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Relationships: Dealing with clingy types

Every new relationship eventually starts to settle into a new routine. After you have spent all your free time together, you finally get back to your old life with them now nicely tucked into it.

One of you has to be the one to say the words: “I need some space” without taking the relationship off the rails completely. Men need adequate time and space in a relationship or they start to feel smothered. A lot of women don’t know that and they set off the cling on alarm.

I have experienced the clingy type before as well. Some men expect that you will want to center your entire lives around them. It is something you have to balance with making the person feel like they are important but maintain your individuality.

Have you ever dated someone too clingy?

Do you think you tend to become too clingy in relationships?

By Wise Diva

388 comments Add your comment

lee

March 10th, 2014
5:56 am

Good Morning,
Do you think you tend to become too clingy in relationships? No I am not clingy.

I was accused to being clingy– He stated i was too close being clingy sitting next to him.. so I sat across the room after that… then he goes why are sitting over there come sit next to me.. me–no i am good where I am sitting now…you can’t tell me i am clingy when trying to cuddle on the couch then get upset because i now sit across the room…… i think he had mental issues..

What a beautiful weekend. Looking forward to some more.

Heidi Golighty

March 10th, 2014
6:19 am

Gooooooooood Morning Folks!

I’ve never experienced a clingy boyfriend before. I don’t think it’s a male (alpha male) trait to be clingy. I guess the closest definition would be controlling but once you’ve had a boyfriend like that, it doesn’t remotely compare to clingy.

Exiled

March 10th, 2014
6:26 am

Lee?

U seem upset and defensively,on the offensive.

Me thinks that’s a sign of the shoe fitting? :lol:

On topic:

Clingy types are the worst! Most times,these are the chics who think marriage,wedding dress,our this and our that,2 weeks into the relationship. If a man makes the mistake of smashing this one,oghh lord,be careful! You will see her standing by the door,early evening or morning,spying but pretending,’oh,I was in the neighborhood and thought I should….’

To Helz!!

and Reio knows about these types so,he go Reio….

Howdee MIA?

Productive,lucky weekend ladies on the men’s area?

Spring is around the corner,sunny dresses

He he he..like Durty! :lol:

disco

March 10th, 2014
7:42 am

Good morning. I have zero tolerance for clingy. Heck, I can’t tolerate clingy children no way in heck I’d put up with it from a grown person.

Celisea

March 10th, 2014
7:42 am

Most times,these are the chics who think marriage,wedding dress,our this and our that,2 weeks into the relationship. If a man makes the mistake of smashing this one,oghh lord,be careful! You will see her standing by the door,early evening or morning,spying but pretending,’oh,I was in the neighborhood and thought I should….’

This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh first thing this morning!! Folks still jumping outta bushes?? I laugh (for real) when I read this.

Time for new sandals :mrgreen:

Gotta get ready for work. Moving slow this morning.

Celisea

March 10th, 2014
7:42 am

MMeello, you silly

Celisea

March 10th, 2014
7:45 am

Off topic: I’m watchin GMA, I’on know if I believe Denzel in the role of Walter Lee (A Raisin in the Sun). Denzie is getting a bit of age on him.

Button

March 10th, 2014
7:46 am

Have you ever dated someone too clingy? YES, my ex always up under me, called me 20 times a day to talk didn’t matter he would call and was always at my door steps or wanted me at his. I got so used to his routine that when the relationship was over I caught myself expecting his phone call at his normal times. It was kinda crazy. lol

Do you think you tend to become too clingy in relationships? I’m not clingy, never been called clingy. I LOVE love my space. Time to myself. I like to keep it balanced. I’m happy this one is the same or he’s pretending to be this way lol. I don’t like being smothered it makes me angry, anxious. Even with my kids I don’t like all that sitting up under me.

Good morning!

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:15 am

Umm. So what’s everyone’s story? The lost hour?

Purple Reign

March 10th, 2014
8:27 am

I’ve delt with the clingy type, it’s okay at times, but not all of the time.

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
8:31 am

Hey everyone

I’ve never dated anyone clingy, because I’m not one to spend all my free time with someone in the beginning. I HAVE A LIFE!! and I hope she has one too. I’ve never been one to say I need space after getting in a relationship, I know how to BALANCE things in my life to have time to do all the things I want to do. and have time to spend with my S/O.

Disco, must be, if someone hadn’t came to my door, I would still be sleep (LOL)

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:31 am

Hey purple. how goes things?

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:32 am

Single – so the person at the door… were they worth it? lol.

SlimNu

March 10th, 2014
8:34 am

Morning gang!

disco – Oh, you lost your hour too. I’ve been looking for mine all morning and still can’t seem to find it.

Button

March 10th, 2014
8:35 am

Single – what if she wants to spend more time? What if she insist that you spend more time? You’re really into her but the time you are giving her is not enough in her eyes, what do you do?

Fay

March 10th, 2014
8:37 am

Morning…

It was hard waking up this morning…

Nope not clingy but I have been with clingy/controlling men..its ok I can be very patient. But I love my space I love quiet time…

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
8:38 am

Button, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, I’ve never had that problem. When you know how to balance things in your life that doesn’t happen.

Disco, some one had the wrong address. I usually won’t get up when someone is at the door, but he wouldn’t go away.

Bluzgirl

March 10th, 2014
8:40 am

Morning…I do believe that lost hour is catching up to me. Can’t seem to wake up this morning even though I’m at work now. I’m in a fog right now….

The young dude I dated about a year and a half ago was full on clingy. He kept asking me what we are and where we were going. This was after maybe the 2nd time we hung out. I hadn’t dealt with a clingy man before.

I’m sure I was called clingy in the past because I wanted to spend time with the guy.

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:41 am

Single – I giggled because you obviously took it at face value. If some woman were banging at my door or ringing my bell incessantly and then claimed to have the wrong address I would immediately start thinking on what dudes I was talking to. I would figure some chick had figured out who I was and where I lived and was trying to size me up. lol.

Hey slim.

Button

March 10th, 2014
8:42 am

Single – I get it that you balance your life, I do too but when I was dealing with mr Cling On he always insist that we spend more time together. I gave in most of the time and the times I didn’t he fussed about it saying I’m so aloof and didn’t care blah blah blah. I tell you, I went to a bunch of things I could care less about going to but I went to keep the peace.

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:42 am

A friend revealed that the guy she is seeing is clingy. She said she likes him but he drives her crazy with the constant nagging about where she’s going, who she’s going with, when she’s coming back. she said now she understands what guys in her past were trying to say about her and she swears she’ll never be that way again. lol.

Reio

March 10th, 2014
8:46 am

Look, I had a couple, or so, individuals, that I felt were kinda on the clingy side. During my dating years, I had a tendency to just go ahead and say what I felt. What I was thinking. I figured, why lie? Hell, the worst that could come from it was that she would get mad and decide not to see me again. And to my credit, and perhaps, to my detriment, in some instances, I would mention this to them, using the word “clingy” and let them know that I didn’t appreciate it and expected them to refrain from this behavior immediately. Each time I was met with “Well, how am I too clingy?”
I’m trying to remember the circumstances surrounding one particular incident. Can’t recall if we went out beforehand, or I went to her place and left after a while, or we visited a mutual friend..? Don’t remember. But I do remember leaving her apartment and arriving home. No cell phones back then, so my answering machine had several messages on it. From her. Silliness like “Just checking to see if you made it home ok.” And “Just wanted to tell you again how much I enjoyed this evening.” And “I still want to know how much those shoes you wore cost, they’re nice…” Each message left AFTER I had just left her apartment. Also “Call me when you get in.” Well, I did call her, and read her the riot act.
We had a few more dates after that, and she toned it down a bit, but never really left me alone enough. Constantly wanting me to meet her family and friends…Just got tired, hell. Nice lady though. Classy. Kind. But that stuff just didn’t sit well with me. Sometimes you just get TIRED! Of that foolishness. And, of course, I don’t need to mention this to any of you, but I will; Men can be just as clingy as women.

What’s up, EX, Morning to ya. Morning to ya all.

Fay

March 10th, 2014
8:48 am

Usually in the beginning it seems people spend alot of time together…then it kind of slows down if they are not clingy…but that sometimes bothers me also because I start to think the other person is losing interest.

I guess its a fine line.

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
8:49 am

Disco, , since I’m not seeing anyone like that. not a thought that would cross my mind.

Button, I would never get to the relationship part with a clingy person. Since I’m not trying to change anything and be all under someone when I’m getting to know someone. The only peace I’m trying to keep is my peace of mind! while I will do things to make my s/o happy, I’m not giving in to make them happy.

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:52 am

Fay – I don’t think it’s a fine line at all. you either have the good sense and wherewithal to give folks some space or you don’t. I would hope that you all wouldn’t even have to have an actual conversation about “space”. I would hope that one would just be able to sense when they might be starting to get on someone’s nerves. of course, not everyone can tell when they are irking someone. lol.

Purple Reign

March 10th, 2014
8:52 am

disco

March 10th, 2014
8:53 am

Single – darned. And here I thought some jealous husband/boyfriend was sizing you up. guess there’s no dramatic story coming from you in the near future. No, I was in the grocery store standing in line just minding my own business when all of a sudden……

kimmie a.k.a Smooth Operator

March 10th, 2014
8:58 am

Morning Gang!

I’ve dated one or 2 guys in the past that were the clingy type. I say only dated, because we never got to the relationship stage. Which made it even more crazy. Here we are just starting to get to know each other and you’re already trying to control me. They could not deal with the fact that I actually had a busy life of my own. I don’t mind you getting in where you can fit in, but all up under me all the time? Nope, not gonna happen. I shudder to think about it. I’ve just never been that type of woman. I wasn’t even clingy as a child, my mom would tell you if she were alive. I actually was kind of worried that I might not be able to adapt being married and actually having to share space and time with someone else. Happily, hubs is the same way I am. We both like our space, and when we come together it makes it that much nicer.

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
8:59 am

Disco, I don’t do drama (only on TNT TNT TNT) LOL

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:02 am

Single – I know. you actually do seem like the type that leads a relatively drama-free lifestyle. Still, you understand that I have a rather active imagination. Let me tell the story and you ran into mary j. blige over the weekend, brought her home, had a fabulous time. meanwhile she didn’t know her hubs had a GPS device implanted in the handle of her designer bag. So he lets her finish up and go on about her way figuring he could deal with her later. He wanted to lay eyes on you. so… next thing you know, you’ve got someone pounding on your door who won’t go away. why won’t he go away? because he knows you are in there.

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
9:02 am

Now for me, when I’m in a relationship with someone, I don’t have a problem with them just stopping by without calling, But don’t get upset when I’m not there and start calling asking where am I.

Fay

March 10th, 2014
9:03 am

Disco …but thats more of a perception…what is considered too much time that can vary by individual.

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:06 am

Fay – it’s kind of like with houseguests. Glad to see them come, glad to see them go. you’ve got to recognize when you are beginning to wear out your welcome before you actually wear out your welcome. I figure the same applies to spending time in a new relationship. I would imagine that many people are craving space but unsure how to say so. I imagine many folks wake up in the morning hoping the other person has something to do only to hear that person say “so what are we going to do today”? lol.

Fay

March 10th, 2014
9:07 am

LOL…I see what you saying

Single & Happy

March 10th, 2014
9:09 am

Disco, give me that drama (LOL) it would be worth it (LOL) now me and my nine would let him in. Now you got me thinking, just like this guy had the wrong address, someone else could in your scenario.

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:15 am

Single – it’s just my imagination running away with me. lol. I’m sure mary j. blige wasn’t in your neighborhood this weekend and even if she was I’m sure that wasn’t her husband pounding on your door this morning. your life will continue to be drama-free.

2CPTG©

March 10th, 2014
9:16 am

can’t, and won’t do clingy….they get on my nerves…reeks of thirst.

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:19 am

Disco – in an annoying whiny voice “but 2C you said” and “but 2C I thought” and “2C how come”. lol. (that just made me think of squeak in color purple).

Leggs

March 10th, 2014
9:19 am

“One of you has to be the one to say the words: “I need some space” ” – Not necessarily. Both may be on the same page at the right time and every thing is copacetic.

However, since the topic is about clingy folk, yeah, I’ll probably be the first to say it. I don’t do clingy nor controlling!!!

disco ~ you realize you didn’t even need to type your 7:42 (lol).

Reio ~ cracked up as “how much your shoes cost.” WOW!

Took me an hour to log in. Seems to be some internal computer problems.

I won $10 on the All or Nothing Game (lol).

Bluzgirl

March 10th, 2014
9:21 am

O/T – Disco – you happen to go back and read the last page on Friday? Just curious…….

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:22 am

Leggs – good morning. you are right. I probably didn’t need to say that. it was all I had to add to the topic at the time. lol. how’s the reading coming along? I finished valley of amazement. Good right up until the end. somehow I just didn’t think the ending fit.

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:22 am

Bluz – No. why? some mess or something funny?

Purple Reign

March 10th, 2014
9:26 am

Has anyone ever gotten clingy with you after you became intimate?

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:29 am

Purple – I’ve had the joker who called too much, wanted to show up unannounced, wanted to make more out of the situation than it was but while we were together (for whatever reason) he always tried to downplay it. just like a man. lol.

Bluzgirl

March 10th, 2014
9:31 am

Some mess with your name…

Bluzgirl

March 10th, 2014
9:31 am

I better not cause trouble this early! LOL

disco

March 10th, 2014
9:34 am

Bluz – No worries. It is what it is. how’d your weekend go? how was the diet? How was the drinking? Anything interesting happen?

Celisea

March 10th, 2014
9:36 am

No cling-ons here. I think sometimes folks are digging you and sometimes folks are insecure. It makes a world of difference when dealing with mature grown folks (a HUGE difference), versus folks that play games. I only deal with “adults.”

Don’t think I’ve ever dealt with cling-ons nor have I been one. I’ve pressed someone for an answer (if you think you gonna play games with me), and if no answer then that’s all the answer I need. But naw, nobody got time for someone you gotta beat off your ankles.

I think sometimes when folks (woman mostly) have experienced a breech in trust, they tend to feel the need to hover over folks. That’s not going to solve a thing, nor prove a thing. If folks wanna be shady shady, they will get it done if you’re sitting on top of them. It’s who they are. The best advice I can give anyone that’s not quite trusting (or don’t feel a reason to trust) is to K.I.M. No point in being with someone and you can’t even bat your lids without shady creeping in there.

Bluzgirl

March 10th, 2014
9:36 am

disco – Had an ok weekend. Had a great time after work with the girls and had a few drinks. But…when I got home, one of my cats bit me in a tender spot on my hand and had my hand hurting all weekend! I did cheat a little on my diet this weekend, but back to it. Did some yard work yesterday to burn off some of the calories from my pizza binge! LOL

How about you?

SlimNu

March 10th, 2014
9:38 am

Regarding the topic, now that i think about it, my high school sweetheart was clingy. Well initially we were inseperable you know how puppy love goes. But it really didn’t bother me until I went off to school…I guess I felt smothered because I wanted to be free to do whatever I pleased without having to consider anyone elses feelings. It seemed like he would write me a letter a day lol