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Dating: Expect them to wait?

My friend Seth is convinced he can figure out if a woman wants to sleep with him within minutes of meeting her. He said women show their attraction in a lot of different ways. Things like body language, conversation, eye contact, etc. are his indicators of attraction.

What he can never predict is how fast this will actually happen. It seems that the women he thinks will hook up with him on the first date turn out to expect him to wait a few months. The women who he expects to make him “work for it” a little harder often times surprise him with their eagerness. What is the lesson here? Women are not all the same, obviously!

If a woman expects a guy to wait, does it make it easy to build attraction or can it have the opposite effect? I know plenty of guys who prefer to wait and they sometimes get questioned on their true interest or sexual orientation. It’s all rather silly, if you ask me. Isn’t it really about finding common ground?

When you figure out that the person you are seeing views relationships and sex the same way as you do, things just seem to go well. The drama seems to happen when the two of you have different expectations. What do you do when you expect them to wait and they don’t feel like they should have to?

By Wise Diva

254 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

March 26th, 2014
7:26 am

Good morning everyone!

What do you do when you expect them to wait and they don’t feel like they should have to? Chuck ‘em! I’m grown and I move at whatever pace is comfortable for me. If you don’t like it, bye. If you don’t respect my feelings enough to wait for me to feel comfortable, then we are not compatible. I think it’s unreasonable to play these wait 5 dates, 90 days, 180 days wait games. But at the same time if it so happens to take that long for you to feel completely comfortable with said person then that’s how long it takes. If you don’t feel comfortable until engagement or marriage occurs then that’s your decision. But don’t do the hold out just arbitrarily just because some man who has been married fifty-eleven times wrote it in a book…

Celisea

March 26th, 2014
7:34 am

Diva said (about Seth)…. It seems that the women he thinks will hook up with him on the first date turn out to expect him to wait a few months. The women who he expects to make him “work for it” a little harder often times surprise him with their eagerness. What is the lesson here?

but said prior (about Seth)….

My friend Seth is convinced he can figure out if a woman wants to sleep with him within minutes of meeting her

Ummm, Seth THINKS he’s got women all figured out, but apparently he is TOTALLY confused…lol Po thang. He’s overthinking things waaay too much and showing IMO that he’s only about smashing (mostly). The only thing he’s right about is, women show their attraction different ways…IMO

Seth, boo….scratch all your theories and ideas and just go with it. Why are you wasting good brain cells tryna figure out if you’re gonna get some? How ’bout doing like the rest of these men (creeps and all) and get in there and do the dang thing…or at least pretend? I’m not advocating deception, but I’m saying, just be natural and let things flow. That will likely get you some over and above you pondering and trying to tell exactly IF and WHEN it’s gonna happen. The men I know are confident enough to know, if they say the right thing, “brang it” and DO THE RIGHT THING, it’s gonna happen. Noooo doubt.

My preference has always been a dude that can respect me…first and foremost, respect my body and just respect “respect.” I don’t do or deal or have dealt with disrespectful dudes. The first sign of that, and I’m gone…poof…done. Disrespect (whether verbally or in actions), will get you axed, and with the swiftness. I deal with grown men. I don’t deal with men that issue ultimatums cause you can’t wait. Please, don’t waste your time and more importantly mine. IMO, allowing a woman to do what works for her, is about patience and respect. It’s about a dude really wanting something and to see where things can go. You pressuring me (or any woman) for the drawers just shows you want nothing more than a smash session.

Celisea

March 26th, 2014
7:38 am

What do you do when you expect them to wait and they don’t feel like they should have to?

Ummmm, show a joker the door?? Yeah, why would you entertain someone “not feeling like they should wait?” Got no time fa dat! Get on away from me!

Button

March 26th, 2014
8:16 am

What do you do when you expect them to wait and they don’t feel like they should have to? ummm Good Bye! or you can play the game and make em wait even longer.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
8:18 am

Lawd, I hope this is not a preview of how the rest of my day is going to go…..I dropped my coffee in the parking lot on my way in to work. I manage to find some coffee thanks to a friendly co-worker. I go to regroup and eat my bagel, and whoa! I end up dropping it on myself and on the floor, cream cheese is everywhere. I roll back from my desk to pick the bagel up and end up stepping in it smearing it even more. :???:

Ashton, you can come on out now…

Lee

March 26th, 2014
8:27 am

Thinks Seth just wants to know how he can get it faster, then the game he’s playing now isn’t working to his liking.
Slim seems you are having the day I had yesterday, but my bagel landed right between my legs -

disco

March 26th, 2014
8:30 am

Good morning.

Slim – must say I laughed and I laughed good. you might just want to be still for a while. lol.

Button

March 26th, 2014
8:38 am

SlimNu – don’t fall out of your chair! lol I spilled my drink on the floor, rolled back to clean it up, while bending over in my chair I fell smack dab on my face. Too glad nobody saw it #embarrassed. lol

disco

March 26th, 2014
8:41 am

On topic: I’ll ignore most of seth’s issues and deal with the part about “building attraction”. For the most part I think it’s either there or it’s not. some people can grow on you over time, but do you really want to invest time on a person who may or may not grow on you? I also think with the whole “grow on you over time” thing there’s the risk that maybe they grew on you or maybe you have given up and decided to lower your standards. Could be you suddenly got deep and overlooked their physical shortcomings and accepted the person for who they are inside. so many possibilities?

Button – did all this happen this morning?

Button

March 26th, 2014
8:52 am

disco – the fall happened about 3 years ago.

disco

March 26th, 2014
8:55 am

Button –oh. you and slim were about to make a sister nervous. lol.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
9:09 am

disco – Yeah my boss was cracking up. He was like, you may want to go back to your car, start it up and start all over. lol

Button – OMG lmao! It’s not just me today…this lady that works down the hall just fell out in the lobby in front of everyone.

Button

March 26th, 2014
9:11 am

disco – lol just don’t bend over.

SlimNu – say whaaaa

Some days I’m too clumsy.

2CPTG©

March 26th, 2014
9:14 am

Seth…..wait for what? that’s what a rotation is for……c’mon, dude, you’re supposed to know this.

disco

March 26th, 2014
9:15 am

Slim/button – I have one friend who lives these incidences on the regular. So one rainy day she’s leaving for work. purse in one hand, coffee in the other. on the way to the car she slips in the mud and falls. Drops her purse spilling all the contents but holding her coffee cup straight up in the air. She gets her things together and gets ready to go back in the house to get herself together only to discover that she didn’t have her keys. She was locked out. now she’s covered in mud, stuck in the rain and locked out the dang house. that’s a way to start a morning. this is the same friend who went in the garage, tripped over her son’s skateboard, bust her kneecap, eventually went to the ER only to be told that she was pregnant. Her life is just like that. lol.

Button

March 26th, 2014
9:30 am

disco – wow just wow lol

disco

March 26th, 2014
9:45 am

Button – yep. that little surprise/accident/miracle/mistake/blessing is now 8 years old.

Button

March 26th, 2014
9:49 am

disco – awwww what way to find out you’re pregnant. I found out the old fashion way, missed period and morning sickness.

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
9:51 am

2C, Seth is just in the way. He doesn’t know what he is doing.

Button

March 26th, 2014
9:52 am

Seth thinks he has us figured out, hahahahaha silly man.

disco

March 26th, 2014
9:53 am

Button – another friend said she went for a regular checkup. Had no idea she was expecting. Said when they told her she just got dressed and left. she didn’t even get her checkup, didn’t say anything to anyone. Just rolled out. lol.

Leggs

March 26th, 2014
9:55 am

“Things like body language, conversation, eye contact, etc. are his indicators of attraction.” – I had to chuckle at “eye contact” because basically it doesn’t necessarily convey interest but moreso respect. You should look at the person you’re speaking with.

If a woman expects a guy to wait, does it make it easy to build attraction or can it have the opposite effect? – It can work either way. What’s not cool is to string someone along simply to see how they handle things. If you want to jump their bones, jump them.

An absolute nightmare getting to work this morning and waking up at 7:30 certainly didn’t help matters!

Bah humbug….good morning (I guess…lol).

What do you do when you expect them to wait and they don’t feel like they should have to? – This is an easy one….NEXT!

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
9:58 am

Women know if they are going to sleep with someone right after meeting them, some men can pick up on the same vibe. Now when that happens is the question, just hang in there and wait..if that’s your goal.

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
10:00 am

LOL t the name “Seth” yeah he’s a player! (sarcasm)

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

March 26th, 2014
10:05 am

Good Morning!

Seth probably is around 25 to 35 yrs old talkin bout how long it takes or he can tell when they want to sex him. Just like Eve fell for the apple, most ladies will fall in line once you learn how to watch, wait and pounce. Quite a few ladies have a flexible time line when it comes to having sex, it can always be moved up….hehehehehehe!

SlimNu…..U are in need of my services, I will help you with your coordination and balance. Class starts this Saturday at 10am.

Whew we have many women getting pregnant once they get past forty, men unless you want a child you not only need to wear condoms you need to get it SNIP>>>>>>> My Common Sense tip of the day!

Button

March 26th, 2014
10:05 am

disco – there’s a show about women who didn’t know they were pregnant. I call BS on that, there’s no way you carry a baby for 9 months and not know you’re preggo. The baby moves, kicks and sometimes claw the shidd out of ya.

disco

March 26th, 2014
10:10 am

Button – I think a lot of people would call BS on it but actually I understand how it can happen. not everyone has the same symptoms. not everyone gains a lot of weight. not everyone misses cycles. Things happen.

Elijah – several of my friends had those “late life” babies. only one of them was trying to. the others just found themselves caught up. lol.

Button

March 26th, 2014
10:13 am

disco – bs, not everyone has the symptoms but babies GROW! you tell me you deliver an 8lb baby and nothing grows on you? lol no hips spreading? no t its growing, and last but not least the baby doesn’t even move?

YesSheIsCute

March 26th, 2014
10:15 am

They were just talking about pregnancy and kids in our morning meeting. I’m not sure if I feel some type of way about not having a biological kid…….

Button

March 26th, 2014
10:15 am

then you have the ones that fake being preggo and go and steal a baby.

YesSheIsCute

March 26th, 2014
10:18 am

Button there’s a lady at my job that didn’t know she was pregnant with kid number five. She didn’t know until she went to the emergency room for something and they were like well you’re x months pregnant. She is on the thicker side so the weight gain or change she just thought she was gaining weight. I also met a lady 8 months pregnant from my mom’s company who didn’t look pregnant at all. She was tall and it seemed like the baby was probably positioned high up in her chest and hadn’t dropped yet. She was a bit fleshy and her stomach wasn’t big so…idk. I guess once the baby drops she will look pregnant.

disco

March 26th, 2014
10:20 am

Button – I’ve heard cases of babies being lodged behind ribcages in which case the stomach doesn’t grow. Then some chicks are so big to begin with that those few little baby pounds don’t make much difference. aside from that, not everyone gains a lot of weight pregnant. Some folks stay skinny and cute while pregnant while others just look gi-normous. People kill me with that “this is baby weight” mess. that baby weighed 6 pounds. No need for you to gain 60. ijs. lol.

Yes – exactly. I get how it can happen.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
10:22 am

disco (re 9:15) Well dayum…i’m sorry for your friend but I had to crack up :lol: I’m glad I didn’t spill the hot coffee all over myself ;-)

then you have the ones that fake being preggo and go and steal a baby

Button – I think we discussed that chick that kidnapped a pregnant neighbor…held her hostage and eventually tried to cut the baby out of the girls stomach. She ended up getting away some how. Just madness!

Single and Happy

March 26th, 2014
10:25 am

Hello everyone

I can wait, not trying to read minds.

Button, trying googling, there are several stories where people didn’t know they were pregnant until they were actually giving birth.

Leggs

March 26th, 2014
10:26 am

And then you have the woman in the news yesterday that met her husband online and 4 months later told him she was pregnant….with quintuplets. He was overjoyed. 9 mos later she had to tell him she was never pregnant. She first said she was having twins, then triplets and then the five (lol). It was reported that she may have had a “phantom pregnancy,” in which a woman convinces her body that she is pregnant. In such cases the woman gets symptoms of a pregnancy, such as swollen stomach and missed periods. She is receiving psychiatricc care and her husband is returning all of the gifts,

More news Stories

LIVE: 12 News coverage Aux 11

Dust storm moves through the Valley

March 25, 2014, 11:13 p.m.

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
10:26 am

Question for the fellas, ladies chime in if you can.

Can you respect a man who’s wife has no respect for him. I’ve known this guy for over ten years, he’s been married for the last 5. I didn’t meet his wife until maybe their 2nd year. I’m not one of those who hung around wives or married people to much). He’s always been out for the quick hustle and money, always changing jobs and always moving(never seen anyone get so many high paying jobs before, it’s like he’s there before he gets caught doing some shade with the books). Since he’s gotten married he’s slowed down a bit, I’ve never judged him for what he does or how he operates. He had to go away for 19 months(white collar) So anyway while he’s gone I introduce his wife to my wife, just so that we can look after her without me having any one on one time with his wife. So lastnight the hammer drops. I go to pick up my wife from dinner that she is having with his wife. It seems that she’s been fed a lie, about their home(it’s rented not owned), their cars(the one he said he sold actually got repo’d and the others are not in his name)..I get that update in about a minute after my arrival. Obviously he’s been robbing Peter to pay Paul and it’s all coming to a head with him gone. I look at my wife and tell her this has nothing to do with me or us and let’s go. In the car of course I ask her why is she entertaining this mess…but those two are now friends..and I have to hear the whole story on the way home(tons of shade). So now I know that she is cheating on him. Now the challenge is this, I now know that this guy isn’t on the up and up and now that I do know… I am really disappointed. He’s the guy that is always flashing money and trying to pick up the tab or show out with the latest greatest, but that’s just him. I told him I would look out for his family while he was gone. I did tell my wife to tell his wife that if she’s cheating that the new guy needs to pick up the slack that we are carrying. LOL, on the outside looking in, seems his wife got caught up in what she thought was real. He’s going to call this weekend, going to be pretty hard for me to fake like I don’t know anything.

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
10:27 am

Longest post ever by me! Where is my trophy?

DuShawn

March 26th, 2014
10:30 am

I never gave much thought to the waiting. Grown folks don’t put a lot of emphasis on that. We both are fully aware of the purpose of my presence (and presents.) When she decides to bless me with that gift is on her and if she decides not to, that’s cool too.

Button

March 26th, 2014
10:33 am

Yall – I just can’t phantom it being true. Yes if you are over weight then that might be possible but for someone slim and trim I doubt it. You beileve anything your mind tells you and if you don’t believe you’re preggo guess what you aint preggo until delivery. That’s just like women being preggo in their mind having all the symptoms of being preggo but isn’t. Phamtom pregnancy is what it’s called. Also all those stories of her not knowing she was preggo she always says “I gained a lil weight but I thought it was bc I was eating too much”.

Leggs

March 26th, 2014
10:35 am

Purple ~ you say the guy she’s cheating with needs to pick up the slack you and your wife are handling. Are you guys paying her bills or something or are you just talking about the emotional slack you guys give.

If I knew a man that was not respected by this wife and he stays married to her, I’d probably not respect him either. A wussy man is such a turnoff.

Button

March 26th, 2014
10:37 am

what’s sad is when you’re not preggo but you look preggo. I made a mistake and said to a colleague “ohh congrats on your baby” she looked at me and said “Im not preggo” It was a palmface moment. lol

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
10:37 am

Trophy? Um, usually we issue citations for something that lengthy. Maybe Leggs will find it in her heart to just issue you a warning and maybe a church hug lol

disco

March 26th, 2014
10:38 am

Purple – yep. you deserve a trophy (or something) for that. we are going to have to work on your summarization skills. lol. having said all that, I’m with your initial reaction. That mess ain’t none of y’all’s business. even if the wives are friends, it’s still not your business. your wife can be supportive of her friend if she chooses but it sounds like dude is dirty and y’all might want to start distancing yourselves now in case there is some fallout. His wife might be innocent of hubs’ wrongdoings but she also might be involved and more than likely is. You just never know.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
10:38 am

When she decides to bless me with that gift is on her and if she decides not to, that’s cool too

DuS – What I can’t stand is when dudes cop and attitude because you don’t give him what he expects, WHEN he expects. Moist ass dudes

Single and Happy

March 26th, 2014
10:41 am

Purple, no my problem, not my business. wouldn’t have to fake anything.

Leggs

March 26th, 2014
10:44 am

SlimNu ~ I’m sitting here contemplating what to do with Purple’s long post. I am taking into consideration that it’s his first lengthy post ever. So, in that regard Purple….No soup for you!!!

You’ve been warned because I like you and it’s your first in the history of you blogging. Next time, I will tax that wallet!!!

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
10:44 am

Purp – I have a hard time respecting a dude that feels he needs to be a show-off or act like he has it going on. That just doesn’t sit well with my personality because I could care less what you drive or how much you spend. So to rob Peter to pay Paul all for the sake of show seems very dumb to me. If I was his lady, it would be hard to respect him after finding out about all those lies and obviously the situation I’d now have to deal with while he’s locked up.

Purple Reign

March 26th, 2014
10:46 am

Leggs, we give her about $700 a month to help with utilities and groceries. She has a job but it’s not enough to pay for everything if anything, but she’s making an effort. She also brings their kid over to my parents to stay with ours while she is at work. When the snow was heavy we would drive into town so I could shovel out her car some mornings, just little things. Thing is these lies were new to me as well. I’d just hate to break it to him over the phone that his wife and all of us know the truth. I’m not going to visit him…knowing me I will probably just tell him over the phone that he needs to come up with a plan. He doesn’t need to pay me back, but needs to get his life in order and he needs to check his wife for stepping out on him.

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

March 26th, 2014
10:48 am

SlimNu…I have no expectations but you will give it to me! hehehehehe!

Purple….Although you made the committment to assist financially and you introduce the wife to your friend’s wife. You now have to lay down the law, you cannot assist her when the goodies are being provide to another man. Dude in prison can do much about the situation, let him handle that when he gets out.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2014
10:49 am

Wow, you all are doing a lot for her…it’s such a blessing to have friends like that. Does the fact that the wife is now cheating, make you not want to help her despite the fact she was lied to?