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Archive for March, 2014

Ended it, now regret it?

Have you ever had one of those break ups that kind of confused you? One minute you are absolutely certain the person is not right for you. It literally can not be more clear that you two are not meant to be. So you decide to end the relationship and attempt to move on. Then out of nowhere you go through this regret phase. What is that about!

What do you do if you broke up with someone and you start to want that old thing back? Do you give it time and hope it is just a sex deprived haze that has your mind clouded? Do you call them up and try to hash things out?

Has an ex ever returned to your life after a break up and told you they never should have ended it? What did you do? What should you do?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva

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Dating: Too much masculine/feminine

A friend of mine is seeing someone he met at the gym. He was attracted to her right away and he liked that she was so fit. They both care a lot about their health and fitness.

He has noticed that she has fitness goals to gain a lot more muscle and showed him the motivation pictures. Every picture showed a body builder! He is actually worried that she may go to the extreme and change her appearance up on him.

Suddenly dating a “gym chick” wasn’t such a good idea to him. He believes a woman should be tough but not to tough with large muscles. I think it is rather silly to be worried about it but he makes it seem as a deal breaker. So now women can’t have muscles if it makes her look less feminine?

Do you think some things can make you appear less or more feminine/masculine? Could those traits be a turn off?

By Wise Diva

Happy Friday!

Continue reading Dating: Too much masculine/feminine »

Should relationship status be kept secret?

A reader emailed about a concern she has regarding her new man. They have been dating exclusively for months now. She expected to be introduced to more people as his girlfriend. She wants his Facebook page to say in a relationship. Unfortunately, the guy she is seeing is “private” and does not like broadcasting his business to people. Is it unfair to keep the relationship status secret if it bothers her?

I know a lot of people who just don’t get hung up on titles. It does not matter if the understanding is that you two are together and happy. Why difference does it make if everyone knows it?

When you are in a new relationship, do you let everyone know? I have seen my friend fall hard over a guy and is so proud to rave about their love. She isn’t afraid to share it with everyone. If they breakup, will she regret all that?

Do you think that wanting to keep the relationship status secret is a sign that you want to keep your options open?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in …

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Dating: Expect them to wait?

My friend Seth is convinced he can figure out if a woman wants to sleep with him within minutes of meeting her. He said women show their attraction in a lot of different ways. Things like body language, conversation, eye contact, etc. are his indicators of attraction.

What he can never predict is how fast this will actually happen. It seems that the women he thinks will hook up with him on the first date turn out to expect him to wait a few months. The women who he expects to make him “work for it” a little harder often times surprise him with their eagerness. What is the lesson here? Women are not all the same, obviously!

If a woman expects a guy to wait, does it make it easy to build attraction or can it have the opposite effect? I know plenty of guys who prefer to wait and they sometimes get questioned on their true interest or sexual orientation. It’s all rather silly, if you ask me. Isn’t it really about finding common ground?

When you figure out that the …

Continue reading Dating: Expect them to wait? »

Should we still expect fidelity?

There are so many excuses, explanations, and reasons people cheat on their partners. Any relationship can get tested by fidelity but it seems like we are being naive to expect our mates to actually stay faithful.

You can tell that our “pop” culture places emphasis on infidelity as if it is normal and acceptable. I wonder if this will continue to impact how we view love and commitment? With terms like side chick, main chick, having a woman on the side appears common and cool. Maybe I am old school, but since when does being somebody’s extra curricular activity become something that makes you proud?

Do you believe that we accept infidelity as a part of being in a committed relationship? Do we even expect our partners to stay faithful?

By Wise Diva

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Don’t let friends ruin your romance

I have seen a lot of friendships and romantic relationships end because someone forgot about boundaries. There are some people who believe that their relationship should have the approval of friends and family. This makes it really tough to navigate when those people cross a line.

A friend dated a really nice woman but he actually ended things because she allowed outside folks to have a say in how she felt about him. I believe her young had something to do with this but some older folks never learn this lesson: loose lips sinks ships.

If you over share the details of your relationship it can backfire on you big time. A reader is dealing with this issue now. Her new boyfriend has a crew of meddling friends that seem to dislike her. Do you think this is a red flag?

Have you ever had a romance ruined because of the unsolicited opinions of other people? How would you handle dating someone who gave too much information about your relationship to friends and family?

By Wise Diva

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Online dating rituals of the American jerk

Ok listen, I know any reality tv show about dating is designed to be “entertaining” so there are going to be jerks. I knew this and I still decided to watch Online Dating Rituals of the American Male on Bravo Network. My own personal experiences with online dating has ranged from comedy, to tragedy, and back to comedy again. I admit that I watched with trepidation and fear of having horrible flashbacks. I did it for you, though! Want to know what I discovered? People dating online are jerks, and it’s not just the “fellas.”

A woman lied about her size, age, and having children. Another woman mentioned on the first date that she dated someone who asked for golden showers. Guys, I didn’t know the terror dates that some of you have been on. I apologize for what you encounter on the dating scene. It can get really crazy for you too!

Nothing the men on the show did surprised me. Being shallow, on the hunt for hook ups, and wanting some Hollywood romance is par for the course …

Continue reading Online dating rituals of the American jerk »

Elements of a great date

I remember someone once telling me that his best dates were when he had a corner booth at a cheap restaurant and two hours of conversation. He was not one to go all out with a lot of fanfare, he relied on his charisma to attract women.

I can see how this is possible because if the connection is that strong, the chemistry can be enough to draw you in. Seduction is a powerful tool and often gets left out of a date. If you think about your last great date, what did it involve?

Do you need think a great date is centered around certain things?

Have you been out with someone and it wasn’t going well at first but something turned it around? Maybe it was a spark that began the seduction?

How doe great dates happen?

By Wise Diva

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Giving the right signals

I say all the time that single chicks don’t get days off. We are expected to be on alert just in case we are approached by someone with potential. Going to the gym? Don’t look sloppy. Headed to farmer’s market? Put on lipstick. You never know who may cross your path.

Obviously people are not going to always be open to getting approach. There are times when you just don’t have your green light on. When you are open to attracting someone though, it’s important to give the right signals. Body language, facial expressions and conversation can let someone know you are approachable.

My guy friends tell us all the time to stop mean mugging people. Some folks do it without even realizing it. I don’t walk around smiling like a medicated mental patient but my natural facial expression is not an angry face. That should be enough!

Do you think you are approachable? Do you flirt with strangers?
Do you think you give off the right signals so people know you are open to being approached? …

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Should you recycle dates?

One of my friends stopped seeing a guy last year because he didn’t seem interested in an exclusive relationship. When she first met and dated him, she got this vibe that he was a player with many women on his agenda. When she ran into him this weekend he seemed more sincere.

Do you think people go through phases when they are more open to hooking up instead of dating? I believe it is possible that you can go through periods of “single for life” attitudes. You could then get over it and a new day arrives that finds you yearning for someone special.

Do you think recycling dates is a good idea? Is timing sometimes a big factor in who and why we date people?

By Wise Diva

Continue reading Should you recycle dates? »