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Don’t let friends ruin your romance

I have seen a lot of friendships and romantic relationships end because someone forgot about boundaries. There are some people who believe that their relationship should have the approval of friends and family. This makes it really tough to navigate when those people cross a line.

A friend dated a really nice woman but he actually ended things because she allowed outside folks to have a say in how she felt about him. I believe her young had something to do with this but some older folks never learn this lesson: loose lips sinks ships.

If you over share the details of your relationship it can backfire on you big time. A reader is dealing with this issue now. Her new boyfriend has a crew of meddling friends that seem to dislike her. Do you think this is a red flag?

Have you ever had a romance ruined because of the unsolicited opinions of other people? How would you handle dating someone who gave too much information about your relationship to friends and family?

By Wise Diva

280 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

March 24th, 2014
8:18 am

Good morning. People need to stop having relationships with their friends and have a relationship with the person they are dating. The End.

I let a relationship drag on because of an advice of a mutual friend instead of listening to my gut that it was a waste of time. Lesson Learned.

disco

March 24th, 2014
8:38 am

Good morning.

Yes – I hate to say it but I think your advice borders on crazy. You don’t abandon your friends just because you met a man/woman who may or may not last a week/a month/ a year. Your friends have already proven their worth/value to you and to dump them for a mere “possibility” shows your character and if that’s your character you probably don’t deserve the friends you have. We talk about “balance” on the blog all the time. find your balance and make room for everybody. if you meet someone and they want you to stop spending time with your friends/family you might want to consider that a huge red flag. ijs.

disco

March 24th, 2014
8:45 am

Yes – I’m just thinking. if you are willing to cut loose your friends, are you willing to cut loose your family? are you willing to deny your kids (i.e. susan smith). A new relationship should integrate not separate. Just my take. Now I guess I’ll sit back and wait for some of the others to show up.

SlimNu

March 24th, 2014
9:06 am

Gooood morning folks!

Button

March 24th, 2014
9:07 am

Yes – please clarify what you meant. I don’t think you meant dump your friends when you’re in a relationship.

disco – back off lol you’re already starting.

Her new boyfriend has a crew of meddling friends that seem to dislike her. Do you think this is a red flag? Yes and no. Everybody is not going to like you and if they do then that’s a huge bonus! I say she just continue to grow her relationship and to heck with his friends that have a problem with her.

How would you handle dating someone who gave too much information about your relationship to friends and family? I have to keep in mind that I’m just the gf and he has a family that loves him just as well and is looking out for his best interest. As for him telling his friends our business then we would certianly have a problem. He would have to nip that mess in the bud and grow a pair.

Good morning!

Single & Happy

March 24th, 2014
9:10 am

Hello everyone

Button

March 24th, 2014
9:11 am

I don’t tell ,well over share things that happens in any of my relationships. I only share what needs to be shared. When you tell the bad that goes on in your relationship all ears are burning to hear the juicy news but when you share good news most folks can’t handle it and they’re quick to remind you of all the bad that he/she’s done even if you both have moved on from it.

disco

March 24th, 2014
9:11 am

Button – back off? what? I ain’t starting nothing. just saying that I disagreed with a post. that’s allowed. Frankly, abandoning people for a relationship isn’t my style. I know who is for me and who is against me and I respect that. I’m loyal and I don’t turn on people. I’ve had folks pull away from me when they entered relationships. if they are mere acquaintances I do not welcome them back when their little raggedy relationship hits the bricks. Hopefully that helps them learn a lesson. if they are my core group of friends they get one pass.

Hey slim. Single.

Single & Happy

March 24th, 2014
9:20 am

Disco, you being mean this morning (LOL)

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:22 am

I’m sure all of us here are over 30, and we probably aren’t hanging out with friends like we once did, so our friends should not even be a factor when it come to dating, or pursuing an interest…I wouldn’t even call it a balancing act, ’cause my friends know who they are, and where they stand with me…..kinda on par with what disco said, “the new person” is the one who has to show him/herself worthy…

disco

March 24th, 2014
9:25 am

Single – mean? really? what??? lol.

Button

March 24th, 2014
9:31 am

disco – I don’t think Yes meant cutting friends off when you’re in a relationship. Yes where ya at? LOL

2C- what does age have to do with it? Heck I know some over 50 folks that will cut you off when they get a man.

Fay

March 24th, 2014
9:34 am

Mornin

Oh man tell me about friends ruining romances! Lesson Learned! I keep them separate. Most times if a guy is steady asking for his friends advice …sign of immaturity and maybe a dash of insecurity.I don’t ask for advice from friends – most of the time I have an idea of what I want to do and run it by them just for a different opinion but needless to say the final decision is mine and mine only.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:35 am

“what does age have to do with it?”

because after a certain age, you should be about your businsess, and not allow yourself to be influenced by anoyone….school aged kids fall to peer pressure, not adults; or at least they shouldn’t….and if someone I knew “cut” me off because they got involved with someone, then they better pray it lasts forever, cause, we’re done…..

disco

March 24th, 2014
9:37 am

Button – perhaps that isn’t what she meant but it is what she typed. “stop having a relationship with your friends” translates to “leave them the eff alone” or “stop associating with them” or whatever bubbly, sensitive way you want to put it. it all adds up to the same thing.

2C – re “cause we’re done” – ditto. I don’t play that mess. they better recognize.

Fay

March 24th, 2014
9:44 am

Thats silly…you get mad because your “friend” is in love and has temporary laspe of judgement and wants to spend all their time with their new boo…

I wouldn’t be mad at them for that ….I know plenty of folks who diasppeared after marriage …be happy for them they still my great friends ….some it didnt work …I was still there in the end.

Bluzgirl

March 24th, 2014
9:44 am

Morning!

disco – I think Yes meant that you should have a friendship with your friends and not be “dating” them…keep your friends, but have a relationship with your SO…know what I mean?

I think you should “hear” what your friends and family are saying, but then you should make decisions on your own. In the past, I wish I listened to my friends and family a little more…I wouldn’t have ended up being so hurt.

Celisea

March 24th, 2014
9:46 am

Have you ever had a romance ruined because of the unsolicited opinions of other people?

Nope…everyone that knows me, “already know”…mind your beeswax. I’m not a kid, and I’m not slow. I’on need unsolicited advice. I know how to tell you to dropdead…lololol

IMO, this topic is for those that’s not had enough experience to exercise their sense of discernment and being able to decipher. That comes with time and experience.

And even when you’re fully “grown”, still gotta watch folks….’specially in this day and age of folks being able to (cowardly) hide behind a screen!! Well, heck we ain’t dern supernaturals….if you lie behind the screen and pretend to be what you’re not, and play games, ummm who’s the idiot?? Certainly not your intended victim. You are…you’re the idiot for being an adult and playing games. A snake, a liar, a deceiver….nothing smart, bright or cute about that. You don’t get kudos for that and you’re certainly not talented. Heck, anybody (well not us up and up folks) with a keyboard and an evil streak can do that. The “intended victim” is not the idiot……..unless he or she wires 1.5MM….hahaha

Anyhoo (my bad, veered off there for a sec….lolol), we’re grown now, and us grown folks know how to be booed, have friends and family. It’s just not that hard. And if a dude is running his mouth, as in mitch-dom, as in tell all your business, push him over a cliff…lolol….be done with that.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:46 am

a lot of y’all, well, Fay, said you run stuff by your friends….please tell me why? My homies don’t pay my bills, ain’ gotta tell them $hit….they’on even need to know I gotta chic on my radar, let alone the intricacies of what’s happening….

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:48 am

Fay, there’s a diff between cutting someone off, and focusing on your new thing…..like I said earlier, ain’t even a balancing act…

Celisea

March 24th, 2014
9:49 am

And if I’m still needing advice from those around me….something is wrong with me…not him

disco

March 24th, 2014
9:50 am

Fay – that’s just it. “temporary lapse of judgment” might work in a courtroom it ain’t gone work with me. this has nothing to do with being mad or being jealous or anything else. just because you are “in love” doesn’t mean you have to be stuck on stupid. Don’t get brand new. It’s not a good look. and, because I’m realistic, I know the odds are that not every new S.O. that make someone giddy is going to be the one. how long am I supposed to ride the friendship rollercoaster? Through 1, 5, 10, 20, 50 possibles that don’t work out. puh-leeze.

Bluz – by definition friendships are relationships. essentially all interpersonal interactions are relationships. I recognize that you have to prioritize I just want to remind everyone to recognize who is really on their team before they go selling out.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:55 am

Button, this is what I was saying….~~~~> we’re grown now, and us grown folks know how to be booed, have friends and family. It’s just not that hard.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
9:57 am

this gal on a roll this morning…….~~~~> And if I’m still needing advice from those around me….something is wrong with me…not him

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
10:09 am

Leggs

March 24th, 2014
10:11 am

First and foremost, I don’t share my relationship with my friends. They are not privy to all that goes on in my relationship. If they meddle and ask too many questions, I’ll stop them and let them know this is my relationship not theirs. I don’t mind speaking on my relationship, but never in detail. Sometimes, people aren’t always happy for you. You’re true friends will respect your space and your relationship and bud out. I’m a grown woman and don’t need the approval of my friends or even my Mama to continue with a relationship. I own both my hard knocks and my soft knocks.

Good morning.

Celisea

March 24th, 2014
10:13 am

Well, I’ve had my coffee, bacon and raisin toast :) Time to get my workday crackalackin.

Ooooh, I brought turkey necks, rice and green beans (can you believe it) for lunch. You go, Celisea!!! :mrgreen:

Friday was beautiful, the weekend fantab! We got home late Saturday….dinner was fantab! I was dog tired and sleepy as heck in church yesterday, though…lol

Tooodles!!!

Button

March 24th, 2014
10:14 am

Bluz- II think Yes meant that you should have a friendship with your friends and not be “dating” them…keep your friends, but have a relationship with your SO…know what I mean?—> agree! that’s what I got from her comment.

2C- yeah that’s how grown folks are supposed to act buttttt alot don’t!

Friends look out for friends. how does the ad go–>friends don’t let friends drive drunk but friends will let them enter into unsavory unhealthy relationships. Not!

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:17 am

Hey leggs – funny. I jumped straight into “don’t turn your back on your friends mode”. I didn’t even address sharing your business. I’m private by nature so that’s not much of an issue for me. some folks tend to share more. they just can’t seem to hold water. I guess that can work for them or against them depending on who they do all that sharing with. I do know that I don’t believe outsiders can make or break your relationship. That’s all on you and your S.O.

Button – so explain to me the difference between a friendship and a relationship ESPECIALLY since folks in relationships love to claim they are dating or married to their best friend.

Fay

March 24th, 2014
10:18 am

2CP …hmm sometimes I can get in a talkative mood….like I said I do like different perspectives but the final decision is mine….

There is a saying about people who don’t like listening to advice… needless to say we are talking about friends …but there are people who can advise on certain situations and its not bad.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
10:19 am

…..y’all gals tombout but friends will let them enter into unsavory unhealthy relationships. Not!…..only tells me, somma y’all talk too much! y’all prolly the ones as soon as you see a dude that catches your eye, be all on the phone tombout, guuurrrllll….

Leggs

March 24th, 2014
10:23 am

{disco ~ I finally picked up the book again yesterday. I’m at the part where her baby has been taken from her, she’s been sold to the Jewish guy and has just met his wife. I’d like to think her hell won’t be as bad as it was with her previous owner. Looking forward to reading about the next chapter in her life!}

YesSheIsCute

March 24th, 2014
10:24 am

@disco what I meant with stop having relationship with our friends is that a lot of times we tell our friends what are problems are with significant other and ask for their opinion on how to handle it, what type of reaction we should expect,thereby having the relationship with them instead of with the significant other. The one you need to be talking to is the person you have the problem with.

I’m not advocating cutting off friends.

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:25 am

All this friends stuff has me thinking about how some folks insist their mom/daughter is their best friend. to each his own and all but I just wasn’t raised on parents and kids being friends. It violates the boundaries. My mom and I are cool. we aren’t friends. My son and I are cool. we aren’t friends.

2C – hush because it’s not beneath a dude to call and rave about some little honey/shortie/cutie/hottie/whatever that he met. ijs.

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:26 am

Leggs – deep sigh. You read so slow…….

Yes – okay. got it.

Button

March 24th, 2014
10:27 am

Yes – thank you for clearifying your earlier comment. Somebody was on a roll with it ahemm disco (sticking my tongue out at her) lol

disco – if you don’t know then I’m not about to tell you the difference.

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:30 am

Re keeping relationship stuff in the relationship. Let’s face it. everyone shares some things. some may be a bit more selective in what they share. Some only share the good and try to keep the bad to themselves. some do this because they don’t want the bad thrown back at them. thing is, folks with your true best interest at heart won’t do this (or at least they won’t do it to be hurtful – lol). THEN you have folks who don’t share the bad because they are fronting like everything is all good when it isn’t. the ones who go on and on about how wonderful “their boo” is and neither he nor their relationship is a fraction of all that wonderful. At the end of the day, as always, everything simply is what it is.

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
10:31 am

disco….you hush….dudes ain’t calling one another to talk about some broad he met, or smashed….

DuShawn

March 24th, 2014
10:31 am

I believe this “friendships impacting relationships” is primarily a female issue. I know of no man that gives a dayum about the next man’s relationship.

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:32 am

Button – I’ll simply take that to mean that you don’t know yourself. we talk all the time about remaining friends with exes. I just made a big to-do about not turning your back on friends. YET when folks break up they turn their back on their ex (their so-called friend) with the quickness. Again, I ask, would you mind explaining this to me (insert denzel here) like I’m a 5 year old?

Button

March 24th, 2014
10:38 am

disco – am not! You font to know everything so why should I boooother to explain imo of the difference? (saying in my mrs. hathaway voice)

Button

March 24th, 2014
10:39 am

2C- ….dudes ain’t calling one another to talk about some broad he met, or smashed….—>shiiid

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

March 24th, 2014
10:40 am

Good Morning!

I see no problem with folks sharing their relationship information with their friends and family members. Sometimes they see something that you may not see in that person, Now with that being said you should by now have the knowledge, maturity and smarts to make a grown-up decision on how you proceed/act/respond in with the relationship.

Dang it I did not win the March Madness 1 billion dollar pool.

Disco we aint done yet! lol

SlimNu….How are you doing beautiful? Are u going to Florida soon? :wink:

Elijah (The Durty Burd)

March 24th, 2014
10:43 am

Who on this blog on gets or gives weekend sex? hehehehehehe!

2CPTG©

March 24th, 2014
10:44 am

Button….I’on know what kinda dudes you know, or deal with, but the ones I know, and roll with, ain’t even up for conversation…..if we call one another it’s strictly bout business….what time we need to be where….no small talk….

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:45 am

Button – why can’t you simply just accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, I value your opinion? but no worries. keep your little opinion to yourself. lol. this world (or blog) is full of folks who don’t mind sharing their opinions.

Elijah – what you talking about?

disco

March 24th, 2014
10:45 am

2C – I know some of those same dudes that button knows and I’m sure you know a couple of them too. maybe it violates man-code to own it but it happens.

Natasha

March 24th, 2014
10:49 am

I was engaged and broke off the relationship (due to several factors) this was one of them. A few of his friends had “issues” with me, come to find out they only wanted to date me! When we broke up they came out the wood work.

DuShawn

March 24th, 2014
10:50 am

“….dudes ain’t calling one another to talk about some broad he met, or smashed” On the real, if some extraordinary shid happened with a new chick, I may share the story with a potnah, not in detail , but something like “Remember red with the legs from the club the other night, I hit that today.” That’s pretty much the extent of the conversation. Nobody really cares.

Button

March 24th, 2014
10:52 am

disco – you do not value my opinion. you counteract them!

2C- you may not do it but there are dudes who do.