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Dating: Out of your league

The competition of the dating scene in Atlanta can get stiff for some people. Finding ways to stand out and get noticed can be hard for some. That does not mean it is impossible, just challenging. This is why some people are better at it than others.

Have you ever spotted a couple and one them seems way more attractive? Ever wonder why a short man with little money has a super gorgeous tall woman? Have you seen a homely looking woman on the arm of a fine as wine man? How does that happen? It’s because looks are not all that it takes to get someone’s attention.

Sometimes sex appeal, confidence, and personality can make a person get noticed. My friend Kevin says that he sees so many guys “dating out of their league” here and it is becoming more commonplace.

When it comes to attraction, do you think dating in your league is a myth?

Aside from someone’s physical appearance, what else catches your attention?

By Wise Diva

196 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

February 26th, 2014
5:37 am

Good morning.

This dating league talk is bull. I like what I like and that’s what I like. I prefer tall guys but have dated short guys and will continue to. I don’t have a type. What catches my attention is personality, nice smile, well-dressed/clean appearance. I like a funny guy who knows when to be serious.

Someone was on Facebook the other day talking about women need to rate their looks (honestly) and date below that rating if they want a successful relationship. Example: Let’s say I rate myself a 7. I need to date 7 and below. Preferably 6 and below to have a successful relationship. Apparently the 6 and belows will find me a catch and are less apt to screw up the relationship with antics such as cheating or just plain being a dumb jerk.

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
6:38 am

Shallow topic. What I think is a 10 may be a 5 to someone else. Being confident, easy going and fun is attractive to me.

lee

February 26th, 2014
6:40 am

I am not in competition with anyone except myself to be better than i was the day before, now if i am dating a guy and i have to compete against a bunch of women i will go –if you still need a fan club of ladies then i was not the one for you and will gladly leave you be.

How a guy talks to others (those people whom are not family or friends) is he rude /talks down to others or does he show respect and be polite … and a great sense of humor is required

As for the why does this hot person with a not so appealing person together, well i believe its in the heart. Looks can attract but the heart will keep them there… Now we seen this in reverse –ever seen a hot looking person only to hear them talk down to others act like a real azz , it seems by watching either actions they become less hot every time they open their mouths to speak and soon you are turned off thinking what an ugly person they truly are!
good morning

Button

February 26th, 2014
8:08 am

Purple – agree!

I was just talking to a buddy of mine about this very samething. He is as shallow as they come. It’s always about looks for him but get this, he’s not a prize. That’s why his behind has been single for over a decade. I laugh at him all the time. I just want to tell him he’s not a catch and he should be the last to judge a woman on her looks saying that she’s out of his league….she’s not hot.

Good morning!

disco

February 26th, 2014
8:44 am

Good morning. sounds like most are prepared to take the mature approach re not being shallow. That’s all well and good but I still think we all know what “dating out of one’s league” means. It’s not always about physical looks. It could be that the village idiot hooks up with the valedictorian. Or it could be that the hardest working brother out there ends up with the laziest heffa in town. One’s league essentially ties into the whole “equally yoked” thing. personally I’m fine with dating in my own league. Wouldn’t mind going up a notch or two but not too high because then it might just be awkward. Still, I’ve always said that my equation for dating is “greater than or equal to”. I’m not in it to be taking shorts.

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
9:21 am

to early for this:

ain’t no such thing as “dating out of your league!” Not to me, anyways…..if I be boy, and you be girl, then dammit, you’re in my league….y’all throwing superficial stuff into something that should be natural;

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
9:23 am

disco- Wise emphasis “looks” in her question. lol If a an active person ends up with a lazy person that’s because the person accepted it. Books smarts don’t always translate to common sense so maybe that’s the common ground between the village idiot and the valedictorian, or the valedictorian didn’t find the other brainiacs interesting?

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
9:24 am

2C, I think women only view the “out of your league” stuff. If a man has a fine woman regardless of his status other guys are going to give him “props”.

disco

February 26th, 2014
9:29 am

purple – I get it. just saying that I do believe there is such a thing as “one’s league”. Not necessarily saying that in dating one needs to stay in their lane but I definitely believe that there are different lanes.

So… do you all think that when it comes to looks most guys date “up”?

YesSheIsCute

February 26th, 2014
9:31 am

@2C so we going on a cruise? :lol: which one? And do you have a passport?

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
9:34 am

and Wise’s friend Kevin……what dude judges another dude in any situation? outta their league….dude, please….

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
9:34 am

I seem to always date out of my league…unfortunately, it’s on the wrong end!!! No more. I want an equal from here on out.

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
9:35 am

Oh…good morning!!!

MsAtl

February 26th, 2014
9:37 am

Morning All!

What is this league of which you speak? I don’t believe in putting myself in a box. Looks may catch the eye but it will not keep the attention. Give me a man who is sane, respectful, confident (not arrogant), caring, and who adores me (lol).
Yes, I have seen folks who appear to be mismatched (thing Notorious BIG and Faith Evans), but you are just getting a 10-second glimpse at their appearance; you don’t know whether he is the most amazing man in the world to that women and that is why she doesn’t care about his looks.

MsAtl

February 26th, 2014
9:37 am

Bluz- Lol. Damn!

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
9:41 am

There was one I dated who I thought was too good looking for me, but he ended up being psycho…so, I ended up being WAY out of his league!

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:42 am

I don’t believe in “out of your league” language. Everybody is good enough for everybody and those folks that buy into such is just plain silly. What’s beautiful to one won’t necessarily be beautiful to another. The threshold for one (as in what’s not doable) is not the same for another.

However, eeeevery now and again, you come across a c0cky dude (or woman), that landed what he or she may deem an “attractive” mate, causing stuff to get skewed for him (or her). Just cause your woman (or dude) umm, it hawt don’t add a thing to you. You don’t get to brag off ya boo, nor do you get to place folks in the “looks” lane….based off ya boo.

For real though, this is the most rid iculous thing I ever heard….dating out of your league. What does that mean (rhetorically) really? If I had to define it, I think more so in terms of a chick going nowhere and a dude up on his game and she’s tryna ride or a dude that’s got the gift of “getting” sponsored, rolling up on someone that rejects his game, and he feels some kinda way about the rejection. Almost like he’s entitled cause them other chicks did it for him. Something along those lines.

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
9:42 am

equal? as in what, socioeconomic status? race? gender? what is equal?

Button

February 26th, 2014
9:42 am

I don’t think about looks but I think about wealth, education, extrovert dating an introvert when I hear dating out of your league.

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:42 am

Dern it….I’m not retyping that!!

Leggs

February 26th, 2014
9:42 am

Is there really a dating league? If you’re attracted to me and I’m attracted to you, that’s the league were in…compatibility! Looks are the initial factor that interests a person, but personality, character, healthy self-esteem, etc is what helps build a relationship. There’s no league, go for what you want.

My first thought reading the topic was a reality show I was watching Doctors Wives in Atlanta (?). One doctor met his wife sitting at the bar at Justin’s. She’s came across to me as uncouth, street, challenged speaking English (although English is her first language) and downright ghetto. However, this doctor saw something in her to marry her. Could be she was his build a woman project. Point being, no telling what attracts another! There’s no league, just two people putting in the time!

Good morning.

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:43 am

The blog ate my post….and it was good one too! Pooh

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
9:43 am

MsAtl, that’s about how I see it, too.

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
9:46 am

For me, the most equal thing I would like right now is financial stability. He doesn’t have to be rich, but be able to take care of himself.

Leggs

February 26th, 2014
9:47 am

One’s league essentially ties into the whole “equally yoked” – I somewhat disagree, disco. Perhaps I’m looking at league differently in that I’m on the side of profession, status, position. Being “evenly yoked” asserts that both parties are looking for the same thing from a relationship, their views on life are very similar, their aspirations are on par with one another and their morals and values complement each other.

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:48 am

In essence, “outta ya league” stuff is BS, pretty much. You can buy into that mess if you wanna, but umm naw…no such thing.

If I just had to define, I’d say it’s the dude that’s got the gift of gab and getting sponsored and runs up on a chick that ain’t with it….and he gets salty. Stay in ya lane dude. Stay with your sponsors…lol

YesSheIsCute

February 26th, 2014
9:51 am

2C you didn’t answer my questions :D

Leggs

February 26th, 2014
9:52 am

“if I be boy, and you be girl, then dammit, you’re in my league….y’all throwing superficial stuff into something that should be natural

Indeed!

disco

February 26th, 2014
9:52 am

I feel like if a person would reject another person as a dating possibility for any reason whatsoever it is almost essentially like saying that person is out of your league or rather not in your league. Some folks are self-centered enough to out and out say he or she “isn’t good enough”. Others are too polite to say it in that way. At the end of the day, you date to match your standards. Folks either meet, don’t meet or exceed your standards. So to me, league is simply matching up your standards.

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
9:53 am

disco- as a man I would think anyone woman I dated looked better than me. So when it comes to looks I always date “up”

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:57 am

Now, I do believe in what the good book cause being equally yoked. But that ain’t got jack to do with looks, money, etc. That’s more on faith and how the two can grow….together. How that one person’s faith and walk will be hindered by someone that’s not a believer. So, all physical stuff aside, the instruction there is to get with someone of a kindred spirit. Who is a believer, fears and honors the Almighty, have the same goal for living right. Not saying you’re perfect or have always been in “that” place, but if you’re there now, the mission would be to find someone that can walk the same path with you, so you don’t have disruptions in your walk. Cause Lord knows you and a ratchet partner just ain’t gon work.

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
9:57 am

calls not cause

Into the Light

February 26th, 2014
10:02 am

Morning, all.

I don’t worry so much about the looks as I do his brain, his ambition, his morals. If those are aligned with mine, then we’re good.

I know it’s early to be off topic, but this cold rainy day has me in a mood. Hmph.

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
10:03 am

ITL – I heard it’s supposed to be sunny this afternoon. I hope so! Days like this make me so sleepy!

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
10:07 am

ITL, put your socks on.

disco

February 26th, 2014
10:08 am

purple – I find that’s the general consensus with a lot of men. thing is that would mean a lot of women know they are hooking up with men that are less attractive than they are. A lot of women are perfectly okay with that but I guess that’s when “degrees of ugly” come in. you can be one or two levels lower but 5 or 6 ain’t gone work. Now all of a sudden, you aren’t in my league. lol.

Purple Reign

February 26th, 2014
10:09 am

lol, is there a true definition of “ugly”

disco

February 26th, 2014
10:13 am

purple – probably not but most folks know it when they see it. lol. like I’ve heard said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but ugly is fairly universal.

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
10:14 am

I try not to say anyone is ugly…just not attractive to me. A purse or a shirt or shoes can be ugly, but not a person. Unattractive people need love too!

Into the Light

February 26th, 2014
10:15 am

Unfortunately, Purp, they are on and staying on. :lol:

Bluz, I hope so, bc I have plans for tonight.

Leggs

February 26th, 2014
10:15 am

“is there a true definition of “ugly”” – Yes there is. If his looks hurts your eyes or you’re looking through squinted eyes, your hurt in the looks department.

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
10:17 am

disco, so you’re saying one’s league is defined by his/her standards? In that case, everyone is in a league of their own.

and yes, Cutie.

Celisea

February 26th, 2014
10:26 am

I teach my kid to keep hateful words like “ugly” out her mouth. I teach her first off, God made us all and next, just cause it’s not your cup of tea don’t mean it’s not a goldmine for another. I don’t want her growing up doing stuff based off a “feeling” and surface things. Folks that learn to go deep and run things deeper IMO are those most satisfied….overall….in everything. I tell get the heck away from superficial, fake surface folks. Nothing to them.

disco

February 26th, 2014
10:28 am

2C – yep. Essentially everyone does get to determine their own league.

Into the Light

February 26th, 2014
10:31 am

LOL@disco. What’s funny though is some guy thinking he’s in the majors and he’s really on some little League team.

Bluzgirl

February 26th, 2014
10:33 am

I know some girls who think they are a 10 when they are really a 5 or 6. But…because they act like they are a 10, they tend to get good looking men.

disco

February 26th, 2014
10:36 am

bluz – not to get “ugly” so early but it could be because they act like dimes or it could be because they honed some skills. ijs.

2CPTG©

February 26th, 2014
10:36 am

well, in that case, Kevin, if you’re reading this, then you can’t say who’s outta who’s league, unless you know that person’s standards!

Button

February 26th, 2014
10:38 am

ugly or shall I say unattractive & beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

DuShawn

February 26th, 2014
10:40 am

The whole “dating out your league” mentality is actually the manifestation of self imposed limitations. However, there is some legitimacy in the ideology. It’s really more a matter of realistic expectations, insecurities and probability of success. For instance, if an average guy saw Nicole Murphy pull up in a Bentley, go in a club and sit alone in VIP, he would want to step to her, but that “out your league” thinking would suggest: “Dude she been went Eddie Murphy and Michael Strahan, she’s accustomed to mansions and millions, why would she want you?” Realistically…..he’s probably right………the probability for success…..slim to none…….but if you never test the boundaries of your league, you may underestimate how far they reach.