accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Should we still expect fidelity?

There are so many excuses, explanations, and reasons people cheat on their partners. Any relationship can get tested by fidelity but it seems like we are being naive to expect our mates to actually stay faithful.

You can tell that our “pop” culture places emphasis on infidelity as if it is normal and acceptable. I wonder if this will continue to impact how we view love and commitment? With terms like side chick, main chick, having a woman on the side appears common and cool. Maybe I am old school, but since when does being somebody’s extra curricular activity become something that makes you proud?

Do you believe that we accept infidelity as a part of being in a committed relationship? Do we even expect our partners to stay faithful?

By Wise Diva

249 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

March 25th, 2014
5:08 am

Good morning! FIRST :lol:

Funny, I was just talking to my daughter about this on Saturday. I personally don’t think fidelity is too much to ask for. However, a lot of guys act like it’s too much to ask for. Especially in long distance relationships which is why I can no longer subscribe to those. You mean to tell me if a guy is having a hard time being faithful when you both live together or in the same metro area, do you think you can really trust someone to be faithful when you don’t even live nearby?

I expect you to keep your work if we agree to date exclusively. You better be sure this is what you want. If at ANY time you’re not, let me know so I can go on about my business. I’m sure there’s someone out there that would treasure this and be faithful to it.

YesSheIsCute

March 25th, 2014
5:09 am

word* not work

Lee

March 25th, 2014
7:00 am

Good Morning,
Yes i do expect you to be faithful if you can’t please let me know – make sure your bags are packed. I get irritated when i hear “side chick, main chick, the wife, etc” if you are messing with so many women none of them are anything to you, the wife is the maid,side chick is the prostitute…… what is so glamorous about that!!!!! If i am your wife and find out now im the maid you better hurry and collect your stuff, also i want back pay for all my duties….cause if you stay you are about to fall on hard times “this maid steals and has a tendency to shred stuff (its like having a tick) so sorry i just can’t help myself–just like you having a problem keeping your little hotdog in your pants..its a tick for tack thing.. don’t get mad just get gone!

Single and Happy

March 25th, 2014
8:11 am

Hello everyone

Infidelity isn’t something that just started happening, nor is it something that people have just started to accept. There has always been and always will be a part of society that thinks a piece of a man is better than no man at all. Then only thing you can do is decide what you’re willing to deal with, and act accordingly.

Morning Yes, So have some trust issues I see.

SlimNu

March 25th, 2014
8:15 am

Yes, I expect fidelity and I make my excuses for it.

Good morning!

Heidi Golighty

March 25th, 2014
8:36 am

Good Morning!

I think fidelity is a lot to expect if you are dealing with someone whom A) you are trying to force into a relationship B) someone that is incapable of committing

That’s why it’s always best for women to refrain from sex until they are sure (married to the right one) of who they are dealing with.

I expect fidelity so I won’t settle if I can’t have it. It’s one thing to be cheated on behind my back but if I’m in a position where I know what you’re up to , it’s stupid for me to stay and expect fidelity. I’m out. What one man won’t do, another man will do.

Some people think that men are incapable of being faithful but that’s a crock. They are perfectly capable of being faithful only to a woman whom they want to be faithful to.

Not all women have the qualities that make a man say, yep I’m just going to be faithful.
Being a woman, does not mean you have all it takes to make a man faithful. It just means you have a vagina.

Only a man can decide when or to who he wants to be faithful to. No matter how banging you think you are, if you aren’t what that man wants, he can or will cheat on you.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
8:37 am

Murnting!! Beautiful day outside. BBL on topic :)

Single and Happy

March 25th, 2014
8:50 am

Heidi, what about the women that cheat? it’s not just a man thing you know!

disco

March 25th, 2014
8:54 am

Good morning.

I feel about this topic the same way DL Hughley feels about debt and bill collectors. He says they ask when they can expect payment and he responds with you can expect payment whenever you want to expect it. don’t mean you’re going to get it. the same goes for fidelity. I feel like the best you can do is hope for it. if you get it, great. If you don’t get it but don’t realize that you aren’t, well that might not be so bad either. you surely cannot be positive about what someone else is or is not doing.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
8:58 am

Morning all!

Well, I’ve been a one woman man my whole life. Years ago there was just me. No real responsibilities, no wife, no kids…Just me. So, there was a time in my life when I wasn’t as concerned about the future as I later became. During those times, I must admit, I wanted to play around. Hell, the way I saw it, my girlfriend at the time was, well, just that, a girlfriend. Nothing more. Not that I took them for granted or didn’t respect them, but I didn’t see much beyond our just being boyfriend/girlfriend. I will say this though, there were times when I wanted to stray. Thought about it. But never did. Believe it or not. I perceived there to be too much of a risk involved. I was so damn fine(still am actually) that I knew that any other women that I got physical with would fall madly in love(If they weren’t already) that they would mess up my real thang with the current woman. Jus sayin.

YesSheIsCute

March 25th, 2014
9:03 am

Good morning Single. I don’t have trust issues, but most people lie and most people are not trustworthy. If a guy tells you he chooses you and wants you in his life, he’s probably less likely to cheat than someone you had to corner to get into a relationship with. Women do cheat as well. It all boils down to knowing what you want. If you are 100% you want me then we probably won’t have any 3rd party problems (and vice versa).

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:04 am

Here’s another thang. Years ago, the only thing that stopped Cindy Brady from ‘The Brady Bunch’ and Thelma from ‘Good Times ‘ from being torn up into 47 different pieces by me, was cause they just happened to be inside that lil bitty azz black and white TV set we had. Had it not been for that, I wudda dried up the damn Indian Ocean wit them heffas. Girlfriend or not. Hell.

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:05 am

Reio – you kills me with cindy brady. Just imagine. Jan would have been going “cindy cindy cindy”. lol.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:09 am

disco – I had som’n for Jan azz too. Hell. And if Alice just happened to be in the kitchen when I got ready to leave, I wudda pulled her damn dress up too. Marsha didn’t do much for me though. Don’t quite know why.

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:11 am

Reio – my brother had a serious, serious crush on joanie cunningham from happy days. my son had a thing for the girl who played Topanga on boy meets world.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
9:17 am

First off, you shouldn’t expect what you can’t or won’t do or be your dang self. Folks kill me with “leaving the wife lickety split if she cheats, but she betnot.” You expect it to be all guud? Then be willing to be all guud yaself. And yes, I expect to be treated like the lady that I am, therefore I always give a hunnerd.

Not all women have the qualities that make a man say, yep I’m just going to be faithful.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to disagree. That’s like saying what you eat, makes me poop. Well, no person can “make” you be faithful, as much as “make” you cheat. Being faithful is a choice. No different than the choices we make everyday, in all aspects of life. To be, or not, is just another part of life. Unless someone places a trigger to the temple and place pressure, I don’t want to hear it…even then you still have to decide.

Now, if you feel you SO is not “worthy”, whatever that mean, since you CHOSE this person, then you do the honorable thing and excuse yourself from that relationship, but I don’t care how fine…or not, if she or he ain’t like your previous boo, that’s nothing to do with us owning your decisions, choices. Frankly I find it a load of crock to blame someone else for your indiscretions. She’s (or he) too fat, too lazy, not sexy enough, not fine enough, not smart enough, blah blah blah, then leave. But don’t say you did it because of where he or she is failing. That’s the old banana in the tailpipe.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
9:20 am

“leaving the wife lickety split if she cheats, she betnot”…..is how this should have read. I was taking some stuff out

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:22 am

disco – Oh, it wudd’nt just a crush. When I got through wit’em, they wudd’nt be recognizable. And if I could’ve gotten my hands on Aunt Bee from ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ I would’ve put som’n on her azz as well. See, I just tell it like it is

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:25 am

Reio – where you from again? just trying to get a gauge on your taste. lol. were these your choices because television options were limited or did you really truly have a thing for these chicks? lol.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:28 am

Cel – I agree, it’s a choice. Some people are stronger than others and can resist temptation. Others? Well, not so much. This kind of stuff used to get me strange looks when I would ask women I dated about being faithful to each other. I guess they were taken aback cause I wanted to know so early in the relationship (Just days). I asked anyway.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:34 am

disco – I’m from Birmingham. You gotta remember, I was a child myself, with these thoughts. Didn’t really fully understand what I was feeling. But I shole was feelin it. I’m just reflecting on my youth and what it would have taken for me to cheat, if I were to. These chicks would have done it for me. Don’t know what that says about my taste or anything else. Frankly, I don’t care what it says. Can’t help what you like.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
9:35 am

Reio – I definitely agree that some are stronger than others. I guess that’s when it comes to making sure you keep out of harm’s way. But, yeah, I can imagine, even being a choice, that sometimes it’s challenging.

Leggs

March 25th, 2014
9:39 am

Is this a trick question? Yes, one should expect fidelity. Why go into an “exclusive” relationship thinking you’re sharing your mate? Who does that? If you don’t want to be exclusive, SPEAK UP!

Good morning!

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:44 am

Leggs – good morning. I would imagine many people do just that. I would imagine that many are perfectly fine in their position as “the main one” be that wifey or just “the main girlfriend”. to them, that’s a victory in and of itself. for some, it’s just that “love thang”. You know love makes folks overlook all kinds of things. they’ll tell themselves it’s just sex. it doesn’t mean anything. he/she loves me. yep. I imagine many people go into and stay in relationships knowing exactly what’s up.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:45 am

I can’t speak from experience, but it would seem to me that cheatin requires too much work. Too much planning. Scheming. Ducking. Dodging. All for a lil piece. Could be a pretty good piece, I suppose, but it would seem that there is much too much work involved.

Button

March 25th, 2014
9:48 am

Fidelity for me is in the confounds of marriage. Until I’m married I can’t expect him to be faithful, I can only hope I’m the only one he is involved with. I’m not going to be stupid and say just bc we’re in a commited relationship that he won’t seek other women. I keep an open eye knowing that he might stray. Tempatation is all around. If he’s a weak man with no self control and he strays then I have to decide whether I will stay or go.

You can’t commit adultry if you’re not married.

Good morning!

Button

March 25th, 2014
9:49 am

temptation is all around me too. I might stray just as well.

Fay

March 25th, 2014
9:50 am

Mornin

Yes I expect fidelity …even though I have been disappointed countless times. I have a strong will power I can be faithtul – I end it if I want to be with someone else something about sleeping/kissing/etc with more than 1 person irks the heck out of me.

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:53 am

Reio – you forget “the best man theory” that the only thing better than coochie is new coochie. A lot of guys subscribe to that theory. cheating is only too much work to those who actually care about getting caught. Not everyone who gets caught has something to lose or rather something to lose that they actually care whether or not they lose. lol.

Button

March 25th, 2014
9:54 am

I’ve strayed, he’s strayed. It’s a part of life and there’s absolutely nothingyou can do about it. You can’t put too much stock in another human being. Some are weak some are strong. He/she might not stray on you but he/she may have with someone else. It’s a never ending circle.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
9:57 am

Button – You hit it on the head. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, you can only hope they are faithful. Cause after all, that’s basically what you are, boyfriend/girlfriend. It could end overnight. Husband/wife, well, that’s another thang entirely. Fidelity is an absolute must. Unless you (Button) and I are married, and I just happen to see Aunt Bee from ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ outside hangin the washing on the line, then all bets are off. Cause her azz would be walking funny and singing negro spirituals for eight days after I finish with her. Gomer, Goober, Floyd the barber, Barney…errrrrbody in Mayberry would be out lookin for my azz. And that’s no lie.

disco

March 25th, 2014
9:58 am

I note that a lot of people equate cheating with being weak. I suppose it’s because of the aspect of not being able to resist temptation. We still have to consider that not everyone is out to resist temptation. Some actively go out and seek temptation. They don’t succumb to it. they don’t fall prey to it. they choose it. I don’t know that I’d necessarily call them weak. From a certain point of view, they are strong. They set a goal and they took the necessary steps to accomplish said goal. Who am I to judge the goal? lol.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
10:01 am

Well, if you can’t be faithful before the marriage, ya dang shole likely won’t be afterwards. Again, banana in the tailpipe if he says fidelity kicks in post vows. Fidelity IMO is not about, “we ain’t married, I’m not cheating really.” For me, fidelity is about character and control. Knowing what you stand to lose if you make the wrong decision. Being able to weigh your pros and cons….If I do, what? If I don’t, what? Without it sounding too brash, a woman (or man for that matter) is silly to think fidelity should and can only rightfully start sans the vows. What you see ahead of marriage is likely what you’ll get during the marriage.

I have a few dude friends, we’re older now with our own stuff going on so we ain’t hanging like that, but we keep in touch and meet up sometimes. For those that just won’t, they ALWAYS said, “she knew what I was before I married her.” So, yeah, wait on it…lol

So if a dude runs around on you, before you marry, while agreeing to be committed (and y’all know my stance, our actions places us there, not so much words), and tells you “we ain’t married”, and that’s okay for you, then you just got the old heave-ho

Fay

March 25th, 2014
10:02 am

To me if someone cheats when not married …how much harder will it be to not cheat while married? The behavior might be hard to stop even though the intention is to be faithful.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
10:02 am

Well, I’m gone to do my work. I have a client tour and luncheon tomorrow, and will likely be out of pocket about 4 hours……so I need to work.

Toodles!!! Make it a grandtastic day :mrgreen:

YesSheIsCute

March 25th, 2014
10:04 am

Disco there’s a certain self-control involved with resisting temptation. I think it’s great for the guys and gals that know better than to put themselves (or allow themselves to be put) into a situation which would cause them to do something they don’t need to be doing. But what deserves an award is when it falls in your lap and you push it off and say nahhhh I’m good and leave. Most people don’t know what to do when it falls in their lap.

YesSheIsCute

March 25th, 2014
10:05 am

Monogamy is not a tree…. If that is not who you are PLEASE let me know. There are plenty of women who subscribe to the whole co-girlfriend, co-wife thing. I am not one of them.

DuShawn

March 25th, 2014
10:09 am

All my concubines are faithful.

Celisea

March 25th, 2014
10:09 am

Not “sans the vows”, but “post” vows. Just went back and re-read that

disco

March 25th, 2014
10:10 am

Yes – I understand self-control and temptation my point is simply that everyone essentially gets to define their own temptation. What tempts you today may not tempt you tomorrow and there may or may not be serious consequences for succumbing. there may be a chocolate cake in someone’s kitchen that is calling their name all day long meanwhile no one else in the house gives a hoot about that chocolate cake. outside relationships for some aren’t about temptation, they are about entitlement. Yep, I believe some folks feel like they are entitled to do just what they want to do.

Sassy Me...juicy fruit ;-)

March 25th, 2014
10:12 am

This should be interesting…

On topic: I expect from a relationship what I put into it. If we’ve had the talk about exclusivity and have mutually agreed to take our relationship to the next level then I will gladly represent and stay true to my man….and I expect him to do the same. If/when that changes and he cheats…well I’m out and I don’t want to hear isht about trying to work it out….muh f.ck that…all bets are off.

Bon Jour blog!!

Ca va?

Button

March 25th, 2014
10:13 am

Some ppl make a decision of not adding new ppl on. I still say that cheating/infidelity/adultry is for marriage. If he/she add new ppl on while you’re dating/relationship and you find out, YOU have a choice of leaving or staying. you can expect fideltiy all day every day but if that person doesn’t feel the say way or don’t come thru then…ijs

Reio

March 25th, 2014
10:14 am

YSIC – You ain’t neva lied. The people that can have it fall into their laps and still resist deserve some accolades, not because they did the noble thing, but they were tempted, but found the strength to resist. No matter how strong your love for your mate is, if it hits you in the face, even the strongest of us can be moved to partake. The closest I ever came was that lil incident I mentioned on here before, involving my former sister-in-law. Man, was it ever close. Whew!!

Button

March 25th, 2014
10:15 am

Sassy – ain’t that the truth!

Button

March 25th, 2014
10:17 am

Du – LOL good choice of word. That’s really what you are when you’re dealing with unmarried men with his harem of women. I ain’t being no concubine though. LOL

Button

March 25th, 2014
10:20 am

Fay – To me if someone cheats when not married—> you can not cheat if you’re not married! You meet new ppl want to include him/her in your life at whatever level and see them too. You owe no one nothing until you make a vow between you and the Most HIgh.

disco

March 25th, 2014
10:21 am

Button – don’t sleep on concubines. In some cultures it’s not necessarily the order of marriage that matters but who produces the most sons. “last wife” can easily surpass first wife just by having more sons.

Button

March 25th, 2014
10:29 am

disco – that could be true but I don’t know much about concubiange so I can’t say. But that’s generally what is happening when it comes to dating. Men seek out other women to add to their (silent) harem.

disco

March 25th, 2014
10:33 am

poor american men. too bad they don’t really understand what responsibilities come with a harem and concubines and multiple wives. Most of these jokers can barely support themselves let alone maintain a household with one wife and a couple of kids. typically the more wives a man takes is related to his wealth not his prowess. The first wife is often an arranged marriage while he gets to choose the additional wives. Anyway, you can tell I read too much. carry on. lol.

Reio

March 25th, 2014
10:36 am

I don’t see myself cheatin. But I will say this. While it’s a choice in any event, for me, to increase the likelihood of my cheatin, would be for her to cheat first. I can’t swear to this, but if my wife cheated, well, guess what? All of a sudden and just like that, it’s fixin ta be some cheatin going on sho nuff!! Damit! Yo azz cheated? Now, it’s my turn, hell. And I’ll start wit yo cousin Tameeka. Been kinda sly way had my eye on her azz anyway. Hell. Since we cheatin. Some people go to the casino and just play the slots. Not me. If I go, I’m slots, roulette, kino, poker, blackjack, 21…..If you gon cheat, I figure, Cheat out the azz.