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Decision time: Calling it quits

When you have given a new romance ample time to bloom and it isn’t going anywhere, do you know when it’s time to call it quits? There are some single people who bail at the first sign of incompatibility, but there are others who don’t. When you are trying to figure out if you should stay or go, how do you know for sure which way to go?

My friend Jay says that if the sense of humor is not there, he knows they won’t last. I have another friend Crystal who believes that a man who complains about her pet dog can’t be the one for her. These are valid reasons for them but some people don’t see them as reasonable.

What are valid reasons to call it quits when you are trying to decide if you should be with someone? If you have any doubts, is that confirmation that it isn’t meant to be?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

372 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

February 25th, 2014
5:53 am

Good morning everyone!

Like I always say, you know the special olympics when you see it! Typically, in new romances it should be relatively easy to walk away as soon as you realize the situation for what it is.

lee

February 25th, 2014
6:50 am

Good Morning,
Valid reasons to call it quits: You want a relationship and he/she doesn’t … You want kids and he/she doesn’t … travel the world but the other person just wants to sit on the couch…if the other person does not want to do the main thing that you want as part of your life it would be best no move it along…

Button

February 25th, 2014
8:17 am

When you are trying to figure out if you should stay or go, how do you know for sure which way to go? when I’ve given it my all, my best and I don’t recieve it in return.

What are valid reasons to call it quits when you are trying to decide if you should be with someone? for me the number one thing is his appriecation for life. If he is shallow minded and live in a bubble I wouldn’t go any farther with a guy. Negativity will get the door shut in a guy’s face. (2) undecisiveness (3) noncompromising (4) if he doesn’t like kids (5) if he continually make bad judgements (6) if he’s in financial/physically/emotionally in shambles. (7) if he’s a horrible kisser.

Good morning!

Button

February 25th, 2014
8:47 am

8) any guy with a loser mentality.

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
8:49 am

today’s math lesson:

compatibility = how much, for how long! how much can you deal with, and for what length of time;

this is inversely proportionate to one’s age, goals, and ambition; the younger you are, the longer you tend to hang around to see if it’s gon’ work; while the older you get, the shorter time you have for the nonsense…

disco

February 25th, 2014
8:50 am

Good morning. if you want out, any reason is a good enough reason to call it quits. Quite frankly, if you want out you don’t even need a reason. just be out.

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
9:03 am

Quite frankly, if you want out you don’t even need a reason. just be out.

yeah……

Button

February 25th, 2014
9:14 am

disco – simply said lol but just like I need reason(s) to get witcha, I need reason(s) to quitcha. lol

Celisea

February 25th, 2014
9:14 am

When you have given a new romance ample time to bloom and it isn’t going anywhere….

You make this statement and still asks?? IJS, some things are a given…at some point.

That’s all I got…lol IMO this is a really easy one.

Button

February 25th, 2014
9:15 am

2C – your point seems logical but with some age doesn’t even matter, some will stay the duration bc they don’t want to get to know someone new.

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:18 am

button – gotcha. Still some folks are too polite to say the real reason. too concerned about hurting someone’s feelings. Those are the folks that generally stay past expiration dates hoping things get better or the ones who ultimately resort to “it’s not you, it’s me” or even worse “the dear john letter”. I’m not a fan of the fade away or disappearing act but once a person has faded away or disappeared you can’t deny that you completely understand their intentions. They simply don’t want to be with you. deal with it. lol.

Leggs

February 25th, 2014
9:20 am

“If you have any doubts, is that confirmation that it isn’t meant to be?” – Not always, but if those doubts are persistent, you better take heed. If you’re forcing yourself to remain with this person, the relationship is doomed. Splitsville will be the next stop….

Good morning.

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:20 am

button – re getting to know someone new. That’s where I am on friends. I’m constantly telling folks I am perfectly content with the friends that I have. I am not looking for new ones, don’t need new ones. I can meet new people and we can be cool and kick it or whatever but my friend slots are taken. No new applicants need apply. Besides, the chances of finding another batch of folks who know me, accept me, tolerate me and still like me are probably kind of slim. lol.

YesSheIsCute

February 25th, 2014
9:22 am

@disco I can understand that because I’ve had that thought before. I’m over the past. It’s time for me to spread my wings and fly…when my daughter leaves of course :D

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
9:22 am

Button…..I’m a logical kinda guy….like your statement about needing a reason to leave someone, while logical on the surface, when dealing with humans and emotions, sometimes logic is thrown out the window….

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:26 am

yes – not to be all up in yours but when you spread your wings and take flight, just where exactly are you headed? South for the winter? lol.

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:27 am

yes – are you the one always talking about Germany? Someone on here is but I don’t recall who. I met the coolest little fella from Germany recently. We are now “email buddies”.

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
9:32 am

I think that any reason is a valid reason. It could be something superficial or something major. If you’re not feeling it, you’re just not feeling it.

I agree with Leggs that doubts don’t necessarily equal confirmation that it won’t work. A lot of the time doubts are fears. Fear of letting someone in, fear of loving again and getting hurt, etc. It’s the red flags that you should be paying the most attention to!

Morning!!!

O/T – last night was the first night in a week I have gotten good sleep and man do I feel like a million bucks!

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
9:33 am

see….disco, this is what I be talkin bout…..total stranger ~~~~> I met the coolest little fella from Germany recently. We are now “email buddies”.….and we’ve been knowing each other for how long now?

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:35 am

2C – but he was so wonderful and I actually met him in person and, well, you are just a blog personality. You are real, but you aren’t really real. lol. actually, I may have a proposition for you. I may be emailing you soon. And by soon I actually mean before new years.

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
9:36 am

proposition? before you even ask, hell no, I’m not sponsoring a trip to Germany!

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:44 am

2C – dag. do you really think I’m that low down? should an opportunity present itself, I can get myself to Germany (by hook or by crook). lol.

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
9:47 am

I’d like an email buddy!!! I should write my British guy…haven’t talked to him in ages…

disco

February 25th, 2014
9:52 am

bluz – leave british guy alone. find a new email buddy. Remember this is the year of the new bluz. no point bringing back old folks. I went on a cruise a few years ago and ran into this group of sisters. They were Nigerian. One lived in Chicago, two lived in London and one lived in some country I don’t remember. We kept in touch briefly but all fell off. we did have a good time on the cruise though. they were rocking their traditional African gear on formal nights. Had a whole cruise ship full of people jocking them. lol.

Button

February 25th, 2014
9:53 am

disco – same for me @ friends. I’m always open to meeting new ppl but to say that they will be bff is kinda reaching. I can say and do call them aquaintances – afl (aquaintances for life). They have a position in my life and I do in theirs as well. But when it comes to dating we’re going to want to know why said person dipped.

gosh now the song reasons by earth wind and fire is in my head! lol

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
9:54 am

But he’s so cute and nice, disco!!!! LOL! You’re right…

Button

February 25th, 2014
9:55 am

2C – there’s always a reason we do something. the reason we breathe is to live, the reason we eat is to grow/live….et al

YesSheIsCute

February 25th, 2014
10:01 am

@disco I just like it. It was fun. I of course am going to go to other countries but the bulk of my vacation days will be spent on Germany :) So where did you meet the German guy?

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
10:03 am

Button….there’s a reason for everything?

why are we here?

Purple Reign

February 25th, 2014
10:04 am

Validity if reasons vary from person to person. If it isn’t work it isn’t work, bad things come when you try and force it by ignoring your reasons. Bad things will come if you are seeking validation to stay as well.

disco

February 25th, 2014
10:12 am

yes – met him while he was traveling the East Coast. he says his next trip is to Leipzig. Have you been there? he sent me a link re some of the highlights. It looks interesting.

disco

February 25th, 2014
10:14 am

button – when I was younger I used to want to know why a person dipped. Now I don’t question it. I know. they dipped because they wanted to. they dipped because they didn’t like me as much as they thought or as much as I thought. they dipped because they felt they had better options. I can answer the question why any number of ways. It all adds up to the same thing. you roll with it and keep going.

Leggs

February 25th, 2014
10:17 am

Bluz ~ I remember that British guy, let him be! Progress means no backtracking. Stop looking in the rearview mirror at what was and look straight ahead at what could be….

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
10:21 am

Bluz is a glutton for heartache……..perhaps why you like “the blues”????? I’m just speculating here…

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
10:21 am

I’ll let him be…I promise. We are Facebook friends and occasionally comment on each other’s posts and pictures. That’s all it needs to be.

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
10:22 am

It’s just fun to have a flirty thing going when you know it won’t go anywhere.

disco

February 25th, 2014
10:23 am

bluz – cool because to help you be the best new you that you can be we are done with all that counseling crap. No more comfy couch up in this camp. Backslide if you want to, you will get the wrath. ijs. lol.

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
10:26 am

It’s just fun to have a flirty thing going when you know it won’t go anywhere.

what kinda warped thinking is that?

kimmie

February 25th, 2014
10:26 am

Morning All!!

On topic – Who gets to decide whether a reason is “valid” or not??? This is kind of a pet peeve of mine. I don’t care how small or shallow or whatever YOU think it is, if I’m not happy and want out, GUESS WHAT??? It’s nothing worse that someone hanging around after the expiration date, stale and rot have set in. THEY JUST NOT INTO YOU!! I’m a firm believer in things playing out just as they are meant to. So what if you jumped ship early on? Even if you find out later your suspicions were not correct, that’s still no guarantee its would have worked out. Just because the other person seems “nice”, it doesn’t mean they are nice FOR YOU!!

Bluz – Girl leave Brit alone! You not hard up for friends, don’t act like it. And he may be cute, but do you think the way he blew you off makes him nice? Really???

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
10:27 am

I hope to not need the comfy couch anymore! LOL! Ya’ll are totally right…No need to go backwards.

Button

February 25th, 2014
10:28 am

disco – either way they dipped bc of a reason. maybe minor maybe big but there’s a reason he dipped.

2C – you’re here to spread your seed. To work from sun up to sun down and give the Most High the praise.

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2014
10:30 am

2C – You don’t ever flirt with women just to flirt?

disco

February 25th, 2014
10:31 am

button – you are correct. There is a reason. my only point is that at the end of the day, that reason does not matter so if a person dips and doesn’t share the reason with you, don’t sweat it. you don’t need to know why. You just need to know that they don’t want you no mo. Why they don’t want you is irrelevant. that’s a tremendous life lesson. The sooner one learns it, the better off they’ll be.

hey kimmie!!!

Button

February 25th, 2014
10:33 am

I don’t think anyone in their right mind hangs on to someone that’s clearly not into them. Clingers is what I call them. They are not treated with respect and dignity is out the window. smh but obviously there are ppl out there clinging on like lint to black pants.

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
10:35 am

Button 2C – you’re here to spread your seed. To work from sun up to sun down and give the Most High the praise. 67% correct….I can dig that.

Bluz, I try to have a purpose behind everything I do….I’on do nothing for just sh!ts and giggles….not at this stage of life…

Sassy Me

February 25th, 2014
10:36 am

I hope to not need the comfy couch anymore!

NO BLUZ!!!!!!!

Backslide if you want to, you will get the wrath. ijs. lol

Nuff said…

On topic: I’ve vacillated between these two places several times in past relationships. There have been times where I disappeared like smoke at the first sign of things going left…then there were times I tried to give the benefit of the doubt but ultimately it ended b/c we were growing in two different directions.

We have intuition for a reason and if there’s a reason that something isn’t sitting right with you then, “To thine own self be true”, and do what’s best for you.

Button

February 25th, 2014
10:37 am

2C – 33% off? hmmm what you got?

2CPTG©

February 25th, 2014
10:38 am

Button….as I ponder what you said, that ain’t a bad existence….hunch, work, and pray…..not bad at all…

YesSheIsCute

February 25th, 2014
10:38 am

@disco haven’t been but if it’s on the west side of Germany I will go. Post the links.

YesSheIsCute

February 25th, 2014
10:39 am

Since we’ve gotten all off topic. I have a question for the business owners/people who have started their own ventures. Anyone in here fit that bill?