crappy, lost, “ain’t got a clue”, I can step to you if it’s for smashing only, meet me in the middle, we go half and half, step to me or step off type men (outside of the kid’s dad) just ain’t what I’ve seen much of. Oh, I know they exist, but IMO and in my mind, I just don’t deal with that type, that kind. So it could be, for me, that it just depends on the who, where, when, how, what era/time, etc etc etc

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:45 am

As for shy. I’m a firm believer that shy is for kids. any grown person walking around hiding behind shy simply has no game.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 3rd, 2014
9:46 am

Morning Gang!!

On topic – I think it’s probably safer for both men & women to go with a tad more direct approach, as opposed to relying on “signs”. Let’s face it, we all know there are folks that take any simple gesture to mean everyone wants them. She smiled so she must want me, when she’s probably just being friendly to everyone. I bought her a drink and she accepted it, so she’s interested and my property for the night. The art of flirting is wasted on some people. And just because he asked you to lunch or dinner, that doesn’t mean yall on a date. You could just be 2 people grabbing some food together. Ain’t that right, Disco.

So say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t leave things up for interpretation.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 3rd, 2014
9:48 am

too many rules, laws to follow. I go with what feels right and the vibe. If there is not vibe then I move on.

Button – Thank you. It’s really not that complicated. Folks make it that way though. Either we’re feeling each other or we’re not. Don’t try to force it!

Single & Happy

April 3rd, 2014
9:49 am

Disco, I’m shy :-D

disco

April 3rd, 2014
9:50 am

Kimmie – sho you right.

Single – you just made me think of the five heartbeats. lol.

Leggs

April 3rd, 2014
9:51 am

I feel you need to give cues to let the other know you’re interested. I’m presently getting and giving cues to this guy I recently met. I zing, he zang. I like that. Quick wit with comical rebuttals. And by giving cues I don’t mean mind games, open your mouth and speak. Let them know you’re interested without coming on too strong.

Good morning.

Reio

April 3rd, 2014
9:52 am

“…. So it could be, for me, that it just depends on the who, where, when, how, what era/time, etc etc etc”

My sentiments exactly. Sign? What signs? Just go for it. be respectful, use standard English, Spanish, Chinese..or what ever you speak, and start a conversation. You never know.

CoolShadow

April 3rd, 2014
9:54 am

This is an interesting topic that I’ve had previously with a few women and the mindset seems to be the same among them; that if they’re interested, their “come hither “ look and signs are unmistakable and clear. If the guy didn’t pick up on it, then he’s not interested. I told them that maybe their signs weren’t evident to him and he didn’t realize that they were throwing out hints of interests, and therefore maybe came to the conclusion that they weren’t interested. Come hither signs and hints are not universal or created equal. What it really came down to is that the women didn’t want to place themselves in any possible position of facing rejection.

So fellas, what are other signs you look for?

An unsolicited smile goes a long way. If you’re at a distance and consistently looking back and maybe whisper a hello. I also look for women who are willing to engage in conversation and not act like they’re being subjected to interrogation. It reminds me of one time where I out with a couple who brought along a friend who was visiting and I was trying to interact with their friend. She only gave five words or less responses to everything I asked her, didn’t contribute anything to the conversation and her body language was negative (no eye contact and kept her arms folded). So I gave up thinking she was uninterested and discontinued trying to engage her. Later I get a report from the wife that her friend wanted to talk to me but I seemed uninterested. Huh, project much?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 3rd, 2014
9:55 am

open your mouth and speak. Let them know you’re interested without coming on too strong.

Leggs – I agree.

2CPTG©

April 3rd, 2014
9:57 am

“I think it’s awful that dudes will knock you over to smash, but you (being the woman), gotta hold up a sign to say “pick me”, for something serious.”

If ye’en got no “oil in ya lamp” how am I ’sposed to see you?

Button

April 3rd, 2014
9:57 am

grown and shy? sure is hence social anxiety ever heard of it?

Some ppl nut up just at the thought of talking to the opposit schex. Some don’t and are social butterflies.

Button

April 3rd, 2014
9:59 am

Kimmie – HI!!! ain’t that the truth! All these rules and regulations have folks missing out on finding love. Just leave them bitter, jaded.

2CPTG©

April 3rd, 2014
9:59 am

or, if ye’en gleaning in my fields, how am I ’sposed to know you’re available? What, you gon’ be at the foot of my bed when I wake up? better ask “Big Mama”/Ruth what to do!

Bluzgirl

April 3rd, 2014
10:01 am

Morning all! Feeling MUCH better today!

Like I said the other day…men are just supposed to learn to read our minds! ;-)

Button

April 3rd, 2014
10:03 am

If I had a dollar for everytime a guy said I can’t read your mind I’ll be richer than Nene Leakes! lol

disco

April 3rd, 2014
10:04 am

Button – well, I’m going to continue to let little kids have “shy” and grown folks can debate over which social anxiety disorder they have because they never put their big girl panties or big boy draws on and learned how to interact with folks. lol.

Bluz – don’t come on here attacking me re mental health issues. lol.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
10:05 am

Oh. there you are. hey bluz!!!

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 3rd, 2014
10:06 am

Cool Shadow – I had the same experience you had with your friends. One of my best friends had a house party/bbq and said she had this guy she wanted to introduce me to/set me up with. Cool. She & I had similiar taste in men, I really liked her hubs & trusted her judgement. Dude comes to the party, she introduces us. Very nice looking dude. He took one look at me & looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. I was sitting at the dinner table with him and some others talking. He looked like everything I said straight irritated him. You could cut the tension with a knife. Well I’m not the type you have to beat over the head to get a message across. I avoided him the rest of the party.

The next day my friend calls me saying he asked her for my number and that he was very interested. She said she chewed him out for acting so stank!

Purple Reign

April 3rd, 2014
10:06 am

I’ve always been able to feel the vibe between me and a woman, if I catch it that means we connect. If not, oh well.

disco

April 3rd, 2014
10:09 am

Kimmie – similar story. I’m at a friend’s bday dinner at a restaurant. There’s a large group of us and I’m sitting next to some guy. no convo the whole night and she calls me the next week talking about he wanted my number. she was laughing when she said it because she knew what my response would be. I don’t do punks. If you can sit next to me all night and not say anything and then send a message by someone else, you are a buster. miss me with that. lol.