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Are you a placeholder date?

Single people have to become really adept at figuring out who the time wasters are. There are some folks who have no real interest in dating someone for a relationship. They see dates as opportunities to gain attention, pass the time, or get meals and entertainment.

Some people even play the dating game so well, they just mastered the art of pretending to be really into you. While you believe you are getting closer, they are already plotting their exit. They are constantly on the look out for “something better” and you become the placeholder.

How can you determine if you are just a placeholder date? I can think of a few: They rarely ask you questions about your life. They don’t bring their friends or family around you. You don’t here about future plans beyond a week or two.

Have you ever been a placeholder date for someone? How can you tell when you are being used?

By Wise Diva

546 comments Add your comment

DurtyBurd

February 27th, 2014
7:01 am

Goooooooooood Mornnnnnnnnnnning!

Dang it, I leave for 2 months and 2C is pushing up on my future SO (GlammourGirl)…
Baby I am coming home sooonnnnn!

People who are just a tad bit craxzy…. Disco, Button, u know who….BluzGirl hurry and get the counseling degree they will need some help! hhehehehehehehe!

Purple Reign

February 27th, 2014
7:03 am

It’s easy for a man to tell if he’s being used. Also talking about the future after two weeks and bringing family around to soon is not a good litmus test. If a woman is having shallow conversation or only agrees to dinner dates only she is probably using you.

lee

February 27th, 2014
7:03 am

Good Morning,

How can you tell when you are being used? I believe everyone gets used at some degree for whatever. If you feel like you are being used then more likely than not you are.

If you are out just to date– then you are dating multiply people …well then everyone is a placeholder.

YesSheIsCute

February 27th, 2014
7:54 am

Good morning everyone! If I get an inkling that you really aren’t that into me, well, then I’m a placeholder. End of story, no need to hash it out and confirmed. You’re no longer relevant and crossed off the list. Have a great day :D

Button

February 27th, 2014
8:12 am

Isn’t that what dating is about, getting to know someone? You’ve not sealed the deal so when dating you’re going to be a placeholder. I’m all for mulit-dating. IMO we’re all placeholder until the deal is sealed = in a commited relationship.

Durty – prove it! lol

Good morning!

Button

February 27th, 2014
8:15 am

If you don’t want to remain a placeholder do something different than the rest. Make yourself stand out if he/she is who you want to be with. Keep it interesting.

Kat

February 27th, 2014
8:24 am

Isn’t everyone a placeholder until you become something more? I do agree with the comment that if dates are only for meals and entertainment of the $$$ sort, then that’s a red flag. Seems like a good date is a picnic at the park – when it’s warmer – or simple walks and such are the best for getting to know someone. If the date involves silence (movie theaters, or scarfing down food so you can get to an “early meeting”), then you know where you stand, and you are sinking fast.

Button

February 27th, 2014
8:36 am

When I was dating I couldn’t think about who else he’s dating, heck we’re just dating! I refuse to take my mind there. My thing was how are we vibing, is there a connection in the horizon. I kept it simple and light. If he was someone I really could see myself going farther with, then I would keep him preoccupied with us so he wouldn’t have the chance to think about anyone else knocking those other placeholders out of the water. When I was dating I refuse to believe that he was just sitting there doing absolutely nothing until I came along.

SlimNu

February 27th, 2014
8:37 am

Good morning,

I agree with Button’s first post that we’re all placeholder’s while dating…as you spend time together, you’re weighing whether or not this person is lining up with your wants, needs, desires etc.
However, I cannot say I agree with the part about, make yourself stand out if he/she is who you want to be with. I mean, that almost sounds like doing something fake in order to make a person like you. I could be interpreting it wrong though. But i’m just going to be myself and if it doesn’t mesh, then it doesn’t mesh. I’m jumping through hoops just to get someone to like me.

Cold enough for ya’ll today?

Button

February 27th, 2014
8:43 am

SlimNu – no need to go thru hoops for someone that’s not what I was suggesting. But we all have gone the extra mile to stand out. even something simple as cooking for that someone special we go that extra mile to make it go “bam”

Button

February 27th, 2014
8:50 am

SlimNu – my late husband won me over by keeping me fully stocked with snicker bars lol He knew it was favorite candy bar. I was a super snicker freak back in the day. He paid attention to me and what I really liked and won my heart over with it. It’s the little things that is a big deal that’s what I meant by making yourself stand out. The other guys never got it. lol I knew from then on he listened to me and for that reason is why we went from dating to commitment.

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
8:59 am

Button..I dint know your hubby passed…sad!

good cold morning folks…

Place holder?
I used to hold the place..for the most part.. :lol: if u know what i mean….
I have always seen things that gals I was dating did not seem to see..because of their lust and thirst for me…..blinded them……..

If he aint put a ring on it..to territorialize it..after dating for a bit.like 2 years….U a place holder!
Come on..u know even animals will urinate on it(land) to wad off the other rummaging animals….territory…

Howdee MIA!

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:05 am

Good morning.

Diva, are you talking about me? every single guy in my rotation right now is a placeholder. lol.

durty – don’t come back starting mess out the gate. Ease into it.

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:10 am

Disco….how is it a real rotation when uall dont hunch? :lol:

or u mean,financial rotation?

2CPTG©

February 27th, 2014
9:16 am

…..ain’ gon lie, thought the same thing ~~~>Diva, are you talking about me?…sound just like you….

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:17 am

exiled – why are you almost always the very first person to bring up hunching? My rotation can mean whatever I want it to mean because it’s my rotation. a few weeks ago I was watching Blaxploitation flicks, last week I was watching comedies. I’m not sure yet what this weekend’s movie rotation will be but guess what – I get to decide. Quit trying to peek up under folks’ clothes. I done told you….

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:19 am

2C – my rotation exists because it makes sense. Sure I’m single. I can choose to be die-hard, woe is me, I ain’t got nobody single OR I can do what I want, when I want and occasionally invite someone else along for the ride. Just like we talk about the male ego, the female ego is real. to walk around with no rotation (translation – absolutely nobody who wants you) is kind of pitiful. I’m a lot of things but pitiful isn’t one of them.

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:23 am

Disco…whats wrong with aksing for clarifications on what u put out publicly?

when u speak of rotation on these boards,unless u specify what type of rotation,we assume hunching rotation…this is not a travelling blog….this is a dating and hunching blog….

so….
anyway, I knew u chumps dont hunch so i had to poke u to make u specify…….

Boy or boy..u hate being hunched by a chump,donthca? :lol: ur fangs came out! :lol:

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:29 am

ex – if we must be specific, allow me to clarify – this is a dating or even more specifically a MISADVENTURES in dating blog. sure hunching comes up occasionally BUT it is not all about hunching and MOST folks don’t try to make it all about hunching. Now, I don’t have a problem discussing hunching but I do have a problem with you always trying to get up in the business of MY hunching habits. Pull back, raise up, do whatever it is you need to do. ijs.

SlimNu

February 27th, 2014
9:29 am

Button – Ok, thanks for the clarification…now it makes more sense. I’m big on being thoughtful and listening to each other. So that was super sweet of your hubby to bring you a little bit of simple joy with stocking you up with your favorite candies. I believe I shared a story with you all about one of the good guys i’ve had the pleasure of dating. Well, we had spoken on the phone or whatever and I must’ve mentioned not being a big steak fan. So when he invited me over for a meal he had prepared, I was blown away that he remembered what I said. He made himself a steak but made me baked fish instead. That is so simple but like you stated, it’s the little things. That meant he was actually listening to what I said during our several conversations.

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:31 am

Disco..okeeey…so ur rotation is what rotation again?..financial,user rotation,chump rotation..what?

2CPTG©

February 27th, 2014
9:32 am

disco, I wasn’t implying anything, the topic just sounded so you…that’s all….like someone said, we’re all placeholders til we both decide where we’re going with it….

Durty……I gotta recoup my losses man!

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:33 am

we had spoken on the phone ……….So when he invited me over for a meal he had prepared

@Slim..u brave!

or u were just ready! :lol:

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:34 am

2C – you know your posts don’t bother me. heck, yesterday you called me a heffa and I laughed. lol.

ex –it’s too early. leave me alone. i’m passing the baton. bug someone else.

2CPTG©

February 27th, 2014
9:36 am

and disco, I can agree, my rotation runs the gamut as well…..depends on what I’m seeking at that particular time…and you’re right, it’s nice to have a choice…

SlimNu

February 27th, 2014
9:39 am

Ex – Are you bored this morning? You are really reaching, straight out the gate. We had been out on a few dates before I ever went to his house. So just relax your nasty mind before you blow a gasket.

Button

February 27th, 2014
9:39 am

SlimNu – :wink: that was so nice of him. I always pay attention to the little things, those are the stuff that really shine thru outweighing all the platform stuff. When you’re dating not hooking up, it’s about the other person, not about you. When you both make it about the other person it’s so much better. fluid!

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:41 am

Slim…just a question ..u wrote it so i can read,right….none more,none less…

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:43 am

Slim – ex is just being ex. he can’t help it. lol.

Now back on topic: I’m that chick that is an excellent listener (even if sometimes I only half pay attention). lol. I ask simple, non-essential questions because I really don’t care enough to ask important questions. The answers don’t really matter to me because I don’t really want you. I share very little about myself. Just basic, surface information that means nothing. I’ve had countless guys comment that I know more about them than they know about me. I tell them it’s because they talk too much and tell me all their business. whose fault is that?

Sassy Me

February 27th, 2014
9:45 am

Chile please…

Fay

February 27th, 2014
9:48 am

Good Morning

Never been a serial dater…if you get my number you have a 90% chance that I will only talk to you. I just don’t have the time or patience to talk to multiple people about the same thing. Another thing about that is if we are casual dating and it includes intimacy 100% chance I am not talking to anyone else…now my partner may have a different idea and the first sign that I get that he is talking to someone else I am pulling back or jumping ship. I like giving folks a fair chance and I have that same expectation I don’t compete unless it is with my own self.

SlimNu

February 27th, 2014
9:49 am

Ex – I’ve prepared a pallet for you under the stairs…have fun. :roll:

Leggs

February 27th, 2014
9:50 am

This is why so many are walking solo and are cool with it. We all start out as placeholders because not many are sure “you are the one.” As time moves along you’ll either move from placeholder status to an actual exclusive relationship. If no exclusivity, then you’re still a placeholder. Too many freaking games, too many ulterior motives. It’s hard to connect with another, but it’s not impossible. Be aware, and if you pay attention you’ll quickly find out if your a placeholder date. So many just want to be noticed that they’ll accept this behavior when they find out exactly what the true agenda is. Me, I’m out twirling in the wind.

Good morning.

Button

February 27th, 2014
9:51 am

disco – I have a dream that one day you will meet that special someone and you will be asking all kinds of important quesitons and tellling all of your business lol

disco

February 27th, 2014
9:53 am

Button – asking questions maybe. Telling all my business? never that. to the grave chica, to the grave.

Into the Light

February 27th, 2014
9:54 am

Morning, all.

Why do some folks have to be disgusting first thing in the morning? Ugh.

As for placeholders, yeah. … been there, done that. We all have, and it’s not a mean thing, unless you are sending mixed messages.

Exiled!

February 27th, 2014
9:55 am

casual dating and it includes intimacy 100%

Fay…? so u agree to casually date and hunch..but u dont want ur fellow hunchee to fulfil their side of casual dating to to other folks ..sounds like somebody is dribbling themselves…. :lol:
hmmpff?

@Slim..thanx

Fay

February 27th, 2014
10:00 am

Leggs..Too many freaking games, too many ulterior motives. It’s hard to connect with another…Exactly.

I don’t want to date everybody always thinking if their “the one” that feeling is so fleeting…and too many options… If you are nice/respectable/honest/nice looking/ ..you have a better chance at being “the one” than some magical connection that I have go through hundreds of people to find …just my opinion.

Leggs

February 27th, 2014
10:02 am

disco ~ when I read the topic your name popped in my head with shiny lights (lolol). If ain’t pimping if you got it. Who said that, T.I!!!!

Fay

February 27th, 2014
10:03 am

Ex..hey I never said I was fair…or not stingy. The casual dating stuff is very new to me I am used to getting cuffed immediately …so I just aint made for “casual” …so bottom line I say casual but it really aint casual.

Sassy Me

February 27th, 2014
10:03 am

Why do some folks have to be disgusting first thing in the morning? Ugh

IKR?!

Placeholders…as it’s already been iterated, we’ve all been there a time or two and have done it to others as well. That being said, this can also be a game that people play while waiting for something else(the person they really want) to come along….in that case, “Let the door nob hit ya where the good lawd split ya and K.I.M” Miss me with that..

Leggs

February 27th, 2014
10:04 am

“why are you almost always the very first person to bring up hunching?”

disco ~ haven’t you heard, he’s our resident sex fiend. He can’t control himself. His mind stays on sex 24/7.

Fay

February 27th, 2014
10:06 am

game that people play while waiting for something else(the person they really want) to come along….in that case, “Let the door nob hit ya where the good lawd split ya

I agree

2CPTG©

February 27th, 2014
10:08 am

leave my dude Ex, alone….y’all know he makes some valid points…

Celisea

February 27th, 2014
10:10 am

Meh, I don’t know if I agree with the term “placeholder”, what is that? I mean I read what Diva wrote, but I would just call it folks playing games. And really any “getting used” is on me. Yep, you gotta do at least one date and if buddy paid, good convo, had a pretty decent time, I wouldn’t call that placeholder nor getting used. So, no “everybody ain’t been there…at some point.” Now, if you’re letting buddy smash in exchange for a burger and a couple hours of his time, with no end in sight…that’s on you. You shouldn’t date anybody eternally before realizing he (or she for that matter) don’t really want nothing. It’s not rocket science. And yep, I’m team “please my boo”, but you better dang believe, if things ain’t progressing, coming to fruition, I’m always keep numero uno on the forefront. I can do both at the same time, and if there’s an imbalance, I dang shole won’t relegate to bottom. Ain’t happening.

Half the battle is shutting out folks that talk negative about time and age. I won’t EVA take crap or “less than” from anybody. Bump age and getting older. What does that have to do with anything? Don’t believe the hype (of settling). I hear folks talking about dudes calling out of the blue, to boot being disrespectful (what color is yo underwear….chile please), or making dates and bailing. Shoot, you won’t get but one chance to show me mitchazzedness. Yeen gotta convince me and ya dang shole won’t become an irritant. IJS, if you ALLOW yourself to be dated endlessly, or stood up or calling (or texting) out of the blue, disrespectfully but can’t come through, that’s on you for reading, listing, accepting (calls), etc. Cut it off and swiftly at that.

You can get rid of loosers…it ain’t hard. Block, delete, igged, all of it.

Into the Light

February 27th, 2014
10:12 am

2, 2, 2…..

Celisea

February 27th, 2014
10:15 am

“listening” not listing

2CPTG©

February 27th, 2014
10:16 am

what is it, Light?

Button

February 27th, 2014
10:17 am

LEggs – His mind stays on sex 24/7.–so does mine, so does mine

daddy swiss

February 27th, 2014
10:19 am

On topic: I got nothing.

Totally off topic pet peeve: Note to all athletes, coaches, sportscasters, etc.: “Versus” and “verse” do not mean the same thing, nor are they pronounced the same way.

Okay, carry on.