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Mystery or History?

I have met people who refuse to go out with anyone without pre-screening them. They don’t do minor social media checks or a simple google search, either. They have major skills in doing background checks which include public record searches, criminal history checks etc.

I figure they just have zero confidence in their judgment and instinct. Of course some things can and should be verified, but some mystery can be sexy! Part of the fun in dating someone new is peeling all the layers to get to the real person. One who hopefully won’t terrify you, of course!

When you meet someone, are you determined to learn a lot about them before investing just a little time? Do you prefer a little mystery until you get a better sense of who they are?

Do you like to be a bit of a mystery to the people you date? Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

390 comments Add your comment

lee

February 21st, 2014
6:29 am

Do you like to be a bit of a mystery to the people you date? I find it exciting finding out how someone thinks getting to know them though questions and actions- boring if you knew everything already what would you have to talk about and discover?!
Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date? We would not be having a date, sounds like a controlling person and they can kick rocks…. you tell me about me before we even discuss it — that would be scary — STALKER crazy
Good Morning TGIF seems its pouring buses outside , we might need an ark..

Celisea

February 21st, 2014
7:01 am

Like it or not, mystery is there….initially. What I have done in the past, was a high level check. Seeing if address and job checks out what, if there phone number can be verified, if they’re on social media sites, etc. Now, if I can’t what I’m aiming for through those means, I’m certainly not going to voilate and invade a person’s privacy. I go with what’s at my fingertips, eyes ears opened, and following my gut. Trrrruuuuust, if a person is foul or stank, oh you’ll find out. Might take a minute, but it will reveal itself. What I have done to confirm a gut feeling is played on it……drawn out more. I haven’t gone to THAT extreme often, cause really a foul joker ain’t worth the work, but for the joker that thinks he invented shenanigans, it’s been necessary. Not that deep (honeslty and really), but I did it, cause he thought he put the slick in oil. Anyhoo, you won’t know everything initially, you have to allow time to unfold and reveal “the person.” Sometimes the unfold is pleasantly surprising and sometimes you get rotten. And I’ll just add this, a joker will become like a bad taste in your mouth. You have to be almost stupd to not recognize cause the rotten ones can ONLY be what they are.

Off topic: I’m up early, getting ready to head out. Today is the last day of our conference. I tell ya, these folks been itching to get loose down here…lol I videoed folks going at it last night. I just knew somebody would either be naked or in the pool before the night was over with…..lololol Candlelight dinner was set up by the pool last night, and it seems the bar just never closed…lol I had the Market Exec (apparently was watching me), to ask me if he can have one of my videos to play this morning. That’s gonna be interesting cause folks was getting smashed. This has probably been the best conference yet…..it’s been a real blast!

Alright, I have to get ready….Toodles!!!

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
7:38 am

Hello everyone

Never have, never will. I like to get to know a person, and when your actions don’t add up to your words, I have no problem moving on to the next one. I’m not “investing” anything in anyone.

button

February 21st, 2014
8:17 am

When you meet someone, are you determined to learn a lot about them before investing just a little time? I’m determined to learn as much as possible. I’ve gone to websites to see if the guy was recently in jail or prison. Not that he fit the description or anything like that but just to see. There was this one guy I found out that was in jail numerous of times for assult and domestic violence. He was a church guy, sitting close to the front row. Always in church every sunday lol singing and clapping lol I quickly dismissed him. It’s good to have a clue of who you’re spending time with.

Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date? no and they should but most guys aren’t doing that bc most have an agenda. And besides most guys are very forgiving anyway hence the increase of strippers getting married.

Good morning!

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
8:21 am

Button, so being a stripper makes her a bad person? Women are a lot more forgiving than guys because most women think they can change him into a better person. Lets get started early this morning!! (LOL)

Button

February 21st, 2014
8:26 am

Single – yes to some ppl strippers are bad ppl. I don’t think a woman should parade her naked body to strangers for a dolla. You on the other hand might not say so bc you get a “rise” out of em. lol

Button

February 21st, 2014
8:27 am

Single – so do some men, they think on the same level of changing her saying I’mma get her off the pole.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
8:34 am

Umm button I don’t go to strip clubs, but I get to know people for who they are, not what they do. And really don’t care what other people think, can’t live life trying to live up to other peoples standards.

Some may, but eventually with age and gravity she’s going to have to come off that pole.

Button

February 21st, 2014
8:40 am

Single – eventually with age and gravity she’s going to have to come off that pole – clearly you haven’t been to clermont lounge! lol

disco

February 21st, 2014
8:42 am

good morning. I’m all for some background info beforehand. If it’s a hookup or we know folks in common, I’m asking questions beforehand. I’ve been known to do some cybersleuthing. No shame in that. as far as taking time to get to know folks, that’s all well and good but like Ex likes to remind us – all of us aren’t spring chickens. All of us don’t have a whole bunch of time. we might want to expedite as much of the process as we can.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
8:42 am

No I haven’t.

disco

February 21st, 2014
8:44 am

I don’t judge strippers for stripping. frankly, I admire the smart ones who are good at what they do and handle their money well. it’s entrepreneurship at its finest. aside from that, I’d be willing to bet that more women than are actually willing to admit to it wish they had the courage/ability/body to do it.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
8:45 am

Disco, now that all depends on what you’re looking for, I don’t have anything but time. The world aint going nowhere. and if my time runs out before then, what have I really missed?? You can’t miss what you never had!!

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
8:46 am

Disco you got that right, most that hate on strippers wouldn’t make any money being one (LOL)

disco

February 21st, 2014
8:54 am

single – my catchphrase is “I don’t have time for this”. I have never been blessed with the virtue of patience. I need folks to move they azz. lol. if I can find out something sooner rather than later then I’m all for it. I don’t care if I do have all the time in the world, I can’t stand for it to be wasted.

Button

February 21st, 2014
8:55 am

disco – I’d be willing to bet that more women than are actually willing to admit to it wish they had the courage/ability/body to do it. how much you want to bet?

disco – when was the last time you were on the pool? did a strip teez?

Single – so if you’re against something it means your hating? chile phleez. lol

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:02 am

button – there would be no way to verify the bet. I still believe that a lot of chicks are dancing in front of bathroom/bedroom mirrors and mimicking beyonce videos because they have an inner stripper that will probably never break out. So what they’ll never actually follow through with it. doesn’t mean they don’t want to. oh. and as far as I’m concerned, if you’ll “dance” for your man or “dance” by yourself then you have “stripper tendencies”.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:02 am

Okay button, I’ll rephrase that, most people that are against strippers wouldn’t make any money doing it. And yes most wish they could, that’s why pole dancing classes have become popular.

Disco,You can find out something sooner if you listen to the signs, see the semaphore flags waving in my getting to know you, that’s my background search, if the little things don’t add up, I’m not waiting around to see if you might change.. Life is too short. But I also don’t think I’ve invested anything in anyone, nor wasted my time with them either.

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:07 am

single – yep I get your point but if I can get the heads up on the red flags I’ll take it. that’s all I’m saying. Some folks feel like they have to find out everything on their own and in their own time. I get that, but there are some things that I am perfectly willing to take someone else’s word for (especially if it saves me time/stress/drama). lol.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:10 am

Well disco, since I don’t do the hook up and don’t ask other opinions. But if I meet a woman and she tells me she’s been divorced 3 times, (them flags are a waving) if she keeps talking about how bad she’s been treating in the past an comparing me to the others (them flags are a waving) you see where I’m going with this.

Button

February 21st, 2014
9:13 am

Single – well I better quit my job become a stripper and call myself total eclipse! lol say what you want and how you want but you don’t hear too many women walking around saying they wish they were a stripper. And if you do they are not serious but joking around. Also to turn the table around there are stippers saying they wish they can get out of the game.

SlimNu

February 21st, 2014
9:14 am

Happy Friday folks!

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:15 am

single – yep. And if I meet someone and I have time to kill I might go on the DMV website or the property records website or the vital statistics website. I might find those very same red flags that you had to sit through a date for thereby saving myself that wasted time. see where I’m going with this? lol. oh, and I have busted out a few married men just by doing some quick searches.

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:20 am

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:23 am

Button, did say they wish they were a stripper, I said they wouldn’t make any money doing it. and wish they could, everyone can’t even do the little strip tease for their man. They just humor you and then head back to the strip club (LOL) as Disco stated “women than are actually willing to admit to it wish they had the courage/ability/body to do it.”

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:25 am

Disco, the red flags I see, you can’t find on a website. and most of the time they show up in the first 3 or 4 conversations.

Morning slim :-(

Mrs. SexyCool

February 21st, 2014
9:34 am

In early 2009, I met someone who claimed he was a doctor. He would regularly show up at my place in his scrubs claiming he had just come from a double shift at the hospital.

Initially, I believed his story. But after about a month or so, some of the things he was telling me did not add up. (Number one – he began asking me for money.)

Without going into a lot of details that I’m not going to share, I found out that he lied about his real name. Once I knew that, I googled him and learned that was an ex-convict, a registered sex offender, was married and his house had been foreclosed on. (All of this from some googling.)

I ended up calling him and telling him that if I ever saw him again, I would go to my friends in law enforcement about his con. I never saw him again.

In fact, I just googled him again. He was re-arrested in September 2012 and is currently incarcerated.

#LawdTheStoriesICanTell

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
9:39 am

I think if you have any reservation or feel the need to do any sort of background check that you should just move on from that person. Seems as if relationship lasted longer when people got to know each other without anything other than word of mouth or family references.

Button

February 21st, 2014
9:39 am

Single – how do you know they wouldn’t make any money?
Im not even concerned, my man don’t go to strip club.
Obvisouly stripping has hit a nerve for some folks lol

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:45 am

Button, stripping didn’t hit the nerve, it may have been the way you compared them to being bad people because they strip! How do I know they wouldn’t make any money, I know.

Mrs Sexy, now was he that guy that was on the news a few years ago? Most of the time you do believe them, but if you watch the little signs, sh!t don’t add up! The problem is most of the time people dismiss those things.

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:45 am

hey purple – that’s just it. word of mouth or family references really is a background check of sorts.

Back in high school a chick I knew died of aids. I remember a group of us sitting in class literally making a list of who we thought might be connected to that chick. she’s got a baby by so and so. she used to go with so and so. her baby daddy was messing with so and so. none of that was scientific but we developed our own “leave that one” alone list from it. not quite a background or reference check but good enough at the time. lol.

Mrs. SexyCool

February 21st, 2014
9:46 am

Naw, S&H, different dude. There’s more than one nutcase out there pulling the same con.

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
9:47 am

I wouldn’t marry or date or stripper because I think they all have a price or will follow the money. I will party and have fun with a stripper, but getting into a serious realtionship would not happen. You met her in a strip club and gave her money to get naked, she was doing the same thing with another man before and after you.You won’t be the first you won’t be the last, there may be exceptions to the rule. Some say it takes a strong man to wife a stripper, I say that man has low self esteem. No problems with strippers, they are just not built for anything but sexual relationships and partying. I guess I wonder what is the stripper plan, how long are you going to strip, are you saving your money, athat sexy body has an expiration date..so what is the next step in your career path?

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
9:50 am

Single, some people can spot stuff naturally and others need assistance. I’m a convicted felon and served time. I didn’t lead with that when meeting people, when the time is right I would tell them. If some woman threw that in my face on the 2nd or 3rd date, I would actually not trust her. Give the relationship time to flow.

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:50 am

single – some folks believe, some folks don’t. I mentioned on here my girl who thought she met a doctor online. They had been chatting for months but hadn’t met yet. I knew as soon as she said doctor it was a sham for no reason other than I know my girl couldn’t keep up her end of the conversation. lol. I would have given her/it more credit had she actually met dude. then I could have reasoned that he didn’t mind her being “dumb” because she looked good. lol. btw, when it came time for their actual date he called and said his mom died. that was the last she heard of him.

disco

February 21st, 2014
9:51 am

purple – a lot of folks feel the same way. personally, I think it’s just a generalization. The reality is you may know current or former strippers and never even suspect them. stripping to pay your way through college sounds cliché but it does happen. stacking chips to achieve a greater goal does happen. I’m not saying their aren’t ratchet chickenheads out there, just saying I don’t lump them all in that category.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:54 am

Mrs. Sexy, yea I know

Purple, there is someone for everyone. Hell some that aren’t stripping are following the money, hell most are following the money, don’t know body want to be with someone that’s broke, some will settle though.

Me personally, I would trust a stripper just a much as I would trust a church girl. Need to get to know both of them.

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
9:55 am

disco, I understand that and know that there are some exceptions to the rule. I just think the right amount of money will get you what you want and what happens when the money runs out. Does a stripper find love in a patron of the club or is it the money that attracts them to the guy?

One thing I don’t understand is young guys in the strip club, when you are young your game should be at it’s best. Why spend money on getting women naked, you should have that outside of the club.

Exiled

February 21st, 2014
9:57 am

The assumption is that you yourself are clean and sparkling!

Hardly….
I think folks just go for those folks whose issues they’re comfortable with. Because they themselves have issues!

Good happy Friday,I hope MIA!

Button

February 21st, 2014
9:57 am

Single – there are bad ppl everywhere, btw I never said a stripper is a bad person heck there are bad doctors! I answer a question with this > Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date? no and they should but most guys aren’t doing that bc most have an agenda. And besides most guys are very forgiving anyway hence the increase of strippers getting married.

You were the one all hyped up insinuating I said a stripper was a bad person.

Single and Happy

February 21st, 2014
9:59 am

And besides most guys are very forgiving anyway hence the increase of strippers getting married. Don’t you usually “forgive” someone for bad behavior? what are you forgiving a stripper for??

disco

February 21st, 2014
10:00 am

purple – a lot of the “industry” people that I know try real hard to keep work life and real life separate.

purple – a lot of men are paying not just to see a woman naked but to see a woman naked who is bodied up better than the woman they have at home or the women that they are able to pull. ijs.

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
10:03 am

Single, I guess I can’t see me you , exile, swiss and 2C having “Chardonnay” dancing and grinding on us when we go to the club then me falling in love with her. The whole crew would have known and seen what’s supposed to be for my eyes only. Yes everyone has a pass and no virgins are walking around but it’s different when your crew knows.

Button

February 21st, 2014
10:04 am

Single – forgiving as in what she/he did – bad morals, value. going down the wrong path. get it? not forgiving as in what the stripper done to “YOU” personally but forgiving, looking pass her past. get it!

Leggs

February 21st, 2014
10:05 am

“Do you like to be a bit of a mystery to the people you date?” – Yes, I like to get to know you by interacting with you, asking questions, watching your body language, if you’re a nervous talker, etc.

“Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date?” – You can ask questions, but don’t get too personal before we even go out on a first date. All you need to know before going out is I’m safe and clean, mind in tact (well guess that’s to be determined) no criminal record, one child, divorced, I have a job and I like to dance (lol). So, where are we going (lol).

I’ve never googled a person or did background checks on someone. Is this how people are now dating?

O/T: Dang, why my power had to go out in the midst of me doing my hair. Had to get dressed and come to work to finish my grooming. Glad I always iron the night before.

Good morning.

Exiled

February 21st, 2014
10:05 am

I don’t judge strippers for stripping

@Disco…. :lol:

I think that’s fair..u wld be the last person to adversely judge a stripper because ur hustle is almost identical. Almost.

Purple Reign

February 21st, 2014
10:05 am

disco, low self esteem. If a guy marries or pull an ugly woman that’s their fault. Exercise some patience or throw some money at her. LOL

2CPTG©

February 21st, 2014
10:09 am

gals only strip to get thru school; albeit nail school, but still school, nonetheless;

background check….no need, cause if ya lyin you gon’ tell on yaself….

still mad at y’all tho….

disco

February 21st, 2014
10:10 am

ex – I also don’t judge drug dealers. some folks mistakenly make the assumption that they are stupid but they fail to realize that to be a successful dealer takes skills. One needs math skills, negotiation skills, marketing skills, communication skills, chemistry skills, customer service skills. I could go on. the same applies to prostitutes and other so-called “unsavory” professions. Your hustle can be legit, under the table, legal, illegal, whatever – I respect that you have the ability to make it do what it do.

Exiled

February 21st, 2014
10:12 am

If u dance for ur man,u have stripper tendencies

What hogwash!

@Button..I think Disco is trying to tar errrvry loving woman with a boyfriend(she don’t) with the same
bad stripper brush.

By that statement,every married woman that’s a real pro and freak in bed is a professional hooker….

Ri d I khu l o u s !!! :lol: