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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Should you bring up the past?

My friend Vince said that he was out with his girlfriend in East Atlanta this weekend hanging out in a bar. They were having a good time until “some dude” approached his girlfriend and struck up a conversation with her. He realized quickly that he was someone that she used to know.

Things got awkward when she failed to introduce Vince and she started behaving odd after he left. She was very vague about who the man was and she became annoyed with his questions about him. This lead to a fight and now he feels he has every right to know who the guy was to her and why she didn’t introduce him.

I have never had this happen before so I don’t know if I would have handled it like she did. I do understand not wanting to dredge up old stuff if an ex pops up around the new guy. It does not mean she has something to hide, but Vince thinks she is. What do you think?

Should our partners be privy to all the details of our lives before we met them?

Should you bring up the past if there is something you feel that you want to know?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

239 comments Add your comment

lee

February 5th, 2014
7:12 am

Good morning,

She is seeing that other guy, otherwise why act up ,why not answer the questions if it really is no big deal, someone from your past should not be a big deal thats someone that i used to know…

Vince KICK her b— to the Curb

YesSheIsCute

February 5th, 2014
7:13 am

Only way this would happen is if I was in Germany with new man. All she had to do was introduce him (the mysterious guy) by name as an acquaintance or someone she knew. Didn’t have to divulge that it is an ex.

It’s possible that she is hiding something and it’s possible that he is insecure and it may not be what he thinks it is. Past is the past, no point in talking about it. I do wonder why she is being vague and what exactly was said in the fight?

SlimNu

February 5th, 2014
8:19 am

Morning (in for a bit)

She made it weird…and I think it’s rude to be with someone, have another come up that knows you and you not introduce them. It is just a matter of respect. The one person is just standing or sitting there listening to you two talk, not knowing really what to do but feel like you’re invisible. lol

Button

February 5th, 2014
8:24 am

Should our partners be privy to all the details of our lives before we met them? No, why bc somethings are not up for discussion and best to be left in the past.

Should you bring up the past if there is something you feel that you want to know? I can bring it up but it’s still left up to the other person to divluge the information. Some ppl are and open book and some ppl you have to pry it open.

Vince needs to get over it. I mean it’s not like she’s an alien and doesn’t know anybody here on earth! Vince needs to calm the controlling beast within. However, I do find it odd that “some dude” would just approach a woman in the company of another guy and strike up a converstation and totally ignore the guy she’s with, there has to be a head nod or something. As for his date not introducing him well, see there it goes some guys like to be announced/labeled! HA! Strange that she didn’t say this is my boyfriend Vince. well surely there’s more to this story of who the “some guy” is to her and her oddness afterwards.

Good morning!

Button

February 5th, 2014
8:27 am

Appearantly the “some guy” is not from the past but rather still apart of her present.

Button

February 5th, 2014
8:31 am

he feels he has every right to know — wrong! He is just a boyfriend not a husband.

Button

February 5th, 2014
8:35 am

What do you think? Vince already pegged the “some guy” as an ex!? he could’ve been anything to her. Could’ve been her booky, her pimp, her personal accountant, her chef, her stylist, her auto machanic the list goes on and on. What made him think “some guy” was an ex?

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 5th, 2014
8:40 am

Bill Withers said it best:

You’re more than enough woman for one man, but not enough for two…who is he and what is he to you…

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
8:43 am

Hello everyone

The only problem I would have had is that she didn’t introduce me, acted like I was invisible :-(

YesSheIsCute

February 5th, 2014
8:48 am

Single I would always introduce you :cool:

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:00 am

Good morning.

Ha ha. Someone she used to know. sounds like someone she still knows. lol.

re: vince being bent out of shape for not being introduced. Get over it. I’m one of those people that tends not to introduce people if I don’t feel like they need to be introduced. (this could be friends, dates, co-workers – whoever I happen to run into). Some think it’s rude but since I’m the common denominator I get to call the shot. Some folks are bold and introduce themselves but that’s a whole nother situation that has to and will be dealt with. just like they think it’s rude not to be introduced, I think it’s rude for them to barge in and introduce themselves.

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:03 am

btw – if the tables are turned and someone doesn’t introduce me, I don’t sweat it. I figure they have their reasons and it’s not my business.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:11 am

yes awwww :-)

Disco, if it’s a hi, how you doing, bye, then no problem, but if you’re going to sit there and have a long conversation, and not introduce, that’s just as rude as talking on the cell phone.

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:14 am

single – so I’ve been told and I guess I’ve been rude a time or two or three (or more). Either way, if I don’t feel the need to introduce, I don’t. I’ve been in the situation on several occasions. The way I see it, often folks are just nosy. Not even so much your date but the other person wanting to be all up in your mix and wanting to know who you are out with. shoot, I’ve not introduced folks and still had nosy people calling me talking about “so who was that you were with”. stay out of mine. lol.

GlammourGirl

February 5th, 2014
9:14 am

Good morning.

I can understand Vince feeling some kind of way about it. But to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she couldn’t remember the name of the person that came up to her. That’s happened to me before, but I was with women and not someone I was dating. Under normal circumstances I would have introduced them, but I forgot the person’s name and didn’t introduce them. But when they walked away I did tell my friends that was an old coworker, somebody from the gym…or however I knew them, but couldn’t remember their name. But after Vince asked her about it, and she got annoyed I can see how it would be an issue for him.

Button

February 5th, 2014
9:15 am

I will agree that the date was rude for not introducing Vince but it’s still up to her to introduce. Vince couldv’e been bold and stepped up poked out his chest and introduced himself.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:21 am

disco, I understand your point, sometimes you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. The person gets upset that you didn’t introduce them, upset about how you introduce them (title). And you can tell when the other person is being nosy, they keep looking at the other person waiting for an introduction.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:24 am

Glamour, I will ask someone in a heartbeat who they are!

She was very vague about who the man was and she became annoyed with his questions about him. He asked a few more questions past “who was that?”.

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:25 am

single – that’s why I don’t sweat it if I’m not introduced. I just have to accept that it’s not for me to know. frankly, to me, it doesn’t even sound good (from a man or a woman) to hear someone immediately start on “so who was that”. let’s just agree to ignore the elephant that just left the room and carry on. lol. now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t file the information away in case it comes up again but no need for you to go out your way bringing it up.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:31 am

Disco, now I would never ask who was that, and when someone starts to explain to me who someone was, I tell them I don’t need to know all their business. and change to subject. The rude part is to have a long conversation, especially if we’re out on a date. If we’re just hanging out, then there isn’t problem, even if we are in a relationship.

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:37 am

single – duly noted. I was on a date once and my former boss and her daughter wound up at a table next to us. I didn’t make nary a move towards an introduction. Another date we parked in a parking deck attached to a building where a friend of mine worked security. Wouldn’t you know it – we ran into said friend. Again, I didn’t make nary a move towards an introduction. I’ve been out with guys and had them run into whoever they run into. If the situation allows, I give them space. I’ll go to the bar. Go talk to someone else. Whatever. I don’t sweat this whole “why didn’t you introduce me” thing.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
9:37 am

For me, it’s not really a big deal…..

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:38 am

also, I’ve never been pressed to “meet the parents”. I’ve never once asked to meet parents. I generally try to avoid it if it does come up. we can put this off for as long as possible. lol. I know some chicks who go into a tizzy if they haven’t met certain folks by a certain time.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

February 5th, 2014
9:42 am

I’m about common courtesy, so having a conversation with someone in my presence and not introducing me would result in the loss of my presence after that conversation.

Leggs

February 5th, 2014
9:44 am

She should have introduced him since they apparently was having a conversation that seemed to have lasted more than hi, bye, good seeing you. I think it was rude of her not to introduce. You definitely do not need to bring up your past at every turn, but when he asked she should have offered an explanation instead of making it vague leaving room for doubt that you two are still an item or possible FWB at times???

Good morning.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:46 am

Disco, that me also, if I’m not trapped like at a table or something, I’ll walk off and give them their space. don’t need to be all up in nobody’s business. I’m the same way about parents also, hell I aint trying to be with them.

Button

February 5th, 2014
9:46 am

disco – I know some chicks who go into a tizzy if they haven’t met certain folks by a certain time.— raising my hand. for me it speaks volume when a guy introduces you to the ppl he’s close to. I know there are some men who will avoid doing so and come up with lots of excuses as to why and it could be simply that they are not ready or they don’t think it’s a big deal BUT when a man is REALLY into a women he wants to show her off to the world.

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
9:48 am

Disco, the introduction doesn’t need to go past “random person this is single, I don’t need a title, or an explanation of who they are to you.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
9:51 am

disco…..yesterday you asked about “hits” from solicitations……this morning I awoke to message asking if I’d like dessert for breakfast…….(just thought you should know)…so yes, I do get some “hits”

disco

February 5th, 2014
9:55 am

button – understood. just saying I don’t feel the need to be shown off. lol. I think the tizzy part comes in because some chicks see it at some sort of validation. I don’t need that validation. If we are good, we are good. Whether or not I meet your momma has nothing to do with that.

2C – well go head with your bad self.

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:00 am

Here’s the thing…..FOR ME…it just depends. Now, I’m solid with my boo, I have no issue with introducing nor seeing anyone from the past, out in public. The past is the past and I have nothing to hide. I’m proud of him (Colgate smile here) and will gladly introduce.

Now…..by the same token, it’s really none of his business, in the sense of “obligated to tell.” I don’t pry into his past and he don’t pry into mine. We’re grown enough to know we had a past lives before getting together. And to be outright frank about it, I wish a dude would pressure me to talk about what happened before him. If I want to tell, that’s me, but I’m not obligated. You’re my boo, not my daddy.

Regarding today’s scenario, if the dynamics changed when dude walked off and ole girl didn’t feel the need to say (cause it’s natural for me), “this is my boo”, meeeh…something don’t feel right. In this case, I feel he has a right to ask. If shedda kept cool, nothing was up (whether buddy was a past boo), then what is he tripping about? But if she’s smashing on the side, messing around, etc etc etc, I mean her dude ain’t stupid….if he picked up on something, he’d better investigate or ask. It’s my opinion that things happening behind your back tend to come out in scenes like this. Take it for what it is…don’t let someone run the ole, “I ain’t gotta discuss with you.” Cause I’m telling you, as secure as I am, I’m still a woman and possessive at that….IJS If I get the slightest inkling something didn’t give well, we ain’t go just let it ride. I’m going by your actions over and above what your mouth says. If you’re acting guilty, Imma take it as a sign.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:03 am

question for “my fan club”….y’all know I’ll never reveal whom you are, and wouldn’t dare do so…..but ummm, let’s say we smash….can we blog about it…of course keeping names witheld????

example, disco let’s say you broke down and hit me up prior to 12/31/14; we hit it off and I break ya back in….would you be honest enought to spill it?

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:03 am

Oh, and when I say I’m possessive, that’s for my boo. I don’t get janky over any ole body, shenanigans, etc etc etc. Hit cartwells, flips, clown show….all in front of me. I’m not digging you? Trust, it’s neither here nor there. Have at it.

Just thought I’d throw that in there.

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:07 am

And run from ANY dude that wants to publicize y’alls interaction…whatever that means. We’re grown, why would we want to put out what goes on with us in private? Lawd, ruuuuunnnn Forest ruuuunnn!!

Loose lips sank ships!!

disco

February 5th, 2014
10:07 am

2C – am I honest enough to spill it? yes. do I feel like it needs to be spilled all over the blog? nope. if it did leak and got out on the blog would I trip? Not really. If I did it, I did it and I likely did it well which is why a grown (otherwise mature) man wouldn’t be able to resist letting it slip. lol. no shame in my game. I would not subject the blog to rants about dude putting me on blast because in doing whatever I did I put myself out there.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:10 am

not spilling the beans, so to speak, but to illicit “blog interest” not a play by play…….I mean with this being a dating blog, some real life scenarios….that’s all….

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:11 am

I just think some of Diva’s friends are make believe, and the topics seem to be far reaching…..

disco

February 5th, 2014
10:13 am

2C – as much as I am against someone putting my business in the street I have to respect that the same rules don’t apply when someone is putting their own business in the street. For situations like that all I can suggest is folks be more careful with who they share their business with.

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:14 am

Ladies:

Please run from any dude that will tell what happens intimately, behind close doors. It’s not a secret, it’s just private.

Ruuuuuuuuuuuun ladies, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun….is all I can say!

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:15 am

maybe that 10:03 didn’t read right…..but you know how Diva always leave out pertinent details….something akin to that…..

Leggs

February 5th, 2014
10:17 am

2C ~ why come on the blog and talk about it. What is there to prove? No, if I smashed, I wouldn’t come on the blog and discuss it.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:19 am

Leggs….again, maybe I said it wrong….ok, open mouth, insert foot……my bad…..but hol’ up…..don’t y’all ladies tune into RHOA, and Love and Hip Hop for the same foolishness…..again, my bad….

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:20 am

I’m gone to work, but I’m amazed at how some folks thinks. I know it’s cliched, but I mean it to my core…nothing, absolutely NOTHING is worse than a moist dude. I mean that thing irks me to no end. Wussification, cry baby, like a broke refrigerator…can’t keep nothing!!

disco

February 5th, 2014
10:21 am

2C – I think I got your point. Like you said, even if you didn’t name names. For instance, you and I hit it off like in your example. The blog has no idea we’ve even met in person let alone have any type of relationship. You come on the blog and randomly say: I was at such and such place with such and such chick and we did such and such thing. Now, reading the blog, I know I’m said chick but I don’t have to react or respond to your posts and let on that I’m that chick. I can just read along and post from the outside looking in. no harm, no foul.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:21 am

ain’ even gon comment…..some folks take sh!t and run with it.

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:23 am

disco, I’m glad you get it……some folks…..I swear, they’ll take the slightest anything and try to turn it into a controvery…

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:23 am

some folks take sh!t and run with it

Yeah they do, see below…..

we hit it off and I break ya back in….would you be honest enought to spill it?

Celisea

February 5th, 2014
10:24 am

Single & Happy

February 5th, 2014
10:28 am

2C you did say your fan club, you just had no idea who all was in it (LMAO)

2CPTG©

February 5th, 2014
10:30 am

Single…maybe I should leave well enough alone, but, after reading the topics and to Diva’s credit, coming up with “fresh” material daily, can be a daunting task…..let’s say some real life sh!t was discussed…..some of these sceanrios just seem to be too far fetched to be believable…..