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Blurred line: Lover and friend

Have you ever had a “friend” who you felt a strong attraction to but didn’t want to cross that line? Do you think it is ever worth it to risk the friendship for a great relationship?

I know we have debated whether or not men and women can just be friends, but can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends? Things can get dicey if the lines are blurred and communication goes bad. Still, I’m a romantic and I would always take a shot at true love.

Do you have a friend who is a former fling?

If you developed a strong attraction to one of your friends, would you tell them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

234 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:07 am

ITL – Try an Urgent care instead…that is if you feel super bad enough to not have to wait on doc

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
11:08 am

Disco – I see what you are saying. I guess it depends on the definition of “right”. While one might not agree on what feels right, I think most know when it feels wrong. Wrong to the point of not even trying to “make” it work.

I don’t necessarily think that just because 2 people get divorced it means they were not right for each other. Shyt happens and people and circumstances change. You never know what life might throw at you. Sometimes people are right for a season or a reason and once that has passed, it’s over.

I have experienced that feeling of “knowing”, with my husband. It’s unlike anything I felt with any other man. It’s not overwhelming or earth-shattering or even overly romantic. It’s almost subtle. But very, very different.

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
11:11 am

Single, what you mentioned seems to happen to a lot of dudes – gals will overlook you when they think their sh!t don’t stink….then, when father time starts to kick their ass, they come moaning about the days of old when they “should have” gotten with you….now they’re all outta shape, house full of kids with multiple baby-daddies, and wanna know why a dude ain’t trynna holla. GTFOH.

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:14 am

Good idea, Slim. Thanks!!!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:15 am

And that SAME scenario happens all the time with dudes…running through chicks, taking for granted a good girl, blah blah blah…Then later on when they have beer guts, have no money since their whole check goes to child support, barely can get a woody, now ya want to come running back. :-D

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
11:17 am

Slim, I agree…..

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:18 am

2C – I run into the male equivalents of the chicks you speak of. Dudes are divorced (two or three times over). Got kids by ex-wives and stray outside kids. they have passed their prime physically and possibly with their earning potential. They aren’t in shape anymore (though you can’t tell them shufflers they don’t still have swagger). Their bellies are sagging and their man boobs give mine a run for the money. yet, none of that keeps them from grinning in your face and trying to use that old school mack game. smdh.

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:20 am

Peach it, Slim. I wish I had a nickel for every Joker that’s said to me, “I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. ” yeah, and??? What am I supposed to do with that?

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
11:21 am

Disco – I understand what you are saying. But barring obvious obstacles, that’s what you have to go on sometimes. Everything can look “right” on paper, but if it just doesn’t feel right, a lot of folks go with their gutt.

I have experienced “knowing” with my now husband. It was nothing earth-shattering or even overly romantic. Almost subtle. But very, very different from my experiences with other men. Something I could not put my finger on. Things just seemed to fall into place, where as they didn’t in other relationships I was in that I would have thought had a chance.

I don’t really think that because a couple divorces they were necessarily wrong for each other.

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:21 am

preach, not peach

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:21 am

Plus, a little salt and pepper about the head is okay but when dude walking around looking like a bag of cotton balls latched on to his head, that’s not a good look. at that point dude might as well cut it all off.

slim / itl – don’t get me started on the old man smell. I don’t have to explain it. I’m sure y’all know what I’m talking about. lol.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:22 am

Disco, I’ve dated co-workers also, :-D

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:22 am

kimmie – you know I latch onto semantics sometimes.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
11:23 am

walking around looking like a bag of cotton balls latched on to his head,

:lol: :lol:

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:24 am

Lol@disco, but eewww on the old man smell. Just gross.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:25 am

Slim I’ll wait, aint got nothing but time on my hands :-D

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
11:28 am

Slim – You got it, girl. But played-out dudes think(and in alot of ways they do) they have an advantage over a played-out woman. They can still pull, beer gutt and all, cause it will always be someone out there that will take then. Their choices are limited, mind you, and that’s what some have a hard time coming to terms with.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:29 am

disco – Speaking of smells and old men, does one breath begin to get more stankier with age???!! I mean, ya ever had someone speak to you trying to holla and that gust of funkiness comes out at you, unfortunately, at the same time you’re breathing in…feels like your insides got sprayed with raid & pepper spray at the same damn time :shock: :???: :cry: I notice that often from old dudes (no offense Single) lol

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:31 am

walking around looking like a bag of cotton balls latched on to his head

OMG, i’m crying! :lol: :lol: Someone needs to let Stevie Wonder know that his hairline is wondering where the rest of his hair went. It should not start at the nape of the neck Sorry lol

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:31 am

Every time I’ve thought I let one get away and wondered why, after awhile I’m like the Betty Wright song, “Yea now I remember (LOL)

First the shuffle, and now the smell WTH!!

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:32 am

slim – now why did you have to go and throw that “no offense single” on the end? That was funny. yes. I have been hit by the breath. I always think of the comedian who said he took a chick to the movies and she had bad breath. He said he wanted to put some toothpaste on his fist and bust her in the mouth. Hilarious.

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:33 am

Old heads really be killing me trying to tell me how well they take care of themselves. bragging on how often they go to the gym or how frequently they workout or whatever. I’m like that don’t make you fly. All kinds of out of shape, busted looking folks work out on the regular.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:37 am

disco – Single knows I lovedededed him :-D

Single – Hugs?

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:37 am

Mothball breath is the worst. I’m like, did you chew on your afghan before you came out???? :lol:

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:38 am

Slim WTH you mean no offense Single!!!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:38 am

Single – You know you always get on me about singling out “old dudes”…so thought I’d throw that disclaimer in there. I’m sure this doesn’t apply to you

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:40 am

blog gents – why do some of y’all toss out hints instead of just saying what you really trying to say? case in point, during a phone call last week (prior to the snow) I had this guy make several references to not wanting to be snowed in alone or keeping me company during the storm or whatever. I breezed by each reference and kept right on talking. Recently he’s been letting more and more innuendo slip and I continue to ignore it. all that trying to gauge my reaction when he could just point blank ask me what’s up.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:44 am

Have anyone of you guys smelled someones breath so bad it made you go brush your teeth (LOL)

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:46 am

Disco, when I toss out hints, I’ll let you know in case you didn’t catch it the first time.

Slim what exactly is old to you?

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:48 am

Single – I think it varies and depends on the person. Usually, when you start getting to that creepy stage sort of how I guage it. lol You aren’t there……yet. lol

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
11:48 am

Disco – That always irritated me. Thinking back, though, it was always dudes that I was not interested in that pulled that, so maybe that was their way of sticking their toe in, because they had a feeling I was not into them. Usually these guys came off like they were kinda cheap too, though I don’t know why, they just did.

I’ve always been attracted to men that go for what they want and don’t dangle their interest in me like a carrot. Just come on out with it and I can say yes or no. Hubs let me know straight up.

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:49 am

single – why hint at all? why not just be direct?

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:51 am

Disco, what is old to you, since slim betting around the bush, (trying to keep me waiting) (LOL)

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:52 am

kimmie – I have differing opinions on it. for some I think they gauge for reaction to minimize the risk of rejection. For others, I think they just have no game and are hoping you will take charge. either way, it just doesn’t work for me. as far as I’m concerned, if I let you in my friend zone you oughtta stay there and appreciate your status. don’t be trying to sneak in an upgrade. lol.

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
11:52 am

I don’t throw out hints — I straight up ask you what’s up! I just recently told this gal, “I ain’t got time to be ‘goin with someone’” I’m at a stage where if you ain’t trynna do something, or bring something to the table, then we’en gon’ make it….late 30’s, early 40’s, you oughta know what you want, or don’t want…..and it don’t take forever to find it out…..

disco

February 17th, 2014
11:53 am

single – I’m going to say mid 50s is pretty much the beginning of the end. lol. you may or may not look good for your age, be in good shape or whatever, but that’s the point of no return as far as I’m concerned.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:54 am

disco – That sounds like a dude I used to date….he had a problem with being assertive. Sounds he was scared to totally just come out with it for fear of the wrath of disco, perhaps?

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:55 am

Disco, most of the time it is direct, followed by hint hint, cause sometimes you guys still like to play it off.

beating around the bush betting I’ll still be waiting I mean (LOL)

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
11:55 am

funny tho, that disco and Slim would bring up being assertive……

YesSheIsCute

February 17th, 2014
11:57 am

@disco I’m curious to know too. I don’t like hits either. I’m not a mime, I can’t read between lines. You’re going to have to be direct with me anyway because if the innuendo can be misconstrued as a friendly gesture or a joke, I will definitely misconstrue it to a friendly gesture or joke.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
11:59 am

Yes, now I get that all the time, telling me I need quit joking, But I guess I get that because I am a flirt, soooooo

YesSheIsCute

February 17th, 2014
12:02 pm

@SH you know, I’ll be honest I still don’t know how to respond to flirtation. So if they play it off as a joke then I will laugh it off as one. I mean seriously if someone is joking kissing you, for example, what do you say to that “come on with it”? I still don’t know lol

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
12:08 pm

as far as I’m concerned, if I let you in my friend zone you oughtta stay there and appreciate your status. don’t be trying to sneak in an upgrade.

Disco – :lol: Girl, you missed your calling. You need to be writing for a sitcom!

I agree with all you said – gauging risk, no game, want the woman to take the lead – yeah naw, none of that ever worked for me!!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
12:13 pm

2C – Why do you find it funny that we brought up being assertive?

disco

February 17th, 2014
12:14 pm

kimmie – you would be amazed at how many folks in my real life go on about how funny I am. funny is rarely my intent. I’m just “expressive”. lol. recently I’ve been transcribing some of my travel journals. I’ll admit that I have laughed at myself on more than one occasion. I had some very entertaining thoughts on the “toothless” guy in Bermuda.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
12:19 pm

Disco – Funny may not be your intent, but you are a natural!!!

disco

February 17th, 2014
12:26 pm

kimmie – so I announced to mr. standby flunky that there was an event that I wanted to attend. He’s getting back to me. I mentioned to mr. hint hint the same event. He also is getting back to me. it will be interesting to see if either of them decides they want to go. i plan on going with or without either of them but y’all know me – when questioned with spending my money or his money……

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
12:28 pm

disco – Dang, so no takers off the bat…guess they need to check their starting rosters lol

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
12:31 pm

Disco – Classic. That’s why most came off cheap to me. When met with a legitimate date offer, they didn’t even have to do the asking, they have to “let you know”. They gotta check their schedule – yeah right!!

disco

February 17th, 2014
12:32 pm

slim – I thought of that but more than likely it’s them deciding if they really want to be bothered. I tend to pick things to do that they probably would never do on their own. I can’t just see a movie – I have to see foreign films in languages that are no longer spoken. lol. old standby knows my style. new guy may have to be broken in. in fact, I left a message for new guy and he immediately responded with “what’s that”. lol.