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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Blurred line: Lover and friend

Have you ever had a “friend” who you felt a strong attraction to but didn’t want to cross that line? Do you think it is ever worth it to risk the friendship for a great relationship?

I know we have debated whether or not men and women can just be friends, but can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends? Things can get dicey if the lines are blurred and communication goes bad. Still, I’m a romantic and I would always take a shot at true love.

Do you have a friend who is a former fling?

If you developed a strong attraction to one of your friends, would you tell them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

234 comments Add your comment

disco

February 17th, 2014
12:35 pm

kimmie / slim – I’m not even giving these guys a hard time re this point. heck, my female friends aren’t always on the same page either. old standby did call with his old standby over the weekend. dinner. that fool oughtta know by now that I’m done with dinner. smdh.

YesSheIsCute

February 17th, 2014
12:39 pm

disco what foreign movies have you seen thus far that you’d recommend?

disco

February 17th, 2014
12:48 pm

yes – now you want to make me rack my brain. I just saw a film screening featuring a Brazilian movie. some of the other movies in this series have been mexican, portuguese and I think a film from peru. there’s a jewish community center near me and it’s almost time for their annual film festival. they always have interesting films. I catch random foreign films in theatres when I can but rarely recall the titles although I do recall in darkness (holocaust film in polish) and intouchables was really good (french). I also really enjoyed chico and rita (cuban and animated). oh and I hit up the pawn shop. They have a lot of Spanish dvds for a dollar. lol.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
12:56 pm

HI ITL, Hi Swiss…

Wow Swiss, it strikes me you must REALLY be feeling the fatherhood by now…how old is he/she/they now? I think within a month of the birth of my first, I couldn’t even remember my life before…like a movie about someone else. For the record, they never grow up and they never totally leave, so don’t plan on being a parent until they can take care of themselves, it never happens ;-)

ITL, hope you feel better soon (although work has a nasty habit of interfering with blogging in a timely manner!!!).

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
12:58 pm

Oh and Disco, my favorite foreign film spawned another American version, and at least thereto shows. It was the French film, La Femme Nikita.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
12:59 pm

three tv shows. what I typed makes no sense.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
1:10 pm

Yes @ your 12:04, kissing, what kind of flirting you be doing (LOL)

That’s why most came off cheap to me. When met with a legitimate date offer, they didn’t even have to do the asking, they have to “let you know”. hmmm unless state that I’m paying, if you asking then you paying!!

daddy swiss

February 17th, 2014
1:13 pm

Hey Randy. Yup, life before fatherhood now just seems like some old movie I saw once. lol But I wouldn’t trade places with the old me for a second (well, most times, anyway). lol Little Miss Swiss Mochette is 13 months and she has a little brother on the way in April. :)

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
1:13 pm

On the topic of old dudes…

Reading some of these blogs reminds me of so many guys who used to write into the blog and talk about how they would take these hot chics out, wine and dine them, and then go home with an unused Woody, and an empty wallet. You can tell by what they write that they spend their entire evenings trying to SELL themselves. I have never understood that. I’ve never (or at least in decades) done that. Whether old or young, whether wealthy or average income, one needs to always just seem interested in the other, be comfortable, and let nature take its course. Women can tell you are trying to play them, and the result is the dude gets played (and deserves it). Let the woman decide if she wants to move forward, and accept the decision. It is an investment…some work out, some don’t. And age is only a factor in deciding who to be comfortable with. As an older guy once said…

“I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was” ;-)

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
1:15 pm

Congrats Swiss…big smile!!!

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
1:16 pm

Disco, on the age of old, does the age go up as you get older?

Mrs. SexyCool

February 17th, 2014
1:25 pm

Hey y’all. Hey RandyT.

Um…yeah…I must be getting old. Can’t remember any friends that I was digging like that.

Do I have a *friend* that is a former fling? Not really. I am friendly with a former fling or three but not in an “active” friendship – meaning, if I see them out, I will speak. But we won’t be messaging on IM or texting or conversing on the phone. (Not that I talk to anybody on the phone anymore.)

And yes, most days, the hubby is the best friends. (Well, maybe not today – him not too happy with me because I don’t like this beard he is growing.)

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
1:32 pm

Single – Are you feeling old?

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
1:35 pm

Mrs SC – Oooh, I like beards, especially if they are lined up all nice, neat and brushed.

Mrs. SexyCool

February 17th, 2014
1:41 pm

Right now, it’s just growing all untamed and ish. No razor has seen his face nor his hair since 11.26.13.

I’m trying to be understanding about his very personal reason for growing it. But just because I’m understanding doesn’t mean I’ve got to like it or that I’m going to lie about liking it.

And with that, I think we are moving into another phase of our relationship, I used to be physically ill when we were “off.” Today, I’m just like, “Um…yeah…I’ma give him his space. And when he’s ready, we’ll talk it out.”

Dynamic

February 17th, 2014
1:43 pm

The problem with old men is that they try to hit on ladies that are their daughters age…ugh!! I’m sure it’s a nice cotten head stinky breath older woman that will love an old man!!!

Mrs. SexyCool

February 17th, 2014
1:45 pm

When I was a kid, my grandma used to call my grandaddy an “old gray @ss man.” I literally thought all older men had gray behinds.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
1:45 pm

I used to be physically ill when we were “off.”

Mrs SC – that’s how I get when things are off…I just hate that wait game until the issue is addressed, the awkwardness, not speaking, trying not to touch shoulders when you pass each other in the hall.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
1:46 pm

Slim I’ve never felt old :-)

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
1:47 pm

Glad I don’t have a daughter (LOL)

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
1:49 pm

The problem with old men is that they try to hit on ladies that are their daughters age

Dynamic – The strawberry letter on Steve Harvey’s morning show was about a young girl dating a dude in his late 50’s. Said he lied to her about so many different things and he had daughters only 3 years younger than herself. :shock:

Mrs. SexyCool

February 17th, 2014
1:49 pm

Slim – that was pretty much it. I understand that he is all in his feelings about the issue and I don’t want him to be feeling that way. But we can’t fix it until he’s ready to talk about it. He tends to go silent when he’s feeling some kind of way.

Ordinarily, I would literally feel a knot in my stomach and take it personal. (More often, when I’ve actually done something that warrants his reaction.) Today, I’m like, “Whatever, dude.”

Exiled!

February 17th, 2014
1:56 pm

Disco..everytime i see your name, i think of that swashbuckling lady in the progressive commercial….”is this the think u gave my husband?” lady..

:lol: ….

u know it?!….looks like a domineering lady.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
1:58 pm

hmmm unless state that I’m paying, if you asking then you paying!!

Single – You are right about that. Even then, they were too silly to still be upfront about it. It may be a situation like “hey I won 2 tickets to the Hawks game in the raffle at work. Wanna go?” Now the stand-up dudes I knew would be all on it. And whether I got the tickets free or bought them, they would kinda take it from there and offer to pick me up, take me to dinner or something. The tired, scared, cheap dudes would hem & haw. Later for that!

Hey Swiss & SCool!!!

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
1:59 pm

SCool, you rested up from the snow jam?

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:04 pm

Kimmie, I would hope you ate before we left, cause once again if you asking you paying for the night, I might pick up the tip. (LOL) does that make me one of those cheap dudes!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
2:08 pm

Mrs SC – I’m a communicator and I like to discuss things, hash it out and get it over with so we can go back to being normal. I can’t stand that – wtfe stage. Drives me nuts not to be talking…

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:13 pm

I might pick up the tip. (LOL) does that make me one of those cheap dudes!

Single – YEP!!

No, seriously if you were upfront with it like “Cool, you treating?”, I can actually deal with that better. At least OWN your cheapness!LOL!! For example, I went out a few times with a “hinter”. He used to pull stuff like when we went in a store, he would disappear when we got to the cash register or if we were in a mall, would leave out of the store while I paid for whatever it is I was buying. Now I’m the type of person that really won’t even go in a store unless I’m looking to buy, no windowshopping and wishing for me. When I go in I mean business, and I didn’t expect whatever dude I was with to buy me what I needed. I had to check this particular dude though. I called him out on it. How you gon be all over the store right up under me every step, but get ghost once we get to check out? I told him in no uncertain terms I could take care of myself and didn’t need him to buy anything for me. He looked sheepish after I checked him!

disco

February 17th, 2014
2:16 pm

single – to me old will always be my parents’ age.

ex – I be feeling old girl in that commercial. she was ready to give flo the business. got her husband out there talking about “gimme some”. lol.

single – I never put things out there as if it’s a date. I simply say “I’m going to such and such event on such and such date. wanna go”. not “do you want to go with me?” trust me, there’s a difference. besides, I’m going whether the other party goes or not. as for dude picking up the tab, those are the only kind of fellows I deal with. lol.

Mrs. SexyCool

February 17th, 2014
2:17 pm

kimmie – I took two extra days off. Today is my first day back at work. And I still could have not seen this piece for another week.

disco

February 17th, 2014
2:18 pm

kimmie – that’s funny. he got ghost at the cash register. too much. that’s like the episode of eve where JT and Donovan realized their boy never picked up the tab. lol.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:21 pm

as for dude picking up the tab, those are the only kind of fellows I deal with.

Disco – Now you talking. Other than the store dude, I really didn’t have an issue, cause those cheap tired ‘throwing hints” dudes never really got any traction with me anyway. Store dude started out the gate strong, but turned into a buster……

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
2:25 pm

so …….dude starts out doing everything right, in the courting sense….and you still ain’t shakin nothin???? why won’t y’all ladies be woman enough to tell dude he ain’t hittin on sh!t, but you’ll gladly keep spendinghis money……disco?

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
2:25 pm

I’m not into the passive aggressive throwing hints type of dude. Either man up and come on with it or sit in the corner.

Sn: at the doc in a box. Fingers crossed.

disco

February 17th, 2014
2:28 pm

2C – you really think that I haven’t had that conversation? I don’t have a problem telling dude I’ll put up with him when I feel like putting up with him, spend time with him when I feel like spending time with him, spend his money when his dumb azz lets me spend his money AND I still ain’t giving him none. The problem with that scenario isn’t me. the problem is the average dude doesn’t want to believe the words that come out of your mouth AND the average dude thinks the rules of all other dudes don’t apply to him. they get hemmed up every time.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:31 pm

2C – LOL!!

It didn’t quite work that way with me. If dude was doing everything right and I was FEELING him it’s all good. When I was not feeling a dude, his mere presence got on my nerves. There was not enough money he could spend to turn it around if I’m just not into him. Never been that hungry or need to go out that bad. But that’s me……….

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:32 pm

Disco, in that case if you put it out there like that then we going dutch

Exiled!

February 17th, 2014
2:34 pm

she was ready to give flo the business. got her husband out there talking about “gimme some”.

@Disco..u right bout that…that “gimmee some” is so lame! :lol:

disco

February 17th, 2014
2:35 pm

single – maybe if I ever go anywhere with YOU, we’ll go dutch. Like I said, I generally don’t deal with guys who don’t step up to pay. actually me paying is when I’m sending a message that I don’t need your sorry behind for jack. if you like me even a little, you do not want me to pay. it does not bode well. lol.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:35 pm

Kimmie, I’m not cheap, but have so many other things I could be doing with my money instead of spending it on POP. I’m also not the guy that will walk away from the register, I figure since you took it up there, you must be able to pay for it.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:36 pm

Single – Remember my equation:

Dutch = No Date

:lol:

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
2:36 pm

you better believe if a chic tells me she ain’t feeling me, but still wants to spend my money, we gon’ have a problem….I’m not even going to waste my time trying to convince her otherwise.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:36 pm

Disco, that’s when I’m like, I guess it wasn’t meant to be (LOL)

disco

February 17th, 2014
2:37 pm

2C – of course not. this good good, girl game that we running would never ever work on any of the blog gents…..

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:38 pm

Kimmie, who said it was a date, she just asked if that wanted to go, she was going with or without them.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
2:39 pm

LMAO @ Disco

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
2:41 pm

disco, I’m not saying it can’t or won’t work, because for your sake, it’s obviously working….I’m just saying NOT ME….truth be told, I can almost name some blog dudes who’d fall for these types of shenanigans; hell, we’ve had ‘em before!

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:43 pm

I’m also not the guy that will walk away from the register, I figure since you took it up there, you must be able to pay for it.

Single – Okay??? I never played games like that. Whether it’s at the register or when the check comes to the table, it’s already crystal clear who is paying the bill. No hoping, waiting, figuring it out, twiddling thumbs.

Exiled!

February 17th, 2014
2:44 pm

If I pay, I am smashig! :
….and my batting average on that is stellar! :lol:

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
2:45 pm

Single – I know, I’m just clowning. Well, not really. I go dutch with friends & coworkers. Don’t be talkin bout “getting some” later after we went dutch.LOL!!