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Preferences start to change?

I think as we get older, it is natural for our preferences to change. I imagine we get to take all those lessons from our misadventures in dating and make better decisions. If you find that you are dating the same type of people you did years ago, should your preferences change?

There are some people who don’t even know that they have a pattern in the type of people they meet. I feel like my friend Sean has had the same exact girlfriend for the last 6 years. Same look, bad attitude, and selfish behavior but with different names. When I ask if he sees the pattern, he believes it is just the type he likes.

Do you think our preferences in a mate should change as we get older? Have you noticed that you have had to reconsider some of the preferences you once had?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

412 comments Add your comment

Lee

April 2nd, 2014
6:25 am

Good Morning,

I do believe we change with time in everything we do. Nothing more to add…

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
6:34 am

Good Morning.

For a while there, I think I may have dated the same type of guy- Losers
I decided that I deserve better. Maybe that’s why I’m single, because I’m no longer falling for the same type.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
7:11 am

Hello all

Just like with everything else, we grow, but we still like what we like. My preference will never change, it may evolve, but never change.

Lady~

April 2nd, 2014
8:18 am

Our journey through life involves a series of changes – some major and many minor.

No matter what change we are faced with in life, it will be much easier to cope with and adapt to if we hold a positive attitude about change in general. This doesn’t mean that we necessarily have to agree with the circumstances or details of the change. In fact we may disagree with it, but can still adapt to it in a constructive manner.

Having a positive orientation towards change involves:

***knowing what we can and cannot control in a given situation
***recognizing that disruptions are a natural response to change
***being creative and looking for the opportunities that change creates
***recognizing that there are a number of right ways to do things
***utilizing our personal resources and strengths to actively do the best we can

S&H good morning post 7:11!

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
8:44 am

Morning Lady~

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
8:48 am

Good morning everyone! Buen dia, Heidi? Como has estado?

My tastes have change. Guys I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole when I was younger…I would probably consider now.

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
8:49 am

Morning!

My preferences have had to change some. Or, should I say standards! As I’m getting older, I’m learning more about what I deserve…

Yawn…..

Lady~

April 2nd, 2014
8:50 am

Yes, I often regretted not taking the nice nerd seriously although most seemed eccentric but yeah I would consider them now but many times that shipped has sail with no return…..

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
8:51 am

And before any of the guys talk about women getting more desperate and willing to take just any ole guy…My preferences have changed to get more quality guys instead of the losers I’ve been with…

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
8:53 am

Bluz thanks for that addendum because I still have standards and things I’m just NOT attracted to at all. But I will admit I was a little superficial back then without even realizing it.

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
8:57 am

Yes – I just knew it would probably come at some point in this discussion! LOL

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
8:59 am

morning bluz, yes ;-)

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Buenas Dias Yessheis.

Hoy estudio Anatomy

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Yessheis- como esta usted?

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Morning S/H! How are you?

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
9:06 am

I’m doing great bluz, how are you?

disco

April 2nd, 2014
9:09 am

Good morning. have my preferences changed? Yes and no. as for the guys I date even when I was “street” I wanted the go-getters. That hasn’t changed. I may not be checking for the street boys now but I still want that same go-getter mentality.

Other preferences – 15 or 20 years ago I would have accepted/tolerated a man with small children. these days, him and his kids can kick rocks.

I’ve always been shallow when it comes to physical (body moreso than looks). That hasn’t changed.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2014
9:15 am

My preferences have evolved; never really dated losers, but I will ignore those who are interested in me solely for sex and not want a relationship. Not always easy to determine this, but it’s not too difficult either if you stay on point and LISTEN.

When I started dating here in Georgia I remember really liking this guy. We were both young but I had more going for myself than he did. I didn’t realize I was dating what so many here termed “a project.” He needed to so much and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t going out to get them. Wait, wait, looking back I guess I did briefly date a loser (lol).

Good morning!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2014
9:19 am

I believe “preferences” are a reflection of you. IMO those don’t change and frankly we’re all entitled to like what we like. I realize over time, as we grow and mature, we tend to “know better”, do better and think better. I don’t think though that my preferences have changed. I can’t really say as I’ve gotten older I don’t take this, that or the other because I’ve ALWAYS been quick on the button. Quick to cut it if dude don’t come correct. My mama drilled in her girls, you ain’t gotta EVA take crap off or from a dude and to know how to “walk.” If for any reason I stuck around, I had a point to prove or something along those lines. But, for the most part my BS meter has always been really really low (say that in bass…lol). So in that regard, no my preference has not change.

Come correct, handle ya business, be a man of faith, hardworking and not afraid to get ya hustle on….if need be (legally of course)…so forth and so on.

2CPTG©

April 2nd, 2014
9:20 am

I still like big butts, small waist, and a cute face…with some level of intellect, and street sense…..that ain’t gon’ never change……So I guess my preferences haven’t changed; I see where the majority of y’all saying that we grow as we mature, and that is true, but “preference” remains the same….

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
9:21 am

S/H – I’m good…sleepy this morning, but good! :-D

Celisea

April 2nd, 2014
9:22 am

I feel like my friend Sean has had the same exact girlfriend for the last 6 years. Same look, bad attitude, and selfish behavior but with different names.

Well Diva, Sean likes what he likes. I’m also a believer that woman tend to be harder on woman. Sometimes, out of cattiness, we can hate something big time.

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:23 am

physically: I have a preference.
I’ll date any guy: white, black, Asian, Spanish, etc…..
Dark-skinned , light-skinned it doesn’t matter

I do have preference for light skinned guys though….can’t help it

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
9:23 am

Good morning Happy!

Heidi, estoy bien gracias. El ultimo sabado, estaba ensenando ingles to a Columbian gentleman. El no hable ninguno ingles. No hablo mucho espanol…more like Spanglish. Pero lo hizo! :) So proud of myself. :) Hopefully as his English is getting better so is my Spanish.

I’m so relieved I don’t have to go through this dating frenzy.

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
9:23 am

Heidi you sound like me. Except for my preference for light skinned guys. I’ll leave my preference unspoken.

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:24 am

Question for guys:

Would you ever date a chick that’s butt challenged? No matter how much I work out, I can’t get an apple bottom :-(

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
9:24 am

2C – Now, I’ve got that song in my head…”I like big butts and I cannot lie!”

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
9:24 am

*except for your preference for light skinned guys. I meant to write “your”.

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:26 am

Funny, Yeshe is, I didn’t catch that type.

And yes, your Spanish is getting much better :-)

Heidi Golighty

April 2nd, 2014
9:26 am

I meant to say typo

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 2nd, 2014
9:30 am

Morning Gang!!

On topic – I say be open to a change in preferences/standards if your current ones are not working for you. With time comes a change in circumstances and that may cause you to have to adjust some things, whether you want to or not. Like Disco says, in her younger days she would have considered a man with small children. Now it’s not practical for her lifestyle. Her own child is grown and she doesn’t want to have to start over. She wants to lead a different lifestyle. A lot of singles whose own children are grown & out of the house feel that way. It’s nice to be able to travel or do whatever at a moments notice if you want to and not have to find a babysitter. You can eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch & dinner if you want and not have to worry about preparing balanced meals for a little one. I’m making assumptions here Disco, am I right?

It took me awhile to find someone to marry. Unlike alot of women, I never went thru that stage of liking “bad boys” or dudes I knew my parents would not allow me to walk out the house with. That type of man just never appealed to me. I always liked smart, somewhat nerdy dudes that had a bit of an edge to them- not soft and sorry. That is what I ended up marrying. So my preference/standard didn’t have to change, though there were folks that told me I should when I was single. I never thought my preference/standard was “unrealistic” as some like to throw out. When your standard is high, don’t see the need to lower it. You can cast out a wider net (considering folks you might not have considered before) without lowering your standards.

disco

April 2nd, 2014
9:33 am

Kimmie – sho’ you right. lol.

YesSheIsCute

April 2nd, 2014
9:35 am

Heidi…. mi espanol tiene que ser bueno! I took intermediate Spanish a couple of years ago in college and have had to use it at work (extreme situations). Last saturday was my first saturday teaching him. He seemed very happy that I was trying to speak Spanish to teach him English. So now I have to create lesson plans.

disco

April 2nd, 2014
9:36 am

Kimmie – to go off on a tangent, I’m finding that I also just don’t like being bothered with parents of small children. they seem to forget that everyone else isn’t where they are. They changed when they had kids, not me. don’t try to drag me down with you. lol. one friend called me and invited me to a movie. I’m like sure. what you want to see? I forget what the movie was but it was a cartoon. I was like really? get off my daggone phone. I’m amazed at how often I’m invited to places like monkey joes. I get it with younger chicks on their first go around but these old heffas with small kids ought to know better.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
9:42 am

Disco, they just want to include you in their happiness :-D what’s monkey joes?

disco

April 2nd, 2014
9:46 am

Single – whatever. they can keep all that joy. monkey joe’s is some place that 4-8 year olds like to hang out. I’ve always declined the invitations so I’m not sure exactly what the draw is.

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 2nd, 2014
9:46 am

Disco – I actually feel you on that. Some folks almost “become” kids after having them! They lose themselves in their child. That type of mess irritated my own mother actually! The house is a complete mess – cause of the kids. Some let themselves go – cause of the kids. All they talk about are kid-related things. They are all-consummed. I know when you become a parent you priorities change, but don’t completely lose yourself. It’s not healthy for you or your kids.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
9:47 am

Disco, if don’t have any young kids, why would they invite you?

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

April 2nd, 2014
9:48 am

Single – Monkee Joe’s is a place where they have all those big boucey toys. Kinda like Chuckie Cheese, but dedicated to jumping & bounching.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
9:50 am

Kimmie, that’s those people that get that empty nest syndrome, their whole life has been wrapped out in either getting kids, or taking care of them.

disco

April 2nd, 2014
9:51 am

Single – I guess because we are friends. You do realize that with really small kids, their birthday parties aren’t about other kids but the friends of the parents. Then, a lot of these chicks (as kimmie alluded to) don’t realize that you are no longer in the same boat that they are in. they think your friendship is on the same footing when it’s not. folks know I don’t want to be bothered with kids but most parents seem to think their kid is the exception. They are oblivious to the fact that I tolerate their child in small doses because we are friends. Doesn’t mean I want that little crumb snatcher around me all the time.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
9:54 am

disco, I forgot about these grown up kids parties that start at 1 year old

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2014
10:02 am

I’ve had several friends over the years who had kids and just became a different person. I get it, but we just drifted apart. No longer have a lot in common because they have a new life.

Fay

April 2nd, 2014
10:02 am

Mornin

Have my preferences changed…not really. I can be a sucker for a handsome face and nice bod… I got to take all my dating experiences as valuable lessons whether they worked out or not. I realize also is that they were all not the same and if something reminded me of an ex maybe that is just a lesson I need to take the test and pass on.

SlimNu

April 2nd, 2014
10:08 am

Morning gang,

Had a guy, probably about 68, greet me and tell me he’s a house without a roof (quoting Pharell’s Happy song) trying to holler at me. lolol Still not ready to date my grand dad just yet

disco

April 2nd, 2014
10:09 am

As for dating – marriage was not on my radar until my mid-30s. thing is I grossly miscalculated. by my mid-30s all those “great” guys of my 20s weren’t so great anymore. Or, perhaps they were still great, they just weren’t available anymore. The available guys just didn’t do it for me. then by the time 40 rolled around marriage was back off my radar. I stopped caring about the dating “end-game” and not being pressed takes off a ton of pressure. I’m just doing whatever the heck I want to do be it alone, with friends or with the flunky of the day. it works.

disco

April 2nd, 2014
10:10 am

Slim – did you tell gramps how tacky he sounded so he wouldn’t say that to anyone else? heck at 68 he’d do better to just be like “my house is paid for and I get a pension check”. ijs.

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
10:10 am

Disco (Like)

Single and Happy

April 2nd, 2014
10:11 am

what’s so happy about a house without roof?

daddy swiss

April 2nd, 2014
10:12 am

“what’s so happy about a house without roof?”

Well, if you’re a roofer…. lol