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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are you paranoid?

I got drawn into watching the new show on BET, Being Mary Jane. It is not what I expected at all but it definitely has my attention! I can relate to some of what the character goes through when it comes to heartache and being stuck on stupid over a guy!

This week’s episode raised an interesting point about single people: we are all paranoid about something. That’s right, the smart and rational folks who mix and mingle on the dating scene can be paranoid. For some, the paranoia can be logical and reasonable. Then we can also be guilty of being ridiculously paranoid about something highly unlikely.

I am paranoid about dating someone who has a raging temper. Someone who is this weird mix of a nice guy until you tick him off, then somebody better duck down. Have I ever met or dated this guy? NO. I have heard horror stories and unfortunately watched way too many shows on the Investigation channel!

What are you paranoid about? Why do you think you have this dating paranoia?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

413 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

February 6th, 2014
6:55 am

I’m paranoid about everything. I won’t share my major fear. But I’m paranoid in general and try not to show it.

lee

February 6th, 2014
7:06 am

Good Morning,
What are you paranoid about? The purple people and the green people, be careful :| they eat your eyeballs.
Why do you think you have this dating paranoia? :( I don’t know. I didn’t know i had any.. hmm
lol

Button

February 6th, 2014
8:14 am

I think paranoia is such a harsh word. It devles into the mentally ill category which is always over look. However, I’ll say this , I didn’t have any extreme or irrational fear of anything when it came to dating with that being said, there were a few things I used to “be trippin” on. The usual, over analyzing every darn thing he did/say.

Good morning!

Lady~

February 6th, 2014
8:36 am

Button great response!

disco

February 6th, 2014
8:37 am

Good morning.

I think paranoia is too strong a word. Can’t say that I’m owning up to that one. There are some things that I try to avoid like the plague and some types that I absolutely want nothing to do with but I certainly can’t attribute that to paranoia.

Button

February 6th, 2014
8:59 am

Lady – Thanks :wink:

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 6th, 2014
9:01 am

To the extent that paranoia = dread, I think we’re all worried about something.

Especially in dating.

And, as the old saying goes: “just because you paranoid, it doesn’t mean that someone’s not out to get you.”

Lady~

February 6th, 2014
9:04 am

exactly Dan~ #interesting

disco

February 6th, 2014
9:05 am

dan – I would be much more willing to own the word dread than paranoia. lol. I dread the idea of ending up with a lazy man. I dread the idea of ending up with a man with bad financial habits. I dread the idea of ending up with a man who is too attached to his momma. I dread the idea of ending up with a man who has “daddy’s little girl” syndrome even though his daughter is a grown woman with her own family. There are tons of things I dread but I’m not paranoid about any of them.

MsAtl

February 6th, 2014
9:08 am

Morning All!

I wouldn’t say I am paranoid, but I am gun-shy about certain things.
Diva- I definitely don’t want the calm to enraged in 60 seconds guy- that is a deal-breaker. I have seen a grown man throw a tantrum and it is not cute!

Button

February 6th, 2014
9:13 am

disco – I agree.

There’s nothing cute about being paranoid. It speaks volume of being mentally ill and that’s never a good thing or as always over looked. We excuse things by over looking the real problem by calling it something it. Sugar coating it, dumbing it down or watering it down to something else. Paranoia is paranoia which relates to mental illness.

Which makes me want to ask, who would willingly date a person on meds for mental illness?

Button

February 6th, 2014
9:19 am

I have a very good frind on depression meds. He told me over lunch one day after I asked him what’s going on with his fidginess and his state of paranoia. He told me that since he left his company he wasn’t able to get his depression meds and that was the side affects of being off of it. It was one of the scariest things I’ve witness in a long time. I kept in contact with him worried of the side affects of abruptly getting of his meds. He was even talking suicide, all kinds of ill gotten things. Eventually he got his meds and was back to his happy go lucky self.

disco

February 6th, 2014
9:21 am

button – I would not. I can deal with off the chain crazy. I can’t deal with get a check crazy. thing is many folks probably are without even knowing. anti-depressants are a pretty popular drug. A few years back I realized that several of my friends had prescriptions. I was surprised. Not that folks go through depression but that someone would open their mouth to ask for a prescription to help deal with it in the first place. I don’t think I could deal with anyone who doesn’t have a pretty good internal coping mechanism. Meds, drugs (weed, etc.), alcohol. If you are resorting to anything to cope we might not be a good match.

disco

February 6th, 2014
9:22 am

button – that’s just it. that’s not his happy go lucky self. That’s his medicated self. ijs.

SlimNu

February 6th, 2014
9:24 am

Dang it! Had a pretty decent post and it got eaten up….whack!

disco

February 6th, 2014
9:27 am

I also know a chick who takes ambien every single night. I’m like really. A person can’t possibly need a sleeping pill every single night!!! Seems like to me no matter how bad your insomnia is eventually you will go to sleep. This same chick told me she woke up one night in the tub in her pajamas. Meanwhile her dumb azz didn’t stop taking those pills. Crazy. the word prescription got folks thinking some of this mess is okay.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 6th, 2014
9:29 am

So, Button,

You’re saying mental illness is a moral weakness or personal failing, rather than a physical (and thus uncontrollable) condition?

Bear in mind, I’m asking

Button

February 6th, 2014
9:31 am

disco – good point @ his happy go lucky self. The happy go lucky was the person I met and was used to being around so I was too happy to have that personality back.

Sassy Me

February 6th, 2014
9:35 am

What are you paranoid about?

There are some things I’m concerned about, but I don’t think it’s anything out of the ordinary and wouldn’t call it paranoia per se…cause I don’t obsess over it.

~Dan–cosign on your 9:01…good point.

Button

February 6th, 2014
9:38 am

Dan – is your question for me or disco? if it’s for me I’m not a doctor nor did I studied medicine but I can say from what I’ve read about mental illness it’s not a selective choice for a person but rather a disease such as any other disease of the the body. There are many forms of mental illness ranging from mild to severe.

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
9:40 am

I’m not paranoid. I won’t though “see” something and pretend I don’t. I call it as I see it. The whole purpose of intuition and gut is to give you an opening to something that’s not obvious or apparent. And we all know most shady folks, lean on the fact that things aren’t apparent and will default to “you’re overly emotinal, crazy, paranoid”, when they know all along that you’re about an eight of an inch off target. If a dude tells me I’m paranoid, usually that solidifies what I suspected. I don’t bring up stuff unless there’s a need and a real cause. Don’t try to make me sound crazy because I’m on point or close to it. Don’t insult my intelligence.

Should I let an issue eat at me and be afraid to speak up?

2CPTG©

February 6th, 2014
9:44 am

I agree……paranoid, no. leery of certain things, yes.

SlimNu

February 6th, 2014
9:51 am

Ultimately, I think everything boils down to simply not wanting to be hurt. Any cautious behavior, paranoia, fears etc are factors in preventing or hoping to prevent any disappointments, heartbreak or otherwise. An emotional pain or infraction, sometimes can feel worse than a physical one. At least wtih something physical, you can see it, and do things quickly to try to relieve it. Matters of the heart are something totally different…a whole other beast.

Lady~

February 6th, 2014
9:53 am

waving @ C~ I knew you would sum it up~ most times you are spot on~ :)

Purple Reign

February 6th, 2014
9:53 am

I think that anyone can snap or go from one end of the spectrum to the other when pushed. I am not paranoid about that at all. Wise Diva said she hasn’t dated that person, maybe she has and just didn’t know it. As far as dating a person on meds for “emotional” reasons, I wouldn’t do it, on second thought maybe some drugs would help them become more normal. LOL. But then I have dated people who smoked weed or drank a lot. Mind altering drugs come in different forms, not just via prescriptions.

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
9:56 am

Heeeey Lady(bug)!! Good to read you :) Miss ya! And where have you been (hands on my hips and patting my foot)??

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
9:57 am

Off topic: One of my teammates will not be going to lunch with us today. His dog died :shock: Guess you have to be an animal lover to “get” that.

Leggs

February 6th, 2014
9:57 am

2C ~ that’s a better word, “leery.” I’m leery about one’s intentions. So many wolves in sheep clothing that I have to keep my sniffing dog techniques sharp. However, it’s so easy when men come out the gate with how soon they expect sex, I clam up and shut down.

disco ~ I have a friend that takes Ambien on the regular and she has found herself in some questionable predicaments. One time she woke up and found herself sitting in her car in front of a grocery store. I think that would be a good time to get off the stuff.

Good morning.

Purple Reign

February 6th, 2014
9:59 am

Slim, I agree with the physical aspect of “at least you can see it”. Someone could look good on paper and physically..but in reality they are “batty”. Let’s face it those people are out there and they cause damage if allowed. That causes hurt and pain that sometimes can not be overcome. In my older age I wonder the cause, when I see an over indulgence of “meds/narcotics/alcohol” or when I see someone acting out constantly for no obvious reason. Best to develop a filter and err on the side of caution than taking a chance with obvious signs up front.

disco

February 6th, 2014
10:00 am

purple – sho’ you right re mind altering options. My bigger issue though is if they are truly social/recreational users (heck I gets my drink on – lol) or if it’s a coping mechanism. I have little tolerance for folks who can’t cope. Life is hard for everybody.

leggs – that’s a daggone shame. I mentioned on here taking a norco (I think that was it) after having my wisdom teeth pulled. I was up in the house having conversations with dead people. Those pills got tossed after that. I just had to deal with the pain.

Button

February 6th, 2014
10:00 am

2C – leery..yup

Leggs

February 6th, 2014
10:01 am

Celisea ~ animal lovers do some strange things. Not sure if you remember me talking about a co-worker who came to work so disheveled we were all concerned. She told us she spent the morning taking all the food out of her freezer and placing her dead cat there until she had time to bury him.

YesSheIsCute

February 6th, 2014
10:03 am

I guess leery is a more fitting word.

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
10:03 am

Leggs – OMG…noooo, I don’t remember that. Dead cat in the freezer :shock: Oh my

Leggs

February 6th, 2014
10:06 am

disco ~ I was put on Percocet after giving birth but quickly found myself hallucinating and talking to imaginery nurses. I was alone in the room and after I found myself (in my mind) at The Hilton in Houston, TX with green marble floors and elevators I asked to be taken off that stuff. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was only in my hospital bed. No Percocet for me.

Purple Reign

February 6th, 2014
10:06 am

disco- what about the people who talk to themselves that aren’t on meds? LOL I’ve encountered some people who have to drink a 6 pack daily or a bottle of wine nightly, that is an issue no matter how you spin it.

disco

February 6th, 2014
10:06 am

leggs – I would still be giving that co-worker the side eye. fluffy would have gone in a hefty bag and that would have been that. I did hurt a co-worker’s feelings once for crying re putting her cat down. In typical me fashion I was like it’s just a cat. Go get another one that looks like it and keep it moving.

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
10:07 am

I don’t do strong meds…unless coming from under the knife. My dentist was the last person that prescribe something that I’ll NEVER take again. I was sooo loopy and out of it. When I went back in, he asked so how did the meds work? I told him, don’t you EVA give me anything that strong again. I was sooo happy when that stuff wore off.

Oh, another time, this same dentist sent me to an oral surgeon (they’re frat brothers) because I had a tooth that had grown to my bone (or something like that). Well, I had a hair appointment later that day, and we all know (most) black women don’t play about their hair. So I asked if I would be okay, getting my gums sliced open and all…lol…and he said, Imma give you enough to get you through you hair appointment :shock: I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!! I didn’t get the feeling in my face back until like about 11:30 that night. I started getting scared that I was gonna be stuck like that…no feeling in my face.

YesSheIsCute

February 6th, 2014
10:07 am

lmao @ Leggs’ Percocet story

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
10:08 am

Had oral surgery when I was 18 and was put on Percocet. Haven’t had that since. Nuh uh

disco

February 6th, 2014
10:08 am

purple – you mean people who talk to themselves or people who “talk to themselves talk to themselves”. lol. like I said, I can do off the chain crazy. I can’t do get a check crazy.

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
10:09 am

Well kiddies, I’ll see y’all later today, if I can peek in. I’ll probably finish up the day working from home. I’ve got a couple of things I gotta knock out before I get out of here.

Y’all be sweet :)

Purple Reign

February 6th, 2014
10:11 am

lol, get a check crazy. I mean people who talk to themselves, not for encouragement or a pat on the back. But the one’s that get upset and start talking to themselves right in front of you or walk away and you hear them minutes later talking to themselves still OR the ones that just “talk to themselves talk to themselves” then they act like they’ve just had a real conversation with another person when they start talking to others again.

kimmie

February 6th, 2014
10:14 am

Morning All!!

Slim, your 9:51 sums it up for me. Nobody wants to be hurt and played. Some take bigger steps than others to try to assure that does not happen.

Button – I had an employee once that was regularly a little “different” but during a particular time she was downright batty. If one of her coworkers asked her a simple question about work, she would get super defensive and the next thing you know she would be crying. She would not take any of her vacation time she had accumulated because she said if she was not at work she was letting her team down. She sent me an email asking me about some work she was waiting on me to download – asked in the email “when the hell was I going to do the download?”! That was the last straw. I first told her as long as she worked for me don’t she ever send me anything like that again. Then I called her into a private meeting and had my assistant director there. Come to find out she was on anti-depressant meds and had decided not to take them anymore or see her doctor. I told her I could not “make” her take any medication per HR, but that her behavior was disrupting the workplace and had everyone on the team on edge and that could not continue. She got it together and went back to her doctor. She realized how much she had upset the team and me and apologized to everyone.

Button

February 6th, 2014
10:15 am

I don’t like any kind of drug/med. I’m always hesitate to taking something simple as aspirin.

I can’t for the life of me understand how ppl can take meds and drink alcohol. to me that’s so dangerous.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 6th, 2014
10:17 am

@Button

Twas for you. Though, I did confuse your post with disco’s.

So Disco, same question (if you don’t mine): moral failing or physcial illness.

@Cel

If, I may; I try not to let things that “eat at me” lie. For one, it’s not healthy, for two, bringing it up later runs the risk of the person forgetting the moment/issue and the person bringing it up looking…; for three, there’s nothing like “in the moment” expressing something (IMO), to give the person the chance to recognize and change the behavior.

disco

February 6th, 2014
10:17 am

purple – you got me giggling re folks who talk to themselves. I had a co-worker who talked her way through every daggone thing she did. It was annoying as heck. When my mother came to visit she complained that I didn’t talk enough. Didn’t stop her though. she’d talk to herself or talk back to the tv or whatever.

disco

February 6th, 2014
10:22 am

hey kimmie!!!

dan – I think it can be both. I think there are truly instances where there is something physically/mentally wrong with a person. Nothing wrong with that. I think there are probably even more instances where there is nothing truly wrong other than – as you put it – moral failings. Folks learn to work systems. It could be, as I mentioned, they lack coping skills and so look for ways to escape and not have to deal with things. It could be they have figured out how to cash in. I know a bunch of chicks who have a house full of “ADHD” kids because those kids are worth $800/month.

kimmie

February 6th, 2014
10:24 am

Celisea

February 6th, 2014
10:26 am

Dan, definitely cosign. If there’s something I feel should be discussed, I bring it up. What I can appreciate is a civil discussion around the issue and as you stated, changed behaviors…if there’s a need. We talk about it, we iron things out, we move on. We will not though, be called crazy and all that other mess. Relationships are a two-way street. Both parties have a right to bring up whatever issue that they feel should be addressed.