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Why won’t women approach more?

Atlanta is full of successful, attractive and driven women. Women who run households, businesses, and hold political offices. These are the same women who would scoff at the suggestion that they approach or ask a man out. Why is that? Such go getters in professional life but not their love life.

I believe many of them think they don’t have to approach men. They are so used to getting hit on or approached, they expect to sit and be courted. What happens when they see someone who turns their head and he does not make a move first? Often times they let them go and wonder what could have been.

My guy friends tell me the get approached by women at times but it is rare. They feel flattered when it happens and it usually ends in a date getting scheduled. Why don’t women approach men? Surely in 2014, we don’t think this is a man’s job do we?

Guys when a woman approaches you, are you surprised? Do you usually end up asking for her number and asking her out if she made the first move to introduce herself?

The last time I approached guy I was at the Farmer’s Market. He was too fine to bypass and he had the sexist accent ever. He turned out to be a sweetheart but there was no connection. We still text and hang out but I would still approach a guy that caught my eye!

Do you think it matters who approaches first?

By Wise Diva

577 comments Add your comment

Wise Diva

February 28th, 2014
6:37 am

Hello lovelies!
First off, you guys have been extra hilarious this week! I’ve enjoyed most of the on topic and off topic comments. Thanks for making our work day more bearable!

I want to ask that we keep things pleasant and civil. We get familiar and get in cliques and that is normal. We just have to be adults and try not to engage in bashing folks to get our personal frustrations out, that’s not fair. Just ignore folks that you can’t rock with. You won’t always agree obviously but making things personal and nasty day after day makes it unpleasant. This blog has been around so long because of the awesome community – I would like to keep that going but I need your help. Thanks for your cooperation.

Durty Burd

February 28th, 2014
7:05 am

Good Morning GlammourGIrl!

Good Morning Blogging superstars!

Wisa Diva you are welcome! It is Exiled pleasure to add insightful, informative comments about the ladies vjay smell and his thoughtful insight about each topic which ends up in sexual comments.

We thank you Exiled…. You deserve an academy award for blogging!

Dang it Da Brat…You need a number one hit!

Bloggers have a great weekend!

GlammourGirl u need to get at me!

Maybe I need to change my moniker to Elijah I did not make anyone hit list!

Elijah

February 28th, 2014
7:06 am

Celisea

February 28th, 2014
7:57 am

I don’t think it’s necessary to approach, but I see nothing wrong with sending signals or giving an opening!! I’ve done it plenty of times. :)

Celisea

February 28th, 2014
8:00 am

It’s gonna be a greeeeat day!!! Annnd I have plans for a fantab weekend!! Me and ma boo!! AND THAT’S FOR REAL :mrgreen:

Thanks Diva!!!

Celisea

February 28th, 2014
8:14 am

I’ll add one more comment, then I gotta run and get on to work….

Ladies, be careful with your fantabulousness, sometimes the effect of that will drive a dude insane. Seriously. Sooo, when you’re out “approaching” as Diva mentioned, don’t mess around and let off dopamine and pheramones…..you’ll see dudes doing outlandish stuff!!! IJS

disco

February 28th, 2014
8:38 am

Good morning. I’m the chick that does not have a problem with stepping to a dude. quite frankly, I prefer to be the chooser rather than the chosen. Yeah I know a lot of blog chicks don’t mind being relegated to “prey”. It’s the old-fashioned way. The way things were “meant to be “. To each his own. Still, running across someone that you want to meet is a difficult enough task in and of its own. No point risking missing out just because you want to sit around and bat your eyelashes in his direction while hoping he gets the hint.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
8:44 am

So u wld rather be the predator??….thats understandable….u shlda been a dude Disco…u can still be..medicine, science and technology has made advances.we can now be who, we wanna be…. he he he.

@Disco

U are welcome Wisey!!

On topic:

I agree,ladies shld approach more. But I dont know if they can handle rejection like we do.

That is the flip side!

Happy Friday MIA.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 28th, 2014
8:50 am

I think that women should approach men more often, but it will never happen, because women are afraid of rejection. More importantly, y’all have never learned to live with it.

Morning

disco

February 28th, 2014
8:53 am

ex –granted men are much more used to rejection but in the right environment, when your gear is tight, you are looking fly and you know you are on point, the likelihood of being shot down is slim. The reasons being

1) as has been stated, most guys are just flattered to get the attention.

2) unless you are just straight up not his type in a big way (wrong color/ethnicity, wrong size, etc) a dude will at least humor you.

3) dudes appreciate having some of the pressure taken off.

I have never hit a brick wall when stepping to a dude even if nothing came of it. usually I get the play/conversation at the moment. From there is when i/we determine whether or not we even think we want to be bothered with one another.

disco

February 28th, 2014
8:57 am

ex – now generally I won’t even step to a dude unless I’m on point but there are exceptions. I might run into a guy after a run (that’s happened a few times). what I’ve discovered though is guys usually overlook the fact that you are hot and sweaty and probably stink because they can see that you are active and have stamina and your body is tight. They respect the active you and can imagine the cleaned up you. frankly, aside from societal conventions, I’m not certain what the downside is of women doing the approaching.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:02 am

I won’t even step to a dude unless I’m on point..

and thats the misconception..that if u do a,b,c….they will pay attention….

when dudes humor the chic after the approach..they are being polite….

Leggs

February 28th, 2014
9:04 am

Thank you Diva.

I see nothing wrong with approaching a man, paying him a compliment, offering to buy him a drink. I have done it and will probably do it again.

Good morning and HAPPY, HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:05 am

ex – and that’s okay. we understand that being humored is being polite. trust we humor y’all’s azzes all the time. it beats him saying “beeyotch, get out my face”. It’s part of the game. you can’t win them all.

2CPTG© - Mr. Pretty Tony

February 28th, 2014
9:09 am

These down south gals don’t know how to approach a guy…..they send out bat signals expecting a guy to know what’s up; but if he’en paying attention to you in the first place he’en gon catch it….

Diva…..somebody musta sent you an email cause they ain’t cliqued up? is that it? tell ‘em to hit me up at tnymcky2000@yahoo.com and I’ll be gald to let ‘em join my clique!

Into the Light

February 28th, 2014
9:12 am

Good morning!

I don’t have a problem approaching a guy. I don’t do it often, but the times I have it’s worked out fine.

2, 2, 2….smh. You gonna get more spam than Hormel you keep throwing out your email addy.

2CPTG© - Mr. Pretty Tony

February 28th, 2014
9:14 am

Light, stop hatin….trynna build my “clique” back up….

Into the Light

February 28th, 2014
9:16 am

Not hatin’. But just so you know, that Nigerian Princess didn’t really leave you $250K, so don’t send your bank information. LOL

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:21 am

Blog ladies who have approached men – what is your approach? Do you have an M.O. or do you play it by ear?

Fellas who have been approached. How did she play it? what was your take on it?

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2014
9:23 am

Morning All! TGIF!!! I thought this week would never come to a close.

I have no problem approaching a guy and it’s worked out each time. In 2014, there is no reason a woman should just sit back and wait.

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2014
9:24 am

disco – I’m thinking I just played it by ear. No cheesy pick up lines…just a “hi…how are “or “you having fun tonight” or you “really smell good, what do you wear?”

Button

February 28th, 2014
9:27 am

Nothing wrong with approaching a guy. I’ve done it and the outcome was always pleasant. No biggie. There are women who would dare do such a thing though.

Wise Diva – you’re welcome.

Good morning!

2CPTG© - Mr. Pretty Tony

February 28th, 2014
9:27 am

disco, the best, had to be when some gal walked up to me and simply said, “hey lil Daddy”….that simple gesture was the ice breaker…and that’s all it takes, is to break the ice…and usually, the dude will take it from there….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:28 am

Women some of y’all makes a man day when you make the first move. Like a game of chess you check mate us and make it crystal clear we’ve been tracked on your radar. It’s not going to happen all the time but when it do the dude needs to be able to take the flattery by the (butt)/hand and knock her feet off. Imagine a chick approaching a dude and he is dry as cured lumber a thing that makes men appear unapproachable. I can see disco rolling those eyes at a dude for misfiring. Still men should man up and do the leg work that’s required for those lady’s who wants to be approached.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:31 am

Leggs

February 28th, 2014
9:31 am

disco ~ no M.O. Just go with the flow. I always start out an introduction, followed by a compliment, followed by a question (are you alone) then followed with “are you married.” Ummm, guess that’s a M.O.

Into the Light

February 28th, 2014
9:32 am

I usually just say hello or something similar. I guess I have “that look” in the baby blues that lets him know I’m interested in talking to him. Like 2 said, usually its just a matter of saying hello and he takes it from there.

HEEEEEEEEEY Blackfoote!!! What’s for breakfast?

Leggs

February 28th, 2014
9:32 am

Oh no, I’m going to faint~ Blackfoote is the house! Good to see you dude!

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:32 am

I’m an M.O. chick. in social settings I usually “stalk my prey” for a bit. Watch how he acts, see who interacts with, see if he’s jocking chicks or if they are jocking him. when I decide to make a move I try to move in when dude isn’t alone. I’ve found it’s better to catch a guy with a buddy or a group of guys. Men feed off one another and you really only need one out the group to be like “dang, who is that chick” to kind of spark interest all around. that makes your “prey” a little bit more receptive. So, I step to the group, say excuse me for interrupting, pick out the guy and whisper a little something in his ear. I usually just express interest, tell him where he can find me, and then dip all the while knowing that every single one of them is watching me walk away. I don’t overstay my welcome. I get in and get out and then I wait. give it a few minutes and whoomp, there he is. that right there is like colt 45 – it works every time.

Button

February 28th, 2014
9:35 am

disco – there’s only a couple of guys I’ve done this to. After a few eye contacts and I see that he’s digging me I will make a b-line over to him introduce myself and start up a conversation. Once I dropped my purse intentionally in front of a guy just so can pick it up for me. Just as soon as we started to talk after introducing ourselves his gf walked up….she cut me up with her eyes lol smh

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:37 am

How did she play it? what was your take on it?

@Disco….the 2 ladies i still remember vividly, i rejected them both…on one of them, i had given her a ride on my way to work..she lived in an adjacent neighborhood and was waiting by the road..looking good for a friday morning…the two of us rode together into town..exchanged business cards and i dropped her off…i think my gesture was kinda tooo good and too gentlemanly because i left her at her work door step..really went outta my way…..then she started leaving phone messages with the front desk for me to call her back….I dint wanna mess with her cooter so i left her alone and never called back…..no need…

the other chic…we got introduced by my friend while we were out dranking…..again exchanged business cards…just flirted…u know,being nice etc…she swallowed and again started calling..i wld talk to her…kinda tease..and promise to go out blah blah..i did not like her vibe though….hoeish..if u ask me..so….i didnt pursue..bumped into her a couple times..and she was visibly thirsty…u know when a chic rubs on u and touchees ur hand blah blah….didnt wanna hit …. so…there Disco…

U thirst for me..i aint interested. :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:39 am

Hey Light, Leggs:

Been away a while finally making my way back to the living day lights.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:40 am

I prefer the more difficult prey! :lol:

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:41 am

button – you lucky she just cut you with her eyes. some chicks would have cut first and asked questions later. this is why you spend a little bit more time “stalking”. lol. I was out clubbing once and there was this guy who was dancing his behind off. I wanted to dance with him so you know what I did? I stepped to his girl and asked if she minded if I danced with her man. yep. Sometimes you just have to head them off at the pass.

ex – your situations are kind of different. You kind of knew both chicks and you weren’t out in a social situation where a complete stranger spotted you across the room and decided they wanted you. has that never happened to you ex?

Purple Reign

February 28th, 2014
9:46 am

I don’t have a problem with a woman approaching but just because she did it does not mean that I will be interested. Sometimes a woman may notice you before you notice her.

Mr. Pretty Tony, an email was probably sent or someone flew a kite.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:47 am

Light I missed breakfast so I’m ready for the drinks to start pouring. No beer Vodka or Remy please.

disco if you’re waiting for dude to show you what he’s got how long are you willing to wait?

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:48 am

has that never happened to you ex?

@Disco..only at the club when a chic would come to ask for a dance…

now i dont know what research may have gone into it prior to the approach…..but i dont recall ever taking it any further than the dance…i may have been clueless, not sure.

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:48 am

BF – I’m sorry. I don’t understand the question. Can you please be more specific? Thanks.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:49 am

Purple Reign how are things in ten thousand lakes land?

Purple Reign

February 28th, 2014
9:50 am

disco, sometimes the approach has been a welcoming look and she starts heading my way or intitating a conversation and it flowed from there. I don’t like when a woman tries to be to forward and pushy(if that makes sense). Usually I do the approaching.

Into the Light

February 28th, 2014
9:51 am

BF, did you overindulge last night?!!!? :wink:

I could go for a bloody Mary this morning. Extra spicy…..

Purple Reign

February 28th, 2014
9:51 am

Hey Blackfoote, it’s cold but not as bad as it has been. How are things with you?

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:53 am

purple – I think I understand you on the forward and pushy. I’ll tell you what I also can’t stand – the chick who asks a guy to buy her a drink. I think that’s the tackiest move going. ugggh. I also hate chicks who go out with no money talking about “somebody will buy me a drink”. Just tacky waiting to happen while she’s sitting there parched. lol.

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:54 am

I don’t like when a woman tries to be to forward and pushy

…..if the woman approaches and a relationship develops,more than likely she is the one going to act like one of Reio’s girlfriends,taking you to the parents home,making arrangements for the wedding with her friends etc,talking about u in a serious way as boyfriend before u even know it….

thats the problem right there……

that is why personally, if she approaches and i like her some…its for us to simply enjoy steamy moments and leave it at that.

Into the Light

February 28th, 2014
9:55 am

co-sign that, disco. Tacky is not a good look.

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2014
9:55 am

If we’re opening the blog bar this early, I’ll take a mimosa. I had the best mimosa in Birmingham last Sunday made from fresh orange juice.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

February 28th, 2014
9:56 am

disco @9:32 ref whispering in his ear and giving him a few minutes to respond. I’ve had that go down with a friend I was with and the dude totally bombed out. It took him about thirty minutes to figure out whether he would approach and when he did the chick wasn’t interested any more……..LOL

Exiled!

February 28th, 2014
9:56 am

I’ll tell you what I also can’t stand – the chick who asks a guy to buy her a drink…..Just tacky waiting to happen while she’s sitting there parched. lol.

@Disco…us men know low hanging fruit when we see it..some days, we just wanna pluck that..and make it a nite. :lol:

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2014
9:56 am

disco – Yes it is annoying when a chick goes out looking for free drinks, but she’s usually the one who gets them.

disco

February 28th, 2014
9:57 am

ex – it really doesn’t matter who initiates contact. A person who is forward and pushy is generally going to be forward and pushy all (or at least most of) the time. it’s a personality trait.