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Dilemma: We have a texting problem

I know we have collectively decided as a society that text messaging is a completely acceptable form of communication. Somehow we think is it fine to deliver bad news, be romantic, or even break up with someone in a text message. Yeah, can we go back and vote on this again?

You can’t replace verbal communication because there is nothing like hearing a man’s voice asking to see you and spend time with you. It’s just the best feeling that can spark chemistry instantly! So why are so many people happy to use texting in it’s place?

I know a young lady who is seeing someone new who insists of texting all their important conversations. She protested at first but now she adapted and is missing those actual conversations by phone or better yet face to face.

Would it be unfair to ask the person you are dating to limit the text messages you two exchange?

Do you think texting when you are in the early stages of dating brings you closer or impedes the relationship?

Has texting ever been an issue for you? How did you resolve it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

260 comments Add your comment

lee

February 4th, 2014
6:48 am

Good Morning,

It used to be romanic for a man to write you a letter, remember them? now we have text messages shrugs sign of the times.. anything important or you feel important should be done verbal. Some people do not like talking on the phone I am one of them, dang it i talk on the phone all day at work last thing i want to do is spend hours on it after work.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
7:42 am

Hey everyone

Yep it’s a sign of the times. While I’ve been told it’s a cowards way to break up anyway other than in person, people have been doing it forever (dear john letters). Now if I’m breaking up with you, do you really think I care how you feel about the way I do it?

Do you think texting when you are in the early stages of dating brings you closer or impedes the relationship? it does neither, what’s wrong texting to say “I love you, I miss you, what do you want for dinner? bring something home” everyone isn’t able to answer the phone every time it ring, which is a another issue with the introduction of cell phone, people think you’re supposed to answer every time it rings!!

Has texting ever been an issue for you? How did you resolve it? easy, I call them!!

“I know a young lady who is seeing someone new who insists of texting all their important conversations. She protested at first but now she adapted and is missing those actual conversations by phone or better yet face to face.” evidently she hasn’t adapted if she miss it enough to say something to you about it.

YesSheIsCute

February 4th, 2014
7:44 am

Top Ten Reasons People Enter Into/Participate in Textationships:

1. use it as a way to keep in contact during a hectic schedule
2. are not good at verbal communication
3. don’t actually want/like to verbally communicate
4. use it as a way of flirting
5. use it as a way of being more forthcoming, bold, blunt, less shy, etc.
6. use it as a way of communicating bad messages/sensitive subject
7. keep distance in communicating
8. keep in contact with someone you really don’t want to keep in contact with for the sake argument (of being able to say you kept in contact)
9. nothing better to do/bored
10. find texting fun more fun than talking (some people actually do)

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
7:57 am

Morning Robert, oh wait that was yes, sorry (LOL)

Exiled

February 4th, 2014
8:23 am

Maybe Yes and Robbie are now hunchin’! :lol:

…you never know folks with the way the blog goes round. :lol:

On topic:

There are times when texting is appropriate and others, when it’s not.

Just depends.

To woo some gal…I don’t know but I think verbal is da best.

But I know the young females don’t mind a dude texting;’hey shawty,can we hang out sometimes?’
They regard that as more cool.

I guess some of us are now Old geezers! I would not use that method on a nice mature lady!

For a fwb type relationship?; ‘I wanna smash today,ur place or mine?’
..nice,quick,short and derty text!

That’s appropriate! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

Button

February 4th, 2014
8:29 am

Would it be unfair to ask the person you are dating to limit the text messages you two exchange? Yes, I would think so, bc for the other person texting might be the only way they can send a quick note. Plus you’re dating so obviously you knew this person is a texter. If texting is the ONLY form of communicating then that would be a huge problem and we would talk about limiting the text messages.

Do you think texting when you are in the early stages of dating brings you closer or impedes the relationship? Impedes it, at least for me it would. For some texting is done from day 1 and it’s acceptable.

Has texting ever been an issue for you? Not really, only problem I had with texting was those chain texts and those early morning texts from dudes that I just met.

YesSheIsCute

February 4th, 2014
8:43 am

Now to answer the questions:

I don’t feel it is unfair to limit the texting. There are times when texting is appropriate (i.e. in a library, in a setting where they cannot talk, sensitive conversation, etc). Sometimes it is fun to have a text conversation. But it is annoying when all people want to do is text as the only form of communication. Wise Diva’s friend just needs to kick him to the curb and move on to someone who she is compatible with. There are guys that prefer phone communication over text. I haven’t met any…but I’m sure there are some out there.

disco

February 4th, 2014
8:44 am

Good morning.

If you are a texter dating a texter then more power to the both of you. if you are one and dating the other I figure the best solution (if the refuse to adjust and adapt) is for the non-texter to either block texts or ignore them completely. Unless they are incredibly slow they will soon realize you aren’t getting the message. lol.

Ex – for some reason when I read your post about verbally wooing a woman I thought “but what if dude stutters”. Lol.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
8:45 am

Hello Yes, my name is single! :-D

disco

February 4th, 2014
8:45 am

I think some people like the text communication just so they have physical confirmation of words. This is why texting keeps up so much mess. Folks show them around and forward them. say it and you can always deny saying it. text it and you can TRY to say someone else had your phone but that ploy is not likely to work.

Button

February 4th, 2014
9:21 am

Yes , they are out there, far few and between but they’re out there. It tickles me to see the way much older generation texting. LOL I guess somethings are addictive.

Button

February 4th, 2014
9:22 am

disco – a good way to use against a person. can’t deny it via text.

Exiled!

February 4th, 2014
9:35 am

DeeDee..naDeee ughDisco!….imamaa reaaally feeling Uuuuuu?

@Disco

2CPTG©

February 4th, 2014
9:35 am

like Ex said, sometimes, it’s appropriate……but, ain’ gon lie, I love a dirty text to get
things poppin……

Button

February 4th, 2014
9:48 am

There was this guy I met at a salsa dance club, we immediately hit it off. The vibe was flowing. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. He texted me later that night. I ignored the text. He texted me again the next day agian I ignored it. After recieving a slew of text from him I replied back telling him catch a clue. Well he didn’t and continued to text until he finally stopped after about a week of texting me. I refused to start talking to him via text although he was FINE as wine I just couldn’t.

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
9:49 am

Somehow we think is it fine to deliver bad news, be romantic, or even break up with someone in a text message. – It’s cowardly to break up with someone via text.

Would it be unfair to ask the person you are dating to limit the text messages you two exchange? – Not at all. I do not want to carry on an entire conversation via texting. I desire to hear the tone of your voice, the emotion behind the words, the sincerity in your voice. Texting is cool to convey short thoughts or reminders, not full blown conversations.

Good morning.

disco

February 4th, 2014
9:50 am

button – I guess I dodged a bullet by completely blocking texts. I’ve met countless guys, given them my number, don’t hear from them. run into them later only to have them say they texted me. later for them.

disco

February 4th, 2014
9:52 am

leggs – your post made me think of the sex/city post it episode. I guess dude gets creativity points for breaking up on a post it. lol.

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:01 am

I would never want to recieve or give bad news via text. As for breaking up via text, well it depends on the lenght of the relationship and besides if texting was our only way of communicating then breaking up via text is where it’s at.

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:03 am

button – re bad news by text. I had a death in the family. Received a few phone calls about it but you know how some folks are more reliable than others. before I had a chance to check with other sources to confirm the information my son said “it’s on facebook. It’s official”. I had to laugh.

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:03 am

disco – I can’t block text, actually I wouldn’t want to bc of the much need for it throughtout my day. In the past I would tell a guy I’m not a texter and that dude would still text. Some dudes just don’t listen. smh

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
10:07 am

disco ~ I would go to my now ex with that post it and shove up his nostrils (lol). I’m kidding…

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:08 am

button – depending on your phone / provider you can either block them all, block specific numbers or limit incoming only to your contacts. You have options.

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:09 am

disco – Ain’t it true! facebook has confirmed lots of death.

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:22 am

being romantic via text, I can dig it. I like recieving those luvy duvy text.

2CPTG©

February 4th, 2014
10:24 am

I like recieving those luvy duvy text

shoot me one first……and I’ll reciprocate

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
10:24 am

I luv them too, Button. Only catch, I’d like to hear them in person as well. If that’s the only way one can be romantic, we have a problem.

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:26 am

button / leggs – meanwhile I’m the chick thinking “mmmm hmmmm. He probably just sent that to every chick in his phone”.

2C – are you getting any hits from your blog solicitations? Just curious. December 31 will be here before you know it.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:32 am

Leggs, what’s a good way to break up when it’s unexpected?

Button/Disco, how facebook confirm deaths (LOL)

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:36 am

single – my post was just to represent how much (and how quickly) folks love to broadcast information. Also, how quickly some folks (in this case my son) are quick to look for said broadcasted information. lol.

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
10:37 am

Single ~ I can’t say what’s a good way. It all depends on the emotional maturity of the person you’re breaking up with. If s/he is known for tantrums, over the phone should work. If s/he is known for punching your lights out, over the phone should work. If s/he is known for damaging property, over the phone should work.

It depends on the psychosis of the person you’re breaking up with (lol).

2CPTG©

February 4th, 2014
10:37 am

disco….these blog gals know it’s just fun and games (for the most part, anyway)……it’s them gals lurking in the shadows…. :shock:

but umm……keep playin’ wit me, I’mma mess ’round and meet you at that lil gas station/hang-out/lunch counter, that’s in every hood in America, and be waitin on yo ass, and call you by yo name!

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:39 am

2C – I’m not sure how that sounds. Flattering? Stalkerish? How did you mean it? lol.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:39 am

Disco, most of the time it’s without finding out the facts, while I have found out some folks have died on facebook, most of the time it’s because folks are giving out their condolences, and I go some where that I can find out for fact if it’s true. Now how about a friend of mine that’s been dead for 2 years still posts from time to time (LOL)

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:41 am

Leggs/disco – see I’on even think like that. If we are in a relationship why would I even give a thought to who else is he texting this too?

2C – when I see you Imma ^&*&^%#&*( to you and surp it up!

Exiled!

February 4th, 2014
10:41 am

like recieving those luvy duvy text

..hoiw bout the m0rning after texts….”babe..that was off da chain last nite..my lower back is tingly, u da best!”

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:43 am

button – because many men have been in simultaneous relationships and many women have been sitting back not realizing that their man was in simultaneous relationships. lol.

2CPTG©

February 4th, 2014
10:44 am

disco, all in love, lil mama….I don’t stalk nann female….no need to…..but take it as a compliment, tho…

2CPTG©

February 4th, 2014
10:45 am

Button….you did say yo booty still clap when smacked, right? just trynna get a visual…..you know how to look back at it?

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
10:46 am

Button ~ I never said I thought that. That was all disco.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:48 am

Leggs, isn’t texting over the phone (LOL)

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:50 am

Disco, you need to trust a little bit more :-D

Button

February 4th, 2014
10:52 am

Leggs – my bad, then I’ll say this – yes hearing it in person is all good too! getting it via text randomly is all good.

disco – can’t forget the ladies, shoot there are some ladies having simultaneous relationships too. lol ie DNA who’s the baby daddy!?

Exiled – man those are the boom in da morning text…confirming what I already know lol

disco

February 4th, 2014
10:54 am

single – what makes you say that? I think I trust sufficiently. I just don’t put much past folks. lol.

button – of course. i’ll let the men worry about the ladies in simultaneous relationships especially since depending on the level of the relationship a lot of men likely won’t care too much anyway.

Leggs

February 4th, 2014
10:56 am

Good point, Single (lol). HUSH!

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:57 am

Disco, trust enough to feel like your’e the only one until evidence, (real evidence not your gut) shows other wise.

Single and Happy

February 4th, 2014
10:59 am

Legg, of all my breakups, where they were in person, over the phone, by letter or text, none of them were in the best situation whether it was me giving, or getting the bad news. So a text might be better, then you want have to see or hear me cry (LOL)

disco

February 4th, 2014
11:00 am

single – technology changed the game. Sure before all the gadgetry a brother could mack but calling each and every chick and running his lines was time consuming (he had to be sitting somewhere at a phone hoping she was somewhere sitting at a phone at the same time). Typing the lines once and sending it out in one blast is a lick. Dude can now juggle more efficiently. He can better gauge receptiveness and interest (based on speed/ frequency / context of replies). He can then use the data collected to determine where best to place his “real time” efforts.

single – I’ve explained before that I trust people to do what I expect of them. now my expectations vary from person to person. Besides, don’t act like “trust” ain’t game. I know. lol.

Button

February 4th, 2014
11:04 am

disco – I’m not big on trust either. I’ve said it countless times that I trust no one but at the same time I’m not going to beat myself up over what someone else does, might do or will do. Heck we’re all capable of doing things to other people whether intentional or not. Heck we’re only human born to make mistakes. hmm that’s my favorite song. When i used get a text from a guy that last thing I will did was wonder who else did he send this to. I know at valentines day he sent it to all the ladies. lol

Button

February 4th, 2014
11:07 am

the word trust should be tossed out the window.