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Should relationship status be kept secret?

A reader emailed about a concern she has regarding her new man. They have been dating exclusively for months now. She expected to be introduced to more people as his girlfriend. She wants his Facebook page to say in a relationship. Unfortunately, the guy she is seeing is “private” and does not like broadcasting his business to people. Is it unfair to keep the relationship status secret if it bothers her?

I know a lot of people who just don’t get hung up on titles. It does not matter if the understanding is that you two are together and happy. Why difference does it make if everyone knows it?

When you are in a new relationship, do you let everyone know? I have seen my friend fall hard over a guy and is so proud to rave about their love. She isn’t afraid to share it with everyone. If they breakup, will she regret all that?

Do you think that wanting to keep the relationship status secret is a sign that you want to keep your options open?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta dating blog

439 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

March 27th, 2014
7:07 am

Hey everyone

sounds like she just likes having the title.

YesSheIsCute

March 27th, 2014
7:23 am

Good morning everyone! Good morning Single.

The only thing I’m proclaiming loudly and proudly is an engagement and a marriage. Otherwise my relationships are on a need to know basis (close friends of course will know). Unless the next guy that enters my life is just that amazing that I feel like I need to tell everyone. Other than that…meh.

Single and Happy

March 27th, 2014
7:32 am

YesSheIsCute

March 27th, 2014
7:33 am

Btw there’s a difference between keeping the relationship status a secret and giving people the info as they ask. If they are putting effort in to keep it a secret or lie about it then yes, they are keeping their options open. I think it’s pathetic to ask someone why they don’t change their relationship status on facebook…..

Celisea

March 27th, 2014
7:35 am

Bruuu-ther!! There is a vast difference in him being private versus being sneaky and keeping her as his best kept secret. I’m going with the dude this time. It could very well be what Diva stated….dude is just private. Get a grip gal, and grow up! “Grown folks ain’t tripping over something this petty. Matter of fact I’m like him…..why we gotta scream it from the roof top?!?!?!? Heck, “we know.” Frankly that’s all matters.

Lawd, there are soooo many other things to sweat. Like me, DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL, DUMB, STUPID STUFF!!!!! It makes you even smaller. lololol

Yesterday was greeat! Had lunch at some quaint, unknown place, off the beaten path. TO DIE FOR! I don’t know who the cooks were or how even the good looking white guy knew of the place, but the BEST soul food I’ve had out, in a loooong time. Ain’t got nuttin’ on our church cooks though….lol. Outside of that, I’d make the long drive.

Alright gotta get up and at ‘em!

TOOOODLES!!

Button

March 27th, 2014
8:07 am

Do you think that wanting to keep the relationship status secret is a sign that you want to keep your options open? yes, he’s keeping his options open. If he’s not introducing her to friends/family then there’s a big chance she’s just a gf behind closed doors and that’s it. The reader should sit him down and find out what’s really going on.
The average man doesn’t have a problem annoucing his love.

Good morning!

Button

March 27th, 2014
8:10 am

Yes – there’s a difference between keeping the relationship status a secret and giving people the info as they ask. ->I agree.

Most likely he’s keeping her around until someone better comes along. Clearly this guy is a douche bag and a big jerk for stringing her around.

disco

March 27th, 2014
8:39 am

Good morning.

Old girl is tripping and sounds insecure. What freaking difference does it make what his facebook page says? What difference does it make what she is introduced as? She should be content with the fact that she is being introduced at all. quite frankly the title of boyfriend/girlfriend really isn’t worth a grown person getting worked up about anyway. that’s junior high. ijs.

Button

March 27th, 2014
8:46 am

why is a person insecure when they voice how they like to be treated? lol smh

disco

March 27th, 2014
8:49 am

button – is it not too early for your disco fix? a title has little to do with how she is treated. Apparently dude is treating her fine. I didn’t read treatment as a complaint. The way I read it the entire issue revolves around the title of girlfriend/person in relationship. to each his own and all but to me, the title means nothing except that she’s worried about what other people think or know. screams some level of insecurity to me.

Lee

March 27th, 2014
8:51 am

Secrets are lies. If it is a secret then either he has others or hoping to. The Facebook status is childish who cares.

Good morning

YesSheIsCute

March 27th, 2014
8:55 am

She buggin, because if he was really about that life he would make his profile status say “in a relationship” and make sure that part of the profile is only viewable to her profile but hidden to everyone else’s.

Just because I don’t keep it pimpin doesn’t mean I don’t know how to.

disco

March 27th, 2014
8:55 am

Lee – really? what makes a secret a lie? why can’t something be private? Not sharing your business with the world or even particular individuals makes you a liar? wow….. I think the real issue is too many folks have a sense of entitlement when it comes to information. everything ain’t for everybody to know.

Button

March 27th, 2014
8:58 am

Clearly these are young kids regarding the facebook issue.

Maybe she is actually not her gf and just someone he’s dating exclusivly. Men are on point on what you are to them. If you’re his gf then he will say it. Could it be the reader need to find out exactly what they are to each other.

Purple Reign

March 27th, 2014
9:00 am

Why would you introduce a new girlfriend to everyone? Needs to be together for a half of a year to a year before you start introducing them to family and everyone else. Makes no sense to do it earlier than that because who knows if it will last that long. Also, some people are just private and have learned to keep people out of their business. She seems like she just wants to “have a title” like the acceptance of others besides her man validates her as his lady.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:04 am

Purple – you do know you can break up after a year and a half right? or right after being introduced.

2CPTG©

March 27th, 2014
9:05 am

I stopped reading at “she wants his facebook status to say ‘in a relationship’”…..really……I’mma need these chirren to stay off the grown folks blog! We’re grown in here, and couldn’t care less ’bout FB, Instagram, and all that other mess y’all talkin bout….If y’all know you’re in a relationship, nothing else should matter….this “reader” strikes me as bluz a youngin, thru and thru.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:07 am

Is it unfair to keep the relationship status secret if it bothers her? they should have a common ground on this since it’s important to her. Compromise.

Purple Reign

March 27th, 2014
9:08 am

Button, exactly so keep that break up between the two of you and not family and friends early on. No sense in gettting more people involved. If he only kept her in the house and out of public site, he may be up to something. But not introducing to family and friends doesn’t mean a thing.

Purple Reign

March 27th, 2014
9:11 am

Not broadcasting does not equate to keeping it secret.

Reio

March 27th, 2014
9:11 am

Morning all!

I was reluctant to introduce new women to friends and family cause I wasn’t sure about them yet. Didn’t know as much about them as I wanted to. I suppose I may have had an advantage over some fellas, cause I was always a one woman man. The fact that he doesn’t introduce her as his girlfriend could mean nothing, beyond the fact that he just isn’t doing it. She should leave it alone.

Here’s an idea. How about this, tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t change immediately, dump his azz. That way you can go from acting a fool, by being concerned with this in the first place, to actually being a fool, by dumping an otherwise seemingly. good guy. You dumb cross-eyed heffa you.

DuShawn

March 27th, 2014
9:15 am

If she wants a title, just introduce her as “Ms. New Booty”.

Fay

March 27th, 2014
9:16 am

Mornin

Relationship status a secret hmmm never had this problem. Seems kind of childish..if I got in a relationship now would I change my relationship status on facebook ..no probably not. If ole boy was like can you change your status I would just to make him feel secure. Seems pretty simple. Everyone has some insecurity…when you in a relationship the least you could do is make your partner feel good on minor stuff.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:16 am

2C – would you believe the 40+ year old chick who talked my ear off yesterday morning about facebook insisted that facebook is for “our” generation. She says the young kids have moved on to other things and “we” are the ones stuck on facebook. I told her she was the one stuck. lol.

Button – I don’t even think this is a compromising matter. Old girl simply needs to appreciate having a man that she likes and wants to be with and stop whining about what he’s calling her. it’s not like he’s calling her out of her name. she’s tripping over nothing.

Purple Reign

March 27th, 2014
9:18 am

Red Flag, if she wants to be introduced to everyone right off the bat.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:23 am

Purple – I also think it’s a red flag if she take the time out to write a letter about it. lol.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:24 am

There’s still alot missing from the letter to really know what’s up. If they’ve been dating a short time then he I agree he might just not be there yet to introducing her yet buttttt if they’ve been together for years then ijs something’s up! This is similar to the letter posted this week. If my memory serves me correctly most of yall was dogging ol girl out lol

Fay

March 27th, 2014
9:24 am

Red Flag, if she wants to be introduced to everyone right off the bat… I agree!

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:26 am

disco – why not compromise? have you ever been in a relationship? just curious bc in relationship you do know compromise on certian things?

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:27 am

At the end of the day the relationship is between the people in the relationship. what other people know or even whether or not other people know is moot. No big deal if they do, no big deal if they don’t. they are of little or no consequence. imo.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:28 am

Button – there’s stuff that’s worth compromising and there’s stuff that’s just stupid. Some grown woman whining about being called “girlfriend” is just stupid. Where’s the compromise in that? coddling her? treating her like the baby she’s acting like? please. In this case, compromise is rewarding negative behavior.

2CPTG©

March 27th, 2014
9:29 am

disco, granted, I have a FB page (which I rarely frequent anymore), I don’t see how/why grown folks get all wrapped up about it….to me, it’s another fad that’s soon to fade out….

speaking of the Book…Swiss (since you can appreciate tech stuff), did you see where FB aquired Oculus, that new virtual reality tech company….me, you and any other techies need to have a sit down and bounce some ideas around, these venture capitalists are throwing money at these start-ups!!!!

Reio

March 27th, 2014
9:29 am

Let’s be honest here. If she and I are seen together at the movies, grocery store, social gathering.., her status, in the minds of observers, instantly, becomes ‘girlfriend/wife’. If he takes her to a picnic and just introduces her as, oh, I don’t know, let’s say, ‘Anna’. Well, guess what? In the hearts and minds of everybody he introduces her to, she immediately goes from his girlfriend to, ‘Anna’, his girlfriend. But she is too stupid to realize this and actually wants to ear him say “girlfriend”. Ole boy is gonna have some problems with this one fo sho, down the road.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:33 am

to some ppl titles are important – different strokes different folks.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:33 am

Reio – I agree. Rather than compromise with her I suggest he dump her and let her go find a “boyfriend” who wants to run around advertising his “girlfriend”. lol.

2CPTG©

March 27th, 2014
9:37 am

“to some ppl titles are important”

yeah, to folks who feel insecure about something…..when I was in my 20’s climbing the corp ladder, I wanted nothing more than a fancy title behind my name…..shiiiid, the older I got, and more advanced in my field, the less I cared….you can call me “that dude that fixes the computers” for all I care….just pay me!

Leggs

March 27th, 2014
9:38 am

Is it unfair to keep the relationship status secret if it bothers her? – On FB, she’s upset that his status hasn’t changed to “in a relationship.” Get a life. That is so not important in the big scheme of things. Good grief! Social media is not important. What’s important is his he treating her like a gf in her eyes? Broadcasting your relationship on social media is so childish to me. Concentrate on what the two of you are doing as a couple.

Good morning.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:40 am

2C – exactly. and that’s on a professional tip. on the relationship tip I can only see the title mattering when there are some folks in competition for said title. re luda – “wife/girlfriend or main B”. I imagine those chicks might be sweating the title. it ain’t that real though. know your lane, stay in it and respect the truth. lol.

Morning leggs.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:48 am

I’m really digging The Man by Aloe Blacc

YesSheIsCute

March 27th, 2014
9:51 am

Where is Heidi!?

DuShawn

March 27th, 2014
9:52 am

speaking of music, how bout everytime I listen to Jazmine Sullivan’s ” I’m in love with another man” my eyes get a little watery……don’t judge me. (I guess I be thinking bout if my ole lady said that to me)

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:53 am

A secure man wouldn’t have a problem introducing his gf as his gf. I’m minding my business at my desk and a colleague comes to introduce his gf well SO to me he said Button this is Clara my Sig Clara this is Button. I said ok nice to meet you. Then they took off in the sunset. I’ve had many colleagues introduce their gf/Sig to me using their title. On the flip side I’ve had colleagues say nothing no introduction just quiet. And the gf/bf what have you introduce themselves.

Button

March 27th, 2014
9:55 am

Also digging Demons by Imagine Dragons.

Reio

March 27th, 2014
9:57 am

I had a problem, way back when. Not sure why I did, but, I did. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn’t a problem, maybe it was just a concern of mine. Anyway, most of the time, in a new relationship, days or, a week or two, they wanted to get me to take them to meet their friends, family, co-workers… I don’t recall them, early on, introducing me as their boyfriend. Just “This is Reio”. Which was fine with me. The concern I had was the fact that they were so quick to have people meet me. I didn’t really mind, I just felt awkward, cause I barely knew her myself.

The reason I say she wanted them to “meet me” as opposed to having me “meet them” was because of a slip of the tongue one of them had. “I want us to stop by my mom’s house, cause she said I got a letter from the IRS I need to pick up and I want to show you off-,uh, I mean, ah, I want her to meet you.” that’s when it hit me as to what she was up to so early in the relationship. And probably what the others were up to before and after her, when they seemed to be just as quick to have me meet their peeps. Maybe not, but this sure seemed to explain a lot. Boyfriend/girlfriend status is always assumed unless told otherwise.

2C – “….just pay me!” Couldn’t have said it better, if I tried. Hell.

Into the Light

March 27th, 2014
9:57 am

I think wanting to put your business on FB is messy and childish. That said, wanting to know where you stand with someone and what you mean to them is reasonable. But that’s a private conversation, not a status update.

Good morning, all.

disco

March 27th, 2014
9:58 am

Button – nice attempt at flipping the script. Make it about dude instead of the childish little letter writer. lol.

Button

March 27th, 2014
10:03 am

disco – lol flipping the script! we’ll she aint dating herself. You have two ppl together with difference in opinion on how they view things. It’s up to them to sit and figure it out. Instead of the reader writing she should voice her concerns to him.

Reio

March 27th, 2014
10:04 am

“…The Man by Aloe Blacc”, “… Jazmine Sullivan’s…”, “.. Demons by Imagine Dragons.”

Da hell is all this $h!t? Neva heard of’em. Probably good stuff, but I ain’t familiar wit-em. Oh well.

Button

March 27th, 2014
10:05 am

disco – he could very well be insecure, he could be a fat short balding man who is afraid of folks asking him how he landed such a catch.

Leggs

March 27th, 2014
10:05 am

Good morning, disco! You ready to use that uppercut today. Hell, you’re ready everyday (lol). Love it!

I agree, this is about her, not him!