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Blurred line: Lover and friend

Have you ever had a “friend” who you felt a strong attraction to but didn’t want to cross that line? Do you think it is ever worth it to risk the friendship for a great relationship?

I know we have debated whether or not men and women can just be friends, but can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends? Things can get dicey if the lines are blurred and communication goes bad. Still, I’m a romantic and I would always take a shot at true love.

Do you have a friend who is a former fling?

If you developed a strong attraction to one of your friends, would you tell them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

234 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

February 17th, 2014
5:26 am

Awwwww snap…First!

YesSheIsCute

February 17th, 2014
5:32 am

Been there done that. At this age, I’m looking through my timeline at times like dag, I think I missed out on some great guys (who are married or boo-ed up now) because I didn’t want to “put myself out there” and/or “risk losing a friend”. As long as no one does anything dirty, you can remain friends. Seriously, it’s better off starting with friendship anyway. You have a great idea of what type of person he/she is and what they would be apt to do in certain situations instead of doing the guesswork of dating.

Additionally, there are some guys on my timeline that I never thought would be interested in me, in a million years lookswise and their spouses/significant others either look at my level or lesser. Just goes to show you can’t think for other people and what you think they would like or be attracted to on the outside.

lee

February 17th, 2014
7:04 am

Good Morning,

From what i have heard from people is that (have been married a long time) that their spouse is “their best friend” !

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
7:23 am

Hello all

I’ve crossed this line before, and about to try and cross it again. The problem for most is they expect things to change since they’ve started dating, For me the only thing that changes is that now when we talk about relationship things it’s with each other and we start having sex :-D I wouldn’t expect anything else to change because those are things that attracted me to you.

Lee there’s a difference between being married and now they’re your best friend, as opposed to being best friends and then trying to be in a relationship.

When my relationships ended things were a little dicey for a while, but most ended up being friends again. And eventually we just grew apart.

Exiled

February 17th, 2014
8:53 am

For a dude,I think crossing the line is Never a bad idea.
When has killing two birds with one stone Ever been bad?

Friend and occassional lover….best of both worlds.

Even the best fwb don’t come close.

:lol:

Good morning!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
8:59 am

Morning folks

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
9:08 am

Have you ever had a “friend” who you felt a strong attraction to but didn’t want to cross that line? I’ve had an attraction to a friend and didn’t cross the line…too many other things were a part of the mix.

Do you think it is ever worth it to risk the friendship for a great relationship? Every relationship you enter into is taking a risk, especially if there are emotions/feelings involved. Trying to actually date a ‘friend’ is no different…you’re going to risk it going terribly bad and risk having a very good thing. But if you never roll the dice, you’ll never know unless something else is an issue.

can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends? Absolutely! Sometimes folks need to explore that sexual tension and get that distraction out of the way in order to get back to being what they are best, whick are friends.

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
9:27 am

let’s be real…..having a friend that you can have relations with, is where it’s at….’specially if the both of you are adults about it….hell, the majority of y’all meet total strangers, sleep with ‘em, and don’t even know their last name, let alone if y’all can even be friends…..then, you got your friend, who’s been waiting in the wings, helping you outta all kinds of jams, and he can’t get no play???? bassackwards!

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
9:38 am

2C – Good point, now how did your weekend go?

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
9:45 am

Slim, my weekend was great; spring is in the air down this way, so got started in my yard – putting down fertilizer, and stuff….also got to see my pops, so it was pretty eventful….thanks for asking tho!

And maybe later on, I’ll share some instances where me and a friend(s) have crossed that line, and it didn’t affect our friendship; if anything, it enhanced it!

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
9:46 am

Slim, if I tell, would that be considered a “hall pass” (heheheheheh)?

disco

February 17th, 2014
9:49 am

Good morning y’all.

Where’d single go? I’m waiting to hear his story. “about to try to cross it again”. What’s up with that?

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
9:54 am

2C – lol, I see you’ve been checking out the feed…some pretty good responses thus far.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
9:56 am

Morning Gang!!

I had a very fun V-day weekend! While the restaurant was very good, it did not boil me over. I would not be opposed to trying K Rathbun’s steakhouse though. Anyway, the couple we went with were great as usual. The guy even gave his lady a wrist corsage, like they were going to the prom! I thought that was very sweet. My hubs gave me some nice birthstone(garnet) earrings. I gave him 3 cool t-shirts and some candy. We went to see About Last Night on Saturday – fun movie! Kevin Hart & Regina Hall steal the show. All in all a good time was had by all.

Oh, the flowers my hubs sent my job did not arrive until Saturday! Luckily the security guard had my back and put them in the break room fridge and she left me a voicemail.

On topic – I say go for it! If you are good friends, then you already know most of what you need to know about each other, like 2C said, more than you usually know about strangers you meet & date. You also already know you get along. If things don’t work out, yeah it might be a little awkward for a minute, but if you are mature and nothing unforgivable happened, you’ll find your way back to being friends. I know from experience.

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:02 am

Hey kimmie!!!! – while I kind of agree with what you and 2C said re friends I also think that sometimes good friends are hard to find. some friendships can withstand tests, others can’t. you have to ask yourself if the risk is worth it. also with friends of the opposite sex, often the reason one of you can be friends with the other is because you don’t want them. don’t go trying to fix what ain’t broke. lol.

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
10:07 am

often the reason one of you can be friends with the other is because you don’t want them

hate to say it, but it’s usually dudes who “hang around” hoping that some day things will change…dudes be trynna “wait the coochie out”

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
10:08 am

kimmie – Errrrrybody and their sisters, brothers, uncles, grannies etc were out trying to see that movie. But I was pleasantly surprised and entertained by it. I wonder how much it ended up making over the full weekend.

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:08 am

lee – to piggyback single’s post re married folks being best friends. I think that maybe, just maybe, some couples are really friends. Possibly even best friends. I think that more often than not, folks say that because they think it sounds good. they think it makes their relationship seem more solid on the outside looking in. they say it “just because”. Heck, I know couples that don’t even like each other let alone walk around fronting like they are best friends. lol.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
10:18 am

Being good friends does not guarantee an iron clad relationship

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:20 am

Disco – Absolutely, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it. I agree with you about one not wanting the other which is why they are in the friend zone. I had one case where a good friend admitted his feelings for me. He was a nice enough guy, I just did not feel that way about him at all. In fact, he felt more like a brother to me so the thought of crossing that line was gross. Our friendship did change after that, but it probably would have anyway. Not long after that he met the woman that ended up becoming his wife & mother of his 3 kids. I don’t see us hanging out like we used to thru all of that.

I did have one good friend that admitted his feeling for me. It was right out of college. He was handsome, smart, everything, we just were always good friends from day one. When he admitted he had feelings for me, I was on the “don’t want to ruin the friendship” tip. Plus I was already dating a friend of his & thought that would be kinda foul. We stayed good friends, but kinda grew apart. 2 years down the road I get an invite to his wedding. I had broken up with his friend a year before that. Something came over me, and seeing him standing at that alter in his tux, marrying someone else, I felt at that time I had made a big mistake! Tears ran down my face the entire wedding and I left the reception early. It took me awhile to get over that. What is meant to be will be and I’m glad things worked out how they did and I have an awesome husband. But at the time back then, my heart was broken! I would not wish that on anyone.

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:23 am

Slim – It did well, came second to the Lego movie. Had it not been for Lego, it probably would have been number 1.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:25 am

Hey disco, see you finally made it through the snow storm. I just need to ask my neighbor if I’m just a fill in or is the feeling mutual. We call each other just because, and seem to know how long it’s been since we last saw each other.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
10:31 am

Hi All. Hi WD

I’ve been away for awhile and wondered who was still on ;-)

I’ve never had much luck going from friends to lovers. Biggest reason I think is because a) it takes BOTH parties. B) The HATED “Friendship Zone. C) I’ve been guilty of trying to be “friends” knowing full well that I wanted more from the beginning (the man’s secret agenda”. I don’t think men generally look for women friends in a pure friendship way…the hormones seem to get in the way.

I have had lovers that became friends (sort of) after the breakup, but even then there is some emotional distance…trust issue. Anyway, these are just my thoughts and as we all know, one size does not fit all ;-)

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:31 am

Kimmie, how do you know it’s meant to be if you don’t try it?

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
10:34 am

Randyt – Wzuuuuuup! Wow, it’s been Forever since i’ve seen you your name in print. How ya been? At the rate we’re going, maybe we’ll have all the oldies back up in the place. ;-)

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
10:35 am

kimmie, that scenario you just stated is what happens to a lotta folks who throw that “we’re just friends” mantra around….hell, if you’re feeling someone, go for it! Granted, things worked out for you in the end, but don’t go thru life thinking “what if?”

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
10:36 am

Speaking on the “meant to be” phrase, how in the hell do you know that a certain someone is your “meant to be”? Is it a feeling? Does everything just line up? Is it just so easy to be together? Are you two all you ever wanted in a mate? I mean how do you KNOW?

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:36 am

single – so you are venturing into two territories. Shattering the friend zone AND getting with a neighbor. you feeling bold and adventurous in 2014.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:37 am

Slim we are meant to be (LOL) I have that feeling :-D

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
10:37 am

Hi SlimNu,

Doing pretty good, need to get out more. Spent some time putting out some “fires” overseas, then took on some contracts that kept me busy. Being home IS a vacation ;-) .

How are you? Who all is still on from the old days?

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:38 am

Single – That’s why I said in the beginning to go for it!!

I didn’t go for it back then, and for a long time I questioned myself.

Hey RandyT!!! Wonderful to read you again. It’s been a long time!!

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:39 am

slim – romantic folks will tell you that you will “just know”. I’m not a romantic type. I say you never know. you can be married 85 years and never know if that’s the one you were supposed to be married to. the best one for you. all you can really do is make the most of what you are working with. lol.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
10:40 am

Hi Kimmie,

All things good for you?

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:41 am

2C – You got it! I would not wish that experience on anyone! I dated and went on with my life of course, but it took a few years to really get over that one. I made a promise to myself to never let anything like that happen again, and it didn’t.

2CPTG©

February 17th, 2014
10:43 am

Slim – how do you know? when you don’t have to “try” to like that other person…when everything just flows…you have a natural chemistry with one another…

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:43 am

RandyT – Things are wonderful for me – got married back in June 2011, awesome hubs and 2 great kids, good job and dream car(powder blue Beetle convertible). I cannot complain at all!!

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
10:44 am

Kimmie,

Thought I remembered you were getting married. Sounds like you are living the dream :-0

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:44 am

Disco, I’ve always been bold and adventurous, you know you can’t fail if you don’t try,and I don’t have a problem with failing. I don’t like going through life thinking what if!

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:51 am

Disco – Who says who one is “supposed” to be with? I’m with 2C – everything flows and it feels natural. I will say if you are with someone, whether it’s 2 years or 85 years, and you are still questioning in the back of your head that it’s someone else out there for you, that something is missing, or you’re still hung up on someone else but married to another, then I would say you are just making the best of your situation, working with what you have. That is probably the case for alot of people.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
10:52 am

Single – We are meant to be good good friends :oops: :lol:

Randy – Purple Reign has been in recently after taking a bit of a hiatus…a few others that’ll probably pop in at some point today.

disco – “Make the most of what you’re working with” lolol That could be anything though, just hanging on for the sake of having someone.

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:52 am

single – I put neighbors almost in the same category as co-workers. Just too daggone close for comfort just in case the mess hits the fan. Of course, I have an acquaintance who married her next door neighbor so I guess it happens.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-shirts)

February 17th, 2014
10:55 am

I will check back…Home Depot run…and then some digging in the dirt ;-)

disco

February 17th, 2014
10:56 am

kimmie – my post was in response to slim asking how you know. I’ve heard countless old folks trying to dispense advice by simply saying “when it’s right, you’ll know” or words to that effect. I get where they are coming from. I just disagree. Countless folks feel like things are right and those things are as wrong as two left shoes. To embrace “knowing” whole-heartedly is just going too far out on a limb for me. I don’t buy it. I’m sure most of the world’s divorced couples “just knew” that person was right for them. I don’t buy it.

slim – it does sound like settling but that wasn’t what I meant. I simply meant that, in my opinion, one can never really know.

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:56 am

Now I just a had friend tell me I was the one she missed out on, I replied yea when you were young and fine, and thought you were the sh!t you didn’t want me, now that you’re feeling down about you weight and age, I’m the one, I don’t think so (LOL)

Single and Happy

February 17th, 2014
10:57 am

See I tried and failed (LOL) oh well on to the next one (LOL)

kimmie

February 17th, 2014
10:57 am

Disco – In my old neighborhood, one of the neighbors lost his wife. A few years down the line, he married a lady down the street. Yeah, it happens!

Into the Light

February 17th, 2014
11:01 am

Morning, all.

Heeeeeey, Randy! Good to read you.

I’m sick today and the doc is booked. Pooh.

SlimNu

February 17th, 2014
11:01 am

Single – I see you’re cutting them left and right lol But do you want to be that ‘one’ waiting in the wings for me? I don’t think I have one right now filling that spot? :lol:

daddy swiss

February 17th, 2014
11:02 am

“…can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends?”

Um, no. First off, I would argue that they were never just friends in the first place. Or rather, that the dude never wanted to be just friends. Or, maybe I should rephrase that… If a dude I’m spending 1-on-1 time with you, he’s I’m not your friend, he’s I’m waiting for an opportunity. As far as going from a physical relationship back to just friends, again no. I can go from physical to platonic, sure, but I’m not going to be spending any 1-on-1 time with you or having long phone conversations, etc. We can be cordial acquaintances, but that’s about it.

Off topic: Dumbass

daddy swiss

February 17th, 2014
11:03 am

Oh, and howdy, Randy. Hope all’s well with you!