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Should you recycle dates?

One of my friends stopped seeing a guy last year because he didn’t seem interested in an exclusive relationship. When she first met and dated him, she got this vibe that he was a player with many women on his agenda. When she ran into him this weekend he seemed more sincere.

Do you think people go through phases when they are more open to hooking up instead of dating? I believe it is possible that you can go through periods of “single for life” attitudes. You could then get over it and a new day arrives that finds you yearning for someone special.

Do you think recycling dates is a good idea? Is timing sometimes a big factor in who and why we date people?

By Wise Diva

268 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

March 18th, 2014
5:17 am

Good morning everyone! Not always a good idea. I was talking to a guy a couple years back. Gave him another chance…realized why I dont eff u x with him….he on that tomfoolery. Not everyone deserves to be recycled.

Lee

March 18th, 2014
7:01 am

Good Morning,
Do you think people go through phases when they are more open to hooking up instead of dating? Yes I do believe we all go though stages, no matter what our status is. Some after getting divorced ‘its party time” I know for me it was. Men when they are ready to get married their mind set changes until they reach that life is a party, so if you meet him in party phase believe him when he states “I do not want a relationship/kids/married”. Just wondering how many people know a guy that was in a relationship but didn’t want to get married only to break up and marry someone else right afterwards? It never happened to me but I know several ladies it did happen to…one girl friend was so upset she tried to run him over she was with him for 15 years .. 3 mths later after the break up (she was still hoping they would get back together)he is engaged.
Im running late dang time moves fast

Single and Happy

March 18th, 2014
7:39 am

Hey everyone

Phase, stages, call it what you want too, everyone is not looking for the same thing at the same time. That’s life.

Button

March 18th, 2014
8:10 am

Do you think people go through phases when they are more open to hooking up instead of dating? YES. I’m not in the same place I was last year this time. A couple of years ago I said I never wanted to remearry. But now look at me, I’m getting ready to embark on that journey of marriage. *sigh* We have a right to change our mind.

Recycling dates is not a good idea for me but for someone else it does work.

Everything is about timing whether it’s the wrong time or the right time.

Sngle – couldn’t have said it any better!

Good morning!

Button

March 18th, 2014
8:12 am

Single – oops I left the i out.

Purple Reign

March 18th, 2014
8:26 am

Some are worth a second shot. Speaking for myself I wasnt mature enough to know what I had the first time. Took some time and growth on my part to try for a round two.

disco

March 18th, 2014
8:48 am

Good morning. first things first I completely took recycle dates to mean something totally different. Guess me and diva aren’t tracking. I didn’t take recycle as re-use or re-purpose for yourself. I took recycle as put it in the blue/red/green container and put it out on the curb for someone else to deal with it. lol.

disco

March 18th, 2014
8:50 am

I’m not against recycling. I figure a lot of people will be because so many people are fond of saying “he/she is an ex for a reason”. I like to counter that with “you also dated them in the first place for a reason”. there’s always going to be good and bad, bitter and sweet. if you liked them the first time around AND you didn’t hate them during or after the breakup I say give it a chance.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

March 18th, 2014
8:51 am

Meeting someone at a different phase in life (whether because of “real life” experiences – the passing of someone; dating life experiences), they could exhibit a change in perspective and desire.

If when y’all initially met and y’all weren’t on the same page, and something changes, if you were fillin the person, why not?

Hopefully, you would have had some life experiences that may have changed your perspective, why not assume the same of them?

If they prove themselves to be stagnant, then move on; you’ve lost nothing.

Purple Reign

March 18th, 2014
8:56 am

Question is if you’re recycling or being recycled.

Reio

March 18th, 2014
8:56 am

Morning all!

Do what you want to do. Yes, people change. And maybe that person was not in the same place and mindset as you were back then. That’s fine. You’ll have to make that decision. If you go out with them again, maybe this time things will be different. I never did this though. I made what I called “Final” decisions. Once it ended, it ended.

Fay

March 18th, 2014
8:58 am

Mornin…

Yes timing can sometimes be off..if I like him and feel a connection I would give him another shot for the sake of timing if I am available.

disco

March 18th, 2014
8:58 am

Shalamar – second time around. lol.

disco

March 18th, 2014
9:00 am

Purple – you know I started to ponder that. are you the recycler or the recyclee? lol. I don’t think it matters. If you both go for it you both are fulfilling both roles unless of course you want to give the initiator favor and make them the recycler. It’s too early. My head is spinning.

Purple Reign

March 18th, 2014
9:06 am

Disco, mine is too. I also wonder if anyone here has been dumped and wanted a second chance.

disco

March 18th, 2014
9:10 am

Purple – I imagine many have been dumped and wanted a second chance. The line “please, baby, baby, please” didn’t come from nowhere. still pride is a bad boy. I think most of the gents will claim to have just dusted themselves off and kept it moving. I figure most of the blog chicks will claim to have cried for a bit and taken time off to get their heart and emotions back together. no one on this blog ever wanted a second chance, not from those “no good, no count, sorry, worthless, good for nothing, two-timing pitiful excuses for a man/woman”.

Reio – how was that? I toned down the language a lot because I’m trying to do better. lol.

2CPTG©

March 18th, 2014
9:14 am

maybe he/she got fine all of a sudden; maybe they lost some weight, and got that mole removed from the middle of their forehead, who knows……recycling can be good; ‘pends on who, and how you look at it….this is one of those case by case situations…..

example, if Cutie redeems herself, I’ll give her another shot on “Team 2″….

disco

March 18th, 2014
9:31 am

What? did everyone rush off to their local recycling center?

Purple Reign

March 18th, 2014
9:32 am

It’s recycle Tuesday.

Sassy Me ;-)

March 18th, 2014
9:35 am

second time around.

Let’s do it one more tiiiiiiiiiime!! Say it agaaaaain!!

Man I heard “Set it off” this morining and almost lost it in the car! That put me in a good mood!

On topic: Sometimes people are at/in differerent phases in life at any given time so it may not always work based on that aspect alone. Sometimes people have “life issues” that may or may not be a factor in their dating behavior at the present time…so I think depending on the situation second chances are only fair…but that’s at the discretion of those involved.

Me personally, I haven’t done a lot of recycling but if I like him enough then I’d give it a re-try…but with a slight side eye…don’t judge me..

disco

March 18th, 2014
9:39 am

Sassy – considering I met all my “great ones” (I got that from sonny in Bronx tale) in my 20s when I wasn’t ready and an everlasting cycle of “nobodies” from 30 and beyond I would quite possibly be willing to have a do-over or recycle. The only issues for me would be how much baggage he acquired during our apart years. if in the meantime he married, had 3 kids, divorced. It probably wouldn’t work. if he married, divorced but didn’t have kids – jackpot. lol.

Robert

March 18th, 2014
9:40 am

“Do you think recycling dates is a good idea?”

I can only speak for myself. I have a lot of female friends who may need a hug, a kiss or a shoulder to lean on during hard times. I believe helping a friend in need is a friend indeed. You never “recycle” a women who is friend. I hope you reach out and help her.

Some friends have benefits (fwb). Like a good neighbor – always willing to lend a helping hand.

“A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Reio

March 18th, 2014
9:42 am

disco – Your language is just fine. Although I could’ve added a few more. I understand you’re trying to tone it down a bit though. You’re alright wit me!

Button

March 18th, 2014
9:48 am

When you’re vulnerable anything is possible. recycle, backtrack etc whatever you call it happens all the time. Some ppl have success stories while others don’t. Contacting someone you use to know seeing how they are doing hoping they are available without all the bagages or resolved whatever they were going thru when you use to know them and if they don’t have the excess bagages or doing “good” BINGO! You make your move.

disco

March 18th, 2014
9:50 am

Button – first, good morning. second, here we go. why folks gotta be vulnerable? is nothing possible unless you are vulnerable? lol.

Fay

March 18th, 2014
9:55 am

Wow vulnerable …I was just having a conversation with someone about that. Vulnerability is such a great thing. Unfortunately nothing last without vulnerability…things are possible though.

2CPTG©

March 18th, 2014
9:56 am

Fay…..hunh???

Reio

March 18th, 2014
10:00 am

The vast majority of talk about a second chance came right then, after I had broken it off. I’d tell them why I felt that it wasn’t going to work out. And it’s kind of funny, each reason that I would give, was something that I had mentioned before. In other words, I never came out of left field on them and announced that “It’s over”. They were well aware of how I felt about certain issues, cause I would tell them. Things still didn’t seem to go as I wanted to, so I ended it. To my credit though, I always asked them to let me know if I either said or didn’t say something. Did or not do something that bothered them, so we can talk about it. They didn’t. Just wouldn’t. No matter how hard I tried to get them to speak up. Nothing. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll let you know.” But they never would. My wife was the first one to do so. So, trying to get a second chance always seemed to come right then.

I would hear through the grapevine that this one or that one wanted to get back together. A few left messages on the answering machine. But nothing ever came of it. My wife(then, a new date/girlfriend) put me in my place though.

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:01 am

Fay – I second that. huh???

Fay

March 18th, 2014
10:02 am

2PC – You often mask your true self in a relationship. You have trouble expressing your fears and weaknesses, or making a long-term commitment, because it will make you emotionally vulnerable.

D Dub of the ATL

March 18th, 2014
10:03 am

Hello people… long time no blog… anyway recycling is for paper, plastic, and metal. Not saying this applies to everyone out there, but for me it just worked best – going back to people that you once dated eventually reminds why you stopped dating them. We learn, we grow – take the time you were together as a learning experience that was preparing you for “the one”. Leave the past in the past.

“Spaceships don’t come equipped with rear-view mirrors.” – Andre 3000

Fay

March 18th, 2014
10:07 am

Uh 2C I didn’t meant that to you I was explaining what vulnerability means to me…

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:08 am

Fay – I think that’s kind of backward. Why mask yourself in your “real” relationships? by real I mean friends, family, significant others. those are the folks who should know and accept the real you. you mask yourself with co-workers. You mask yourself with little old church ladies. You mask yourself with folks who are essentially nobodies that you will never let into your sphere. Just my take though.

And as for emotionally vulnerable – life lesson. Learn that you are the only one who has control over your emotions. You and only you can keep your emotions in check. if you are emotionally vulnerable it’s because you choose to be.

Reio

March 18th, 2014
10:10 am

Oh, there was one instance where I came out of the blue on her. I think I mentioned this on here before. As I approached the home of a new date I had, I overheard her screaming, yelling, and cussin out her kids. I had arrived early to pick her up. I heard all of this through the door before I knocked. We went out, I mentioned it to her. “Well, sometimes you have to yell at kids to get their attention. You know that.”, was her response. “What about all those names you were calling them?”, “I just get ticked sometimes. They’re too old to do the stuff they do…..” But I wasn’t hearing it. No way I could continue to see her, based on what I heard, standing outside her door. So, I guess I did come out of the blue on her.

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:12 am

Reio – good thing you were never the fly on the wall when I was giving my son what for. I bet that fly had a headache. lol.

Robert

March 18th, 2014
10:14 am

Why Do Men Recycle Women?

Top 10

1. Money$$$ – She is not that good looking, BUT she makes a 6 figure salary
2. Body – She has a “Brick House” – 36/24/36 – body. Lust, Lust, Lust
3. House – She is a homeowner. I still have my key. Anytime, just stop by.
4. Car – She will be happy to pick you up when you are too drunk to drive.
5. Cook – She will cook you a great southern meal (fried chicken, etc.)
6. Caregiver – She will give you a full body massage and clip your toenails.
7. Kids – Her kids are “grown and gone”. The roof is on fire…
8. Exercise – She is willing to workout to keep her mind and body in shape.
9. Party/Club – She loves to party/club and is a good dancer (stepping, etc.)
10. Sexual Desire – Last but not least, she is a “freak” in the sheets.

Fay

March 18th, 2014
10:17 am

disco…well some people do mask themselves ..I don’t know why. I am all about tolle…iyana…dyer yes my emotions are my own. But that’s not what I am referring to when I talk about emotionally vulnerable: Since I can’t explain this is what I grabbed off the internet

Being vulnerable means that you can open yourself to another person.

It means that you are completely honest about your feelings for them.

It means that you are willing to fall in love.

It means you recognize that being hurt is an acceptable risk.

vulnerability is not synonymous with weakness. When we are fully open to all kinds of experiences- including the painful ones- we can live life as fully as possible. By being vulnerable, you are taking life seriously and going after what you want without reservation.

Sassy Me ;-)

March 18th, 2014
10:18 am

considering I met all my “great ones” (I got that from sonny in Bronx tale) in my 20s when I wasn’t ready and an everlasting cycle of “nobodies”

~disco—LOVED that movie. I learned some thngs from Sonny.

Trust me I totally understand what you mean by what kind of baggage did dude pick up on the way or during your time apart. I ain’t carrying somebody else’s isht. Plus what gets me is that sometimes they want a second chance AFTER they’re all broken ,battered n bruised…ummm NO thanks…I ain’t into rehabilitatin’ either…

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:20 am

Disco’s why women recycle (no particular order here – lol)

1. times are hard, odds aren’t in her favor
2. he was really good in bed
3. she doesn’t have anything better going on right now
4. he makes her feel like “she’s still got it”
5. apparently he’s still got it
6. needs help paying some bills
7. because his momma never did like her and this is to spite the old bat
8. the kids are grown now and the buzzard didn’t want to play daddy when they were young
9. just so she doesn’t have to be alone
10. he messed around and got his teeth fixed

Button

March 18th, 2014
10:21 am

Fay – I like :wink: @10:17

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:22 am

Fay – actually, I understood your concept of “vulnerable” all along. Still, if I were you, I’d select another word. vulnerable will almost always make folks think weak or helpless before they even go all “romantic” with it.

Sassy – sonny was indeed the man.

Robert

March 18th, 2014
10:26 am

@disco – What would be your #1 reason why women recycle men?

Fay

March 18th, 2014
10:27 am

Another word for vulnerable….

susceptible, weak, defenseless, helpless, exposed, in danger, at risk

Those are a hundred times worst! lol

Reio

March 18th, 2014
10:28 am

disco – Well, I’m kinda glad it happened. I know kids are tough to deal with. I was childless at the time, but I knew, from interacting with my sisters and nieces and nephews that it could be a chore. And I told her that. What I struggled with was the names she called them and the tone she was using. I bet those kids were scared out of their wits. She didn’t really try to get me to go out with her anymore. I told her why I decided to not see her. She didn’t seem upset. Wanted to know “Is that all it takes for you to not see somebody again? That don’t make no sense…” But I though it best to just leave it alone.

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:33 am

Robert – honestly. I think loneliness, desperation, “vulnerability” might be number one.

Fay – granted those words are worse BUT I think those are the words most folks think of first when they think of vulnerable. they don’t think “open hearted and ready for love”. ijs.

Reio – I know what you meant. I was the parent that cursed at my son and called him out of his name. part of it is that’s just how I talk. not cleaning it up for him. if anyone should get the real you, it’s your kids. another part is, I’m always amazed at “team I don’t swear in front of my kids” and then you see folks who break down in tears if you raise your voice or cuss at them. I wonder why. bunch of softies. lol.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

March 18th, 2014
10:37 am

I got “dumped” and wanted back in…didn’t happen, until 10 years later.

I got “breaked”, “slowed down”, and “too fast[ed]” and I got the call back after those “real life” experiences, guess who got a phone call? It happens.

EOD though, the timing wasn’t right (in every case, whether dumper or dumpee), and I had to make peace with that for myself – each time.

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:41 am

Dan – your post reminds me of a time (in my 20s) when I told this guy that it wouldn’t work for us right then. maybe after I’d lived and been hurt a little more. lol. (yep. that was my line). dude was like 38. I remember at the time thinking he was “old”. still, he was just a lot more settled than I was. I was still out shaking my thang on the weekends. He didn’t have a problem with that so much as I thought he was an old fuddy-duddy. lol. he married some chick shortly after I went on my way.

Reio

March 18th, 2014
10:43 am

disco – Well, I just thought it best to not see her again. Got a bad vibe after hearing that. And I knew some kids will make you cuss. Especially the older kids. Sometimes you just find yourself saying, “Hell, I know yo azz know better. Da hell wrong wit you?” But this woman really really laid it on them kinda thick. And it wasn’t like we had been out 17 times. This was a first date. No hard feelings.

Sassy Me ;-)

March 18th, 2014
10:45 am

Funny Random:

Soo three of the four admin ladies wear some type of weave… one of them come in here with some big,curly auburn colored tresses and whenEVER I walk by her office in my head I hear, “Chaka Khan…Chaka Khan”…

I just smile and keep on going…I wonder if someone else is going to remark on it :lol:

Okay I’m done….

disco

March 18th, 2014
10:46 am

Reio – not judging you. you are certainly entitled. I was driving my car once and a friend and her daughter were with me. I swore – don’t remember what I said – and this chick looked over and quietly shushed me talking about she doesn’t swear in front of her daughter. MEANWHILE this daughter that’s in the backseat was in high school and outweighed me by 50 pounds!!!! All I could say was I respect that but in my house and my car I will say what I want.

Sassy – that’s funny.